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Are Confinement ladies really needed?

Discussion in 'Motherhood, Pregnancies And Babies' started by pinkberries84, Mar 20, 2011.

  1. pinkberries84

    pinkberries84 Member

    Hi,

    I am wondering if there is a need to get a confinement lady after i gave birth.

    Can anyone who has a confinement lady share with me your experiences with them?

    Are they really necessary considering that they are quite exp and will need to stay with you for a month?

    Thanks.
     
  2. orange_ec

    orange_ec Member

    Hi pinkberries84,

    After giving birth, your body will be very weak so confinement lady is needed to take care of you and your baby. I think this is a must to have it unless your mom or in law can help you.
     
  3. octo

    octo Member

    Hi pinkberries84,

    I just delivered last Nov and had engaged a confinement lady for that 1 month. Personally, I think its good to have a confinement lady, esp for 1st time mummies like me. She helped me to take care of baby, bath her, clean her, feed her and also render advice when we're unsure if she's ok. Besides that, the confinement lady will also take care of the mummy, cooking for her, cleaning the house, boil water for bathing, cook tonic etc.

    I had an emergency c-sec and engorgement after I discharged from the hospital. I was so overwhelmed with the birth as well as the bf-ing. Thank goodness, the confinement lady is around to help me with baby and the household while I can concentrate on recovery and bfing / pumping of milk.

    My parents were initially against us engaging the confinement lady before I delivered. My mum wanted to do the confinement for me, but we were quite insistent on engaging as we fear that she cant cope and her last experience on handling babies is 30yrs ago, so we're worried about conflict of opinion in handling baby too. And true enough, after my confinement, my mum admitted that its really alot of work (cooking, cleaning, take care of baby etc). She was quite glad that we had the confinement lady as she was able to coach her on handling baby before going off. And that alot of things had changed from olden days like feeding breastmilk, last time there's no such thing as pump, not to mention having to warm bm, and even making fm, last time they need to shake the bottle really hard to mix the powder and cause a lot of bubbles in the milk, now the fm just need to rub slightly inbetween the palm and the powder will dissolve and mix well (less air/bubbles in the milk), also she had never use disposable diaper in the past too. So she had time to slowly catch up during that 1 month.

    Do consider getting a confinement lady if finances permit.
     
  4. athen

    athen Member

    Hi pinkberries,

    Totally agree with raspy & orange. I have engaged CL when I had my son. She is really a great help. Things have really changed a lot since our mum & MIL's time. BB's these days are more difficult to handle.

    Actually, if you look at the work & duties of a confinement nanny, we are talking about 24 hours job. What we are paying ($2k+ now?) is really not a lot. They are a great help esp to 1st time parents. Do consider if finances permit.
     
  5. snowball32

    snowball32 Active Member

    Hi Pinkberries,

    I engaged a CL for both my deliveries and I can share the rest of the mummies sentiments that the CL is really a great help during confinement, a time when you need plenty of rest.

    For my 2nd delivery, I had engaged a maid and the CL actually helped to teach my maid cooking during my Confinement and also taught her how to handle young babies.

    But, do make sure that you choose your CL carefully and engage only those with good track records (strongly recommended by friends, relatives, colleagues). Otherwise, they can be a problem rather than help (just like maids).
     
  6. pinkberries84

    pinkberries84 Member

    Hi Everyone,

    Thanks for replying to my post!

    For the confinement lady, they will be staying in the house with us right?
    So where does she sleeps during the confinement period?
    Will she be staying in another room with your baby? If so, how do you bf your baby at night?

    I have also heard that some confinement ladies are very rough when handling babies. I am worried that they will be unhappy if you tell them about it. Do any of you have any experiences with this?

    How do you know that the confinement lady is good/experienced enough? Is it sufficient to based it only on recommendation?
     
  7. juv

    juv Member

    My CL stayed in another bedroom with the bb. She wanted me to rest well and not get up in the middle of the night to feed. I expressed the milk so CL will warm it up to feed. Thats wat my CL asked me to do so I can sleep thru the night [​IMG]

    Yah best to engage one based on recommendation. Ask around your friends/relatives and they will recc if they found theirs good.
     
  8. athen

    athen Member

    Pinkberries,
    My CL sleeps in another room with my bb. If I'm too tired to wake up to feed, she'll give EBM. But most of the time, I'll end up bf myself as I want to establish milk supply & if I do not feed, I'll get engorgement.

    CL who are rough with bb are obviously not good. Hence, better to engage CL who are recommended by frens or relatives.
     
  9. sue_mei

    sue_mei New Member

    i tried just having a maid and my parents. I fell sick 2 times that month. No rest at all during confinement coz the maid needed supervision and i couldn't trust her to handle the baby. On hindsight, a confinement nanny would have solved my problems instead of maid.
     
  10. pringles_jem

    pringles_jem New Member

    I didn't have CL or maid when i gave birth to my first child last year. However, I've my MIL to do the cooking. My mum was around to help out the first 10 days too. I didn't want a CL because I had intended to bf my baby and already planned to look after baby myself through the night, so i couldn't see what tasks would be left for the CL. I also felt uncomfortable having a stranger around the house and knew i would be comfortable "ordering" an older lady to do work.

    I must say first few days was tough as baby was waking up many times through the night and i was trying to figure out the whole bf business. So it helped to have my mum around at the time (more for reassurance and emotional support). Other than the first few days, everything else was very manageable. So, for me, not having a CL worked out very well for me.

    Anyway, I think if you are not gonna have a CL, do make sure you have plenty of support to call upon. I think CL is not a must la. A lot of mummies in other countries do not have the luxury (or choice) of hiring a CL and they still managed. [​IMG]
     
  11. pinkberries84

    pinkberries84 Member

    Hi Everyone,

    I do not have a maid now and i do not trust to leave my baby in the hands of the maids who may not be experienced enough to take care of babies.

    But I am considering a CL cause it is only for the 1st month where most help is needed and they are supposed to be very experienced. Just that i find it expensive and the money will be put to better use if i dun employ them.

    My MIL is willing to take care of me during confinement but i again is worried like raspy that she is out of practice after more than 20yrs.

    SO now also headache.
     
  12. shiyilau

    shiyilau Member

    didnt engaged one as i felt that the money could be well spent elsewhere. my mum took care of me and i trust her more than anybody
     
  13. cupcakeyy

    cupcakeyy Member

    Didn't engage one too. My mum helped me during my confinement. But it's really a lot of work as she needed to take care of me, baby and do the housework. Very tiring for her. If I have Baby #2, I will consider having a CL.
     
  14. ayntan1508

    ayntan1508 New Member

    Hi there, any confinement lady to recommend? For my first delivery, my MIL was able to help out. But this time round, she won't be available. Thanks!
     
  15. lucky3

    lucky3 Member

    Just to share that I did not have any CL and not intending to have for #2. My husband helped me through.

    I catered confinement food for lunch and dinner. You can choose to have tonic soups for both meals, or just one. They also provide about 1 litre of longan red dates drink everyday. With two soups, longan drink and huge servings of rice and dishes, my husband didn't have to worry about my meals and just settle his own. Once in a while my mum or in-laws will make extra tonic soup.

    My husband will boil the herbal bath water for me on alternate days while I use warm water to wash my hands after every toilet visit. Since I breastfeed my baby and take care of him on my own at night, we didn't need a CL. Another benefit of breastfeeding and direct latching, we didn't have to sterilise any bottles. My husband will help to do the laundry since we use washing machine and dryer. I wore disposable panties so it's less of a hassle.

    And yes, the new Daddy learned to bath the tiny newborn and change his diapers when we got home. He started practising the diapers part when we were in hospital to build confidence. We went for the simple course during our hospital stay on what to do and what not to do when giving a bath.

    Just some ways to get around things. You can PM me if you have more questions on how to survive without CL. [​IMG]
     
  16. meizl

    meizl Member

    Some CL are hard to deal with. They will insist in feeding baby with formula milk instead of ebm and lock the door in the night if you keep entering her room to see ur baby.
     
  17. meizl

    meizl Member

    Some CL are hard to deal with. They will insist in feeding baby with formula milk instead of ebm and lock the door in the night if you keep entering her room to see ur baby.
     
  18. assamjam

    assamjam Member

    hi,
    if you are going for ceaserian and have to be on strict careful diet, then CL can't help much to cook good tasty confinement food..
    cos' some gynae against on black fungus or ginseng while just over from ceaserian as it may dilate the blood too much, unclogging the blood clot causing a rush of bloodflow, which is not too good for the mummy.

    CL will then only helps to take care of baby and nothing much to cook for mummy, then..pls check with your gynae what types of chinese herbs or food to avoid, if you are on ceaserian.
     
  19. ryan_mummy

    ryan_mummy Active Member

    I had C-sec 3yrs ago. I have my own model to follow so instead of hiring a CL, I decided to do it myself. Seen so many friends sacking their CL, see so many friends cry because CL not up to standard.

    I had a stress-free confinement all by myself. My MIL cooked for me. I did everything by myself.
    Bathe, Latched on, sleep with baby. Very happy because I was with him all the time. and because i was with him all the time, he was fuss free most of the time.

    plus, breastfeeding means you need to watch your diet. so you consider carefully.. if a CL comes in and nag, refuse to let you carry baby citing that you need rest, it only creates stress for u. Baby needs constant mom's care. If you ain't with him/her mostly, the baby will feel it.
     
  20. lehcar

    lehcar Member

    If it's ur no 1, maybe u can consider getting a CL so at least u know what to expect and do.
    For my case, I engaged a CL for my no 1. No 2 is coming and I do not intend to get CL. Cos i find that don't really need a CL if u plan to bf the baby. I'm a light-sleeper so when my no1 fuss or cry in the middle of the night, I will also wake up (to either bf or check on him). Sometimes, i still need to wake my CL up.
    Food wise, will just cater confinement food and ask my mum to come over for the 1st 2 wks to help out(just in case).

    Hi Lucky 3+1, may i know what caterer u used for the confinement food? Is it good?
     
  21. lucky3

    lucky3 Member

    Lehcar

    I was using Newbaby and I intend to use them again this time. The food comes in tupperware containers which are convenient to heat up by microwave. The food was good too, especially the tonic soups (I like all kinds of tonic soups) although my husband would run away from the herbal smell, so it really depends on your tastebud. However, they rotate the menu bi-weekly so I was a little sick of the food towards the end as I added an extra week (40 days confinement). Most vege dishes are kailan which I get a little sick of it too but I heard that we are supposed to eat more kailan for nutrients as other veges contain "wind". The serving was enough for more than 1 person so I'll leave some rice for my husband and if the dishes were not that heaty for him. They have fried rice on Sundays which was yummy (even my husband said so). I heat up the logan drink and keep it in vacuum flask.

    The service and attitude was good too when I need to go back to hospital for checkups or bring baby to the doc. They helped to rearrange the delivery time.

    I have to say the price for catering confinement food is not that cheap but considering the herbs and ingredients they use, and the convenience of someone sending lunch and dinner to your doorstep, it helped us a lot.

    I was already thinking of the confinement food when I know I am pregnant this time! Hee hee.
     
  22. toh_karin

    toh_karin Member

    Hi, anyone need confinement lady do let me knw. I have book for comng aug but due to unforeseen circumstances, I don need one anymore.

    I paid a deposit of $300, $2300 for 28 days. This include taking care n booking for my other 2 kids. So if u don need this, can deduct $100 fm $2300. Keen do pm me
     
  23. debbieg

    debbieg New Member

    I personally believe that especially for the first month of your baby's life, it should be the mother who bonds with the baby and spends most of the time with him/her....not some confinement lady. Therefore, it's fine to get a CL to cook for you and do the housework, but anything to do with the baby should be handled by the mother, not the CL. If it's just cleaning and cooking that you're after, then save the money and hire part-time help if you don't want a live-in one. There are domestic helper agencies where you can opt to have cleaners come in on a daily basis.

    Good luck!
     
  24. dodolee

    dodolee Member

    Sigh, my mil did my confinement for me n it was a huge disaster! My mil did not know how to cook confinement food but normal nutritious food. But when my mom gave her advice or brought food for me, she wasn't happy. Then, cause my mil have no experience bf, she n my hubby insist on giving my dd powdered milk. Got into a big argument with my hub over it then mil says I got no respect for her by arguing with hub when she's around! Ends up she left in a huff 2 wks into my first month n I'm left on my own for the rest of my confinement!
    So regret getting my mil to do confinement for me.
    But I survived the rest of the month on my own n it was strangely peaceful to have only myself n babe only.
    However, my 2nd one is coming up n I'm wondering if I should get a CL or do it myself since I have a maid to help with #1....
     
  25. nickynic

    nickynic New Member

    Hi Dodolee, I'm also thinking of getting a CL for my 2nd 1. But it's gonna be very expensive coz it will be during the CNY period...
    For my 1st boy I had a maid and my MIL cooked for me. Night time I looked after him by myself and I find abit tired.
    This time round no maid and my boy (4 yrs) also need help to look after, so I'm think it would be good to have a good and experience CL to help out so that we could get enough rest.
     
  26. kolabear

    kolabear New Member

    hi all, my #2 due in mid nov. for #1 i did my confinement w MIL but limited help she offer. she don kw how to cook confinement food and many a times i need 2 do e wahsing myself.

    as i dont stay w her, staying w her for 1 mth was real challenging as diff staying habits.

    was hoping my hb can take long al during my confinemnt for #2 but he recently tender and st his new job in mid sep.

    so seems not much choice now but to get CL cos this time rd, my MIL wld not want to come over to my place and her place is too small liao
     
  27. maryh

    maryh New Member

    Wanna share my experiences.
    For my first bb, my mil n mom took turns to cook confinement food n take care of bb during d day. Dh n I took care of bb at nite. It was v tiring for me as bb had colic n wld cry non-stop fr 8pm to midnite. Plus did all d bathing n diaper changing myself.
    When #2 came, I alr had a helper. My mil n mom still came over to cook confinement food. Helper took care of #1 while I handled #2. Not too bad, but still quite tiring wif 2 kids to handle.
    So this time round, for my #3, I decided to make my life way n enjoy d confinement mth. Hired a CL fr a local agency. Turns out she cooks v simple meals which I dun even know if they r truly confinement food (more like usual home-cooked food). She bathes bb and changes diapers, but I usu hv to chk again as there will still b poop stuck on d buttocks. At nite, I usu wake earlier than CL when bb cries. I even hv to wake CL up to feed ebm! Seems like her life is much better than mine. Plus, CL can even doZe off at nite while feeding n burping bb when daytime she has nothing much to do. I often see her sitting ard n chatting wif my helper instead.
    So, in conclusion, it's really not necessary to hv a CL if u lr d type tt wants to b in control regarding bb.
     
  28. charlottesweb

    charlottesweb New Member

    Hihi,

    I think everyone's family dynamics and level of support is different. Best person to judge is yourself. A friend of mine had her mother, father, mother-in-law, grandmother all lined up to help her full time. She had a great confinement without a CL. All she had to take care of was the BF. She didnt even have to change a single diaper.

    For me, I found the CL really useful and she was even a listening ear as my family situation is more rocky and I had so much difficulty BF...if I have to choose all over again, I would hire a CL again...but of course a good CL makes all the difference, if she is not up to task then its not such help...

    cheers
    Fern
    [​IMG]
     
  29. trax

    trax Member

    Just my 2 cents worth.. I had CL for my firstborn. If you are inexperienced, having CL is good as you can learn from her. Also, taking care of bb can be overwhelming with the night feeds and all.

    But I agree with Mary heng on the issue of control, I struggled with that during my confinement mth. If I hv the confidence to handle my second bb on my own, I wld just get someone to cook and handle housework.
     
  30. magdalenechoo

    magdalenechoo New Member

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  31. sweetevil

    sweetevil New Member

    If you have help with the cooking and household chores, save the money! I would rather pass on the savings to my own mother or mother-in-law instead, plus the safety of knowing that I can trust them completely with my kid (and looking after ME for that matter).

    I think the range is $1.6-2k and it's not cheap getting a confinement lady these days.
     

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