Abortion

Hi gals

We have to learn to protect our bodies especially we are on the losing end. Why do guys always get off scot free and leave the suffering to the gals??
NOBODY would want to go through abortion, u have to endure not only the physical pain but also the emotional pain as well!! It's great nonsense if someone told u that a D&C is PAINLESS!! I've been through a miscarriage before, u could never imagine the fear when u lay on the operation bed!! After that, u have to endure the pain, endless painful cramps for a few days, so painful that u have to lay on complete bedrest!!!
Gals, pls do not put urslf in the great risk, not only u face the risk of unwanted pregnancy fears but also sexually transmitted diseases as well!!
I know some guys who have uncurable STD but still wanted to find victims and have unprotected sex for the thrill!!
If ur partner do not practise safe sex, get them to f**K themselves instead.

Hope this link will be helpful to u.
http://www.contracept.info/
 


To whom concerning about abortion or not,

To be frank, this is not a suitable forum seeking opinion for abortion. Most of the pple are too emotional and won't give you objective opinion. But you may come back here when you are prepared t be a mother. I am really sad to see some pple are trying to help other but ended up with multiplying pple's burden/pain. Now I recall, when I was in sec school learning to be a councellor, the trainer told us, a councellor will not tell you what you SHOULD do, but to provide you the consequences which may happen behind every choice. Then let you make decision yourself, and be responsible to what you have chosen.

I was a while really look down to pple who abort the baby, I also tot they are cruel, not responsible, bla bla bla. But when I was growing, I found that the life to every single individual is different, we are not suppose to judge ppl as long as he/she is not agaist the law, because we totally dun understand other's life. I am glad that I have a simpler life, and not much thing trouble me, or I rather try my best not doing things make myself regret/in trouble. But to pple whom had things wrong and trying to revive such as unwanted pregnancy, I think they should seek for professional advice, not here.
 
Even though it is legal to abort a baby up to 24 months in Singapore, it doesn't make it right to do so. An unborn foetus is not considered a human being and has no human rights. Many years ago, black people are also not considered human beings in the United States, and they had no human rights.

I agree that this is not the right forum, if the MTB has already decided on abortion. If she wants support, she is not going to find it here.
 
Hey tamarind and Kelly! I agree with you totally..
Abortion is NOT the solution..abstinence is..
The unborn foetus is not a piece of "meat", it is a life.. Even after my first miscarriage aft 8 years , my hb and I will constantly think about he/she..
 
Hi everyone

I'm only posting this to put in my 2 cents worth. I realise having a thread on abortion on a motherhood website is a little inappropriate, especially when one considers the strong stand most ppl have on abortions anyway. However, I thought it was neccesary, as most posts here have portrayed abortions in a wholly negative light. It also doesn't help that there aren't any other forums i've found in singapore that talk about abortion, so its might slim pickings for those who were considering this path and just wanted some advice...

I had just gone thru an abortion today. Just this morning in fact. And it was our choice.

I am married, and the baby was conceived on our wedding night. My husband and I love each other, and we are financially more secure than most people. However, we were not at all prepared for a child to enter our lives. After all, we had only just gotten married, and we'd take a while to adjust to each other. Bringing a child into the dynamic would be unfair in more ways than one, to the marital relationship, as well as to this little being who is deserving of more than me or my husband are able to give emotionally at the moment.

I have ALWAYS believed that having a child is NOT a biological right, but a huge responsbility that needs to be taken extremely seriously. I have seen the difference between parents that are emotionally prepared to have children, as opposed to parents who just kinda pop them out and assume that things will just work out and u learn as u go....The difference to the child is HUGE and extremely noticeable. Perhaps the fact that i work in the mental health field has also heightened my sensitivity to the common problem of poor parenting. Nonetheless, I believe that becoming a parent is a DECISION, not one u stumble upon my chance alone.

When we decided to abort our child, we were fully aware that we were in fact deciding to kill our firstborn. And it hurt us both to do that. But we stood by our decision despite this, and despite the many people trying to persuade us otherwise. At the end of the day, we were not ready to be parents...hence our choice in the end
 
For those of you who came into this thread for some first hand information and maybe a touch of reassurance like I did, rest assured. You will find many who will think you are being selfish and just killing a life who has no ability to fight back. But the key is to really ask yourself if you are ready to take on a responsbility for the next 21 years to raise another human being. Your answer may be a resounding NO like my husband and mine was.

In terms of the procedure itself, it can be relatively simple.

1. Go to a gynae, confirm the pregnancy. i would recommend ringing the gynae to ask if they perform terminations to start with. Our gynae didn't and thus was trying to persuade us to keep the child, which didnt help our emotional state at the time.

2. ask your gynae to make an appointment for pre-abortion counselling. U watch a short video and the cousellor discusses with you your reasons for your decision. I would advise thinking thru your decision clearly before attending counselling, and to be really honest with your partner in your discussions beforehand if he decides to attend with you. It is a tough decision to make, especially with a stranger in the room

3. wait 48hours to do the termination.

4. the termination itself is relatively painless. I had a pill inserted into the vaginal area to relax the cervix. after dilation the doctor gave me a sedative and i was asleep during the procedure. I woke up in the recovery room with slight cramps and was a bit giddy but none the worse for wear physically. I was discharged home shortly after.

all abortion clinics in singapore are MOH certified. If you like, surf the web for them and then call, so u don't get frustrated by speaking to gynaes who aren't sympathetic. That said tho, when we saw our first gynae who was pro-life, it forced us to re-think the issue more deeply, which re-enforced our decision in the end.

I am lucky to know about the psychological impact of abortions and to have an extremely supportive and lovely partner to help me thru this. I think seeking out non-judgemental people who can help u thru this rought bit is crucial, as it is hard to know when u will experience difficulties coping.

For those of you out there seeking information, i hope this helps. Good luck to you all and take care.
 
my only post,
hope that this will be your last and final post. from what you have written, you seem to be strongly encouraging the ladies who are pregnant unintentionally to go for abortion. and not only that. it seems that you are perfectly ok with killing a life and that means nothing to you.

i have nothing more to say to you except to pray that god will bless your soul.

one more final thing to say to you. if in future you and hubby become parents and see how wonderful and beautiful your children are growing, i hope you will think back and REGRET that the firstborn was actually killed by both of you. he/she could have grown up now and would have been a big brother/sister to his siblings. god bless u
 
My only post
The reason you gave for terminating your pregnancy is that both you and your hubby are not ready for a bb as it means giving up your present lifestyle and you guys need a window period to adjust ... hmmm ...Then why didn't you take precautions??? Since you are in the mental health field and aware of poor parenting, I'm pretty sure that you should know if you do not want unwanted pregnancy, you should take precautions. your bb Well in case you have another unplanned pregnancy, I beg you to take precautions!!!!

My bb was unplanned and my pregnancy practically threw my career plans ( I was taking a course to embark on a new career) out of the window but abortion did not come into my mind. By the way, I'm one of those kind of parents 'who just kinda pop them out and assume that things will just work out and u learn as u go' (quote and unquote) and I'm still learning everyday. Nobody knows how to take care of a baby unless you have one or your are a nanny.
 
my only post,
sorry to hear that u & yr hb had to make this tough decision to abort yr firstborn...
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oops, I'm the 2nd type of parents, can u pls share with me the huge and extremely noticeable difference in my kid? is there any way for me to overcome this now? my kid is 11 mo. TIA... (u can pm me if u don't wanna post here)
 
My hubby and I waited a whole 7 years after our marriage to have our first baby, because for all those years, we always thought we were not ready. Just like "my only post", we thought that having a baby is a HUGE responsiblity. I was very afraid to get pregnant during that period, and I started taking contraceptive pills a few months before our wedding night.

After 7 years, when we had our first baby, we were completely thrown off our feet. The truth is, no one is ever prepared to have a baby No matter how many years you prepare yourself, it is totally useless. We struggled through the first year of our baby, both physically and emotionally drained. But the rewards are tremendous. I regret not having the baby a few years earlier. The truth is there is no difference to the child.

So now when I look at those people who keep saying they are not ready to have a baby, I feel that they are very ridiculous. How can this reason be good enough to take away a precious life ? What is worst is that they made use of this ridiculous reason to abort their baby. And they are making their baby pay for the mistake they have made, by not taking the proper precautions.
 
agree with mikel and tamarind. shld take precautions instead of convenientlly aborting baby if get pregnant.

in the first place if dun want to get pregnant then either take precautions or dun have sex!!
 
My only post
You will never understand why most mothers as those in this forum are so against abortion, until you become a mother yourself.

I am not on a pro-life crusade. I do think there might be circumstances where abortion is the best or only option for some people. But in your case, it seems senseless.

Like tamarind said, no one is ever fully prepared for motherhood. It completely throws you off. We all just do the best we can, to rise to the occasion.

You sound full of conviction. In a way, good for you, because you're the one who has to live with your decision. But posting your experience in this public forum might inadvertently sway some Mothers-To-Be who are uncertain about their baby. I agree with Maggie that you may unintentionally have encouraged some of them to have abortions.
 
maggie, mikel, tamarind, dancestrella,
agree that it's quite hard to be 100% prepared for bb, really not simple or easy. I'm still learning everyday becoz bb always change... got to keep adapting...
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yalor, shld take precautions, if take already still strike means God wants us to hv the bb lah, FATED already, keke.

mikel,
my unplanned bb also threw my career plan off, so wasted, sigh, but it's ok lah, after see bb so cute, happy to sacrifice also, kekeke.
 
sp
Yes ... a bit wasted when I did rather well for the course and now I've become a SAHM ... don't know when I can bear to leave my bb and go to work ...
 
ya i agree too. no one can ever be prepared for motherhood. its never a bed of roses. but we are learning new things everyday and we are trying our very best. in the end its all worth it.

god bless all the mummies here.
 
Totally agreed with the gals, to the MY ONLY POST

Please take precaution since you are a mature adult and not some underaged teenagers!
 
In Myonlypost's defence, I think she provided some helpful information, and I'm sure those who're in a quandary right now will be grateful to read what she has to say.

To the enraged mothers on this thread, if it pains you to read that people are considering abortion, please save yourselves the upset and avoid reading these postings. There are many women out there trying to conceive, and there are an equal number of women who have conceived and are devastated by the news. Nothing's fair, and we all want what we haven't got.

As for the rationale that mature adults should take precautions, do "mature adults" really exist? Just have a look at some of the postings on this forum -- mothers-to-be making racist comments over not getting seats on trains, telling people to choose between their pets and their babies, not respecting their hired help, etc. These women may have chosen to raise their babies, but what sorts of values will they be passing on?

I'm a first-time mum-to-be myself, btw. Am also constantly questioning m'self on what sort of parent I will be.
 
I'm indignant that there're mothers who actually condemn another potential mother for her decision to abort her baby. We've all been mothers. Which mother would want to abort at will her child if there's a better choice? I find it strange that some mothers are so self-righteous about their choice to give birth.

You may have gone thro a similar scenario in which the pregnancy was unexpected, but nobody is in an exact situation as another. That's what makes us all so different despite the fact that we consume similar stuff.

Which mother have not given up some things for their little ones? Whatever sacrifices we've made, it's always for the good or betterment of our children and we make that decision becos we think it's a better decision. I find it absurd and immature to tell people how much you've given up for your child.

The decision to abort a child is never an easy one to begin with. I've heard of how a friend's friend trying to make the "right" decision by asking for advice. They had to make the decision fast and within that three days, it must have been sheer torment for that gal. For some, it may have been courageous to go ahead and give birth; for others, it may have been out of cowardice to give birth. Not everyone has the courage to abort a life that is gradually forming in their body.

Abortion is nonetheless a decision. These gals have to live with their decision for the rest of their lives. And how many of them have felt,"If only I had given birth to that baby ..." That friend's friend hasn't gotten over the abortion since 6 months ago. She'll probably have it on her conscience for many years to come. Looking at how these gals have suffered, the least we can do is not to judge them.
 
It is not possible to close my eyes to these postings, because I view the unborn fetus as a precious life, equivalent to a newborn baby. Will you keep quiet when someone tell you she is going to throw her newborn baby down a rubbish chute ?

This is a forum for mother-to-be and mothers. Rather than asking people not to read such postings, why don't you ask people not to post abortion related topics here ? It is not right to blast other people who are trying to save a life here.

I understand that some mommies may have no choice but to abort their baby. What bothers me is the reason some people give when aborting their baby, like
1. Not prepared to have the baby
2. Want to enjoy life first
3. Want to travel the world first
4, Want to have a big wedding first

These people need to be educated that a baby is a precious life, not just some flesh and blood that you can simply flush away. Just like they need to be educated about the different types of contraception.
 
Abortion is the taking of a life. There are no 2 ways about it.

Being tormented by that decision does not make it right.

The way I see it is, if by our voices in this forum we can help save another baby, then why keep silent? There are enough abortions out there - what we need to do is discourage, not encourage nor be apathetic.
 
I've watched a recent documentary on ChannelU regarding single mothers and one portion of it is about the abortion process. It's really mortifying to know that women actually went throught the abortion process (not including geniune cases). Do you know what they do? They insert a tube in to suck the foetus out. In the process of vacuuming 'it' out, the foetus' body is torn into pieces!!! The foetus already has legs, hands, heads when it's 8 weeks old!

Using ultra scan, docs find out that foetus actually senses the danger and tries to avoid the tube. The heart beat also increases. Sadly, it can't escape from 'its' fate. Being a mother and woman, I can't understand why pple abort baby for frivoulous reasons, esp when married.

rains
Pls read through Myonlypost posting carefully esp the reasons giving for abortion. Pls understand how sad we are to find a yound innocent life being literally torn apart for the carelessness of their parents for not taking precautions.
 
Tamarind: Since forums are a free-for-all, one can't stop others from posting abortion-related threads in here. And like it or not, women considering abortion are also mothers, and they have every right to be here.

If I were reading a thread on women trying to conceive, and I found women in there trying to dissuade people from having kids with emotional arguments, I would react in the same way that I have here.

My issue is less with the fact that women are in here speaking out against abortion and passing judgement on other women, and more with the fact that some of them are trying to silence others with different views and experiences, such as Myonlypost.
 
yell0wp0wer,
Yes forums are free-for-all. If anyone post a topic here, then she cannot avoid reading other different views and experiences. We have equal rights to post our views too.

If the woman has already decided on abortion, and don't want to listen to any other views, then she should not post in a "motherhood" forum, and she should not expect to get any support here. She should go and post in the "abortion" forum which I think someone has posted earlier in this thread. Different forums have different target audiences.

I believe those who post here needs help on making a decision. There is a mommy Klutz who has changed her mind about abortion.

How do you compare abortion with trying to conceive ? In the first case a precious life is already formed, and the mother is trying to destroy it. In the second case, the new life is nowhere in sight.

Mikel's post has explained very well that a foetus is a life. I believe those people who abort their baby due to frivolous reasons simply do not understand this fact.
 
Everybody has their rights to post here. If he or she has chosen to post here because of this right... he or she must respect that others have their rights too and that includes the right to voice their differing views.

It is ironic if one advocates this right but at the same time deny this right to the other party.

Isn't it equally ironic for one to judge another for having pass judgments?
 
mikel,
thanks for yr posting on the effect of abortion on the foetus, I didn't know that they can sense danger, can't imagine their fear...
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ya, we all hv different opinion, so we all say our piece here in the forum. we won't judge other ppl becoz we are not in their shoes. all we can do is try to persuade, if it doesn't work, too bad lor.
 
rains,
agree with yr posting very much. we shld not judge even if what ppl do in the end is against our beliefs.

err, does telling ppl what we sacrifice for our bb make us absurd & immature?
uhoh.gif
aiyo, then if ppl ask how is life after bb what shld we say???... since cannot mention abt our sacrifice unless we want ppl to think we are absurd & immature...
lol.gif
no hard feelings pleeeese...
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I believe most mommies here are angry with the REASONS given by some for abortion, and not condemning all abortions becoz there are cases which really call for sympathy. But definitely not to those who 'are not ready' or 'want to enjoy life 1st'.

Stop being philosophical by saying mothers are selfish too or mature adults dun exist etc etc. That is another issue all together! The existence of selfish people makes murders justified, isit?

If u dun wan people to judge your wrong actions, you should not ask for advice in the 1st place. You just want to feel less guilt, that's all.

MH, well-said. Pro-choice? Nah...what nonsense.
 
tamarind, droopy and other mummies,
I certainly agree that some of the reasons given to justify abortion is not agreeable to most of us mothers, hence we will want to sound our discouragement.

talking abt pro-choice vs pro-life... ok, what do u all think abt this scenario... let's say my gynae tells me I'm now carrying a bb that will die once it's delivered but will thrive as long as inside my body. let's say I've gone to see 3 specialists and they all say the same thing. now what should I do?

pro-choice ppl will say I should abort it becoz once it's out it will die anyway. I have a choice to end bb's life now rather than give birth and let the bb die on the delivery bed.

pro-life ppl will say I should carry till full term becoz it has a life and I have no right to take it away!!! I should love the bb and nurture it as long as it lives.

most of us will not be in the above extreme camps, we'll be somewhere in between where we believe it's ok to end a life thru abortion if there are strong medical reasons to do so. we may even think it's ridiculous to consider carrying to full term just to let the bb come out and die.

anyway, to each it's own, it's so hard to say someone is wrong or right in this gray area. let's just hope whatever we discuss here will make anyone comtemplating aborting their bb to THINK DEEPER and MANY MANY TIMES before they make their final decision.
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spongme,

I laughed when I read your later posting. I apologise if I'd sounded mean. I guess I have a problem with the word "sacrifice". I don't believe in it. Whatever decision we've made, it must have been something that we've deliberated on and believed that it's a better choice before we arrive at it. Chinese or rather, Asians, always feel that they have sacrificed this and that for the decisions they have made. I'd feel,"If you really feel that it is such a great sacrifice, then don't sacrifice la!" Why make a decision and then make yourself look so noble or matyred?

I'm currently a studying mum and I've friends who would say how much they have sacrificed to go back for studies again. I think it's so lame - if you didn't see better money in going back to study again, you wouldn't have come back in the first place. If you're not prepared to give up time with your baby, then don't come back. I suppose I have a problem with people who "sacrificed" yet want to complain. I wasn't talking specifically about you bcos I could tell that you were happy to give up the career for your babe.

O yeah, I read from a book which says that foetus can experience whatever the mother is feeling. If you are depressed, the foetus can feel it too. If you're stressed, the foetus will be stressed. And if you have thoughts of abortion, the foetus will feel very sad. That's why it's good to speak calmly and assuringly to the foetus.

To those who are angry with the act of abortion,

I believe those gals who went for abortion are also aware that their acts equate to that of a murder, and their own child at that. Yes, we ought to be angry with those young gals who treat abortion like it's just a routine or "mature adults" who abort for frivolous reasons, but doesn't the fact that someone bothers to post here tell you that she's not a willing party to abort the baby? Yes, it may be a "method" for the person concerned to feel less guilty about the impending abortion. But it's still a difficult decision nonetheless. The fact is, there are gals who wish they could keep their babies but couldn't. If they keep them, can you help to raise them?

How about those irresponsible mothers who starve their kids to death? Or the ones who lay their kids on the railway track? Or the ones who burn or strangle their kids alive? Or the ones who leave their babies to the mercy of cats and dogs? They may have delivered the babies, but are they raising them in the way the kids deserve? I really would rather these people abort the babies then torture these children like that.

If you've seen a friend or beloved genuinely struggling in between the decision: whether to abort or let live, you wouldn't have the heart to chide them. The most we can do is to tell them we'll support them, physically, financially and emotionally, if they should decide to give birth.

I'm impressed with the last line of spongme,"let's just hope whatever we discuss here will make anyone comtemplating aborting their bb to THINK DEEPER and MANY MANY TIMES before they make their final decision." Isn't this what the forum is all about?
 
Adoption is another topic altogether, but I do hope adoption will become increasingly more accepted as a substitute for abortion.

I saw a programme in the US about a poor Hispanic couple who had several kids, could not afford to raise another and yet they got pregnant again. In her interview, the mother said that they conscciously chose to give their baby up for adoption, in place of having an abortion. I think this is what having respect for life means.
 
rains,
If the girl wish to keep her baby, I am willing to give her whatever help she needs, and I am sure that many mommies here will do the same. There is now a thread in a marketplace about a teenage single mom asking for help, and many mommies have responded.

In Singapore no mother and baby will starve to death. Even if the mother only has O-level education, she can easily find a job as a waitress to earn enough money to support herself and the baby. They can also seek help from the government.

Since you have seen your friend genuinely struggling, have you ever thought of asking them to give birth to the baby and give it up for adoption ? Have you ever wondered why they don't do so ? Let me tell you this fact, they would rather kill their babies than give it to someone, they are simply cold blooded and selfish. That's why I don't give a damn when you tell me how "remorseful" they feel.

In the old days when women do not have the option to abort, many unwanted babies are given up for adoption or simply left in front of orphanage or convents. Now given the option, these women would rather kill their own babies. Can someone explain to me why ?
 
rains
'but doesn't the fact that someone bothers to post here tell you that she's not a willing party to abort the baby?' ... Not a willing party to abort, then why abort? Forced to do so or did someone point a gun at them to go for abortion? We are merely commenting on why did someone go for an abortion for some frivolous reasons, can't see that she is not an unwilling party.

'If you've seen a friend or beloved genuinely struggling in between the decision: whether to abort or let live, you wouldn't have the heart to chide them.' Of course we wouldn't chide them, the most is that we ask them to consider carefully and of course support their decision even though we may not totally agree to it.

'I'm impressed with the last line of spongme,"let's just hope whatever we discuss here will make anyone comtemplating aborting their bb to THINK DEEPER and MANY MANY TIMES before they make their final decision." Isn't this what the forum is all about?' ... That's what we have been doing, right? Asking Yuki to consider and think about it carefully. About Myonlypost, she seems to suggest that if the baby comes at a wrong time, then too bad, have to abort the baby. This seems to be a little too much.
 
I agree with droopy that many mothers here are angry with the REASONS given for abortion.

rains,
pls read CAREFULLY Myonlypost's message above. like what mikel said, she's simply suggesting that if baby comes at the wrong time then too bad, have to abort. and what does she mean by she was "forced" to abort?? did anyone point a gun at her head?? come on...it's just another way of feeling less guilty by saying that.

although i agree that we, as human beings have to respect other people's decisions, but the reasons given by Myonlypost sounds absurd.

several reasons whereby abortion will be somewhat acceptable are:-

1) medical reasons
2) deformities in the fetus (upon doc's advise)
3) it is a life and death situation for the mother
4) rape

And NOT some stupid reasons such as:-
1) honeymoon
2) customary wedding
3) not ready
4) want to enjoy life first

and many more...
 
rains,
forgot to add...you mentioned above "to those who are angry with the act of abortion.."

let me repeat again. we are not angry with the act of abortion. we are simply angry with the REASONS given for the abortion.
 
Wow ... everybody addresses to me ... I feel ... great. Hahahaa ... at least nobody has turned violent and hurled abuses at me.

I suppose those who choose to abort instead of giving the baby up for adoption is becos of the shame factor. It's usually more of the process than the product that they dread, and the need to tell their parents and the risk of incurring their parents' wrath. I'm quite sure if the baby can pop out before their tummy gets obvious, they wouldn't mind giving it up for adoption.

I think I can read English and I know it's the REASONS that you are angry about since the first post without having to read the in-betweens ("we ought to be angry with those young gals who treat abortion like it's just a routine or "mature adults" who abort for frivolous reasons"). I've also been trying to show you the REASONS we should be more sympathetic towards some gals who have to abort too.

I'm not supportive of abortion in case you think I am, but that's not an issue to me tho. I felt that Myonlypost does offer some form of valuable information that you don't find just anywhere. And I seriously don't think anybody would be encouraged to abort just by reading her post. I've read her post again very CAREFULLY and it seems to me that she has only one reason for her own case - that is, she is not ready to be responsible for another human life. I think some of you read too much into that line. I certainly don't think it takes on the tone of "I got pregnant? Oh, the timing's not right. Too bad." We've all different degrees of "unreadiness". She may have reasons we know not of.

Like what some people has said, that prior an abortion, one would be shown a video on the process of abortion. I feel that if one can still go ahead and abort the baby, she must have hardened her heart to do it. And what might have made a gal hardened her heart so much as to kill her own foetus? To the gal concerned, it must be a reason that's beyond the help of most people. Or simply, the shame factor if the gal is not married. For sure, we can offer help to a teen mum-to-be, but for how long? A lifetime? That will be nice. In reality, we don't give financial support for a lifetime (and I'm not talking about donation). Besides, there's this thing called "pride" in all human beings. I wouldn't want to receive help from others for the rest of my life.

It's been nice to exchange different points of view here. I certainly don't support abortion. There's no denying that those who choose to go for abortion place their life above their babies', definitely. I might have been as vehement as some of you in voicing out against abortion (oops, the REASONS for abortion) if I didn't witness the regret of two gals first hand and second hand.

Oh yeah, do pardon me for capitalising letters. It's so rude to do it isn't it? Tsk tsk!
 
It is tragically ironic that Myonlypost, in trying to avoid being a bad parent who isn't "emotionally" ready for her baby, becomes the worst kind of parent of all - one who kills her baby.

How I think her post might have influenced those women considering abortion:

1. She was "financially more secure than most people" and in a loving and committed relationship. For those in much more pitiable circumstances, they may feel that abortion for them is even more justified, before considering other alternatives.

2. Her description of the procedure as "relatively simple". I'm not a medical professional, but I think it's common knowledge that abortion carries considerable health risks.

3. The fact that she posted her message right after she "had just gone thru an abortion today. Just this morning in fact." For me, it hit too close to home. Shouldn't someone truly in pain about her decision be grieving at that time, rather than putting what sounds like quite a detached account on the internet?

4. She thought "it was neccesary" to counter the posts here as most of them "have portrayed abortions in a wholly negative light".
Abortion is a wholly negative thing, mitigated only by the reasons why it is necessary. Why should anyone want to put a positive spin on it by saying it is better to abort than to be guilty of "poor parenting"?

I honestly feel that she had no business writing such a post (free speech, free forum and all considered...). It was highly irresponsible of her -- that she hadn't taken precautions, that she didn't face up to the consequences of her failure to take precautions, that she didn't seriously consider the impact of her message here.
 
rains,
"shame" and "parents' wrath" are a very small price to pay for the mistake they have made. Don't forget that it is the girl's and bf's stupidity that get her pregnant in the first place. It seems like you don't fully appreciate the value of human life.

Most of us here were responding to myonlypost, who is already married. What kind of shame is there for a married woman to carry a baby to full term ? She could have give up the baby for adoption, and simply tell people that she has sent her baby out for 24x7 babysitting. But she is too selfish to let other people have her baby, so she would rather do the most cruel thing.

dancestrella,
I think you are right that myonlypost was not grieving. I have seen a real life example.

I was in SGH 2 days ago for tubal ligation. At the same time there was a young woman who came in for abortion. She was accompanied by her BF. The strange thing is that from beginning to end, she had this smile on her face. I don't see any grief in her at all. After the abortion, she was resting in a bed right next to mine. The nurse asked her what kind of precaution she took, she said "None". She does not regret the mistake she has made at all.
 
I am an excited mother into my 38th weeks of pregnancy. I can't wait to see my first born; a wonderful gift that God has given to me and my hubby.

Back to the topic of this thread, while i am so excited about my baby, i'd like to share with you about my Mum, who had passed away few months ago and a little secret that she shared with me before she left, that is, her abortion of my elder sibling.

She has been keeping this to herself for 30 years,I am not sure whether my father knew about it. She told me as I was the closest to her in the family. When she was younger and already married to my dad, she got pregnant but at the same time, she found a dream job of hers. However, the pre-requsite to get this job was not to be pregnant for the first 6 months of employment. back then, she was already 3 mths preg (that's supposed to be my elder sibling, i didn't know I am actually number 2). So, to choose between a fantastic career and starting a family, she picked the former and aborted her first child.

She was very successful in her career but among her siblings (7 of them, all sisters), she was the one always had woman sickness. in and out of the hospital almost every year to remove fibroids, breast lumps, etc. Within the family, we always joked about why mum having these problems while her sisters were all fine. There isn't any known medical explanation for the cause.

My mum was diagnoised with cancer, started from colon and spread to other organs. There was a night I slept with her (to reminisce my childhood days, whenever i feel weak, I always asked my mum to sleep with me) she suddenly reviewed this secret of hers. She confessed that she was not too guilty back then but if she were to choose again, she'd want to keep the child as her perspective of life had changed. She valued life more so than before. she struggled for five years to live before she left this world.

I think, many women chose abortion for various reasons. However, there can be some hidden effects on them after such act. Nature always has a way to deal with acts that are against it. Just look at the way humans exploit the nature such as deforestation, excessive farming and fishing in the name of modernisation and reducing poverty, etc. Sounds noble isn't it? But we are causing our own disasters. Just look at the Tsunami affected areas. the natural vegetation along the coast of one of these places (acted as a natural barrier preventing huge sea waves from hitting the coast)were removed to build holiday beach resorts so as to boost tourism and bring in $$ to the country. However, did they realise that they had removed what the nature had provided which was supposed to protect their lives.

My point is that, it is your attitude and values that deter your sequence of actions. For myself, I have seen less privileged ones who are, deprived from what other normal people have and yet, they could live happily and enjoy the essence of life itself. I have learned so much from them, every life is precious and beautiful. I cherish every life and i wish those who are planning for an abortion, please think again!
 
tamarind,

I take offence at this line "It seems like you don't fully appreciate the value of human life." You do not have a right to judge me or insult me. And don't say that you are not. How do you like it if I say that you are the one who do not understand the meaning of a "life"? A discussion board is always enjoyable until someone starts launching personal attacks. We're exchanging what we've seen, experienced or heard. There's no need to impose a negative judgment on someone you don't even know.

dancestrella,

Well, it's been insightful the way you interpret myonlypost's message. I appreciate a different way of reading it. If I had read it in that light, I'll be agitated as well. I agree that her post might make someone who considers abortion feel more "assured". I thought that could be the littlest comfort for someone who is totally alone and not knowing what to expect for the abortion. I always feel that there's a danger in dismissing abortion as an irresponsible act becos you tend to judge the gal who goes for the abortion. I haven't come across any mother who is glad that she aborted her baby. I seriously haven't. They have their own struggles to deal with and they remember how old the baby would be if he (it's always "he", strangely) had not been aborted. I must say I am incapable of being angry with them.

The way I see it, myonlypost has no obligation to show her grief here. Or perhaps this is the way she grieves - to tell a whole world of strangers that she aborted her child while trying to justify the abortion. Not everybody grieves in the same manner. I know of someone who grieves by laughing out loud like nobody's business altho she's hurting inside when her bf walked out on her.
 
rains,

I am not going to take back anything I wrote. My remarks are in response to what you wrote. This is exactly the problem with young people right now. They refused to face up to the truth. Someone has to tell the truth as it is. I got people judging me for passing negative remarks too, so what ? Anyway, don't bother continuing this. I am not going to bother to read anything else that is written by you.
 
rains
'Oh yeah, do pardon me for capitalising letters. It's so rude to do it isn't it? Tsk tsk!' ... It's really rude and why do you do even though you know it's rude? Even if you are angry or indignant, you don't have to be rude, as you say it.

'I know of someone who grieves by laughing out loud like nobody's business altho she's hurting inside when her bf walked out on her.' ... I think the comparison is not a juxtaposition. How to compare losing a boyfriend to taking away a life?

We know that she doesn't have to show her grieve but she doesn't have to be nonchalent about it too. Yuki is asking for advice and she's telling her and everyone that abortion is a very simple process and implied that there are very little risk involved.
 
"Life is present from the moment of conception."

- Dr. Jerome Lejeune, late professor and world renowned geneticist,
University of Descarte, Paris


"A person's a person, no matter how small!"

- from "Horton Hears a Who," by Dr. Seuss, late famous children's author
 
Young teenagers who's still under parental guidance. we could understand their dilemma of being a potential singe parent, facing social/family pressure and future financial problems.
Despite being young, I salute some of them who have the courage to take responsible for their own action.
I've seen those young parents who done a great job by raising their children well.
. For those parents who abuse their children etc, I couldn't comment much on their mental stability. It's fortunate that there are lesser of such child abuses in developed countries.

From what i've read, the mummies here do not condone the act of abortion but the reasons of abortions.
For those people who are able to post in perfect English here, high chances that they have been educated in safe sex precaution. We may feel that adults especially those who are mature enough to get married should take responsiblities for their own sexual thrills. If we encourage abortion and unprotected sex, there will be an high increase of innocent life loss, sexual transmitted disease and also damage to their own health, leading to broken marriage and eventually divorce as well.
News statistics reported that in once a week, there will be 3 women mostly 18-24 who went for abortion and also signficant increase of AIDS in young women from 18-39.
For those who's not trying for a baby, take responsibilities of ur own life.Practise safe sex, take sexual precaution to prevent innocent life loss and prevention of sexual diseases!
 
Guess what...I am really not interested in having a debate here esp to people who 'does not support abortion' and yet wants to waste time getting your point across to us. Maybe it helps in your thesis, I dun know. Our posts are simply directed to people who abort or are about to abort without a good reason. If there are people who genuinely needs advice here, we'll be glad to tell u what we feel. For people who adamantly believe it's ok to abort as they are 'not ready for a another human life' (after they conceived) or want to go honeymoon first or want to enjoy life first, go ahead lah. I think the bb deserves better parents anyway. I am glad none of my friends do that or else I will have one friend less.

For people who truly embrace freedom and not ready for another human life, I really understand coz a bb changes life forever. Agree with anonymous, practice safe sex.
 


For those who are in here looking for advice, read the arguments against abortion -- there are many on this page.

A different view is available here: www.imnotsorry.net

I recommended this site in two other threads because I read it when I was considering abortion, and I found it extremely comforting to know that many, many women have found themselves in the same predicament. Feeling less alone is the first step to recovering from the initial shock. And although I read countless positive abortion experiences on this site, I made a different choice in the end.

I'm due in a coupla weeks, but my husband and I were considering abortion initially. We later decided to keep the baby, not because of anything we read, or any advice we received, or even the abortion counselling we went through at KK hospital, which I felt was a sham because the counsellor refused to let my husband into our session until the video watching segment. And frankly, neither of us was moved by the video.

Essentially, we took a few days to let the news sink in. We talked about it a lot, and prayed a little. I think waiting a few days -- even one or two weeks -- to make a decision is the best thing one can do, whatever the eventual choice may be.
 
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