confused - lost -

Discussion in 'Year 2009 Mums' started by snowsg, Jan 14, 2009.

  1. snowsg

    snowsg New Member

    currently am 7wks 5days pregnant...i need advise..am turning 28 by nxt monday...i realised my unplanned pregnancy last wednesday..am always late monthly so i tot no diff and took for granted..when i found out,i got no1 to tok to..as i dun haf family..instead i turn to my ex bf...as the baby father is his best fren...he told me to tok to my bf calmly and discuss..bt when my bf learned abt it..his 1st ans was >> i dun wana get married jux cox of a baby, we're nt long tgt yet, only 4mths, how to get married <<> i dun wana get married < i tried to make him understand i have no time to waste..and it is cruel to take away the innocent life...please mothers out there...please advise me...how do i handle this situation...nicely not into quarells and to make him accept this reality of a new life comming into our world...his fren tried askin and tok to him bt he got the same answer...now my ex bf is tryin to tink of ways to tok to him into accepting and get ourselves registered....
     
  2. teojamieteo

    teojamieteo New Member

    Snow, i understand your feeling but please also take into consideration if you and your bf got married for bb sake, there is a high possibility that the marriage might not work out as well and it would be very suffering.. from experiences i see from real cases.

    It could be also very tedious to be a single mum especially like what you said, you had no family. This bb is a gift from god and if you are financially stable now, maybe can try to work things out.
     
  3. passing_by

    passing_by Guest

    Hi Snow,
    My questions to you
    (1) are you capable and strong enough to be a single-mum?
    (2) are you prepare to stay as single mum if you can't find a man who can accept you &amp; your child in future?

    I had unplanned pregnancy with my ex-bf. We were both 26 then and he suggested to get married. I asked myself the question, is he the right man? Are we both ready? In the end, I decided to go for abortion. (He doesn't has a job and rely greatly on his parents.)

    I feel sinful even until now for being careless and had improper protection. But I'm glad I made that decision. Everyone has their own values, don't let others affect you. You do what you think is right and don't regret.

    The relationship didn't last, we broke off. Later, I met a nice guy and he become my husband [​IMG] We're happily married with 2nd kid on the way.

    Think about what you can handle and what you want. Be fair to yourself and the baby. If you cannot cater for the baby, it might be better to let it go. If you are a strong lady, then go ahead and deliver the child. There are help around, try calling SOS (http://www.samaritans.org.sg/index1.html) or google search for help contacts.

    Last but not least, don't worry ... you are not alone [​IMG] God bless!
     
  4. nana_moby

    nana_moby New Member

    hi snow,

    do u seriously think that ur bf will gladly marry you coz of the baby? give him a week or so to think through. Ur ex may be helping u to "psycho-ing" him to marry u and be responsible for the child. even if ur bf agrees at the end of the persuasion, do u think he will gladly accept the baby and the marriage.There is a high chance that the marriage will not work out.

    u mentioned u hv no family.have you thought of how u will take care of the bb if u hv no help and ur bf-turn-hubby may be unwilling to help n even be resentful towards the child?

    Regardless of what ur bf's final decision is, u hv to think and recognise what the future holds for you. It is not easy to be a single mum in singapore and child raising cost are high.
     
  5. zolldoll

    zolldoll Member

    Honestly, i think things will not work out very well even if you both were to get married, cos in the first place 4 months of relationship is not strong or firm enough. And having a baby means additional burden and commitment, are you both prepared for this?

    If you think killing is too cruel, which i too agree, why not give birh and put your baby up for adoption? This is just my personal view. At least you can see if any of your relatives wanna adopt, and even if no one, also can find good step paretns for your child. And as you did not kill, you will not be guilty your entire life.
     
  6. faithong

    faithong New Member

    Snow,
    Whether ultimately ur bf will get married with you or not, I feel that the baby is an innocent party in the relationship. The baby is a precious gift from God to you n him. If both hearts are not truely ready/prepared for marriage with each other, you may consider putting ur baby for adoption by contacting agencies that offer such help.

    You can try to check with:
    http://www.tcs.org.sg/service/st_family/01.php?item=3
    TOUCH Adoption Services (TCS)
    Blk 162 Bukit Merah Central
    #05-3545 Singapore 150162
    Tel: 6317 9988 Fax: 6317 9989
    Website: http://adoption.tcs.org.sg
    Email: adoption@touch.org.sg

    TCS also offers counselling n social support services. U may consider getting their help if needed.

    Ur bf may need some time to get the news of ur pregnancy settled into his mind/heart. But after some time, he shld be responsible to face the fact n have a good n serious talk together w you.

    God will see you thru this issue. Be strong!
     
  7. zolldoll

    zolldoll Member

    I agree with Faith. Give your child a chance to live if you can. Good luck, all the best.
     
  8. yasmin

    yasmin Member

    seriously I think you should talk to a professional at the help lines. i think there's one for single mums. They should be able to explain your alternatives clearly based on your responses. Take Care.
     
  9. 4kids

    4kids Guest

    Agree with yasmin, the baby is still a life,
    please don't kill him/her.. at least give bb up for adoption, you won't live in guilt.

    A friend also got preggers in uni, and aborted bb, now she lives with the guilt.

    My cousin just entered uni last yr has found herself pregnant. Haiz.. her parents have decided a hush hush marriage for her.

    Don't mind me for saying, that boyfriend of yours is really irresponsible. Hope he'll have the conscience to bear the responsibility as well.

    Sad thing is why women have to bear all these( pain, shame, guilt) while the men can shirk off responsibility after that..
    So the moral of the story is ABSTINENCE
     
  10. yasmin

    yasmin Member

    4kids
    dun forget that the men still have to answer for their actions when they meet their creator. It will be worse than what women face on earth.
     
  11. yasmin

    yasmin Member

    ANyway, think u got me wrong. I wasn't advising about what to do with the baby. But rather seek professional help. Mummies in the forum are not professionals and you'll get advise based on cultural norms, personal beliefs and religion. Such situations need unbiased advise.
     
  12. mountain_9

    mountain_9 Member

    Hi snow...

    My fren got pregnant younger than you and at that time, she was still studying. She was also having a lot a lot of problems with her bf,as he was 2-timing her. But eventually, they agreed to get married and have the kid. I would say that the bf turned hubby wasn't a responsible guy at all and my fren had a very lonely and hard time during her whole pregnancy. However, she really treasure the child alot and she was very strong to go through the whole pregnancy, practically on her own as her parents were quite angry with her then.
    Now, her child is already going to pri sch soon and her husband has also changed for the better and they are one happy family now.

    I was very glad tat she was able to persevere through all these and have hope that things will be better in the future, which is for her now!

    I strongly encourage you to keep the child. As Faith said, the child is an innocent party and he/she deserves a chance! Give your bf sometime to consider and dont rush into making decisions that you may regret later on in life.

    I pray that God will guide you and ur bf in making the right decision.
     
  13. createjoy

    createjoy Active Member

    Hi snow, i hope this advice didnt come too late. i'm now 18wk preg and trust me, it take alot courage and commitment but when u see the baby in the ultrasound and feeling the kick of a little life, the joy is hard to describe. i think u must think over carefully. i have friends who aborted. life goes on but i dont know how much they regreted. I also have friends who are single mom after divorce and they are happy and contented with their kids saying that the kids was the greatest gift they have, if ur future hb loves you he will not mind you already have kids. ultimately to keep the baby or not should depend on yourself cos even a marriage does not guarantee a lifetime together but a baby is a lifetime of commitment but its definitely rewarding and full of joy. Be brave and responsible for your own action...
     
  14. guilty

    guilty Guest

    Hi Snow

    Please dont abort the baby. you will regret it. I know it cos im speaking from personal experience. I got preg in uni , aborted cos my family objected and my bf then was still studying,n his family had no money.
    Though we got married few years later with 2 kids now, both of us still feel sad whenever we think about the first bb. Think the guilt will plague us for the rest of our lives though we have 2 pretty princess in our lives now.

    If your bf really dun wanna take responsibility, be a strong single mum. Be Brave !
     
  15. tanlengleng

    tanlengleng Active Member

    snow,
    are you ok,
    you didn't post anything after your 1st post.
     
  16. beezewax

    beezewax Member

    Hi
    Yes.It is not easy being a single mum but is it easy to just abort an innocent life?It's really really a sad &amp; cruel thing to do.Just my point of view; go through the pregnancy.It's not easy I've to say but am sure you've good friends who can support you and even some sincere mummies here.

    I've friends who abort and all regret their actions.I've also have friends who are single mum and they went through dif times but they are proud of themselves now &amp; are happily married with husbands who are sincere enough to accept their past.I'm actually touched by their sincerity.

    I guess if a guy really loves u and wanna marry u, he'll be sincere to accept ur past.God is fair dear.Baby is God's gift to you too.Hope you're alright!
     
  17. hi snow, i tink that if u are willing to gif up tat much and may strong enuff, dependent enuff to be a single mum, then gif birth to the child. i dun tink that mani of us will advise on the marriage. even couples who do get married in a loving relationship do end up in a divorce, wad more about a shot-gun marriage?

    ive seen many couples getting married bcos of a child. and later on they regretted. regretted not bcos of the baby. regretted bcos dey married the baby's father.

    im goint to be 21 this yr and currenly abt 14weeks pregnant. this baby is a also an accident, if i can choose, i would choose not to go thru. if i can choose, i would wan to haf a nice wedding and later on then haf a baby and a full family. but sometimes we jus cant choose &amp; have to be responsible for our own doings.

    im also not wif the baby's dad. who sae tat we haf to rely on a guy? but if he haf alreadi put his stand so straight across, dun force it upon the both of u animore, it will onli hurt both of u &amp; cause both of u to drift even more apart. whether married or not, my dad tells me, the most impt ting is that he is willing to stand by u. b there for u &amp; the child is the most impt. whether in the future, the both of u will go seperate waes and haf our own family, at least, he shows tat he is responsible for this child. for me, i choose to avoid the baby's dad. onli informed him tat im pregnant for the sake of him being the dad. i didnt even talk to him nor wan to see him after tat no matter how mani times he wan to talk to me. bcos i dun wan to get married bcos of a child.

    but if, ur bf is willing to stand by u. not as ur husband, not as ur bf, but as your baby's dad. at least it should b somethin that u should b happi abt isnt it? dun jump into the conclusion of gettin married once u know u are married. stae claim &amp; tink slowly. dun rush okie? all the best!
     
  18. snowsg

    snowsg New Member

    Morning all mummies and mummies to be,
    1st of all,i realli thank all for the advises...and all concerns...abortion is already out of my brain as this BB is innocent,god gave me this chance to have him/her, i shld treasure this BB no matter what happens bwtween me n BB's father...we had a talk...but it did not turn out nice as he wasnt ready prepared for this kid's sudden arrival...we have not met since 3 weeks...but i must say he did, he realli did try to care more n be with me when i told him abt BB...bt 3 weeks ago we drifted...frenx ard me kip asking me to be strong and allow BB to to be brought to this world...as it is purely innocent...i was sad more than angry...all i wanted was responsibility...true...i knw even if we got married, the marriage will not turn out good..cox there isnt love bond in our marriage it was jux for BB...i understand all advises given to me by mummies above...
    i am prepared to be a single mummy...but it will be a tough road...as i was being retrenched last week...and i dun have much savings...right now i am already 3mths 1 week...finding a job at this time is difficult as i got rejected many time during interviews...but for BB i am prepared to go thru wadeva obstacles comming...but somehow in me...i still hope BB's father will be by me...as these few weeks...tears keep rolling down...i feel stress...i realli hope god will bless me...

    *late reply cox as mentioned i am out of job and couldnt cope much with my stress and sleepless nites with heavy head...i login now cox i jux wanted to say out some of my bottled up tots...*

    once again thx all mummies for advises..
     
  19. faithong

    faithong New Member

    Hi Snow,

    I happened to see your posting in here again.
    I'm so glad &amp; touch that you have chosen to let your baby the opportunity to come into this world. Thank God for giving you the strength &amp; great courage to make this decision.
    Continue to be strong as you walk the single mother journey ahead. Along the way, if you need any advises or help, you can always remember to contact SOS (http://www.samaritans.org.sg/index1.html) or come to this forum. Ok, you take care.
     
  20. reubenmummy

    reubenmummy New Member

    I WOULD LIKE HEAR COMMENTS FROM THE NEW MUMMY WHETHER TO LET THE CHILD TO INJECT "Pneumococcal vaccine"
     
  21. presson

    presson Guest

    Hi Snow,

    Read about your plight and I'm very encouraged by your responsible action and your bravery..

    Do press on , though the road ahead will be tough. Take care and you are in my thoughts and prayers
     
  22. babyfan

    babyfan New Member

    hi snow

    your road ahead is indeed not easy. pls continue to be strong. remember, there are alot of people ard you still that love you. you must slowly but surely pick yourself up, and keep your spirits up. jia you! when there is a will, there is a way.
     
  23. poshies1

    poshies1 Active Member

    hi snow...
    glad u decided to keep the bb... though i know it will be an tough long road... please get help if need... and if u need someone to talk to or some where u want to flare out ur unhappiness... u know u can post here... there are a lot of mummies or mummies to be ... willing to lend their ears to listern and sometime advise .....

    do take care of urself hor........
     
  24. emilyxiu

    emilyxiu New Member

    Hi Snow,

    I'm not good with words but I wanted to penned some encouragement here so as to add on to the blessings everyone here had contributed.

    There are lots of single-mums in singapore and u could join their group for constant encouragement. What i want to quote was....u r not alone.. even HK movie stars like Tian Niu, Shen Dian Xia, Xue Jia Yan &amp; some S'pore actors like Ling Mei Jiao are divorcee but also falls into the group of single mums. But what they need to focus on is their career (short-term).

    U know could see hope at the far end of the road if u just walk a bit further. People do change, they change in light to many factors... situation, expectation, circumstances, environmental but ultimately when u proceed further and further.... U are then able to look back from time to time on why people act they way they wanted and it serves as a reminder to you that when success do really falls upon u, u knew it didn't come by too easily.... u have achieved thru hard work &amp; share w your child by yr side... you know it's rewarding. There's nothing to prove to the people around you but only to yourself that u can do it! You can protect, educate, love, teach, give your child... Mum's love that is the Greatest of All!
     
  25. snow,

    if u would like to, can add me in MSN to chat [​IMG] me also gonna b a single mum as for now. hahas. as my bf is currently serving sentence and we never know how it would all turn out in the future. if u need someone to talk to, can jus add me at lovelynn0213@hotmail.com ok? no worries. we will all b able to cope. u can also find PT job for the time being better then none. my fren was frank abt her pregnancy and even told her boss, she dun mind to take up temp and PT jobs jus for the child &amp; no benefit she is also ok. and her boss was being touch by her so empolyed her ^^ wish u all the best
     
  26. milkyhoney

    milkyhoney New Member

    Hi Snow,
    Be strong always. Few of my frens also a single mums and they shared their feeling to me and I always advise them to continue with their pregnancy as God always will be there to have a ways for you.
     
  27. snowsg

    snowsg New Member

    hii all mummies,i do not know if any1 will be reading this thread,as i tried wana opena new thread but i cnt seems to open...
    well my little one will be due in mid august..but till now i do not know what are the most essential items to get besides clothes and milk bottles..and wher can i get items cheaper than kiddy palace...as i am more to low income now i cnt realli afford much expensive items..any1 please guide me..thx
     
  28. tanlengleng

    tanlengleng Active Member

    Hi Snow,
    buy pre-love ones from this forum's marketplace,
    don't buy new. [​IMG]
     
  29. poshies1

    poshies1 Active Member

    hi snow,
    where u stay..... and what is the gender for the bb.... i might have some beloved stuff to give away.... but provide u don mind the condition.... do let me know if u keen... i do not drive.... staying at jurong....

    and also if can bf thr bb as long as possible... save alot...
     
  30. snowsg

    snowsg New Member

    Hi Mummy Tan, ok i will go browse the market place in here [​IMG] tyty

    Hii Mummy Poshies..sadly to say i have yet to knw my baby gender as each scan lil oe is sleeping tried walking 30mins and back at clinic but still lil one not showing..so hopefully my next visit to doc i will get to know..been talking to lil one...and yea i will be BF but i duno wherther i need the pump..? i seen kiddy palace selling and i duno which is good..n they r quite costly too..but bf normally can las how long ?? i am staying at Bukit Panjang Jelapang..frens told me pre loved r good ^^ but all my frens no kids yet so i oso duno wher to find..i definately wun mind pre loved [​IMG] tyty
     
  31. tanlengleng

    tanlengleng Active Member

  32. joellez

    joellez Active Member

    hi Snow
    if u can come to jurong west to collect, i can give u some preloved items. pls PM me to discuss.
     
  33. jasyeo80

    jasyeo80 New Member

    Hi, snow.
    My ger is turning 1 this sept. i got an extra net rocker. if u want, pm me.
     
  34. xaviersmama

    xaviersmama New Member

    hi... i read abt ur post....

    so how's life.. have u gotten a job?

    must be strong ya... but i can assure u.. it wud be alot better n easier when the baby is born aledy...
    because of his/her innocence, u wudnt be sad anymore...

    dun cry too much.. its not good for the baby...

    i have a pre love breast pump... i can get it from july 6 because its still in my home country if u need it... the brand is chicco...

    it was seldom.. 10times at most because my breast milk wasnt tt much...

    when is ur baby due?

    btw if u need advise on the product or whatever about the baby, don't hesitate to msg me at pink_island@hotmail.com

    u can also add me at msn [​IMG]

    take care...... n congrats on the gift tt u receive [​IMG]
     
  35. bloom75

    bloom75 Active Member

    Snow, pls let us know where you stay/hang around and what things you have/don't have. Perhaps people who come by this thread can read and then see what they have that they can pass to you.
     
  36. janini

    janini New Member

    Snow, don worry, if you need my help for fostering for some time till you are stable,

    I'm there for you!! Pls don worry, there's always someone to help you!! do mail me at
    janini@atwin.com.sg
     
  37. star_bright

    star_bright New Member

    snow, i live very near you.

    i have lotsa things to give to you. PM me soonest.
     
  38. joily

    joily New Member

    <font color="aa00aa">Hi Snow,
    Its been so long u did not respond. I stay at Jelapang too. Please pm me. I am currently on my maternity leave and dun mind having an extra buddy. [​IMG]</font>
     
  39. toblerone

    toblerone Active Member

    ziyrlvliina.love4eva, I have screened 'snow' record.

    Her last login was June 28, 2009 and she made a total of 5 posts.

    I guess she is not coming back to this forum. There are lots of members here disappear out of sudden.
     
  40. nichebabies

    nichebabies New Member

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