He says he doesn't love me anymore

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by maomaoa, Mar 4, 2010.

  1. maomaoa

    maomaoa New Member

    after just going through a miscarriage recently, my marriage is showing signs of breaking down.
    My husband shows no affection and became aloof towards me. When confronted, he acknowledged that he doesn't feel any affections for me anymore. I do not understand how this can happen so suddenly. we have been together for 13 yrs, married for 7 yrs....i suggested counselling, but he doesn't seem keen or interested....am lost and have no one to turn to.
     
  2. sillywife

    sillywife New Member

    is it he wan a child very much?
     
  3. hugomum

    hugomum Active Member

    Maomao, a hugz to you! Do take care

    Did you discover any amiss before you miscarriage? I can't believe anyone could change 360 degree suddenly!!!
     
  4. maomaoa

    maomaoa New Member

    i cannot believe it too...
    still trying to come to terms with it. i had put off having a baby in the beginning....but he wanted one then....but recently, i felt ready and was willing to try...unfortunately, i lost the baby. he said he had wanted to end the r/s when i didn't want a baby few yrs back..i guess it started from there
     
  5. bretrayed

    bretrayed New Member

    maybe there is a 3rd party
     
  6. maomaoa

    maomaoa New Member

    i asked him about it...he said no 3rd party...
     
  7. janey09

    janey09 Member

    then what make him changed totally
     
  8. maomaoa

    maomaoa New Member

    says we are not compatible...
    doesn't love me anymore...no passion...no affections
     
  9. maomaoa

    maomaoa New Member

    i asked him to go settle the paperwork, file for watever needs to be done....but now he says he wanna think, spend time to think...
    i dunno wat is going on....he's blowing hot and cold now..i seriously am going nuts with this situation now...i cannot move on, i cannot move back...
     
  10. sunshineforever

    sunshineforever New Member

    The same thing has happened to me since Feb. Its clear he is lost and confused like you. I asked myself do I love him (have seen counsellor abt this) and do I wan to keep up with the hot and cold. My personal answer is a YES. I am giving us some time ( most probably till end of the year) to think over. We are staying in different room in the same house. It hurts me to see him always going out at night ad not talking to me much. But I really want the relationsip to stay and so I am willing to give it a try. I rem a book that states this: Love is a verb and not a feeling.
     
  11. health

    health New Member

    Hi all,

    i am in some sort of a same situation as you...
    My wife of 5 yrs juz told me she lost her love for me...
    Although the divorce is mentioned till now its been more than a mth and she did not look up a lawyer yet.
    I went for counselling 1st, her appt is in mid June...

    My story can be seen at Matters of The Heart under Divorce
    Support Group
     
  12. fantasiaval

    fantasiaval Member

    any guys or ladies here can pm me for a chat? im set on my mind for divorce this year..my husband has china mistress n he loves her.

    he wants to move out with her already. i still have young kids 4 mnths old.

    has any1 here encountered china mistresses? or wat can i do to get rid of the woman?
     
  13. brokenheart271010

    brokenheart271010 New Member

    HI,
    this thread is sometime back, but would like to find out more about the counselling sessions.
    Can someone recommend me the place(s) for the counselling? What r the charges like?
    So each spouse goes for the counselling sessions separately or together?
    Thanks!
     
  14. yummyme

    yummyme New Member

    I'm in a similar situation now.

    My hubby n me has been together for 11yrs n married for 6yrs.
    We've 2 young boys, ages below 5.

    Recently, everytime we quarrel, he'll say he want divorce. Each time, I'll persuade him to change his mind...
    2 wks ago, we had another argument cos I found out he was planning to visit a ktv wz hostesses. Of cos I disallowed him to go when I knew. All these yrs, I've to admit that I'm quite a possessive wife n hv restricted him from going out wz his frds... But I didn't expect him on planning to go to this type of improper place. That night, he went out when we quarrelled n only came home in the wee hrs. I dunno if he did indeed go to that stupid ktv n I didn't probe.
    I thought this was going to be another of our usual quarrels but I was so wrong... He started to go out daily n either coming home only in the wee hrs or didn't come out at all. He has never stayed out w/o coming home b4.

    After a few days, he told he dun want to live this kind of life anymore n he wants a divorce. I didn't want to n then he dropped a bomb, he told me he had an affair from may-sep this yr. when he told me that, I was at work n I took urgent peace immediately n came home, wanting to settle it. In my mind, I will not tolerate it if he really had an affair n I'll also head for divorce.

    However, we ended up talking what kind of change in each other. We both agreed with each others requests n I thought we had sorted things out.
    However, he keep on posting in fb abt how miserable he is n how he is living a lie. When I ask him, he say he does not love me anymore n staying together now is just a lie.
    I tried my best to talk to him n to give our marriage another chance... For us n also for our 2 young boys...
    He just kept insisting that he dun love me anymore...my heart was broken n I cried so many times... But he didn't care at all...

    Then I managed to log into his fb n saw that he has been msging a Vietnamese girl on fb. He even said he love her in fb n also even tried to get my elder son to meet her!!! Lucky that slut told him its not appropriate for her to meet my son.
    I confronted him n he admitted that slut is a ktv hostess but has since returned to Vietnam. He say she was the only one that can cheer him up n made him happy when he was feeling down. Again, my heart was aching so badly when he said that but he didn't care... He claimed that they didn't go to bed but just had hugs, etc. I decided to forgive n forget cos I treasure our marriage n I also didn't wan my kids to grow up in a broken family...

    However, things did not improve at all. He still kept on going out as n when he please n will nvr tell me where he's going of meeting. He still keep saying he doesn't love me anymore... Now he treats me like a stranger... No body contact even though we're still slping together n he doesn't talk to me unless necessary...
    I've lost count of the number of times that I've cried... Even crying in the ofc... I dunno how else I can salvage this marriage... I've stopped restricting him from going out, stopped nagging, etc. I tried starting conversations wz him but he's always reluctant to talk... My mind keeps wondering if he's still contacting that Vietnam slut even though he showed me he deleted her in fb... Everytime he goes out, I'll be thinking if he's fondling other girls... I'm extremely miserable now n will tear up whenever I thought of how he kept telling me he doesn't love me anymore.
    My frds tell me to ignore him n let him be cos they feel he's trying to break free after so many yrs of being controlled by me... But this doesn't justify it that he can go ard womanizing n telling other women that he loves them. I've thought of divorce cos I dun wan to live like this for the rest of my life... I dun wan to keep being tortured mentally daily, wondering who he is with n is he betraying me again... But I'm also still holding on the tiny chance that he will wake up soon n realized that family is still the most impt...
    He's really immature... 30 yrs old now n married wz 2 kids n now he wants to abandon this family just to have fun outside? I've alrdy promised him that I'll not restrict or control him anymore... But this is not gd enough for him... Our family is not as important as having fun to him.
     
  15. magiwaffle

    magiwaffle New Member

    Stardust,

    I am sorry to hear about your story. Your husband is really too much. I can't imagine how hurt you are now. Please be strong for your children. Please think about it if you are willing to forgive your husband. "Can you stand to see him everyday without remembering what he has done to you?" Trust is something that once broken, its difficult to put back into pieces... Women are not like men... When we old already no one will want us anymore... unlike those men. They can always find those prostitutes who only want money from them.
     
  16. mumlissa

    mumlissa New Member

    Please be strong mummy.

    When u live better, everything will be different.

    I used to overcome this kind of situation.

    What i learn is that woman have to be bright, and we have to love ourself more.
     
  17. health

    health New Member

    stardust...

    i feel for you, i am sorry reality bites hard....
    if you need someone to talk to, you can call me....

    i can share my own story with you....
     
  18. yummyme

    yummyme New Member

    Hi all.... Thks for the advice....

    His dad is coming to talk to both of us... I think he will sure side his own son but I'll just speak my mind... Yes I was wrong on being too controlling last time but it definitely does not justify that he can go n fool around n have affairs.

    Wish me luck...
     
  19. health

    health New Member

    i will be here for you stardust...

    stand your ground if really necessary...
     
  20. hilfe

    hilfe Member

    Hi StarDust

    For the sake of our kids, we mothers have to be really strong.

    I have just attended a talk on women balancing work and family, and the speaker also mentioned about sustainable marriage.

    Don't focus on your husband's problem too much, just concentrate on making your own life's better. Build positive feelings about yourself, take up a new course, learn a new skill for example. This will take you away from feeling depressed and it also makes you a better person and a better mother.

    I know it's really a tough time for you now, but rest assured it will get better.

    It's a passing phase.
     
  21. toblerone

    toblerone Active Member

    @ stardust (yummyme)

    I will help to look at both of your bazi (八字)。
    I need time and date of birth.

    I may be able to see what's wrong.

    Send me private message.
     
  22. very_very_hurt

    very_very_hurt New Member

    Hi Stardust,

    I'm in the same situation as u. Just that my hb has nv admit that he dun love me. But this doesn't make me a better person. He had an affair last year with china woman. He even told his mum the time spent with that woman is the happiest in his life. Although he cm back to me, but recently i found out that he has an affair again. This time I suppose is Vietnamese. Cos I found out that he had been calling Vietnam since beginning of nov. The last thing I heard of him is he went Vietnam 2 weeks ago n hasnt contacted me ever since.

    I have given up on him n this marriage. I have decided to divorce n move on. Im sure u can too. A man once stray, will nv be the same again.
     
  23. trinity4ever

    trinity4ever New Member

    Hi Stardust/Very very hurt

    I'm sorry to hear your situations. All I can say is once a man has a change of heart, it is usually hard to change it. Love yourself more & move on. I know is tough. I was once very hurt by a man. Glad that i made a wise decision to love myself & move on. You can too!
     
  24. kimmielalala

    kimmielalala Member

    well one thing he didnt sign for divorce paper yet, maybe its the property or the $$ have to be pass it to you? he wont admit there is a third party, as its either a fling or the other party is married as well.

    my buddy told me, he do not wish to get married, as he and the gf of 7 yrs, is 'bored'. He said everything done togather, no passion. And the gf is not lady like, more like a guy.

    And he did voice out the problem with both of them, the gf always said I UNDERSTAND, but end up repeated the same thing. He said he will wait for her to said break up as he do not want to be label as bastard.

    Then I found out from my colleague, my this buddy everyday look for one of my colleague who is already attached. He likes her, everytime will tell the gf he is busy with work but went out with her.
     
  25. babystone

    babystone New Member

    Hi Stardust,

    I am also in a somewhat similar situation. Husband got involved with a vietnamese woman during my pregnancy yet kept it from me until I discovered it then he ended it. Now even though he stopped contacting her but marriage is never the same again. Though he been trying to salvage never say that he didn't love me. I can see he love the child.

    Before marriage a similar incident happened I already gave him chance and warned him, but he still do it anyway. Now I decided to proceed with divorce even though I just gave birth now with a one month old girl. I am the one no longer have feelings for him after this incident just want to take my girl and live elsewhere.

    I learned a cheater will always cheat again even if he changed for the better things will never be the same again.
     

Share This Page