+++ +++how to deal/talk to MIL & hyprocrite SIL++++

[careornot]

hi mummies, juz wanna ask for advice/ideas.

Recently i find my sil being very hypocrite(or i use the wrong word) or 'kia si'. keep sms us that MIL misses us n my children.

To me my mil misses her grandchildren more bah. Bt funny lor, after i gave birth to my younger son, MIL didnt bother to call us to check on him. when we wanna visit my boy in hospital on the 2nd day of CNY as hus ask her to go along bt her reply: I nt free, going out lah. then while am on maternity leave she didnt bother to call to check on her 2 grandchildren anyway. is me who took the initiative to call her to 'chat'. bt she always give me attitude which really turn me OFF. then i call her again after my 3mths maternity, bt in between we did go back to visit her n fil lah.

back to SIL, she bn married to hus's brother for 10++yrs. Never ever bother abt us whether we go back to mil place. Only Recently she & my bil gt some problem, nearly gt divorce to the extend they had sell their hse bt patch back again b4 CNY & they move back mil place till they gt their own hse again.

I think she is being afraid that my hus didnt wanna care for the parents....wat do u all think?

is bcos recently mil like to quarrel with my hus due to some issues. mostly bcos she being really jealous abt me. she cant stand hus care alot for me n children.

MIL didnt shw much care to me anyway, we tested, we didnt tell her that my 2nd pregancy is a BOY till a few days b4 i go for labour, for the past 34-35weeks, she didnt bother to show any care and concern or buy any tonics for me, n keep predict that this my 2nd must be a GIRL also.

when my son who born on 9feb2010, she only visit us for 1 day that is the day we discharged. When my poor boy need to be hospitalized on the eve of CNY, wen ask her to go visit, she keep say she bz then didnt call to call on him also.

 

[september]

As long as u hv ur hb on ur side and his support, dun need to bother or guess wat is on ur SIL or MIL mind.

 

[kungfuger]

Care,

Some ppl are like that.
My MIL is like that !
even when she see my hubbi and his sister close OR hubbi and his father close, she oso dont like.
This is call "YAN HONG"
She created alot of quarrels btw my and hubbi
whats more, i have a tough pregnancy, she did alot of things and almost make me miscarriage !
now my bb is 9 mths old.
I dont allow my hubbi to bring him out.
Im not going to bring baby out to see his mother oso.
I was like, u want, u ask her to come my hse.
If she complain, u can go out and have another baby . I dont care.
Just stay out of our life.
In fact,
Hubbi and i have a broken marriage becos of her
hubbi help her and go against me.
Tears keep flowing during wedding and pregancy.
I almost jump down when im preggy ..
Now, my feelings to him is just room mate.
Even when i need to pump of BF baby, i ask him to get out of the room .

Its ok. U have your baby with u.
Thats what it counts .

No need to care abt anyone.
I did in the past. I care abt how hubbi feel and in the end, dispointment . Tears.
Now i dont care at all.
Think i lost all the love le..
Im happier and my life is easiler. ..

God bless u

 

[fab_mum]

dun we always face similar type of pp @ work?
just use the same tactices lor.
it wont be too hard lah cos u dun really care much for them right?
but if u care for them like ur family members, then just turn a blind eye & deaf ears lor.

 

[hugomum]

I am worse, my MIL never hide her "hatred" towards me, she treated my maid better than me. I am currently pregnant @ WK#30+, she never show concern and din even bother to ask.

The week before, we brought my #1 to visit her, she asked whether had we eaten, i said not yet, then she went to make milo and you know what, she gave it to my maid and pass her biscuit and cakes to eat, I AM TOTALLY TRANSPARENT, somemore i am pregnant. I dun mind if she made 2, but she obviously trying to proof to me that she dislike me so much! I am very disappointed, there are other incident which I do not want to raise up. Every damn thing she will ask my maid, even about my baby, my husband etc. Finally i raised up this topic to my hubby cos i did not do it previously is i am trying not to let me hubby sandwich in between. Sigh...i rather not to see and know all these, so i decided i will stop going to her house. Anyway in her heart, she only cares about my baby and the maid, who am i? NOTHING!

 

[jycneo]

i guess most mil is similiar. I dun talk to mil anymore. really cannot stand her.

my gal is coming to 2 yrs old already and she has this thinking that my gal does not need any solid food for breakfast. She thinks that milk is sufficient for her. She even forbid her from eat "unhealthy" stuff like chee cheong fun. she said very oily and will cause pimple at later stage. I feel this is unacceptables.

 

[mirai]

jynnsan, did your mil make milo or offer cakes to your #1?

I try not to talk to my mil cos of language barrier. She only speaks hokkien. I understand Hokkien but pretended don't know to avoid any conflict because I know she is a difficult woman who wants her way. Her sons are too filial to talk back at her even though they don't agree with her. She is becoming more difficult ever since my fil passed away a few months ago based on my observation.

 

[emeraldy]

Mirai,
Could your MIL had changed due to her grief of losing your FIL? You know, I also stay with my MIL. I used to think that she's being difficult. However, I realised that, as a junior to her, I should start by showing her respect in every other aspects. Be the first to show her concern. Always be initiative to her needs. Slowly, it became my habit to care for her, like I do for my mother. End up.... She treats me like a daughter. Much so that when me and my hubby on verge of divorce last yr (due to hubby's infidelity), my hubby was chased out of the house instead and not allowed back in for weeks until he repent. I also hope that, by respecting my MIl like I should, I am imparting proper education to my sons... next time, they will also teach their DIL to treat me the same way! Gosh, sometimes I felt so old fashion... Hehe

 

[mirai]

Caterpilly,

My fil is more understanding. Mil is bad tempered, I guess understandable cos she has been a housewife all her life. She is a traditional woman who wants authority. She moved in with eldest son recently after fil passed away. 1st sil has no say. She has been in the family for more than 20 years and said that mil is not the "zi dong" type. But we DILs normally will respect them. It's just that I try not to talk much to her to avoid conflict.

 

[xinfu]

HA! for my case my MIL is much more ridiculous.I'm a 1st time mummy. so b4 my son was born, she said she will help us take care & encourages us to go out during wkends w my hubby, while she help us take cre of my son. so i really did it. in e end, yst i went out w my frenz, while my hubby went to gym . guess wad? she called me & yell. saying y e both of us were out? who's gg to take care of e bb? she's nt gg to take care, she gg out & she will just throw to e maid to take care. i was like WTH!!!!! i 've already told her b4 hand, yst i gg out for a while to meet my frenz, den she said okok. den give us shit attitude after tt. even when we are back, she just called my hubby & yell @ him when she knws we r back home. haiz... MIL always talk 1 thing, do 1 thing. difficult.

 

[vivienpg]

My MIL also totally dont respect me. She can bring SIL's maid to my house for whole day when hubby and me are working. I'm upset cos earlier we have already told the SIL that we do not want the maid in our house for one week (just becos she want to try another maid and put her current maid in our hse) and somemore, we have a lot of valuables in our room. Told my MIL that this is my house, how can this happen? Guess what, next day the maid is still in my house. And my MIL told my hubby, this is what she wants too... I'm totally upset, told my hubby that I dont get any respect and I'm also upset with him cos he was telling MIL that i dont like having maid around when he himself also dont like, but dont dare to tell his sister off... I donno how long I can tahan his sister, cos this is just one of the incidents when she dont respect us..Other incidents are like, she can send her spoilt tv, yes, spoilt, to our house when we are working.. probly she thinks we will be grateful to get her stuff, even if it is old and spoilt... without our permission. Another time, she said to borrow my breastpump for a day for emergency, i agree, cos i know the pain of breast engorgement. Then guess what, she annouce later she's bringing it overseas for a week, without asking for my permission. Again, my hubby dont dare to ask for it back until after her trip. I'm trying my best not to make things difficult for him but i think his sister is really pushing my patience...

 

[princess_sue]

hihi, Vivien,

I can understand how you feel with SIL are so buay zi dong. My BIL has this GF and she is only 22 or maybe 23 this year. I dunno how anyone can be bitchier than her. She sticks to him like a leech. Even at home when she goes toilet, they have to hold hands! can you imagine that!

When i was pregnant 1 year ago, bil was working overseas in malaysia and during then he had this gf, and when he comes back during weekends, they come home at 12 -1 am, and the door/ gate of the house is loud, being pregnant, i have difficulty slpg and have already made known to them. But despite so, though so late, she will still come to our house, and then maybe go out at 2-3 am... and come back again before finally going home. So in between , each time they go out and come back i will be woken up by the noise. best part is she thinks there is nothing wrong and told my bil why must he behave like a thief since it is also his house!

Which decent gal will go to a guys house so late and have the cheek to say such things... not to mention only go home in the wee hours and appear again the next morning about 8am!

And she has no respect to greet people when she comes to the house. Not even my MIL. she will leave the cups after drinking on the table, thinking we are all her slaves! And when she take a chair to the computer table, she has no courtesy to put it back after use, expecting us to clear up after her. She really has no jia jiao. I wonder how her mother teach her.

I really hate her to the core. And now i really dread CNY coz my BIL will be back which means she will also be here. And the funniest part, she come for reunion dinner! buay paiseh!

 

[aimee]

hi,
can i tag on to this thread? want to check if any of you give your MIL ang bao and what is her reaction?

 

[star_wish]

My MIL is just as bad....pretending to nice to me only.... SIL is worst... treat me like transparent... refuse to acknowledge me when i greet her.

 

[ahlala]

Haiz..my BIL still worse.. always pretend to be poor.. bought the whole serials of burberry polo tees.. Tag Hauer watch.. then still tell my MIL he is very poor.. only earn 1.5k per mth.. hp bill was tagged along with the SCV end up we paid.. dont want to drink plain water.. my pil always buy sweet drinks for him to drink.. MRT card dont want to top up and always exchange MRT card with my PIL.. dont want to give allowances to my PIL.. end up we paid everything for them..

 

[littledeal]

I agree with ahlala. My BIL and his wife also like that. Before marriage, always complain no money but yet both can always go for travel. When my in-laws need money to settle housing issue, so asked my hubby to borrow money from bank to help with the situation and end up the house is taken over by BIL. So, supposedly, the BIL owes my hubby the money.

After marriage, said money spent on wedding so no more money but yet can change new and bigger car and buy very expensive and branded stuff (such as household items and children's toys).

We cant even afford a car or expensive items. Who is poor anyway?

 

[ariesan]

Hi... wanted to share my experience. MIL is being invited by my hubby to stay with us becos MIL can take care of my 2 kids and hubby dun wan maid after my FIL passed away. She will acting like she is the doting grandma in front of my hubby but when my hubby are not in, the grandchildren has to listen to her more than to me. Everything that i do is wrong to her. Physco-ing my children to talk back to me. whenever i bring up the issue to my hubby, he doesnt believe it. MIL is the cause of our marriage problem but hubby believe that it is me..... haiz Am really wondering should i stay in this marriage or just walk away....

 

[nibudong]

Hi Cecelia,

You are not alone. My MIL always cause quarrel between me and my hubby.
Something even a small issue, they also want hubby to involve as he is the elder son.
Sometimes, I wonder why we get married and why dont he just stay beside his parents since they are more important than our family. Sigh!

 

[newbiemum]

Cecelia and Dong... haha yeah i think WE are not alone.. had a chat with my mommy yesterday she ask me not to complain / scold my husband so much abt his mother's antics cos at last our marriage will breakdown when he cannot tahan since he's the one in the middle...

Perhaps we shld learn to close one eye and 2 ears... And when they start teaching our children bad things (such as talk back to us) we will just tell both her and our children off.. afterall we are the MUMMY!

 

[zuleika83]

My MIL told my then 2 mth baby things like "Orbigood, mummy going back to work, don't want u" or "Orbigood, mummy scold u". I was so shocked I din know how to explain to her. I told my HB to tell her to stop saying negative things to baby.

My HB is the unloved middle child that was sent away to foster care till 5 yrs old. But he's the one tt helps with household chores and knows how to "zi dong". So MIL reserve a rm in our future 5 rm flat without consulting us. Just told us when we book flat tt she wanna stay with us cos the much beloved and spoilt lazy elder bro got a 4 rm flat. MIL said that if she stay with elder bro, she will have to clean and do house chores. WTF? She thinks my future house we are her maids ah? She also said "how to live in 4rm flat? so small."

 

[mehui]

Hi Zuleika,

Overheard a granny tell her naughty grandson: "You so naughty, no wonder your mummy wants new baby sister and don't love you anymore!"

The things that are said to kids can be very damaging, especially when kids take words literally.