forget me not:
my husband's affair apparently started when i was in my last trimester and i didnt find out till my girlwas 8-9 months old. after my girl was born, we fought a lot cuz he was out every fri and sat night, citing catching up with his friends as reason. i always asked him if he had plans on fri evening, if not we could watch dvd or something. he would agree, then at 7pm, would text me and say "back late" and he would come back at 3-4am.
the "ex-lovers cum colleagues cum "friends" theory" sorry, i also dont buy it. i know my husband is close with her, once, his zipper spoiled and he told her! i mean, "WTF???!!!?!?!" but i didn't make any noise. just kept quiet. she goes to the toilet, she will inform him. its that kind of intimacy they have now as "friends"
and if you ask me, i find it bullshit! i don't tell my male colleagues who is just sitting within ear shot that i am going to the loo.
this trip that they went on, recently? does your husband know that you know? men are like that, they will go on because they think you don't know. actually thats what my husband told me, "what you don't know won't hurt you and i can live my life with you". i told him in the face, then our marriage would be a shame and a lie.
have you spoken to him about the trip? i still believe what i said earlier, if our husbands are distracted by another woman, our concern for them are deemed as entrapment. he enjoys this thrill with the other woman because she is NEW; there are lots to be discovered. however for us, we have been with our husbands since... forever and to them, they think they know everything about us already, we are old news, stale and ready for the trash.
They can think whatever they want of us! BUT mummies and ladies here, i beg of you NEVER to think this way of yourselves.
YOU ARE GREAT WOMEN AND MOTHERS. We let our emotions get in the way and we become that "crazy, miserable, forever-crying, hysterical bitch" because we love our men too much and they hurt us.
men love thrills, and excitement. wives and children are responsibilities and reality. men want to have fun and we are not fun in that way.
dear, your husband is not giving himself a chance. he said for him, feelings will not come back because he is distracted with the other woman. he rather live a new life with a new person because he doesnt have to come back and do the hard work;
mend his relationship with you. that is cowardly behaviour.
i was very heartbroken when my husband said this to me. he told me he could not leave the other woman because she told him she wanted to have his child. i wanted to slap him in the face because I bloody bore him one, didnt i??? you see, when they are distracted, and when they want out, they say the darnest things and when you have reasons to retort them, they say you are very good, they can never win in fights with you.
please do not feel that you are getting no where. because if you take a step back, and see... you have become a better person. if your husband still refuses to see, (i say "refuses" because believe you me, if you have changed this drastically, anyone would have noticed.) then he is a real ass.
take it this way, you have become a better person, you have become stronger emotionally because you know you can know and have done all you can to save the situation.
but i want to remind you. You must talk to him about the trip and let him know your feelings. don't make him feel trapped. dont say you have done this for him or that for him but tell him, you know it is difficult for him to just end it with the other woman, but you know he is trying. use reverse psychology.
don't give up. you are making good progress. i also told my husband that i know he was seeing the other woman still and that stopped him
eventually. just remember not to cry. stay calm.
Lin lin:
you are a wonderful person.
we all know the saying "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" and our husbands are like that. sigh.
what i am doing in this thread, on one hand, i am trying to get the ladies here to save their marriage but i realised i am not really needed because all of us here want to save our marriage. but i also want to let the wonderful mommies here
know that, we cant let the men ruin our lives for us. look at how much tears we have shed, how much sleep we have lost,how much pain we had endured.
we are a paler shade of our former self! and who finds that appealing? we need to live better for ourselves, for our little ones!
dilemma33:
its a terrible roller-coaster ride. there are moments of ups (which you might not think so) and moments of downs (which you feel are a lot)
but we need to keep ourselves positive! at the moment now, it is all pain and heartache, but remember all these will pass.
ladies here,
please .. let us keep a positive mind. if in the future, we choose to end our marriages with our husbands, let there be no regrets on our
part. Regrets and guilt will eat us alive!
but until then, we can come here and moarn and groan and whine and we can all give ourselves a big bear hug after that. But we must pick ourselves up, give
each other the encouragement and strength to walk that extra mile each day.
no one will pity us, if they do, they will only do it for so long. and we don't need their pity. we must find our own strength
to walk our own paths.
chin up, girls. its a bright new day! we can either cry and hide the day away or we can busk in the sunshine outside and live like there is no morrow!
