Am I overanalysing/thinking/reading him too much?

[Darksoul]

hello everyone. may i seek some opinion/advice?

backstory:
pre covid, i had a good bond with a guy and during meetups, we would actively talk to each other, disturb, tease, joke etc. but we knew there was nothing for each other. it was just a platonic kind of relationship. at that time i was with my ex-husband (who was still a boyfriend during that stage) and the guy was single. however i did notice he was quite touchy but not the perverted kind, just small, innocent touches and brushes. so i just thought he was naturally like that, plus he's also the chatty kind and he could talk to almost anyone. after i got married to my ex-husband, we kinda grew distant due to less meetups and he roughly got the idea that i chose to be distant as i was married already so he stepped back. covid happened shortly after and totally no more meetups until recently.

current:
i got divorced, covid happened then just a few days ago, we had a second meetup after a first one in may. so we're both now older, looking slightly different etc. but when we talked, it was all like before; same vibe, same teasing and jokes but we did have a few awkward silent moments. so the thing is, i caught feelings for him after the first meetup. obviously he didn't and i found out he has a girlfriend now. so during the second meetup, of course i didn't tell or show him anything about my feelings. what i think i'm overanalysing is...1) during the second meetup, i couldn't help but notice that he kept looking out for me and glancing at me and i noticed myself doing that too. i mean for me, i get it, because i like him. but for him? why would he do that? so each time our eyes met, we quickly glanced away though we knew our eyes did meet for a short while. the meetup was like in a function room with a lot of people but i noticed and felt his eyes searching for me and when he did find where i was, he would give glances and i'd catch him looking then he'd look away. 2) when we did talk that time, and during the past, i noticed he always tended to lean in closer when i'm pretty sure he did hear what i say. he would ask "sorry?" "what?" and then lean in quite close to my face and body. so i repeated and then he'd answer. so i'm not sure if i'm too short or he's too tall or i'm that soft or the surrounding was that noisy that i couldn't be heard? 3) i've heard about this "eyebrow flash" thing and when i recalled, i know i had so many of those eyebrow flash when i saw him or when we talked. i noticed he did them too when we talked. or is it he just has a habit of raising his brows when he talks, like it's a natural thing for him? 4) whenever he saw i was alone/talking to someone but we're still in each other's sight, and he was busy doing something else, his eyes would keep glancing at me and he would move a lot to try to make me notice him, then he would try and make himself free so he could come to me.

yup as u can see, am i overanalysing? overthinking? i do like him, a lot, yes... but i will never pursue him because he has a girlfriend; 3 years already, plus we just can't be together. but somehow why would his gestures/body language seem like he could like me? or maybe he just enjoys my company, or he can simply talk to anyone and everyone, or we did have a good bond after all and he's comfortable? or is he just like that? i can't stop thinking about this. like cracking a code. anyway, may i have some advice/opinion?

thank u and appreciate it...

 

[CupofTea]

Hi. Is this the relative you referred to in an earlier post? Objectively, it looks like over thinking in the best case scenario and being wishful at worst. Since he is attached, it is rather disrespectful on both sides to continue close interactions if there is some past/current tension regarding your feelings.

You may also just set yourself up for heartbreak...if you plan on acting on your feelings, what if he rejects you citing his relationship? And if he says yes/makes the first move, do you think you'll be at peace with the fact that he broke up after reconnecting with you? Not forgetting, how it will reflect on you even if you weren't the one proposing the idea.

I feel you need to steer clear of 'complicated' people to date, be it a relative or an attached person. Feelings can be hard to control, but they can also easily overwhelm us and the reality that follows may not be as rosy. The pandemic situation could have worsened your need for connections. Maybe cultivate new hobbies or date people in your interest circles if you really want to explore a new relationship.

 

[Darksoul]

hi @CupofTea, thank you for that. since my earlier post, i've really been occupying and tiring myself out with everything i can, to really keep busy and distracted. i go on dates too and widen my social network. and as u can see, it's only worsening, isn't it. however, thanks for ur points. will surely look into them and do better. i know i won't pursue this at all. it's just like a ghost haunting me non-stop no matter what i do to prevent/avoid it. it's also like i know this is wrong but it still happens.

 

[sane]

hi @CupofTea, thank you for that. since my earlier post, i've really been occupying and tiring myself out with everything i can, to really keep busy and distracted. i go on dates too and widen my social network. and as u can see, it's only worsening, isn't it. however, thanks for ur points. will surely look into them and do better. i know i won't pursue this at all. it's just like a ghost haunting me non-stop no matter what i do to prevent/avoid it. it's also like i know this is wrong but it still happens.

Why was this a “ghost” hunting you?
Both of you are merely “flirting” and maybe he got abit of 好感 towards you.
Which guy won’t take the opportunity to flirt with chye?

However if he make the first move, you will take the 2nd place as “小三” which I feel no self respected woman with pride will want to take the second fiddle and endure such kind of rubbish shit and lame excuses.

Just forget about this person unless he break off with his current gf and pursue you.


Otherwise , just go out with other dates with an open heart , be upfront to them and just tell that you just want to be friends. At least there is no stress. Just cut short if he is a 变态男.

There’s no need to rush into an relationship if there’s no good candidates. Being single is so much better than being with rotten apples.