ADVICE NEEDED - How to Handle my MAID

S

shiaolea

New Member
Hi,

I am mother to a 4yo gal and 2mth old baby gal. My baby is quite fussy and cries a lot. My toddler is an angel. I am on NPL now but will be working soon. Got the maid to help out at home and jaga the babies when they are at MIL's place.

I never had a maid and had always done housework etc etc myself. Finding it very difficult to cope with fussy baby and job demands.

Can anyone who has similar situation and managed to advise how I should shedule / organise / task my maid? What I can entrust her to do or not to do?

A little background on my maid-to-be: She had experience in Singapore, is Indonesian, 32yo, but worked for adults and not babies. Paying her $300.

Anyone can advise? I am worried that I do not know how to manage her. I am generally a rather NICE person : )

Cheers
 


Hi,

Basically, I set my maid into a routine.

Do frequent spot checks ie dusty corners, dusty cabinets, unclean clothes etc etc.

Check baby's clothes, number of diapers changed etc.

Basically, just trained her to go into your preferred routine, hygiene standard etc.

You can be firm while telling her, explaining the effects on the baby.

Also, do remember to be nice, let her rest early if possible, sleep 8 hours, hongbaos for CNY and birthdays, clothings and gifts for Hari Raya and some small gifts.
 
YSL,
I would advise you to list down all the house rules, and explain to her the first day she arrives at your house. Don't take for granted that she should know, because different household have different rules.

For example, here are some rules I set for my maid, who has 4 years of experience before working for me.

1. No handphones allowed. Must ask your permission before making phone calls. You should specify how many times a month she can call home, and that she must pay for it herself.
2. Cannot keep long hair or long fingernails, or paint fingernails.
3. Cannot put on makeup.
4. Cannot go out of the house without your permission.
5. Cannot eat anything in the house without your permission.
6. Cannot sit or step on any bed except her own.
7. Cannot mix her clothes with your family's clothes when washing.
8. Must pay for her own toiletries using her salary.

Try to list down as much as you can on a piece of paper. It will be very helpful to the maid, for her to understand your expectations.

You can also write a timetable for her, so that she knows what to do at what time. It will help her to settle down to her work routine a lot faster. Not all maids have their own initiative, or are able to plan their time effectively. Also don't expect a maid to remember everything you said, be prepared to repeat a few times. Writing it down will help.

I agree with TryingToHelp, that it is important to make sure that the maid has enough sleep and enough food. But don't spoil her at the beginning, only reward her if she has performed well.

You should be able to trust a good maid to take good care of your baby. But try not to leave your baby alone with her, unless you have used her for some time and have better understanding of her character.

Also never trust her with any of your valuables or money, the best is don't let her know where you keep these at all, or keep it in a safe.
 
Hi,

Thank u for the advice!

TryingToHelp: How do you communicate to your maid when you discover that there are dusty corners, or areas in which you are not satisfied. Do you scold? Tell nicely ? Tell sternly? How soon do you 'forgive' her? Or show that you are not angry anymore?

I am worried that I am too nice, really. As I am a teacher, I tend to 'scold', at the same time I am also very motherly (my pupils say so), so may become overly nice...want a balanced relationship with her coz my gals are very precious to me...

Tamarind: Wah you very solid leh! I like the rules. However, agency told me that we should buy toiletries for her. Only if she choose brand then ask her to pay for her own.

More Questions:

1) Should she wash her own clothes everyday?
2) How much sleep is enough? What time do you aks her to wake up / sleep?
3) Does she have her own room, cupboard? Can I let her put her stuff in a Toyogo tier container? IS that too nasty?
4) Do you buy her new towels, bedsheets?
5) Can we trust her handling food?
6) Can you share your maid's daily routine with me?

Really appreciate your help. Read in another thread about maid asking to go home...sometimes they canbe quite horrible...Need this to work or I will be unable to work or REST 'in peace'!!!

Thanks & cheers
 
YSL,
If a maid does not perform up to your standards, it is not advisable to scold her. Tell her nicely or sternly is OK, but don't use nasty, degrading words. Maids are human too, and since they take care of your baby, you will never know what they do to them behind your back. You can't possibly watch them every minute.

If the the maids just can't do the job to your satisfaction, no matter how hard they try, then just change another maid. No point tolerating and keeping them, don't forget you are paying them your hard earned money.

1) I ask my maid to hand wash her clothes, it is up to her whether she wants to wash everyday.

2) You should let the maid have about 8 hours of sleep. My maid sleeps at about 10:30pm and wakes up at about 6:00am. If you let the maid sleep with your baby and do night feedings, then try to let her have some rest in the afternoon.

3) My maid sleeps in the store room, I have an old bookshelf for her. It is not necessary for a maid to have her own room, I know many maids sleep on a mattress in the children's room. Toyogo tier container is good enough, not nasty at all.

4) I don't buy new towels, but I provide bedsheets.

5) Yes we should trust her in handling food.

6) Here's the timetable for my maid.

6:00am
Wake up feed milk to my girl and boy.
Wash and sterilize milk bottles.
Wash kids clothes and hang to dry.
Hand wash her own clothes, and any kitchen floor towels and hang to dry.
Cook oatmeal for my mother for her breakfast.
Wipe table tops.

8:00am
Eat breakfast.
Prepare porridge for the children.

9:00am
Bathe my boy

10:00am
Feed porridge to the children.
My mother feed my girl, my maid feed my boy.

12:00noon
Bathe my girl.
Cook for herself only and eat lunch.
My mother prefers to cook on her own.
Then play with the children.

2:30pm - 6:00pm
The children will sleep.
My maid will fold baby clothes, mob the floor, and prepare for dinner.
Bathe herself.

6:00pm
Feed the children.
Cook dinner for me.

8:00pm
Wash all dishes, clean the kitchen and wipe the kitchen floor, must kneel down and use hand to wipe 2 times.

9:00pm
Play with the children.
Bathe my girl. Clean and wipe my boy.

10:30pm
Feed the children milk.
Go to sleep.

Once a week:
1. Wash toilets
2. Do marketing
3. Change and wash mattress and pillow covers
 
Hi Tamarind,

Really appreciate the details. Really Really. I have a much clearer idea how to schedule my maid. Supposedly can fetch her tomorrow. Quite stressed as I am really used to doing everything myself. My hubby rarely help. Can imagine how overwork I have been and how untidy the house was when expecting no.2...: )

Thanks a great deal...

Cheers
 
tamarind
saw the timetable u had....
for example 8am to 9am, when she is doing her chore, who will take care the kids?....

ur maid is indonedsian or philipino?
 
Hi Angeline,
My kids both wake up after 9am
happy.gif
They sleep around 11pm.

My mother stays with us, so during other times she will help to look after the kids when necessary.

My maid is Indonesian.
 
My maid is also arriving next week and that's when I start work. She'll be with my baby and sometimes my mother will come over to check.

I intend to let the maid sleep on a mattress in a spare room. I'm going to allocate her a big shelf in the cupboard to put her things, is it enough? I don't wish for the maid to close the door when she sleeps, is it ok?
 
Hi everyone,

I am back...Glad that this discussion thread is getting going without me : ) Hee hee...

Guess what, I have NO MAID yet!

Amazing, the things that can happen. The maid arrived as scheduled but when my hubby went to the agency to pick her up, he was stunned! She looked totally different from the one in the photo! We have to pick our maid by their looks right, like it or not, coz whatever evaluation done in their biodata is by a third party, so very subjective. There are so many transfer maids with 'very good', 'very fast' comments on their biodata.

So we rejected the maid. However, saw a transfer maid we were interested right at the beginning, before she was sent to Singapore, so deciding to give her a try. Probably coming over on Thursday or Friday.

Some details: Mynamar (Burmese), 24 yo, single speaks English

Heard that she was transfer coz she is slow...I guess I am alright with that coz if u are new to an environment, u will need time to adapt. I can accomodate her for a while...: ) See told u gals I am nice...

meixue: I also do not intend to let her close the door. Not that she does not need privacy, but would like to know er...what she is doing...at least until we get to know her a lot better. : ) You can manage to find a space on the shelves, I have so much barang barang so difficult to clear. But if she does not mind her things getting dusty, I do have space on open shelves...mmmm...but I think personal items, she should have some privacy, so I will get the toyogo 4-tier or 5-tier stacker for her lah.

Cheers
 
hi ysl, think i'm like u. dun know how to scold my maid if she really make mistake. :p luckily my maid has not given me any problem. phew...

i'm quite sad actually when my MIL said wanted to terminate her. haiz... coz she said she has recovered fm her cancer. dun need maid to help to look after my kids anymore.
sad.gif
 
jas3sngels,

If you feel you really need someone to help with housework let your MIL know lah. My MIL not exactly very easy to get along with but if I do not have a helper, the house will be in a total mess! Was like that when I was expecting. I engaged a part-time helper to spring clean and she 'complained' and 'complained'. (Nice lady lah...just that my house was really in disarray). And she managed to get it ready for CNY!!! So solid! Now I on No Pay Leave for a while, I have been maintaing the house. But this is only possible as I rarely cook and that my toddler is not around. My 2nd baby is quite fussy...I really doubt my MIL or myself can manage without help...

Use your work & your hubby's work as a 'reason' to reason with her lor...or worse come to worse, engage a part-time maid lor
happy.gif


Cheers
 
actually is not we cannot cope lah. in fact my fil is a very good helper. when times we hv no maid, my fil help to sweep n mop the floor; feed my kids; buy grocery....

is my mil suggested to hv a maid coz she needs to go treatment due to cancer n afraid that my fil cannot handle 3 kids. she suggested to deduct the monthly allowance my hb used to give to her to get a maid. me n hb cannot give my mil the full allowance n at the same time pay for the maid. very siong leh.

now i think she has not enough $$ to spend lah. :p so decided to terminate the maid since she has recovered lor.

actually i'm very sad when we broke the news to the maid abt transfering her.
sad.gif
 
WASTED...could have transfer to me...so I no need to train her : ) Which agency? She got new employer already? If my maid no good, mayB can get her???
 
hi ashley, not philipino is indonesian.

hi ysl, haha....hv not get her a new employer yet but arranging some mummies to go to my pils hse this wkend to meet her and talk to her lor.

i would prefer to let her do the selection lah since she will be the one to work w the new employer.
happy.gif
 
YSL,
its also impt to tell yr maid the imporatnce of honestly. tell her if ever she is caught stealin, u will send home. i tell me maid to bathe twice daily.. they tend to hv B.O. my maid also very fussy with food.. i use to accomodate but now i cant be bothered... i let het cook her own food..
 
Hi everyone,

Obviously busy with my maid so MIA for a while. Coz got miad, my 4yo also come back home so everyday like a battle field....

OK, my maid is alright, so far. I think I have been super nice, but I had had a stern talk with her when she made so grave mistakes...

So far, I think I will keep her, coz my kids seem to like her, especially the baby. That is very important as she is quite cranky and need someone with lots of patience to coax and my 4yo starting to get jealous so I can't keep cooing baby.

Her good points: Patient, not a fussy eater, shows attempt to correct mistakes and so far had expressed gratitude for things I do for her e.g. buy her shampoo, sanitary pad, toothpaste, offer her food, let her watch TV when she finish her work; has initiative when finish chores, will find things to do; good ironing skills

Her not-so-good points: She is a little slow, but is picking up steam; sometimes don't clean as clean as I like, so I must show her how to do it; mayB young-25yo, so sometimes don't know her place in the home e.g. see my hubby at door carry heavy things, did not rush to help but sit and watch tv...I gave her a lecture about this...

Must tell u ladies why I gave her a 'lecture' very stern one. 1) Wore make-up when go out with us for first time 2)Did not help me to rock baby when phone rang, instead watch TV, I ended rocking baby while on the phone, while she watch TV 3) Switch channels with remote when I was watching TV 4) Did not help my hubby when he was at the door with heavy things

After my lecture, she dare not touch the remote and often help me watch baby. Hee hee...felt so nasty, but knew it was essential. MayB she is from Mynamar, so she is more docile and mild natured.

Ethel - so far I noted no major BO. I did schedule her to bathe twice, but she so far only bathe once. I let her have 8h of sleep...don't want trouble too...some friends say she should sleep less. Any suggestion?

jas3angels - manage to get a nice employer for your maid?

CHEERS
 
YSL,
sleep and enough rest time is impt for full concentration during day (esp when with young kids around).
she may not be doing much heavy work yet, once she does more sweat-intensive chores like cleaning/ cooking, u may find she'd need 2 showers daily.
happy.gif
 
Hi Medusa,

I think she is quite 'free'. My hubby keeps asking me to get her to do things. So far, she is quite free after 7pm. Other than preparing milk bottles for night feeds, washing kitchen towels before bed, she has time to watch TV, especially Da Chang Jin to 11pm! She can bathe if she wants to, won't stop her : ) Hygiene more important that anything.

As she is required to watch baby when I cook, she gets quite a lot of rest time just rocking baby in sarong while I whip up a storm in the kitchen. Anyway, 8hr of sleep quite sufficient right?

How many hours does your maid sleep? Do you schedule her rest time? Mine has about 1.5h of rest time, outside meal times and time spent doing nothing but watching baby while she sleeps.

Cheers : )P
 
hi ysl,

i hv not scolded my maid b4 lah coz she has not given me problem. :p

she oso very zi tong (initiative). if i carried something whether light or heavy, she will quickily come n carry 4 me. she will help to rock baby or answer phone call if pil are busy.

but after u scolded ur maid n she is improving then ok lah. as wat u said, she is young mah.
happy.gif


ya, i got a empolyer for her liao. will tfr to the new employer in 2 weeks time. quite a nice employer. she is very concern abt my maid n ask me alot of questions coz she hopes my maid will feel comfortable after going there. my maid oso looking forward to go to the new employer liao.

happy.gif
 
Hi YSL,

You are so nice to your maid! You actually let her watch TV with you?

I have just hired a Indo maid in jan. So far, she has been good and i am v pleased with her. i am also very nice to her ;) On the first day she came, i sat her down with the Rules of the house and also told her what I expected. Slowly i showed and trained her to the standard that I want.

I dont allow her to watch TV but I gave her a CD/radio set as well as buy malay newspaper & borrow nbooks from library for her. In fact, i also give her english lessons when I am free. I have never raised my voice at her before but whenever she does something wrongly, I will explain why it is wrong, and show her the correct way. i also allow her to call home once a month, I pay. I think it is really not much money but it makes them feel better, no?

I believe that as long as you give your maid the confidence, they will be able to do a much better job, rather than constantly scare them by scolding them or raising your voice.

Just some of my thoughts!
 
Hi Bcube,

I agree with you totally. Somehow my maid does not understand her place in the house...I just saw her take a packet of chilli sauce from the fridge to add to her rice for dinner. I have no problem with her eating that, but she should ask right? Mmmm...Must get my hubby to talk seriously to her... About watching TV, well, she has finished most of her chores, I don't see why she can't watch. MayB I am really nice...ha ha..
: )

Cheers
 
hi ysl, i just realised that we are the same kind. very nice to maids and our maid are all very free. my maid also dun know her place in the house and a large part is that my hb and i are very lax. anyway, i am going to send her home soon. i dun really need her now. actually she can be a very very good helper but is just that we r too lax with her, whether in terms of manners, etc and her work is just so light. she definitely can work if the employers are strict and has a lot of chores for her. she does has lots of patientce with my baby thou. anyway, my advice is try to be a little stricter with her from the start. its easier. once she stays a bit longer, you will find it harder to drill things in. speaking from experience.
 
Hi lay tin,

Thank u. I will try. But being a really friendly person...quite difficult. I somehow secretly think she is a companion for me, since I am at home alone and hubby work...work...work...BUT I will try to be a little more stern.

Anyway, I can tell she does look afraid when I face BLACK BLACK... : )

Cheers
 
hi ysl, they are very quai and afraid of you initially. usaually, they will start to show their colors few months down the road and you will realised that the longer they work, the more they will start to cross overboard. the most important thing is also, try not to let her become indispensable,else, they will think too highly of themselves and..... try to set very clear boundaries. believe me, you will regret it if you are too nice or too lax.
 
Well, we can always be friendly and even nice to our maids. At the same time, it's really important for us, as employers, to communicate our expectations and their roles in the family. If we do that, we will minimise miscommunications in future. Better still, we can type out in their native language what they are expected to do daily / weekly or even monthly.

Have fun with your maids!
 
Hi YSL,

I actually told me maid she an eat what she wants. I find that if she has to ask me every single time, I feel frustrated! I gave her the liberty to eat anything she wants in the house. I feel that food wise, there is no reason to control lah...afterall, food is a minimum need that a human need. hee...

But for other things, like phonecalls, she will need to get permission first.
 
Bcube,
You are lucky to have a maid who does not abuse her liberty to eat anything in the house. Wait till you get a maid who finishes a huge tin of milo in 1 week, or one bottle of jam in 3 days, then you will know.

For new maids it is better to tell them not to eat anything unless we say they can. It will save a lot of trouble.


YSL,
There is no problem being nice and friendly. The important thing is to have house rules clearly listed down, just tell the maid the rules cannot be broken. It is a matter of fact, nothing to do with being not nice.
 
Hi Tamarind,

haha..yes in a way I am lucky. But by allowing her liberty, I am also testing her character. If she turns out to be a Milo-Monster, then I would tell her off.
happy.gif
But lucky me, so far, my maid is quite sensible.

Hee!
 
Like Bcube, I don't resrtict my maid to eat anything in the house but so far she has been quite reasonable and good. I mean if she know the employer treats her well...and pays her well, she will tend to cherish her job and will not hop to other employers.Good maids are really hard to find. I believing in keeping their hearts and hope they can work for me for a long time, it is too much of a hassle changing maids all the time
 
bcube, triniti,
It is good that you have sensible maids.

One of my ex-maid finished my favourite (expensive) box of chocolate sticks within 2 days. When I go to my friend's house, or even back to my mother's house, I will not eat anything without first asking. It is basic courtesy, nothing to do with being treated well or not.
 
Hi Everyone,

I feel so fortunate to have so many of you out here to advise me!
Lay Tin-
I agree with u. I do feel that my maid is starting to show her colors and I am trying to give more instructions then converse with her. I also do not want her to think that I need her help so badly so that she won't take advantage of me...sigh...this is really not easy : )

Karen-
My maid is from myanmar. Hee hee...dunno anyone who speaks burmese. However, I intend to type out the rule of the house when I have time. Now everything is written only...

Bcube-
You know, I am actually very chin chai about food. Really. But she does not know her limits. Once, she enjoyed my soup so much that she took 2 big bowls when I went out marketing!!! JUST becoz I cooked a HUGE pot of soup! Another time, she drank the soup I told her to save for my hubby! She said she forgot...After these, she was sternly warned. Now she eats more discerningly.

triniti-
I agree with you. But like the other ladies, I worry she take advantage. I intend to do a 1 month review with her when the time comes and get her to talk about the things she had done very wrongly and progress I should see the following month. Hee hee...so serious : )

tamarind-
hello!!! so good to see u again. I stated rules like u taught me : ) and she actually managed to break one...i.e. wear make-up when we bought bb for her jab. I was very stern about the matter and she looked so frightened. sigh. not easy to manage maid...

cheers ladies! keep the thread rolling! I am quite sure there will be new mums out there who will be hiring maids and will be as clueless as me!

ta ta
 
Hi Wishes,

Yes I allow her to call back on special occasions etc birthdays and when she first arrive, so she can let the family know she is safe.

But I did not ask her for payment because it is not much and she always keep it to just a couple of minutes. but if they want to call, i think it is fine to help her buy the card.

i suggest you keep the card, and she ask u for permission to call back only when u r home...
 
Hi all

I am new to this thread. Also am hiring a maid soon. YSL, what made u hire a Burmese? Can she cook?

I am at a loss wat age should I hire. Dun really know how to 'scold' someone who is older than me or around my age. I am 28. Any advise?
 
Hi everyone

I am new to this thread. Am hiring a maid soon. YSL, what made u hire a Burmese maid? What is her command of English like?

What age is best? I cannot imagine myself telling off someone who is older than me. I am 28. But I am afraid that those who are too young are immature and do not know how to handle my baby.
 
I have a reasonable good maid...the only drawback is she always down with cold and flu even she does not step out of the house...thus, she passed all the virus to my baby now....he is down with bronchitis.....maid phelgm turned green , coughing badly yet she said she is not sick....wonder what is good maid anymore...she does not eat rice...as if on diet all the time and that is why health very poor...she told me her ex employer allowed her not eating rice.....
anyway, already insists that she has to take one decent meal and the rest of the meal, eat whatever she wants to....will go without maid if not due to two young kids.
 
just want to share, i allow my maid to use a calling card and use my phone to call her family about 1-2 times per month. unfortunately, when she had problems with her husband, he will make nuisance calls to my place. he has my number as he's using a HP and mine is not unlisted. it go so bad that i had to change my number and make it unlisted. so, to start off, please make sure your number is unlisted before we all be nice to our maid and let them use the phone.
Joy747, pardon me, is your baby's health more important or the reasonable good maid? i will kick this sickly maid out because my children are more important even it means i have to go thru stress, adaption problems and money to get a new one. another thing, by law, we are responsible for the medical upkeep of the maid. a lot of us are still living in the few years ago that maid pays for every thing themselves. acc to letters i receive from MOM, we are to be responsible for their upkeep, medical and necessities, even air ticket if she wants to go home. dun believe, please check with MOM. many a times, agents and employers who still stick by the old rules are either ignorant or they believe that maid doesn't know. if yours is a well read and informed and season philipino maid who knows how to fight for her right, good luck to you.
 
thanks lay tin..I m giving her the last chance and if she continue to be what she is now, I will not hesitate to kick her out...I already sent her to doctor as her phelgm already turned green and yet she said she is fine...she is 5 years ex sin.Indo maid.M giving her a chance as I find that she has a good heart....I insist her to take proper meal from last week as I cannot afford too much of her medical and my baby medical bills as well....
 
joy, u r really a veri nice employer. if it's me, i'll deduct her medical expenses fr her pay. in addition, if she's still nt well, i'll send her back 2 d agent coz i can't afford a sickly maid 2 look after my boy.
 
Hi Vone

I am just trying to be humane....she is quite ok except that sick is not sick in her dictionary...I had an open talk with her...If she sneeze or what so ever, put on mask...I cannot afford anyone fall sick in my house anymore..she knows and feel bad seeing my son suffering....I hope this will be the last time....
 
dear joy747, i used to be very humane too. unfortunately, after 4 maids and one who so called had a very good heart (or shall i say actress who can act for 1.5 years), i will not be humane to her at the expense of my children's health, esp a baby whose immune system is not properly formed yet. i wil not trust someone who can't even take care of herself to take care of my baby. are you sure she will put on a mask. if she sneeze, i dun think she has enough time to put one on. unless you make her wears one when she's working. but will she comply when no adults @? also that type of cheapo mask people wears has no bearings at all. unless you buy those that the health care wears during sars. that is expensive. i really fear for your boy, esp with bird flu, etc an so many flu viruses @. not forgetting the pneumococcal infection mentioned in news last nite. did you vaccine your boy for that? take care
 
Thank lay tin. I will be at home to constantly monitor the maid...giving her last chance...If she fall sick again within a month, I will give a second thoughts as all along I never like the idea of having a maid for I prefer to manage thing myself which I did for the past seven years, when with my girl...now, a bit hand tight and that is why the maid came into the pic....will see how it goes and I already gave her the ultimate warning...I am humane but very assertive and firm when serious issue concern...thanks lay tin
 


Wow...So long never check my thread so hot ah!!! : P

lemontree-
I decided to try burmese cause heard that they are a lot more docile and alos by sheer chance she was available. She is actually a transfer. The frist employer feels she is too slow. She IS slow, but I really don't need her to be super fast too. As long as she does her work well, stay relatively honest and diligent, I won't complain.

My maid is single but has experience looking after her sister's children since they were babies. She can handle my little fussy baby quite well. That's a big plus. So not necessary must be married to be able to handle babies. But PATIENCE is important.

I had also been wondering about the phone call thingy. My hubby and myself agreed that we will only offer her calls on special occasions. We will get her to buy her own card first and if she is good, we will give her 'free' calls : )

Joy747-
I seriously think your childs' health is a lot more impt than a good maid. : )Monitor monitor monitor!!!!

Dear ALl,
Are our maids very food deprived? I caught her eating my fried rice before the whole family tucked in!!!! She had also been adding salt/pepper etc etc to her food. I am cross with her coz I told her she must ask permission for things in the house! Not that I petty, she is so new in the house yet so bold! Grrrhhhh....Saturday is her 1st month with me and I am going to do a progress review with her and warn her areas I do not like!

Cheers & feel free to comment!
 
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