A Support Group for Divorcees

[Mira835]

Especially the 1 that hang on the wall mine is damn big kind I also don noe how to throw without letting others to see *haiz*

Hi piky, can I ask if you have managed to throw out your wedding photos yet? I also need to throw mine out but no clue as to where. Don't want to burn it in the burning bin downstairs as it seems rather not nice....kinda like burning stuff for myself. LOL.
The worse case scenario would be to throw it down the chute when I finally sell off and move out of my flat (which is 3 years later!).

 

[Depressed025]

Hi Ashley,

I think its difficult to have an honest and heart to heart communication with him as he has been keeping things from me since the day I found out.
Even if I'm willing, I doubt he is willing.
I have no kids.
I've seek counseling for myself.... But not for him as I doubt he want.
He is very stubborn and only thinks for himself nowadays.

 

[piky]

Hi piky, can I ask if you have managed to throw out your wedding photos yet? I also need to throw mine out but no clue as to where. Don't want to burn it in the burning bin downstairs as it seems rather not nice....kinda like burning stuff for myself. LOL.
The worse case scenario would be to throw it down the chute when I finally sell off and move out of my flat (which is 3 years later!).

Hi Mira

My dad sew my portrait into half, mum tear away the picture cut into pieces and throw into rubbish chute lol... now left with the ablum have throw

 

[piky]

Hi piky, can I ask if you have managed to throw out your wedding photos yet? I also need to throw mine out but no clue as to where. Don't want to burn it in the burning bin downstairs as it seems rather not nice....kinda like burning stuff for myself. LOL.
The worse case scenario would be to throw it down the chute when I finally sell off and move out of my flat (which is 3 years later!).

Hi Mira

My dad saw my portrait into half, mum tear away the picture cut into pieces and throw into rubbish chute lol... now left with the ablum have throw

 

[Mira835]

Hi Mira

My dad saw my portrait into half, mum tear away the picture cut into pieces and throw into rubbish chute lol... now left with the ablum have throw

I have the album(s) to throw out too. but i guess i'll do that only when i sell off my house and throw down the rubbish chute......

 

[piscesmommy]

Hi, I would like to join this group. Any procedures? I am filinf for divorce & is looking for a good & affordable lawye. Please pm me if you hv any contact, very much appreciate that!

My hb suggested doing it on our own & not engaging a lawyer, but I refused even though my finance are tight, cause I want o hv it done without headache on my end, plus I had a 5yr old daughter. May I know if I could still ask for maintenance if he purposely stay jobless? What's the chance & how to of get a transfer of ownership of flat to me at no cost ( HDB still hv outstanding loan), as I didn't want my gal to hv too much changes plus she going p1 next yr, I can't afford to get 1 house on my own now & didn't want all those troubles too. He had stayed jobless for nearly a yr & now wanted me to move back o my agents house so hat he can sell the flat & hv $ for himself! Disappointed with him...

 

[lasery2k]

Depressed,

totally understand how u feels now..coz i been thru it before too...those are jus craps which a guy always comes up wif...want freedom, want to do things his ways, want to have adventure..

i tried very very hard to salvage but ended up only 1 year more of suffering wif him when things don't changes a bit.

he no longer care as much for mi..still coming home late even not as late as be4..wheneva i goes back to my mum place he will take it as a break n go find tt whoreface..

i finally walk out from it last year and send him a D paper.

now i found a new love and my son is pretty happy wif my new guy.

my divorce is uncontested and cost mi 2k to settle everything

 

[lasery2k]

Hi, I would like to join this group. Any procedures? I am filinf for divorce & is looking for a good & affordable lawye. Please pm me if you hv any contact, very much appreciate that!

My hb suggested doing it on our own & not engaging a lawyer, but I refused even though my finance are tight, cause I want o hv it done without headache on my end, plus I had a 5yr old daughter. May I know if I could still ask for maintenance if he purposely stay jobless? What's the chance & how to of get a transfer of ownership of flat to me at no cost ( HDB still hv outstanding loan), as I didn't want my gal to hv too much changes plus she going p1 next yr, I can't afford to get 1 house on my own now & didn't want all those troubles too. He had stayed jobless for nearly a yr & now wanted me to move back o my agents house so hat he can sell the flat & hv $ for himself! Disappointed with him...

even he's jobless, he still can't run awy from maintenence for the kids. keep his last drawn pay slip and present it to the lawyer or judge if needed. They will based on that to calculated if need be.

then from now on. keep track of the children sch fees (receipts), children milk and stuffs (receipts)... then average out monthly need how much n ask from him on a 50% sharing.

 

[lasery2k]

usually. if uncontested...

the lawyer will write a papers for you then send to yr hub. after tt if he's agreeable and didn't contest on anything n sign..2-3weeks will be interim judgement liao...from the day the lawyer write the papers n send to yr hub will take abt 3-4weeks.

after interim judgement and still nth changes..then 3mths dwn the road will be final papers liao..pretty fast if the cases are quick.

if contested then alot of other proceedings le.

 

[LukasZach]

Hi, please provide good professional lawyer contact details as I want to start the process ASAP & move on quickly with my two boys. ~ desperate & heart broken mummy

 

[piscesmommy]

Thanks Lasery2k, can you pm me your lawyer contact?

 

[windmill_dream]

Hi Ladies,

I'm new to this thread and would like to join this group.

I am married for 13 years and have 2 kids. Ever tried to file for divorce. However, due to some financial issues, i gave up fighting the war and went back to him.

My hb was jobless for years. Working odd jobs... addicted in gambling... no income... not committed...
I guess i did love him from the start but slowly perhaps all these commitments comes in (kids, expenses) i'm like giving up and have no feelings for him...

Although he has a job now but still no income for me... We rely much on my mother in law as a care giver to our kids... I'm here because of my kids and a home to stay...

Anyone who have similar case as mine? Any advice of what can i do?
I'm confused and helpless.

Thanks.

 

[babybearbear]

hello everyone,
wld like to join this grp as my husband decided to go for the divorce.
I've a 6 yo gal and he's letting me have the custody of our gal.

What is happening??
I've just received retrenchment letter 2 weeks ago and now another issue to deal with.

 

[Janzz]

Hi Ashley,

I think its difficult to have an honest and heart to heart communication with him as he has been keeping things from me since the day I found out.
Even if I'm willing, I doubt he is willing.
I have no kids.
I've seek counseling for myself.... But not for him as I doubt he want.
He is very stubborn and only thinks for himself nowadays.

babe, I think your man is oready blinded by the "love" outside. You have to stay strong and fight for your right.

 

[PuzzlednSad]

Hi all,

Found out last September that my husband is seeing another woman. When I confronted him, he gave me the cold shoulder as if I am the one in the wrong. Last October, he raised the issue of divorce, citing reason that he would like to show his commitment to the other woman and her daughter, but at the same time, he would want to commit to our family too. We have been married for more than 20 years, with no quarrels whatsoever for the past 20+ years. I have placed all my energy and time to bring up our children to where they are today, perhaps have not been paying much attention to my husband in the process and now he wanted to divorce me. I have no clue how this happened. I was devastated and tried very hard to salvage the marriage but to no avail. He cheated on me a few years back but I forgave him and we managed to reconcile and continued our marriage quite happily (at least that is what I thought) until last September when I found out that he did it again. I am willing to forgive him although my siblings told me that I must be crazy to do so. Which wife will allow her husband to be unfaithful twice ? I did not agree with his grounds of divorce and he has no choice but to resort to separation first. I though he has become quite heartless, very unlike the man whom I married long ago. He does not care about me, neither does he care much for the children. He goes to her everyday and they text each other like a young couple who has just fallen in love. It pained me all the time to see all these but I still very much want him to come back to us so that I can give my children a complete family. I know he is quite determined to get out of the relationship and the silly me just can't get over him. How can I be strong again to go thru' the process ? I wouldn't want to affect my children at all.

 

[Janzz]

PuzzlednSad,

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been going thru. from wat u have shared, it seems that your hubby is very determined to walk out of this family. Are your children old enuf to understand that their dad is going to leave this family?I'm sure they will stand by and support you through this hardest period. Rmb, your hb has oready made up the decision to go, he has been so frank with you and he didn't even feel sorry for this whole affair. you will be strong again when you have supports ard you.

 

[PuzzlednSad]

My children are old enough and they hate their father for doing this to them. I have been crying almost everyday for the past 4+ months. Fortunately my elder child is my pillar of support. I don't understand why a person can have a change of heart almost overnight. Both of them already were already quite intimate even before my husband raised the issue of divorce. The woman knows that she is involved with a married man, but has no shame about what she is doing.

 

[Janzz]

U know what? Men is the last creation on earth that you can trust. They swear upon god that they nv betray marriage that was becos they haven't meet one. They wants the feeling of being in love all the time but they make no effort to maintain it, after getting themselves into affair they start blaming everything on the wife. This is so hard on you, is normal to cry your haeart out. But after the crying window period you have to stand up again and show this man that life without him does not effect that much. From what you sound here, i made a guess that the slut is a local. She won't understsnd your pain until same thing happen to her.

 

[PuzzlednSad]

Thank you for the encouragement. It is really good to have this platform to share my inner thoughts. I have not decided whether to stay or to leave soon.

Deep inside me, I still hope for a miracle to happen. I wanted to believe that what my husband is doing to me right now is an impulsive action. I tried to tell myself that since they have just started for a few months, everything is new and exciting, it is definitely the honeymoon period, the lovey-dovey can't last that long when familiarity and reality set in. I will continue to support him and surely in time to come he will see who is more true to him ? There are at least another 2.5 years more before he will initiate divorce proceedings on the basis of 3 years of separation (provided there is mutual consent). I hope the next 2 plus years, we can give ourselves more time and space to think about what we want to do. If he still thinks that he is better off with the woman at the end of the 3-year separation period, I will let him go. I just don't want to make any rash decisions right now which I will regret later. To me, family is very important and I will try to get my it back, rebuild it, if possible.

I am more at peace with myself this week and I did not cry so often. I know I have to pick myself up and not be affected so much emotionally - I still have to support my 2 children emotionally and financially. My husband, though he comes home every night, seems to have washed his hands off everything, only concerned about his own stuff when he is home. I have to shoulder all responsibilities - job, household chores, attending to my children's needs, etc. At times, I do feel unfair, dejected, but I have to be strong for my children, if not, what is going to happen to them ?

To me, my husband does not seem happy but I don't know the reason as he does not share with me. I am afraid to ask for fear that he will think I am intruding into his privacy. Perhaps the woman is giving him too much pressure too or he is too overwhelmed by his work, lack of sleep etc ?

 

[PuzzlednSad]

I have this urge to meet the woman and to ask her why she is doing all this to my family many a time. Any advice on this ? Should I or should I not ? Will it complicate matters or make th current situation worse ?

 

[janey09]

puzzlednsad,

u wanted your child to have a complete family, but his behaviour now doesn't work toward that directions. His behaviour now will hurt the child even more.

He have lost all interest in the family and just taking the house as free lodging. Even worse, u have to support your child financially.

I feel u should get maintenances from him for yourself and child. U let him be so carefree without financial commitment to your family, and bring all his love and money to her, u wait another 3 years, nothing will break them up.

Y wait, get the evidence, bring up the child yourself. He already given up on the family, at the end u might lose everything since during the separation period of time he did not give any maintenances, then if divorce, he doesn't need to give a single cents. U will be worse off.

also if u go and confront that women, she will tell u off, its your husband who come and look for u, she will humiliated u.

 

[70starz]

puzzlednsad

it's pointless to find the woman. i have done that, been there. the truth is just like the drama. the moment the wife goes to find the other woman, ur man will side her n run away from u.
i do not know if its worth giving such a man a chance but i know ur feelings of wanting a complete family, take your time to think, but unless u r serious to divorce, else do not even need to iron things out with him, let time prove its worth. at this point of time, the more u push this man for answers, he will move out even faster.

meanwhile, i suggest u shld try to keep evidence in case really divorce, than the evidence should be to your advantage.

 

[PuzzlednSad]

Will the court judgement be different if the divorce is made on different grounds, ie if the ground for divorce is adultery on the part of the husband, will the court favour the wife in terms of matrimonial assets division as compared to if the ground for divorce is 3-year separation with mutual consent ?

 

[Missy.Gem]

Hi all,
Here is my story. I married for 4 years no kid. Last year due to a quarrel, me and him sperated for 12 months. We didn't do any d procedure. I found out That he has a girl during the period of time. Early this year after much talking we get back but recently I found out that he still look for the same girl. I'm heart broken. I know love and time is wasted. We have a Ec which READY in June 14. I hope that I can get a lawyer that can help me.
1. What proof I need to Sue him adultery, I have a note from him states that he has sex with the girl. PI still needed?
2. How can I gain the rights to my EC and defer the selling of EC after 5 yrs?

anyone know of such experienced lawyer that can help me?

 

[m00m00]

hi all,

hope you are all doing good..

i like to seek you advise/comments how and what constitute adultery?
how can i prove it if text are deleted and i have no PI case to prove?
there's no physical abuse so far.

i have 2 young kids, married for 6 years. - will it be joint or sole custody?
i have a new ec coming this june. do you know what will be done to the new place?
we are staying with mil - i am not able to go back to my families - i will need to get a place of my own but its all cost which i am currently supporting the kids maintenance myself.

is there any warning i can give him before serving him the divorce paper?
he got angry when i want to confront the party saying i am embarrassing myself (like i care at this point)and said i am imagining too much.

am i? do i really have to get myself checked?
there is no smoke without fire.

i dont know which way to proceed...please advice. thank you

 

[heretohelp]

Hi everyone i'm new to this forum, but i am here to help anyone where i can.

Hi m00m00,
Under the law, adultery is very difficult to prove, must show that the other party has had sex with another person, of the opposite sex, during the marriage. Most divorces are granted under unreasonable behaviour. You will need strong Private Investigation report to support your claim of adultery. Text messages may not be enough to prove adultery, unless the other party has admitted to committing adultery. No point spending money to retrieve the text message, even if it can be retrieved.

Physical abuse goes to show unreasonable behaviour and not adultery. If the other party has caused physical abuse or beatings, then you may apply for a Personal Protection Order (PPO).

The Singapore Courts are very pro joint custody. Custody refers to the right to make long term decisions concerning the children i.e. which school they attend for example. Care & control refers to the right to take care of the children on a day to day basis. Access rights are granted to the other parent who DOES NOT have the care & control. I note you have a rather short marriage who bore two children.

I am not sure, but if you do proceed for a divorce, your Executive condominium will need to be sold and the sale proceeds split between you two. HDB may forfeit your EC or may require you to pay the Seller Stamp Duty which is 16% of the current market price of your EC, and this 16% will have to be paid by cash. Do consider this properly and seek legal advice.

If you do decide to move out of your current house, you may want to start collecting receipts, all your credit card bills etc to prove your standard of living. You may get your lawyers to apply for interim maintenance for you and your young children in the meantime while the divorce is pending. Under the law, a man has the duty to maintain his ex-wife until she is remarried, and his children until they are 21 years old or when they finish their tertiary education i.e. university.

Regarding any warnings, you may want to approach a marriage counsellor? or find someone comfortable to talk to. Think happy thoughts and always act in the best interest of the children. Take good care of yourself.

 

[heretohelp]

Will the court judgement be different if the divorce is made on different grounds, ie if the ground for divorce is adultery on the part of the husband, will the court favour the wife in terms of matrimonial assets division as compared to if the ground for divorce is 3-year separation with mutual consent ?

Hi Puzzlednsad,

As far as I know, there is ONLY ONE ground for divorce i.e. the marriage has broken down irretrievably. But like you said, there are many i.e. 5 facts to prove the one ground of divorce. The difference between adultery and separation for 3 years does not affect the ancillary matters i.e. division of matrimonial assets. however, they may go towards the Judge's consideration of who to award care & control of the children to. Adultery gives the implication that the other party is not a good parent.

Take care of yourself and be happy

 

[heretohelp]

Hi all,
Here is my story. I married for 4 years no kid. Last year due to a quarrel, me and him sperated for 12 months. We didn't do any d procedure. I found out That he has a girl during the period of time. Early this year after much talking we get back but recently I found out that he still look for the same girl. I'm heart broken. I know love and time is wasted. We have a Ec which READY in June 14. I hope that I can get a lawyer that can help me.
1. What proof I need to Sue him adultery, I have a note from him states that he has sex with the girl. PI still needed?
2. How can I gain the rights to my EC and defer the selling of EC after 5 yrs?

anyone know of such experienced lawyer that can help me?

Hi missy.too,

I think that letter from your husband is enough to prove adultery. Afterall, the legal definition of adultery is committing sexual intercourse with another person of the opposite sex during the marriage. The letter will serve as an admission. However, do check that (1) the letter is legible i.e. can be read, (2) is in english, if not can get it translated, (3) it has his name, (4) has a date and (5) has a signature.

Regarding your question 2, I am not sure too. So its best to find a lawyer to consult.

Take care of yourself and be happy

 

[baywater479240]

Hi.... I'll be starting my divorce procedure next wk... its so mind draining n I feel I've failed in my role in being a good mum to my kids. I've no more energy to hate or be angry with the father of my kids n I just want to leave him asap. I'm a sahm mum fir the past 4.5 yrs n I'll be starting my life with my 3 kids n I've no idea how to proceed.... can I join the support gp pls....

 

[Mira835]

Hi everyone, need some advice.....and if from a legal standpoint that would be good too. I am going through my separation now and one of the so-called standard clauses of the deed is that "For sake of harmony, neither party should invite anyone of the opp gender to the Matrimonial Home." This clause has been breached by the ex (we are living under the same roof), what can I do legal wise? Does that make our deed invalid since he breached this clause? Can I demand him to start the divorce proceedings? If I caught him flouting this "rule" one time, then I'm sure he's done many times without my knowledge. It's a real misery living with him but I do not have a choice as family does not reside here. And I will not give in by moving out. HDB flat can only be sold off in 2016 after the MOP. Should I just tolerate this and use whatever evidence (photos/videos) for future use if there is a dispute during the divorce proceedings?

 

[ferli81]

Dear Beenies, though I'm not a divorcee, I grew up with a philandering father, so I can empathise through the pain that my mother lived through.

Now that I'm married with kids, I have to say though that no one is infallible and marriage is hard work with potentially much blessings. The fact that your husband is willing to humble himself and make this marriage work is perhaps, something worth fighting for. Do consider the reason you fell in love with him, why you chose to start a family with him, and what kind of future you would like to work towards with him.

Even though trust and mutual respect are integral to marriage, when these are broken, it isn't always irreparable - they just need to be earned again. And where love is, children will flourish.

If you'd like to give it a shot again, consider seeing a family counsellor. I've friends who have repaired their marriage with a little external help and it is always worth it. Your pain is understandable, and dealing with it by yourself is definitely not easy.

Cheers.

 

[heretohelp]

Hi Mira835,

I am replying based on the fact that you have entered into a Deed of Separation.

Every Deed is different. You may have to check whether your Deed contains an "Termination Clause" or a clause to the effect that the Deed shall be deemed to be terminated if either party breaches any clause. However, the clause may not be enforceable because it is too wide to begin with.

A Deed is an agreement between two or more parties. The Courts will interpret a Deed as though a contract between you and him, and contractual principles will be relevant. Breach of one clause does not automatically terminate the entire Deed, unless the clause provides so, or if the breached makes the Deed and/or the rest of the Deed incapable of being performed, which does not seem to be the case here.

You may wish to wait a while more and observe any other breaches of the Deed or evidence of any unreasonable behaviour after entering into the Deed. Does your Deed only deal with the financial settlement or is there a clause to say that neither party shall being divorce proceeding within how long of entering into the Deed. At the start or at the end of the Deed is there a governing law clause or a clause to specify which court shall have jurisdiction over the Deed?

I'm not sure if the above help, but do stay strong, and keep a calm mind. Seek legal advice if you have to.

 

[Mira835]

Hi Mira835,

I am replying based on the fact that you have entered into a Deed of Separation.

Every Deed is different. You may have to check whether your Deed contains an "Termination Clause" or a clause to the effect that the Deed shall be deemed to be terminated if either party breaches any clause. However, the clause may not be enforceable because it is too wide to begin with.

A Deed is an agreement between two or more parties. The Courts will interpret a Deed as though a contract between you and him, and contractual principles will be relevant. Breach of one clause does not automatically terminate the entire Deed, unless the clause provides so, or if the breached makes the Deed and/or the rest of the Deed incapable of being performed, which does not seem to be the case here.

You may wish to wait a while more and observe any other breaches of the Deed or evidence of any unreasonable behaviour after entering into the Deed. Does your Deed only deal with the financial settlement or is there a clause to say that neither party shall being divorce proceeding within how long of entering into the Deed. At the start or at the end of the Deed is there a governing law clause or a clause to specify which court shall have jurisdiction over the Deed?

I'm not sure if the above help, but do stay strong, and keep a calm mind. Seek legal advice if you have to.

Hi heretohelp,
Thanks for the advice. I am planning to seek legal advice as there is nothing in the deed that covers the "consequences" of the contract clauses being breached. I believe that it's more to cover the financial part when the divorce proceedings commence.
The ex had also verbally threatened me that he can do nasty things and see who can tahan the most.
So, my next step is to seek legal advice and find out what are the damages (house, lawyer fees, etc) if I give him a writ of divorce.

 

[Mira835]

If any one has a good contact for a lawyer (pref. female who will help me claim what I'm rightfully owned) would be very much appreciated.

 

[heretohelp]

If any one has a good contact for a lawyer (pref. female who will help me claim what I'm rightfully owned) would be very much appreciated.

Hi Mira835,

Regarding recommending a solicitor, I regret that I am not able to help you with that, and you would have to ask around your friends, colleagues or other forum members.

On the other hand, do take care not to allow yourself to get hurt. I understand from you that you are still staying under the same roof as the other party. if need be, do apply for a Personal Protection Order ("PPO") for yourself. However, verbal threats along are generally not enough.

Do you mind if one asks how long have you been married for? are either party Singaporean? I would assume so because you have a HDB flat together. Citizenship determine whether the Singapore Courts have jurisdiction to dissolve your marriage and the length of marriage determines the proportion of division. For shorter marriages, the Court would look at the proportion of direct financial contributions whereas for the Courts are more willing to consider indirect financial contributions to the family for longer marriages. In this regard, there is no starting point for division though.

Take care of yourself and be happy

 

[Mira835]

Hi Mira835,

Regarding recommending a solicitor, I regret that I am not able to help you with that, and you would have to ask around your friends, colleagues or other forum members.

On the other hand, do take care not to allow yourself to get hurt. I understand from you that you are still staying under the same roof as the other party. if need be, do apply for a Personal Protection Order ("PPO") for yourself. However, verbal threats along are generally not enough.

Do you mind if one asks how long have you been married for? are either party Singaporean? I would assume so because you have a HDB flat together. Citizenship determine whether the Singapore Courts have jurisdiction to dissolve your marriage and the length of marriage determines the proportion of division. For shorter marriages, the Court would look at the proportion of direct financial contributions whereas for the Courts are more willing to consider indirect financial contributions to the family for longer marriages. In this regard, there is no starting point for division though.

Take care of yourself and be happy

Hi,

We've been married for 4 years before we separated last year in Aug. Both are SPR, though I am waiting for my citizenship status. We don't have children as I had a miscarriage earlier last year....which started all this stuff.
But whatever has been decided, I have moved on. No point staying with someone who doesn't even bother about you anymore.

I understand that verbal threats are not of a higher scale as compared to physical abuse, but it's still something to be concerned about especially if he's trying to force me out of the house with stupid antics.
Hence, I want to get some legal advice to see what is my next step so that I can have him totally cut out of my life once and for all. And having to wait 3 years when there is really no reconciliation at all, is really a waste of time, IMHO.

 

[heretohelp]

Hi Mira835,

I hope you can find solace in this forum and with help from other forum members. You should move on and go separate ways when you feel that the marriage no longer has meaning to you and after the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

As for the three year wait to begin the divorce process is part of the Singapore legislation. The Women's Charter provides that you must have been married for a minimum of three years before your papers can be filed. On top of waiting three years after registering your marriage, you will have to make sure that either yourself or both of you have resided in Singapore for three years and above immediately before the filing of your divorce papers before the Court will have jurisdiction to dissolve your marriage. Either than or when you get your citizenship. Given that your marriage is a short one, you are most likely to be awarded a proportion of the matrimonial home corresponding with the proportion of contribution of the Parties.

I wish you well and may your living with the other party be as smooth as it can get without threats. Always keep your phone with you and do know where to find help if you need to. Also, good luck with finding a solicitor to handle your legal affairs.

 

[xiuping]

Hi my husband insist on divorce this June
Please add me to the group please .
My email [email protected]

As I seldom visit this forum , appreciate any advise / advice for me , a SAHM
I really hope to still stay at home to take care of bb , possible ? How do other sustain or live a decent life after divorce ?
Pls msg me

 

[bellem1122]

I am planning for a divorce since finding out my husband of coming to 2years had an affair with a viet girl since beginning of the year. Since then we have spoken a lot about his behaviour and I realised that he is not who I think he really is. All this time I thought he just flirted outside. After all the drama, I realise that not only he had an affair, he had been visting massage parlours and ordering prostitutes online. He kept in contact with ladies from ktvs as well. He also have debts from gambling.

I am asking for D but he say he will change. But I see no action. All empty talks. I believe he is asking me to stay for the sake of the social responsibility only. It looks good that he have a wife and a son to the business associates outside. He helps out in the family business.

I don't believe a cheater will ever change. He will still cheat again. Our son is only 15 months old. I just want to leave asap before he cheats another time and hurt me and my son's feelings. I don't want it to happen when my son is all grown up and have to handle all the stress when parents decides to break up.

If somebody have any advice for me please provide~ I really don't know how I should start.

Roughly this is my current situation.
-living together with mil
-we have a bto in 2016
-I have a stable job but I am under a 2 years contract. Renewed recently.
-he works flexi hours ard the clock
-he took all my jewelleries and pawned them without my knowledge
-had affair this year for 3 months. The only affair I found out. Not sure if more

Spoke to him about D. He told me he will not fight if I really want to D. He can give me full custody and give maintenance whenever financially he can afford.

Another concern is child care and govt subsidies. Will govt still provide subsidies if after we are divorced? Will I be considered as a single mother?

 

[Mira835]

Hi all, I was just wondering......it won't be right to get pregnant with a baby of another man while being separated right?
I did check the woman's chapter and found the following:
"ART X
Chapter 1 — DIVORCE
Interpretation of this Part
92. In this Part, unless the context otherwise requires —
“child of the marriage” means any child of the husband and wife, and includes any adopted child and any other child (whether or not a child of the husband or of the wife) who was a member of the family of the husband and wife at the time when they ceased to live together or at the time immediately preceding the institution of the proceedings, whichever first occurred; and for the purposes of this definition, the parties to a purported marriage that is void shall be deemed to be husband and wife;"

From my basic understanding of this, so long as there is a baby born (which may not be the child of the father) in the period of when a married couple are separated or before the divorce proceedings commence, this baby (of another man) will be recognised as the child of marriage between the two parties , is this right?

 

[betty1]

no one in particular.
In general, it applies to everyone.

I was impress and amaze that numerology can actually tell a lot about a person. It can accurately profile a person character, personality, and tell more about his or her potential destiny.

Try it out if you think it can help you.

 

[betty1]

Hi,

I would like to know if you are willing to help me about your numerology. Can it really accurately profile a person, relationship?

 

[Kjolly]

Hi there, my father has several women outside. When my mom found out, he said he will leave but does not want a legal divorce. My mom forgave him and he lied that he had cut all ties. He sends a lot of money to these women. My mom is very weary and is thinking of divorce but is afraid of legal costs spiraling out of our control and losing the house (it was paid solely from his cpf).

Can I join this support group? Can anyone recommend a good lawyer that charges reasonably and can negotiate well? (Can speak Mandarin) Also, can recommend me a PI please? Let me know the rough costs.

Thanks a lot.

 

[margret]

Kiolly, I have engaged a good PI who helped me to get the evidence against my husband and subsequently a lawyer who helped me processed my divorce.

Both of the cost is not very high. If u are interested, u can email me at [email protected]

 

[summerhills]

Hi mummies.

I m one of he unfortunate one who is facing a cheating husband. I m a housewife and not working, have 3 children. I need a good PI, who doesn t charge too high and susbequently a good lawyer. I would prefer PI who have worked with law firms rather than those who advertise themselves ( the reviews that I read in the PI thread is so scary). Thank you in advance.

 

[mimicoco77]

Hi all,

Can anyone recommend me a lawyer.

I do not have PI evident but this is not 1st time. I am devastated of why this guy didn't learn his lesson. This man usual to not have money, I supported the family of 3 kids. Last year, he has found a high pay salary job and started to avoiding me recently. He told the kids that he is sick and going to die soon, however, I later found out, he had betrayed me again, got a new girlfriend. 10 years ago, he told everyone that I have bad temper and was a bad mother, result, his acts of unfaithfulness . I questioned myself, and maybe it was my fault, I will changed. However, 10 years later. it happened again, same situation, same emotion, same coldness towards me, and I was told it is my fault again result this reaction and hate towards me. Maybe, it is my karma, which suppose to be ripen 10 years ago but somehow, I give in and changed for a soft, submission wife and pay for everything in the household. Only recently, he got a higher salary... and a change in his attitude towards me too. In the nutshell, I am so native to be able to think that I can change, so does him, to be a better self....Now, I am just worried about my children, they are strucked between us. Questions, will the children need to be split up, and do we really need to sell the house, what if the another woman move in..... this man earn about 6k, every month, he said no money... Much of what I hate, I wish my children to follow him so that they can use his money instead of letting other woman used it.

I think he is serving me the D letter now. I am not even sure what to do first...

SOS misery....

 

[wolfgirl76]

Hi all,
divorced for 8 years already with a beautiful little girl in primary school.

For someone who has been caring for a child alone, I must say it is not easy.
I have full custody, care and control. My girl has no contact with that party since 3 months old.
There is no mention of him in my family and no photos of him either.

Now my daughter is asking about the 'Dad'. I have been in a denial mode and was hoping this day won't come.
Still unprepared to deal with it.

Anyone in this predicament too?

 

[toyplaybox]

wolfgirl76, i'm not in the same situation but just to offer two cents

it's a matter of time where kids will ask about their dads.. i'm guessing your daughter is about 7-8 years old now. Try explaining to her in simple terms that your family consists of yourself and her? Families are different (i am not even going into same-gender parents which is rare in sg, but people won't bat an eyelid elsewhere).. Offer her a listening ear where she needs and try to engage in activities with her?

Will expect my kids to ask me why our family is different from their classmates, but i would like them to embrace diversity and that differences are to be expected, without judging which is better/worse.. i wouldn't want my kids to grow up in an environment where dad and mum are always at odds..

 

[zossamuel]

Hi,anyone got a good lawyer to recommend.i want to fight for the custody for my only son.

 

[toyplaybox]

It's likely you get joint custody unless the ex agrees to sole