Help *** Need to vent anger

Discussion in 'Year 2009 Mums' started by irisgirl82, Apr 16, 2009.

  1. irisgirl82

    irisgirl82 Member

    My MIL have been helping me with confinement for my 2nd kid. i really hate her... Everything my mum say to me she disagree. She only want things in her ways. When i have my 1st kid, i have confinement lady. the confinement lady always boil water for me to bath, clean up but not my in law. She just ask me to use water from heater. i told her not to cook too much for me as i got no appetite. I told her to cook 1 dish will do but she insist on cooking 2 dish. In the end i cannot finish it then she say i waste food. When beastfeeding, she will sit beside and look at me. Did she know i will feel weird. Ask me not to carry my bb too much but she carry. Ask me not to talk to bb too much and let him sleep but she talk to bb more than me. Ask me to pump out milk for her to feed bb in order not to let him use to nipple so that when i got to go back to work, my bb can get use to bottle. i agree but not to the extend of not letting me feed even 1 time. i'm going mad. i want to move out....
  2. macjoe

    macjoe New Member

    relax iris...
    now i also having headache who to look me when i am in confinement...
  3. irisgirl82

    irisgirl82 Member

    Living with PIL is difficult...
    Josephine, if you are living with in law then must see how open minded they are... My Mother in law dun let me bath or wash hair. This type of weather so hot how to tahan... Even she can tell me that she is hot then she dun let me bath. I mean i not so traditional. Can let me bath and wash hair 1 time or not... i think if i go out sure got housefly flying on my head... haha... When u give birth? which hospital?
  4. cladi

    cladi New Member

    Relax iris
    my mil oso do confinement for me when i got me first bb.. at first we (as in i n her) duno how to communicate over certain thing with each other.. everythin will go thro my hubby.. but everything works out fine.. n i m doing fine living with my mil.. for once.. when i reach home from hospital.. i was bf bb in the room.. bb was crying.. she stand outside my room n comment is it not enough milk.. bb hungry tat y cry la... i was so hurt.. n hide in the room to cry... i told my hubby abt tat.. ask him to support me no matter wat... from then on.. no more comment from mil le.. n i manage to bf him til he was 1yo.. n we work out things together to look after my bb well le..

    think communication is very impt.. try talk to her.. or let ur hubby know.. after all.. ur hubby will know ur mil best.. know how to talk to her ba..
  5. biibii

    biibii Member

    problem is.. some mils never listens. they think they are the smartest. have all the experience in taking care of children for the whole kampong/family etc. Full time housewife kinda mil is the worst!! Hardest nut to crack. cos they rule the household, everyone listens to her. We outsider join, sure mati. We insist our way, they will black face, then tell the whole kampong how bad we are. Please lor, children are not cared the same way as before. We are better read and try to give our babies a good start in life. yet these mil.. haiz.. *speechless*
  6. irisgirl82

    irisgirl82 Member

    ya lor biibii... communication does not work out well on her. imagine my FIL everyday have to be scolded or nag by her. they are married for 20 plus year. how to communicate. Worst things is my mum call me to concern abt me but she say is it my mum scared that she never buy things for me to eat. come on lah. which mother in the world never care abt kids one. if my mum never call me then i got to worried if i am my mum daughter right?
  7. cladi

    cladi New Member

    o ok.. I must admit i m one lucky one to have such nice mil.. Read a lot of stories abt conflict between il.. I think sometime.. Since we r the junior.. Try to give in to elderly as much as possible ba.. Must alway rmb hubby is in between us.. He will suffer most if any quarrel happen.. For our loves one.. Jus look at thing in a more positive way ba.. Mayb she mean to tell u let ur mum know u r well taken care off.. Dun worry.. Jus tat she duno how to put her words ba.. No matter how much theory we read.. They r really more experience in practice when come to look after bb.. Jus look at our hubby.. Without mil.. Our hubby wont b like now rite.. Dun u like ur child to b like ur hubby? Hehe.. Mayb i m too simple minded ba.. I believe how we treat our elderly our kids r lookin de.. They learn from there too [​IMG]
  8. heavenlymade

    heavenlymade Member

    iris
    i would say your MIL's thinking is more practical. For me i use heater water to bath, i am against boiling all the water i needed just to bath or clean face. waste gas n spoken to gynae, he said the boiling of water is practised in china to kill germs(cos they bath using river water last time), not practical in singapore.

    also i guess she is wanting u to eat better, thus giving u two dishes. i personally prefer two dishes than 1 dish also. =P more choice mah. helping u to carry baby more often also good mah, so u can rest more. I did the confinement myself for my second child... i really appreciate any pple coming to my house n help me carry baby. so its really about the conflict of ideas. main thing is i think she cares about u, which is important for a relationship to work.
  9. irisgirl82

    irisgirl82 Member

    maybe like what u all say. i have been giving in to her every time. My mum call twice then her face turn black twice after she know is my mum. Straight away, She just tell my BIL that my mum scared that i got nothing to eat is it so keep calling. Just want to vent anger cos no place to vent.
  10. gg_lee

    gg_lee Active Member

    Aiyo...scary.....wonder if I will face same problem later....MIL dunno I expecting 1st bb yet.......Seems like always a lot of problem if taken care by MIL. But if ask own parent take care, some MIL also not happy...Must start thinking how liao....
  11. haitong

    haitong New Member

    GG, you haven tell your PIL that you pregnant now? How about your own parents?
  12. haitong

    haitong New Member

    I am also staying with PIL cos our flat not ready yet..oni end of 2010 lo...so long man!!! i always stay in the room whenever i get home from work or weekend...nothing to talk to MIL....
  13. biibii

    biibii Member

    hee.. i also didn't tell my parents or PIL abt my 2nd pregnancy until close to 4mths preggie. Din tell PIL cos dun want to face the pressure early. You know what, when i was happily pregnant with no.1, they were expressionless even though it's their 1st grandchild. anyway, the ultimate one is my MIL, a month before my gal was born, she told me to hurry try for another one and go temple pray that this time it's a boy! i nearly cried my heart out when i was home. So this time round, neither of us is excited to break the news to PIL. We were delighted we're having another cutie pie in our family. regardless gender. :D And this time round, i swear i will not be upset by any of the gender comments!!!
  14. irisgirl82

    irisgirl82 Member

    most of the MIL like boys especially if ur hubby is the only son or the elder one. I really hate confinement days. everythings also cannot eat. cannot shower or wash hair. the weather nowadays so hot. My hair is all sweat and oily. My hubby dun even dare to come near me. Every night have to wake up to feed baby then 7am got to wake up and prepare #1 for sch. My grandmum say during confinement days i should not walk and sit to much, must rest and much as u can. If not, will have backache.
  15. irisgirl82

    irisgirl82 Member

    In the first place, baby should be wrap like a dumpling so that they are not easily scared by little noise and as well as to keep them warm just like in mum womb. But My MIL says baby is too hot then dun want to wrap BB up. She can think that BB is hot how come she cannot think that i am hot and let me shower as well as wash hair. She say BB is not comfortable using cloth diaper so should let BB use diaper. I told her we can use other brands that is cheaper instead of using pamper active which is more ex. But she insist that pamper active is better. of course i know la. But down the road as his son is the only one working she think he can afford it mah? Just ask her to try other brands like fitti, huggies or mamy poko but she reject me even before trying. really cannot tahan her.
  16. scrumpee01

    scrumpee01 Member

    Iris
    tell yr mil that u will soon develop post natal blue if she still dun let u shower n wash hair...scare her abit then walk straight to the bath room n bochap her.
  17. akachan04

    akachan04 Member

    Iris,

    My MIL is the opposite. My hubby is her first and only son (she has a daughter) but when she knew that I was pregnant with boy. Her first reaction is "huh...boy...how come not girl". Funny right...but my FIL is all smiles cos it's his first grandson in the family. Now, I am pregnant with my 2nd child, a boy again and she really bochap me. Haiz..... sometimes I feel that it's really hard to please our PIL. I hope you feel better after sharing your problem. I will never never ask my MIL to do confinement for me cos I know I will surely develop postnatal blue after that. Living with her for just 3 months (while waiting for my new flat) has led me into depression. Luckily hubby knows his own mum well and he always supports me.
  18. polo

    polo Member

    Iris,
    Just buy other brands to try it out (btw, i find mamy poko quite good)...hack care your mil's comment.. its your bb and not hers. My mil dare not interfere with my baby stuff as i show her colors.. Once i was so mad that i told her off and not to touch my baby (i mean it as i refuse to let her carry my bb) as she's not fit to be her grandma. Anyway she oso never plays her part as grandma, when i preggy she never bother to cook any tonic or herbal soup for me. She's lazy like pig!
  19. wild_majestic

    wild_majestic New Member

    Iris,
    I totally understand your feeling as i gone through almost the same nightmare as you when i had my first confinement. I cried few times but i felt so foolish after that. This is my bb, we (husband and I) should be the one deciding what is best for the bb. So thereafter, I bo chap what she said and insist on my way. Whatever comment she made i just "or-or-or" but i still do thing in my own way. Endure during this confinement period, once it is over, you will take charge and be the boss. Be tough, your bb needs you. FYI, I am now expecting my 2nd bb and my MIL insisted the name we chosen is not nice and wanted us to change, but we are going ahead anyway.. husband support is important.
  20. irisgirl82

    irisgirl82 Member

    two_Bimbos, i think i really going into post natal blues. my MIL want to interferein everything. even when beast feeding, i want to lock door she also knock on the door so hard like want to break down the door like that. She think i doing what inside with my baby. She always say do confinement for me causes her to be very busy. She say she busy but still gt time to carry my bb and sing songs to him. Is she really so busy. My bb just make little noise she run into the room faster than me. Should have ask her to give birth to 1 more herself.
  21. hl_lee

    hl_lee Member

    Hey Iris,
    I went through the same shit when I had my 1st baby in July last year. I ignore the advise from friends and relative not to let my MIL to do confinement for me. Like you, she likes to make decisions for my baby. Fed her some herbal tonic saying that her friend says that it cures jundice. Re-using milk bottles when we prepared more than enough clean bottles for her. Sat there waiting when I am BFing. Went out to work (but she claimed that she will stop to help with my confinement) and leave me all alone to take care of my baby (my 1st baby) several times in my confinement mth. Insisting to not wash her hands and carry baby after using the ru yi oil and when i remind her again, she retorted saying " RU Yi oil can be eaten one you know!" what rubbish!!
    Final decision: I moved out forcefully after baby turned 4mths old to my mom's place. I have to plead to my mom to help me take care of my baby while I am away at work.
    Conclusion: I am a much happier person now although my MIL is still sore about my decision to forcefully move out and I still angry with her for all the confinement stuff she did. Apprently, she is still don't understand why I decided to move out. I really don't give a shit and just do my routine of going back there every Sat afternoon to visit for max. 3 hours.

    Enough said. Meaning only you can make yourself a happier person. Of course, what is also important is your hubby's support in your decision. Tell him that your method and his mom's method of bringing up the baby is very different and to prevent yourself to have post-natal depression is to find a solution (if it is to move out). Plan your move. Find a place. Discuss and convince hubby. decide a date. move out.
    My intention is to make you a happier mom. If this move will cause you to be a more miserable person - hubby n your relationship gets more strained or you can't be at war with your MIL. THen don't do it. I definitely will pray for you. Good luck Iris!
  22. junebabyboi09

    junebabyboi09 New Member

    Hey Iris,

    After hearing your story, I am getting a little scared. When my MIL heard that i was carrying a baby boi she insist on doing confinement for me and also quit her job. Last week I was admitted due to fever and slight contraction, when i was discharged I went back to my mummy's place to stay. As my body is rather weak, my mummy request my hubby to talk to my MIL for me to move back to stay for the last mth.

    My MIL totally rejected the idea. She say I have to learn to take care of myself and etc. The whole thing I can take care of myself. The fever was cause by her. She was sick the day before me and refuse to see doctor or take medication. When I came home yesterday, she was sick again. Is all her fault I was admitted.

    Their family thinking is common flu is natural. If you still can walk and talk, you do not need to see a doctor. OMG!! I wanna cry out already.

    Sorry Iris I also wanna vent my anger.
  23. highvolt

    highvolt Active Member

    so many "horror" stories of MIL/PIL....watever it is, count mummies with IL's help lucky...me? i have to quit job cos, both parents and PIL not avail to help....sigh..now hubby working like mad to support me and my soon to be 2 kids..
  24. gg_lee

    gg_lee Active Member

    Me also very vexed over wat's going to happen to me. I don't think I want MIL to do my confinement, but no space for confinement lady cos stay with ILs. I think best is for me to shift back to mum's plc during confinement, but can imagine ILs and maybe even husband sure not happy..

    But I think really will go crazy if MIL do confinment for me..She loves ginger even during normal cooking and I hate it. And no matter wat we say, the ginger always stays..
  25. irisgirl82

    irisgirl82 Member

    Thanks All. Intially thought that i was difficult to get along with. Now i know is not totally my problem. haha... My mum come yesterday to look for me with my dad then my mil was like acting that she is very gd to me. she ask me how i feel, how the food she cook. Then after my mum left, she say why i ask me mum to give us veg, meat and martell. But my mum just wanted her to cook chicken with martell for me that y she bring all ingredent over. So that she dun have to buy. But she is unhappy. She also complain to her mum on monday that she is so busy till she gt no time for magazine, tv and newspaper. Come on. i din stop her from seeing. I also help her to look after my kids. I also help her with washing of dishes even though during confinement i am not supposed to touch water as per what she say. But when she see me washing things she also din say anything. hai.... dunno what she thinking...
  26. gg_lee

    gg_lee Active Member

    Old people sometimes just 'kan bu kai'...And they read too much into things..and everytime scared people think badly of them...I also thot of the same problem. If my MIL do my confinement I dont think the food will be as good as my mum lor, who always only get the freshest buys even if more expensive (cod fish, threadfins). Whereas my MIL believe in buying frozen meats and fish (those black promfrets). Even if my mum buy and bring over, am sure she won't feel good cos will think as though my mum scared she never feed me properly uh. Headache!
  27. irisgirl82

    irisgirl82 Member

    ya lor. but my thinking is just that my mum is coming over to see me but u can't ask her to come empty handed right? If my mum come empty handed then what will she say again? I really feel that i am very gd to her liao but she always think that i dun like her. She always complain to her mother and sister that i am nt gd to her. Dun know what to do. maybe our eight character dun match. this is the best reason i can think of...
  28. gg_lee

    gg_lee Active Member

    Yah, I also have friends same situation like you. End up the mum also dun like to visit her already cos must see black face and she also scared put daughter in a difficult position. Then my friend feel so miserable cos like so on her own...

    I start researching on confinement care liao...I just hope my husband will understand where I am coming from. Confinement is already a very difficult period, last thing u want is all these mil problems. In the end the wife suffers.
  29. asp_23

    asp_23 Member

    hi iris, i'm back from delivery n nursing a bad confinement. Hear my agony for these few wks i'm missing in action. When preg, mil insist she do confinement 4 me (she had no experience!) Aft delivery, i went to mil hse do confinement. 1 nite only me n my hubby turn upside down. Bb had constipation n jaundice n cry whole nite till both of us can't sleep. I cried so hard, i've been sitting on my stitches for whole nite looking aft bb n i don hv my own toilet to use! Hubby told Mil tat we wanna get a confinement lady n she still so stubborn say she wanna help. In fact whole nite she sleep so soundly! End up she agree le still say bring cl to her house! My GOD, 1 rm Pil sleep, 1 rm sil n grandma sleep, left wif 1 rm she wan me sleep wif bb n cl, hubby to sleep living rm! Lucky i anticipated tat n told my hubby i wanna go back our own hm n hubby veri supportive. In tat 1 nite, not only bb give prob, my stitches area became sore n c gynae end up infection n affect my anus, too pain to pass out the stools, then c doc to take fleet to soften n pass out the stools. Now stitches takes longer to heal. Breast tat nite oso engorge till so painful tat i got to c lataction consultant when my bb was admit to hospital for serious jaundice the next day. Doc warn if jaundice not down, need blood exchg! It's enuff to break our hearts. Mil luv her 1st grandson so much tat she move into my house to sleep! She can't understand i juz wan my own privacy.
  30. asp_23

    asp_23 Member

    my mom hear me so xin ku oso can't come c me till i move back to my own house. My mom buy meat fish herbs etc for me my mil still say ask my mom don buy. Still find ways to ask me not to take the things my mom buy. Say the meat my mom buy is harder, not so gd, she will go mkt buy lean meat. But she don know the meat my mom buy is oso lean meat! My mil saw my mom pass so many things to hubby n in the car she ask me wat my mom buy n she saw my mom pass drink to my hubby n ask wat my mom cook 4 me. When my hubby reach the car, she search thru the things my mom buy n say why my mom buy this n tat, why don't i don take things my mom buy 1st since we seems to hv many things to take! Still ask me to ask my mom to take back e things to cook for herself. She is driving me nuts! I really hate her when i think of this: My hubby n i wed in sep but got preg in aug since we already plan for parenthood, she is the 1st n only one tat is not happy bot it cos she too traditional thinkin. She still don dare to break e gd news to everyone tat i'm preg cos she scare lose face. Only when my tummy starts to show then she no choice. Now she is fighting to take care of my son wif me! She is oso veri stubborn! Sometimes my bb cry n cry she still don let go my son, insist on carrying him, only my hubby can stop her.
  31. gg_lee

    gg_lee Active Member

    Ya lor...old folks all like that one...can be very sensitive..My mum recently bot fish for me..I also secretly bring home and cook quickly while she is away! Now discussing with husband confinement how. We sure getting CL, but question is stay with us (i.e also w PIL) or shift to my mum house.
  32. kennyg

    kennyg New Member

    Hi ladies, since all of you are venting your anger here. I also want to do that.

    My wife and I just stay 2 blocks away from my MIL. The couple of weeks before my wife deliver, my MIL decided not to take care of her daughter. Can you imagine that? Last min u-turn?

    I have to hunt high and low for a confinement lady. Not only that, after the confinement lady left, we requested her to cook for my wife just lunch only on a daily basis also complaint. 2 blocks away can't walk meh? She is your daughter you know?

    I can share with all of you, since the day my baby boy was born until now, she didn't even bother to see her grandson. My 5 fingers can also count. I think it is more than enough to count all her visits.

    It always break my heart to hear my wife going to the hawker centre to buy mixed rice for her lunch. She is breast feeding my baby boy. It is just so tough for her.

    Sigh... Why like that huh?
  33. gg_lee

    gg_lee Active Member

    Hi Kenny
    Yea, that's why to avoid such problems, i think next time get CL in advance. If MILs chip in extra help, see as bonus.

    These days I think got confinement catering where they deliver daily to your house. You may want to check them out so at least your wife no need to go out tabao.
  34. asp_23

    asp_23 Member

    hi kenny, all mums love their children, no matter how, until i recently become a mum, then i understand this saying. every child is flesh n blood to a parent.

    perhaps your MIl is you xin wu li. sometimes old people leg pain or too tired to cook etc? or last min offend her? ;)
    sometimes old people need to pacify, my hubby has been pacifying his mum so much during my confinement.
    many times i just hope my MIL would go back to her own hse. i very scare she continue staying even after my confinement, which i think she is 100% likely to do so. i just wish a world of my own with my son before i go back to work......when she is at my hse, i still got to entertain her....
    sigh......
  35. kennyg

    kennyg New Member

    The only thing I can say is, my wife and I just don't understand why. She is basically 100% can climb mountain type.

    Never mind, my wife and I are glad that we were able to find helpers to help us.
  36. prisneo

    prisneo New Member

    Kenny, for my 1st confinement, my mil gave me alot of headache too. She backout last minutes and when my sil found a confinement lady, she decided to do my confinement and I have to tell the CL not to come. Then half way thru my confinement, she left and did not return. During my confinement, she did not even cook any confinement food for me but taking my house as a place for holiday to escape cooking for my unmarried eldest bil. And my mum who initiately wanted to do my confinement for me, could not do it as mil refused to let her do it for me and then my poor mum had to cook and bring tonic soups to me daily seeing the type of food I am eating.

    I was really glad when my mil left at week 3 and I was alone with my baby since all the while I have been cleaning and looking after my baby on my own since day 1. And I was able to cook simple confinement food that my mum thought me.

    It is actually not that tough for your wife to cook some simple food for herself.

    And now pregnant with #2, I just returned from overseas to stay at my mum's place with my boy while my husband is overseas due to some complications with my pregnancy. If not, I am sure I can cope on my own too with my newborns and with all the confinement recipes my mum has given me.

    Sh, think your mil is like mine haahaa. Anyway, my mum has been buying tonics, cordyceps, paoshen and birdnests for me when she came to visit me overseas in Decemeber when she found out I was pregnant. Mil always says she will buy tonics for me and till today that I am back in Singapore for 2 weeks, I still did not see any. And my mum has been making tonic soups for me the day since I am back home.
  37. kennyg

    kennyg New Member

    haha... I think we are really in the same boat. It has been my mum who bought tonics for my wife. Not even my MIL.
  38. nubie

    nubie New Member

    I had my MIL for so called confinement for my no 1, I never believe in confinement especially run by those MIL whose Lifetime Housewife and think herself always right. Yeah the 'breastfeeding criticsm, the food my mom bring for me, the food she cooked that I don't like to eat, not to get out of the house for 1 whole month, except to pick up hubby in a heavy rain from station'
    So this time, we are in different country and when she offered to come, I make sure my wish is heard by hubby, I rather not have anyone come to add to my could be post natal blues like last time, my excuse is I will be in pain and grumpier and I will never be able to ask my MIL for help even when I need to. So I ask him not to let them visit before 6 weeks after delivery in which my c-sec is better. I am due next week and hoping that is still the case. She called yesterday worry about us with no one to help, cause I also cancel my mom visit to help. Bah, even if I have to do it by myself, I think it will still be better without MIL around.
  39. kennyg

    kennyg New Member

    haha... I guess many of us of MIL challenges.
  40. ahnetsan

    ahnetsan Active Member

    haiz.... it's never easy living with ILs, isn't it?? and while hubby will complain dat he's being sandwiched... we as wives aren't getting any easier as well....
  41. nana_moby

    nana_moby New Member

    lol.. it is never easy to live with ILs..

    my mil is one super duper double headed snake, always creating tension and unhappiness in the house. so much so that i cannot tahan her nonsense and refuse to speak to her. even her own son (my DH) calls her a 4-headed snake. she ate my BN which DH prepared for me when i was carrying #1... then says if i was carrying BOY, she would buy BN for me... now i carry BOY, i still get nothing from her.. strangely enuff, my lil ger @ 8mths dun like her, crys when she see MIL n refuses to let her carry... my ger can allow strangers to carry her with no problem though

    Thank goodness that my house is ready n pending reno currently... can move out b4 my #2 pops.. no need her to do rubbish confinement for me, no need to face her or listen to her sickening voice, screaming n gossiping with the stupid neighbours who are equally sickening...
  42. gg_lee

    gg_lee Active Member

    Guess best don't expect anything from ILs la...we can buy our own BN but wa lau at least she shouldn't eat the BN your DH make for u!!
  43. nana_moby

    nana_moby New Member

    GG
    lol... precisely lar.. i dun expect anything from her.. but for goodness sake, dun fight with me over the BN lar... i did not even know she ate the BN til HB was making noise to me.. then i told him : well, that one is ur mum looo.. so u settle her.. hehe
  44. ahnetsan

    ahnetsan Active Member

    hellow taslyn...

    btw, wat's BN?

    when's ur new house ready? better make sure she DUN suggest moving in with you!! im also waiting for my new flat to be ready...den im out of here!!!
  45. nana_moby

    nana_moby New Member

    hehe

    ahnetsan
    BN =bird nest loooo...

    new house is ready le.. but pending reno... hb meeting contractor tml... hopefully the reno can be rush n done within a mth so i can settle in by mid july...

    HB test water liao... she claims she dun wan to go n stay with us.. I REALLY HOPE NOT... til now she has not seen the house... but something in me tells me she will find some excuse to move in... *cross fingers super hard now*
    now i must fully utilise all the rooms and say they are all fully occupied! lol
  46. ahnetsan

    ahnetsan Active Member

    ya man, dun let her move in with u, if not wat's the point and purpose of wanting to get own house and move out right?
  47. nana_moby

    nana_moby New Member

    ahnetsan
    i dun wan loooo... if she does, i will flip...but really super duper no excuse to reject coz house confirm has enough space/rooms..
    so far they have not seen the new house.. which is why i am super terrified that she will want to move in after seeing the place... only thing is, new house is super ulu.. quite far from civilisation.. hahahaha

    if she wants to come to stay.. i think i will offer her my guest room which is super odd shape n overlooks e maid room n kitchen.. lol
  48. porky_jean

    porky_jean Active Member

    hi all, i also want to vent my anger here...this is my own house...and my mil sell away her hse and stay in with us 1 yr ago...my hb is not the only son..she got 1 elder son but elder DIL cant get along with her...so bo bian must stay with us...

    i just deliver to my bb boy this may...when i was preggy, she say ask me employ maid or CL to do confinement for me...she say dunno how to do confinement and look after newborn bb...so i agree to spent money to engage a CL...now i am staying in this house with a MIL, a CL, my hb and a baby...from the day my CL come to my hse, everything my MIL was to interfere...telling my CL wat to cook for me and her...i am on partial bf...when bb cries, my MIL will quickly run into the room and say bb is hungry...omg, is only less than an hr from the last feed...my MIL only know how to say bb is hnugry when he cries...lucky my this CL is a very nice aunty...she can get along with my MIL...she dont like to talk so much infront of her...anything she dont like she will tell me...

    the worst thing is she teach my CL how to buy 4D...my CL is a m'sian...my mil teach her how to buy s'pore 4D...everytime when my bb sleeps, they will discuss on the number to buy for wed, sat and sun...i complain to my hb before...i say this CL is engage by me...pls tell ur mum not to anyhow tell her do this do that...then my hb say i too sensitive and attitute problem towards my mil...haiz...

    i can fully understand those that are staying with MIL...it is never easy...
  49. wsj

    wsj New Member

    I agreed with you Porky.

    my mil moved into my house quite some time ago, saying is to help take care of my children. But, she's one devil inside her.

    i was preggy, gave birth to my no. 3 late jan this year, but, being a preggie wasn't easy with her around. I wasn't allowed to go home even for a nap... would chase me out, like as if is her house, even if we insisted to stay around, she would make the stay hell for us.

    My first 2 confinement, she helped partially, nightmare! equilvalent to no properly cooked food and always restrict this restrict that, and always snatching babies away from me.
    So, for the 3rd baby, we engage catering... don't bother about her.

    Nowadays, even my mother visits frequently to make sure my kids get fed properly, she always treat her like maids, shout her here shout her there, even snatch milk bottles from her from my kids... and restricting their meals.

    I wonder, is she trying to stave everybody to death so that she can occupy and take our house. and make our kids as her slaves if they survived her tortore...

    Once in, it is almost impossible to get the p*** out. sigh. is it mil supposed to be like that? I definitely learnt it the hard way, i definitely should not behave the same way, when i become a mil (if i ever become one after suviving the tortures)
  50. nana_moby

    nana_moby New Member

    hi porky n jane

    for my MIL, she does not have any daughters of her own. so i guess she dunno how to react when i came into the family?

    from what i knew from my hb, his granny did not particularly like her and she was afraid of her own MIL.

    for my MIL, she is $$$$ motivated... She dotes on her younger son more, always trying to get more $$ saved for him, eg keep all my FIL salary, leaving him with $10 in wallet, trying to get my hb to give her more $$. When my hb grandparents passed away, they left inheritance for my hb as they knew my MIL will not take care of him, while for his younger bro, they did not leave a cent.

    my MIL is v wayang type, will act to be nice n pleasant in front of others..

    i really emphatise with those who have to stay with MIL esp those whose mil auto stick to them.. for me, i really hope she wun come along. she even can tell my hb that she is not interested to stay with us coz she has her own house... we will see.. hahahhaa
  51. princess_diamond

    princess_diamond New Member

    hi mommies

    i had a mil that comes into my room freely!She don't know what is privacy!I hate it!She does it during confinement then after which it became a habit!I told her once but she said "i knock what"?What is the point when she knock but we did not acknowledge?she still open the door herself!Does that makes any diff?And if i lock the door she will kept knocking and turn the knob attempt to open!ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT THE HELL MAN?
  52. gg_lee

    gg_lee Active Member

    Aiyo! Sounds so scary! Dun care lah, at least lock door you know she cannot just barge in. That's privacy ma!

    I also headache...still thinking should I shift back to mum place for confinement. I think my mum will get along better with CL. And I heard CL dun do marketing one, so someone has to go buy those raw food from market based on what CL needs to cook. How to tell MIL go buy things right? Will be a lot easier when it is own mum. I can imagine the potential conflicts over cooking etc cos like they say 1 kitchen can only have 1 woman!
  53. nana_moby

    nana_moby New Member

    princess diamond
    my mil did the same thing during confinement 4 #1..... damn irritating esp when i m bf-ing... or pumping... dunno what is wrong with her... wanna see my boobs is it?? (she had 1 breast removed due to cancer)... but not so siao as to keep turning the locked door lar

    so u know wat i did??
    i told my hb to do e same thing to her.. :p
    it stopped immediately after that...

    GG:
    i think u go baq mother place better.. reason, u r her own daughter. she will understand u better n be more accomodating
  54. princess_diamond

    princess_diamond New Member

    hi taslyn,

    sigh....She does that during confinement and till now my bb is 1yrs old liao!still like dat..
    i dun wan her to turn the knob all the time cos no matter what she will still want me to open the door..So i i dun lock!the bloody noise is annoying and loud..everytime i decided to lock the door,her she comes and wake my bb up!
    Headache!Looking for house now!Hope to have good news soon!And i make it a point to my hubby,Very LOUDLY i SAID...."can keep one weekend room for them if they come over the weekend and n intend to stay for A NIGHT"!Fingers and Toes crossed that they get the message!
    My tolerance level is over!She is the type that wants her DIL to serve her type!Ain't not that type man!I can be nice but don't push her luck!
    I hint to hubby sometimes but also didnt want him to worry too much while a work!Simple things like what i cooked for bb oso she want to intefere...
    then say i dare not let bb eat the food she cooked!Then not happy only will turn to her sisters and nieces and guessed what next la....all the aunts and cousins will one by one visit us then hint to me this n that la..basically every damn thing i do at home,she knows and she will tell her sisters!Damn fed up!Hate it man!SHe is very nice b4 i got pregnant.Ever since im preggy,she is so kan cheing and paranoid.Glad that she concern but isn't it too much?
    Where is my privacy man...and when hubby not around,her nonsense all out,when hubby around,she definitely is the MIL that everyone longed for!sigh sigh SIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
  55. nana_moby

    nana_moby New Member

    princess diamond..
    hahaha
    same lar? skali ur mil is related to mine... but no one dares to talk to me abt what MIL says, they only say to HB?
    coz i m SAHM, mil conplain that i not working. not giving income etc, WTH... she dun wanna look after my ger (and i dun wan her to), but she can look after someone's bastard daughter (my's cousin kena abandon by BF at 6mths, then gave birth n MIL be saint n adopt 1 kid.. the kid is now 2.5yo , but this is another story)

    to me, my mil is a devil, gossip with neighbours ard, calling my hb useless guy who let his wife control, stupid etc... n she will purposely talk to them at the corridor (my rm is along corridor) so that i can hear lor!... super pissed de..

    best part is recently during ching ming, my hb cousins (imagine more than 10 of them) ganged up and ask him what he was doing, y let wife control him... y dun ask wife to work n leave bb in infant care etc!...
    when i got news of this i was so bloody pissed lor.. who are they to poke their noses in my affairs? if i wanna stay home look after my ger, i dun see what is wrong with that.. surely i dun need their approval...

    heng is my ger hates MIL.. dunno y... i never teach her.. she is too young at 8mths to know anyway... she crys when she see MIL, let alone let her carry, but my ger is totally okay when perfect strangers wanna carry her.. even indians, thais, etc... so i guess my ger can feel the vibes.. hehe

    shall be moving out tonight after hb gets back to SG... PHEW!
    n next time i move to my new house, she can forget abt even coming thru the gate.. will tell my maid to peep thru the cctv n act blur
  56. wsj

    wsj New Member

    yah so do mine! always barge in and out of the room, sometimes, when i'm at the midst of changing clothes! then, later on, she knocked before coming in, but, they are like knock and come in at the same time... then's what's the point?

    If lock door, then complain this and that, even hb also join in the 'fun'. sigh

    I'm quite amaze with that generation, like to wayang and well. i can get 100s of people, saying, wow, she's very good person, she this this that that... i was like, so please lah, if she's such nice person, why, she treat her husband and family so badly, and now to us as well.
  57. nana_moby

    nana_moby New Member

    jane
    y dun lock when changing?
    my MIL dare not barge into my rm liao..
    sometime my ger cry or mi n hb talking, she will stand outside the door n listen... as such, we speak english so she dun understand what we talking...

    aiya those pple dun stay with our PIL, they can say all they wan lar... heck lar..

    if the house is in ur own name n if she is staying with u, then u can set ur rules, but if house belongs to them, then bo bian.. hv to tahan...
  58. wsj

    wsj New Member

    whenever i lock door, they nagged.
    yahloh, house is our name, right... we set our rules, right... there's some crazy people who lived into the house and think that the house is theirs... that explains why i was kicked out of the house one night, best part, i was pregnant.

    Hubby managed to get me back in the house, and i already told myself, i will never ever forgive her for doing this... and even if i do, i will never forget what she had done.
  59. nana_moby

    nana_moby New Member

    jane
    WTH... kick u out??? then ur hb never do anything meh?
    if it is me, i will call police liao... after all, it is ur house mah...
    ur mil win liao...
    i dun see what is wrong with locking doors... it is ur own house, own room.. just heck n lock lar... ignore lor
  60. wsj

    wsj New Member

    that night i recalled, my hubby made me drive home to take a rest/nap while he stay to man the store. so, i drove back with my 2 children, with a packet of rice for dinner. when we open the door, my mil was sleeping in the living room. so, we tiptoed in, putting my rice in my bedroom hoping to take the dinner in my room with the children, without disturbing some other people's sleep. next thing i know, the devil woke up and shouted me. "GET OUT! GET OUT!" in mandarin and she's wide awake, doesn't look like she's having nightmare. so, in the fit of anger, i went back to my bedroom to retrieve my dinner and exited the place despite the children's crying because they are losing their mother AGAIN. went out only to see her whoever (a vistor) just came to our house.

    Drove back to my store, threw that packet of rice to my hubby, told him, what's the point of chasing me back home to rest when i will be chased out of my own house anyway? then went out of the store to sit outside and stare at the home-going communters and envied that they have a home to go while i do not have.

    Then my hb called that devil up, have a mini-argument with her. and that 'visitor' (who just reached my place that night just when i left) came to my store and offered me a ride back on his bike (remember i was pregnant), i refused to... first, is a motorbike. second, why should i go back to be chased out again? The reason offered for this frenzy: "she wants to bathe the kids, so she chased me out of the house". how many of you will believe this crappy reason, i wonder?

    went house that night only with my hubby hours later of sitting out there in the cold without dinner. decided to pack my stuff and leave for good, hubby stopped me again... so here i am still stuck in that stupid house of mine.

    anyway, last night, i was bathing with my 2YO, i locked my bathroom door and closed the shower door too (luckily i did). my 3YO wants to come in too to show me some colouring her had done... my hb actually attempted to open the bathroom door using a coin if i'm not wrong, they managed to open the door, only to get me barking at them, "WHERE IS YOUR MANNERS!?". well, it works...hee... let's see how long will it take to teach these people a lesson.

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