Advice needed on divorce/separation/child custody

kikiruby

New Member
Dear all,

I am at a lost right now. I think my marriage is failing and we might need to go down the road of divorce one of these days. And I know my hubby will contest for the custody of my child.

Basically, there are many things that we cannot compromise with and with in laws in the picture, things are getting from bad to worse. We just past the 3 year mark.

I understand that we would need to be separated for 3 years for uncontested divorce. So I am now thinking of moving back to my parent's place. I am a full time working mother, pregnant with #2 and has a 2 year old who is currently in child care. I would have to change her school near to my parent's place and this is my worry. I am afraid that my hubby will not allow me to do that, i.e bring my #1 along with me back to my parents' place. How can I deal with this?

I would also like to know if we eventually do file for divorce, how will the house asset be divided? The house belongs to him. He bought it for almost 10 years before we got married. His parents name are added as occupants. My name was not in added any where. My IC still reflects my parents address. I did not contribute to installments or fees or reno or furniture of the house. And he did not add my name due to the sensitivity of his parents and we couldnt afford to get another unit.. If this is the case, will I be able to get anything? since its not our matrimonial house?

Thank you in advance to all who advices.
 


Hi . Are u the one mostly lookibg after the kid . If both parent fight for custody . Mostly is joint custody . And u will be the care and control for the child .

As for the property - if ur name is not Inside the flat dun think so u any share For the flat .

For divoice if both party is ok will need like 3 year seperation
If either party got abuse / gamble / have 3rd party or unreasonable behaviour . Den u can file like 3 month like that but it only on divoice only . If fight custody or $$ will be drag longer
 
There is this thing call indirect contribution. Thus, under normal circumstance, YES, the court will auto give you at least 50% share of your matrimonial house. From there it depends if hubby wants to challenge. Remember that Woman Chapter is always in favour of woman.

Divorce may be just 1-2yrs thing, but its ripple effect will be devastating. It will totally change the lifes of those whom you love and loved you dearly. The decision and consequence which comes with it will follow you till till your death bed.

Thus, please consider really really carefully before stepping into the path of no return. Divorce may erase your pain temporary, but think about the ripple effect to your parents and children whom you love dearly.

Is your marriage and family life really so bad that nothing can be done? If u dun mind, perhaps u wanna to share more about your situation and your struggles?
 
Mr hopeful,

Pls share on why the ripple effect of divorce is devastating. If a marriage is meaningless, isn't it better to divorce? Is it so bad to divorce? When only one party is making effort to keep the marriage afloat, while the other can't be bothered to do anything to salvage the marriage when he has betrayed his wife despite she has given him many chances after the betrayal?

I hv grown numb til I expect nothing from this marriage all for my sanity and my children.
 
Hi Moorspa,
The ripple effect of divorce to individual, parents, children and people around you is well documented everywhere. Just google n you will find it.

I am not against divorce. Everyone has the right for better family life especially if spouse is constantly being abusive (physical & emotion), addicited to gambling/drugs, or being unfaithfulness/adultery. These are valid grounds for divorce.

However, there is always a gamble here that we may meet someone better after divorce and remarried. BUT, there is also a possibility that we will never meet someone or worst remarried to another jerk who is 100x worst than your ex-spouse.

There must be something about your spouse which led you to fall in love, got married and have kids. Find back that first love again, see a counselor or a trusted common friend. Most important is communicate.

My point is.. divorce should really be the last option not the first. Its always better to try n see if can knock some sense into your spouse by friends, parents, counseling.

If all else fails, at least you can answer to the people around u (especially children when they grow up) that u had tried your best and has to right to create a better home.
 
Mr Hopeful:

Are you the Mr Hopeless who posted a lot a few years ago when you found out about your cheating spouse? I hope things are going well for you now? You are still in contact with your boy? I recall you were feeling very torn about giving him up to your ex-wife for custody? Just hope things have worked out well =)
 
Hi Fairyprincess,
Thanks for remembering.

Yeah things are pretty much routine n peaceful now. He is emotionally healthy, no discipline problem in school n copes well with his P2 studies. We had joint custody, so I still see my boy every sat. Now he is much obedience n doesn't gives me much discipline problem too bcoz he also wants a happy n fun time with me. We are like buddies more than father-son as we always does things n play together.

His mum has patched up with her parents, so my boy has another set of grand parent to pamper him. Their life is hard as his mum still struggles financially n still stays at rented room in a 3 room flat. It's thru these hard life, my boy grew more matured n begin to appreciate his once a month overnight (fri) stay with me. He will make sure all homework are completed nicely else his mum won't let him stay overnight with me.

As for me, I had been staying alone n enjoying singlehood. Rented one room out but still keeps my boy's room intact so that anytime my boy can stay with me if mum chooses that.
 
Kikiruby, I'm in pretty much the same circumstances as you except for the house bit. Both my kids are young.. And I've decided on divorce during pregnancy.

Currently waiting for his lawyer's letter as I have filed and he has indicated he's gonna contest. Gonna b a long battle I guess.

I think the house bit is unfavorable to you cos it seems like you have minimal financial contribution. I'm not sure. Based on what my lawyer told me due to the short duration of marriage, yours 3 yrs, same as mine, the court awards based on the contribution.
 
Mine also abt 3yrs of marriage. I caught her red handed with another guy, n told her to break off. Next day she took off with my 2yrs old son while I was working n apply PPO. So I contested against that stupid PPO in court for almost one whole year which legal cost me close to $10k. At the end, during pre-trial, she kanna scolding by female judge for wasting court time n her lawyer got into trouble too for not advising her client correctly. I was finally given the access to see my child again
happy.gif
After another half year then she file divorce which is good good bcoz I turn almost 35yrs old n able to take over house.

Thus, indirect contribution still counts according to judge. It's really up to how lawyer fight n the judge. Male judge tend to be more sympathy to ladies, n female judge tend to be more fierce n strict with woman who did not put effort to save marriage or more shelfish.
 
isn't it better if u have engaged a PI instead of wasting so much time and money to the lawyer to fight the divorce? i only spend 3k to get a PI and everything went smoothly, in the beginning she wanted to contest, however when i told her i have adultery evidence she was willing to negotiate as she doesn't wan to disgrace herself or that man. in the end, i didn't file base on adultery, instead used unreasonable as she agreed on giving me the child custody, and not asking any maintenance from me.

i think u being play out by your lawyer, spending 10k to fight against the PPO. I spend nothing to fight the PPO, as my wife doesn't have any medical report or evidence i did assault, unless u really assault or threaten her. And i didn't engaged any lawyer, i spoke to the judge myself, telling him the circumstances, there was no delay and the judge immediately rejected her application.
 
Mine wasnt so clean cut and is total nutcase which at one time I fear she may be suffering from delusion disorder. Those who remembered my sharing years back would remembered how drama n crazy it was. Really a nightmare.

To cut story short, she does came out with all sort of ridiculous evidence. My lawyer tells me if I do not contest, the court will grant her PPO no matter how stupid it may be and I may lose child custody if PPO is granted.

Thus, I begin a long journey of filing in affidavits after addifavits to counter contest. She throws in maintenance order n ask for ridiculous amount and I had to throw in custody order. So there were many legal fight involved which escalated to almost 10k. Worst, everyone believe her story more becoz of her working profession and sweet face. Table was only turned when she got pregnant in the midst of it.
happy.gif


Any maybe times different now. For PPO, I only get to see the judge at pre-trial (after 1yr) who handled my case. The other judge was more like admin purpose. For divorce proceeding, I see the judge immediately for mediation and that drag on a long time as well. Once we had disagreement, judge sends us for parenting lessons, counseling, etc.. At least the legal fee for divorce proceeding is fixed package price, so that saves me $$$. So I just burn time with her until her child is born, as I no plans to remarry anyway.
 
i think your lawyer might be lying to u on the PPO, unless there is real threat or evidence if not the PPO will not be granted. if there is no real threat or evidence then how would u have lose your custody. if really no need real evidence, u can also simply accuse her back of violent and file PPO aganist him.

u see, when go court. u have to be level minded, not creating war like u did, of course the court fees is going to be very high. As for the lawyer to earn more from u, they have to made both of u to fight each other and they will benefit from it.

and the more delayed is the divorce, it will cause more stress to u and your child.
 
Yeah, I went Family Court and applied PPO against her. Just pay $5 and write my story + Police report (no evidence needed). Counselor came talk to me, and then ask me to see judge to swear.

Day 1 of court sermon, the judge just ask me if I want to grant PPO or contest. I say contest and I got PPO against her too. Same question was asked to her if she wants to grant PPO. Obviously, she said no. Then I shall give both of you hearing date. End within 10mins.

Maybe times different, so I dunno how it works now. During pre-trial, my lawyer explained to judge that I applied PPO for fear of losing child custody. Judge AGREED and UNDERSTOOD my reaction. So my lawyer wasnt lying that I may lose custody is PPO is granted.

Takes two hands to clap, I also do not want to spend so much legal $$$ in court and dragged on. But I cannot compromise and agreed to terms which may affects child access/custody or subject to ridiculous high payout when she was the one being unfaithful. Rule in court is simple, do not contest means agreed to whatever stated there.

Anyway, these are like almost 5yrs back. Things may have changed. Whether or not I done correctly or lawyer lying doesn't matter now as I no intention to repeat this anymore. Whatever done is done and I just want to share my encounter for your reference that's all. Every case is different.
 
marjassg, are u female or male since u kept mentioning abt wife and child, and yet i checked your profile -Female.
 
Hi Mr Hopeful,

Great to hear your update... Do stay and actively contribute in this forum- as your experience and advice is very valuable and relevant to what many are going through here....all the best!
 
There is an application called the Guardianship of Infants Act to get care and control before you divorce. I had the same issues as you except it got so bad my X abducted my kid and disappeared for 26 days till I got my GIA Court Order.
 
Sorry, but dun understand how Guardianship of Infants Act applies children of biological parents?

Could have just applied for Child Custody Order which the parent who abducted the child will be summon to family court for explanation of his act. This extends to cross-border/international as well.

Woman's Charter 126
http://www.lawgazette.com.sg/2007-8/feature1.htm
 
I am now sleeping separated rm from my husband under same roof. There's a maid to cook and take care of daily chores, but we sometimes still need to eat together and go family gathering (his family side) together, will it affect our 'separation' status? We're no longer in talking terms.
 
My husband and me now sleeping in separate rm. There's a maid to cook and take care of household chores, but sometimes we still need to eat dinner and attend family gathering (his side) together. Will it affect our 'separation status' in any way? We are no longer in talking terms.
 
Doesnt really matters bcoz end of the day, nobody can stop u from wanting a divorce at all. Life is unpredictable, anything can happened. Things may get better as u began togive space to each other.

Question is r u able to endure living n seeing the behaviour of your spouse in the area which u cannot come in terms with? Do u have kids?
 
We have some issues on the hse and I do not want to let go now. I want the most out of it for my children (both teens) as they will be under my care & control in future. Of course we're an eye sore to each other. He wanted out immediately to enjoy his affair and I will not give him the benefit. He's trying to push his way thru divorce now, I want to buy time. What should I do if he cooks up some stories to file base on unreasonable behaviour? If he wants me to sign deed of separation, I am also not willing to do so. I see no point to agree anything now on ancillary matters as situation will change in 2, 3 yrs time. Why should I play according to his rules?
 
mary, u might want the best. but he can also give u lesser maintenance or no maintenance, to dry up your finance.

it's better u use his affair to bargain for a better deal with him, then to prolong your misery.

the longer this drag, your children will be affected also
 
He will still need to pay utilities bills due to some unique hm situation/agreement/arrangement and he will not deny his fav child's schooling expenditure. He must also hv forgotten I still hv a court order gotten yrs back for him to give maintenance. If I file against him now, the hse will make a loss, I will not have enough to hse the kids. I hv discussed with a male friend for opinion from men's pt of view, he's against filing now, for all the burdens will be on me. I am not moving out of the matrimonial home with the kids to provide excuse for him to prove I hv other housing option. As for the kids, I'm thinking of getting some counseling session to learn how to go thru this together. They, especially the elder one, is fully aware of e dad's infidelity and irresponsible ways all these yrs.
 
One more pt- this person has no shame, he said he can gv me evidence to file against him. He's that desperate, with me filing is like doing him a big favour and he will not offer me any good terms. I had dealt with him before, I know.
 
really sorry to hear what your child is going, no amount of counselling will help to heal the scars they going thru, especially knowing the father is like that. it's will definitely affect the way the child look at marriage and hate his father
 
Hi all, need your advise. I think my marriage is failing. If I plan to separate / divorce with my hubby, can I move out with the kids first? Is it legal ok, I mean will it affect the care & control or custody of the kids? I do want the kids' custody. Can my hubby use it to challenge the custody if I inform him only after I move out first?
Thanks
 
Mine was in a very complicated case. We both agreed on a divorce base on 3 years marriage. But this period of time we are not staying tgt and the child was with me since born. As he commited adultery. I dun have PI report but have photos to prove his act. But out of the blue last year, he wants to see the child. But I refuse and he keep asking till I have no choice but to give in. In the end, I was pregnant with the second child. And the same thing happen again. I'm thinking whether should I divorce before the second one was born or after? As he is after for the second one and demands for the sole custody. Pls advice.
 
Troubled ger, I think it depends on reasons to move out? If its based on his unreasonableness, it should work fine for a while..

Mummy darling, I had similar encounter.. Wrt to second child. The lesson I learnt from my divorce is that you will get main care and control of both kids and both kids will come ünder joint custody. He will not have his way to have sole custody unless you are proven to be incapable of caring for the kids or you voluntarily give up custody to him
 
Hmmmm I see.. Thanks. Btw, what is wrt? And also how to get prove for supervise access? Cos for my first one was under joint custody, care and control was given to me and supervise access to him as my son's health is not suitable to stay in that environment of his. As u have medical report from my son's doctor. Pls advice.

Thanks,
Joanne
 
Mr Hopeful

does a man feel happier after divorce when he comes home from work and the kid is not around? he gets to enjoy his singlehood...?

are most men happier to be "free"?
 
my husband recently went to lawyer & apparently filing for divorce under grounds of unreasonable behaviour against me. He claimed that the marriage has gone stagnant and he has no feelings for me anymore and can no longer look at me or hold me. We have a 9 month old girl and 4 yr old boy.

have been having huge fights over this as I do not wanna divorce as I believed things could be worked out as my girl is still so young! he went craxy everytime I tell him I wont sign the papers. He actually supposed to serve me the papers last month but I told him to hold till July(buy time) after my girl turns 1. doesnt make much of a difference but I guess I was holding hopes.

He kept saying there is no need to have 3 yr seperation if he filed under that unreasonable behaviour is it true? we have been married 4yrs. honestly, I do not have any behaviour issue cos he said it was the ending(divorce) that matters and no the reason.
 
i wanted to file a divorce with him. mine is given him yrs to change on affair but worst come in he get himself a Illegitimate child. that is totally out of my limited. adultery is confirm. but i wan my child custody. i know it will be a long fright he will sure contest. how to go by
 
I have seperated with my husband and want to get a legal seperation and i want to get visitation rights sorted with my son, how much is he entitled to and how much maintenece should he have to pay, at the moment he pays 95 per week.
__________________________
divorce affects children
 
Need help.. We had signed Separation Deed but that's a qns I still don't quite understand..

During this Separation period, can we have affair?? Is it legalize?
 
Once you have signed a Separation Deed, it is no longer an "affair", as by agreement you are officially separated. Look at your Separation Deed.. there should be a clause inside there that talks about allowing the other party to live their own life free from interference.
 
Yes. Correct. which mean either party can have gf/bf?

By can I fight that I'm not in e right state of mind to sign? Cos during signing, I got record our conversation and we had a argument, I got no choice but to sign e deed?

And e lawyer is engage by him, she didn't really go thru the whole document & explain before I sign
 
@embargo yes. after signing, either party can have gf/bf.
are you going to engage your own lawyer to fight this? it's going to be costly and a long on going process
 
Yes. I can't accept cos during that time, i'm really not in state of mind to sign. Is more like, I'm been force..

But wonder izzit ok to fight?
 
Dear all,

I am at a lost right now. I think my marriage is failing and we might need to go down the road of divorce one of these days. And I know my hubby will contest for the custody of my child.

Basically, there are many things that we cannot compromise with and with in laws in the picture, things are getting from bad to worse. We just past the 3 year mark.

I understand that we would need to be separated for 3 years for uncontested divorce. So I am now thinking of moving back to my parent's place. I am a full time working mother, pregnant with #2 and has a 2 year old who is currently in child care. I would have to change her school near to my parent's place and this is my worry. I am afraid that my hubby will not allow me to do that, i.e bring my #1 along with me back to my parents' place. How can I deal with this?

I would also like to know if we eventually do file for divorce, how will the house asset be divided? The house belongs to him. He bought it for almost 10 years before we got married. His parents name are added as occupants. My name was not in added any where. My IC still reflects my parents address. I did not contribute to installments or fees or reno or furniture of the house. And he did not add my name due to the sensitivity of his parents and we couldnt afford to get another unit.. If this is the case, will I be able to get anything? since its not our matrimonial house?

Thank you in advance to all who advices.
Hi!
In my opinions, I strongly feel that is not a good time to get a divorce as you are expecting for your second child. I understand there are many misunderstandings between you and him and moreover the difficulties you are facing with your in laws. Maybe you should try talking things out with him and make him understand that you are need of his love, attention,care and concern at this moment because you are expecting your second one. I strongly believe that a child will want to have both parents. Its really saddening if you are going to only just chose the only option of divorce. If things really never work out well than maybe the last option you can opt for is divorce. But at this time, I feel you should reconcile and give each other chance. I hope that divorce wont be the last options you left now. Think of other ways to save this marriage and give your children happiness.
 
I only can advise not to go these law firm thou they are cheap

YEO & ASSOCIATES LLC
Advocates & Solicitors

47A Circular RoadSingapore 049 402
Tel : (65) 6220 3400
Fax : (65) 6225 5687
 
Hi all, ive finally decided to divorce my husband after all the violence & cheating involved. I want to settle it asap thus Wanted to find out what are the costs involved & also the time frame? Has any1 engaged Thames Law LLP? Thanks
 
Hi all, ive finally decided to divorce my husband after all the violence & cheating involved. I want to settle it asap thus Wanted to find out what are the costs involved & also the time frame? Has any1 engaged Thames Law LLP? Thanks

i divorce my ex within 6month, cost 3K in total.. he pay 50% i pay 50%
mine is non-contested, everyone agrees with the t&c
 
side track..

To those whose been divorce by Hubby.

How do you gals manage to get on with life? I had been married for 11yrs and all these happens 3mths ago..

Till now, I still can't accept the fact that everything is gone, we are finished!!
 
side track..

To those whose been divorce by Hubby.

How do you gals manage to get on with life? I had been married for 11yrs and all these happens 3mths ago..

Till now, I still can't accept the fact that everything is gone, we are finished!!

not sure what the question suppose to mean? is like you just get on with life because you are not died? o_O
i'm with my ex for 11yrs and married for 5yrs, to me divorce and marriage makes no difference to me because having a marriage = not having a marriage at all
i do not believe marriage is 100% to you, unless you dont have family, dont have a job, dont have friends, and your world only revolve around him..
you just need to learn to live without a burden (ur ex)
 
Hi I would like to start divorce proceedings against my husband. Any good lawyers to recommend (with reasonable fees)?

I would recommend Mr Amarjit Singh for GJC Law. He is a very good lawyer and I strongly believe he is one of the best.
 
Hi mummies,

I just joined in here as i was trying to find some answers on google and saw this forum.. I have no idea where to post, or how to post, so I hope there is some people who can see this msg and help me as i am at a total lost..

My name is Liz, im 20 this year. I have two sons aged 2.6yo and 1.1yo. I have been married for coming 2 years now. In this 2 years, there is no honeymoon period but just nightmares. We keep fighting and separating. Once we were separated for over 3 months with me at my parents home, and him not even contacting me, or asking about his sons or anything at all. Till my dad had enough and asked him what he wants to do with me, he came down and told my parents he wanted to divorce me. I refused and i straight away packed my bag and returned to his mom place to win back his heart. In just 3 days , i did. But I guess, his faimly members are not happy seeing us as happy as we are. On fine day we had a big fight, and his mother, called my parents over to her place and told them to bring me and my sons out from her place. But when I asked her, "What about my husband? Why dont you throw him out too?" She said "No icant do that. If he wants to follow u he can. If not he can just live with me." I was heartbroken. Because even after the fight, me and my husband calmed down and stil lcant interact with each other nicely. But his mother out of a sudden change from the nicest to the most crazy mother in law ever. Sprouting out all my negative sides when living with her. I was so shocked like i was backstabbed by a bazuka.

When i moved back in with my parents in JB, We were still contacting each other like normal. At times i will go in singapore and we will meet outside to let him spent time with his sons. He never discussed with me how is it. Only when i asked him, he says now is not the time yet. Again i was being thrown aside by him. But he acting like he cared but nobody knows that he does. Now I manage to rent a place from the market in marsiling near to his mom place at woodlands. We celebrated our younger son bday together, went out together, still can kiss goodbye when going home but every time i ask him to come live with me, he said he was not ready. I am confused and this is eating me up.

I was so angry one morning and whatsapp-ed him saying that is being a coward. Why must he be easily influenced by his family?? Than what about me and my sons? Arent we his family too? My parents are totally pissed off with him and told me i better start preparing myself to let him go and move on because they feel that this man is really one useless piece of shit. Ofcos i think otherwise.. he is my husband. But as time passed, i begining to belive that its true... He said he wants to go to court a zillion times but he didnt. And now he is claiming that the marriage cert is with me. So i already mailed the cert back to him. My mother said that she feels, he is doesnt want to take responsibility of me and my sons anymore, but he doesnt want to take the first step to divorce me. I am living alone with my sons, and im self employed working full time at home. This is the life i want to be. Me taking care of my precious boys.

I am overly attached to my sons, and i swear if they are not by my side i have no reason to live any more. I have rebelled my whole life and only till i held my first born in my arms, ive never felt this much of love before. He is my bestest friend and im blessed to have 2 now. Im paying 1.1k per month for rent now. Everything else is all on me. Ive been supporting them since forever on my own. My husband only gave me $1000 per month 3 times of our marriage life and thats it.

So now I am hoping he would come home eventually, but i have to be more realistic and accept the fact that he is not a good man. He claims he missed his sons, he loves his sons, he will die for his sons, but he will only meet his sons when he is convenient. He was divorced once with no children, even his eldest brother is a divorcee too. But have 2 daughters. I lived with them for 2 years and I see how they are especially the evil mother. She teaches her sons that all they have to do is work and work and give money. That is all. Because that is how she is living with her husband now. My guess is, my husband is too afraid to leave his mom's home and live with me, afraid that we wont work out again. But whatever the reason is, he not being here is already as irresponsible as he always is.

So now, my main and ONLY concern is, can i have custody of my children at a young age? I may be young, but i will do anything for my sons. i will never leave them out of my sight even for a second, I cant live without my sons. I cry everytime i think of this. My family are all non divorcee, my parents cant advise me on this. So i am all alone. Im not prepared and im just scared. I know my husband wont claim full custody as his mother wont want to take care of my sons, but i know they will ask for weekend access. Just like my husband's elder brother two daughters. I am strongly against this access. Can i fight to disagree?? If he can live without his sons for months, and just see them a few hours one sunday a month, why after divorce he wants every weekend? I cant comply and i hope there is some ray of hope here telling me that i can fight for this. I do not want to sleep a single night without my sons, because i have never done that, and im not ready to experience that. He is used to it. Im sure he can live with it like how he is living with it now.

Since we were married, he have not even provided us a home. I owe anyone who can help me with this. If this way is impossible, than i have no choice but try to win my husband's heart back again just to ensure that i dont have to be seperated with my sons. even if it means living with an idiot.

Regards
 


Hi mummies,

I just joined in here as i was trying to find some answers on google and saw this forum.. I have no idea where to post, or how to post, so I hope there is some people who can see this msg and help me as i am at a total lost..

My name is Liz, im 20 this year. I have two sons aged 2.6yo and 1.1yo. I have been married for coming 2 years now. In this 2 years, there is no honeymoon period but just nightmares. We keep fighting and separating. Once we were separated for over 3 months with me at my parents home, and him not even contacting me, or asking about his sons or anything at all. Till my dad had enough and asked him what he wants to do with me, he came down and told my parents he wanted to divorce me. I refused and i straight away packed my bag and returned to his mom place to win back his heart. In just 3 days , i did. But I guess, his faimly members are not happy seeing us as happy as we are. On fine day we had a big fight, and his mother, called my parents over to her place and told them to bring me and my sons out from her place. But when I asked her, "What about my husband? Why dont you throw him out too?" She said "No icant do that. If he wants to follow u he can. If not he can just live with me." I was heartbroken. Because even after the fight, me and my husband calmed down and stil lcant interact with each other nicely. But his mother out of a sudden change from the nicest to the most crazy mother in law ever. Sprouting out all my negative sides when living with her. I was so shocked like i was backstabbed by a bazuka.

When i moved back in with my parents in JB, We were still contacting each other like normal. At times i will go in singapore and we will meet outside to let him spent time with his sons. He never discussed with me how is it. Only when i asked him, he says now is not the time yet. Again i was being thrown aside by him. But he acting like he cared but nobody knows that he does. Now I manage to rent a place from the market in marsiling near to his mom place at woodlands. We celebrated our younger son bday together, went out together, still can kiss goodbye when going home but every time i ask him to come live with me, he said he was not ready. I am confused and this is eating me up.

I was so angry one morning and whatsapp-ed him saying that is being a coward. Why must he be easily influenced by his family?? Than what about me and my sons? Arent we his family too? My parents are totally pissed off with him and told me i better start preparing myself to let him go and move on because they feel that this man is really one useless piece of shit. Ofcos i think otherwise.. he is my husband. But as time passed, i begining to belive that its true... He said he wants to go to court a zillion times but he didnt. And now he is claiming that the marriage cert is with me. So i already mailed the cert back to him. My mother said that she feels, he is doesnt want to take responsibility of me and my sons anymore, but he doesnt want to take the first step to divorce me. I am living alone with my sons, and im self employed working full time at home. This is the life i want to be. Me taking care of my precious boys.

I am overly attached to my sons, and i swear if they are not by my side i have no reason to live any more. I have rebelled my whole life and only till i held my first born in my arms, ive never felt this much of love before. He is my bestest friend and im blessed to have 2 now. Im paying 1.1k per month for rent now. Everything else is all on me. Ive been supporting them since forever on my own. My husband only gave me $1000 per month 3 times of our marriage life and thats it.

So now I am hoping he would come home eventually, but i have to be more realistic and accept the fact that he is not a good man. He claims he missed his sons, he loves his sons, he will die for his sons, but he will only meet his sons when he is convenient. He was divorced once with no children, even his eldest brother is a divorcee too. But have 2 daughters. I lived with them for 2 years and I see how they are especially the evil mother. She teaches her sons that all they have to do is work and work and give money. That is all. Because that is how she is living with her husband now. My guess is, my husband is too afraid to leave his mom's home and live with me, afraid that we wont work out again. But whatever the reason is, he not being here is already as irresponsible as he always is.

So now, my main and ONLY concern is, can i have custody of my children at a young age? I may be young, but i will do anything for my sons. i will never leave them out of my sight even for a second, I cant live without my sons. I cry everytime i think of this. My family are all non divorcee, my parents cant advise me on this. So i am all alone. Im not prepared and im just scared. I know my husband wont claim full custody as his mother wont want to take care of my sons, but i know they will ask for weekend access. Just like my husband's elder brother two daughters. I am strongly against this access. Can i fight to disagree?? If he can live without his sons for months, and just see them a few hours one sunday a month, why after divorce he wants every weekend? I cant comply and i hope there is some ray of hope here telling me that i can fight for this. I do not want to sleep a single night without my sons, because i have never done that, and im not ready to experience that. He is used to it. Im sure he can live with it like how he is living with it now.

Since we were married, he have not even provided us a home. I owe anyone who can help me with this. If this way is impossible, than i have no choice but try to win my husband's heart back again just to ensure that i dont have to be seperated with my sons. even if it means living with an idiot.

Regards

Hi! After reading, I understand what you are going through. In my opinions, I feel your husband is not a responsible man to take ownership and responsibility even for his children. I seriously feel that this man of yours, is just bluntly listening to his mother and dancing according to what she says. I feel that your mother in law, has no sense of responsibility to teach her son to take responsibility and to even to ask him to hold this relationship. I feel really pity for you that at this young you are going through so much of struggles but at the same time I am very proud of you because you are responsible and I think you make a good mother. Your son's are gifted to have you as a mother.
Back to your questions, In my opinions, I believe that if you could prove before the law that your husband have not been contributing money for his children's expenses, taking ownership of his children and the way he listens to his mother, etc. I feel that the law and justice will be there for you. That your husband wont get weekend access. But I also believe that you should allow your husband to see your both sons at least for few hours so that your sons will grow with at least a bit of father's love. I understand that you don't want to get separated from your children. At the same time, if you do not want to get divorce you could even apply for separation. So that even if both of you stay in one roof, both of you can get the access of the both children. Try consulting a lawyer and explain your situation to the lawyer. See what do your lawyer can advice you and they are way more experience in this. I strongly believe that they will be able to give you rough idea of how the access will be like.
Feel free to PM me. Thank you.
 

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