35 weeks preggie and being called a "fat pig" in public

[liztan]

Have a bad encounter today at Tampines Ikea. It started off as a harmless queueing dispute, in the end, i was called a "si fei zhu" (in chinese) by this middle-age woman. Yes, it's a woman calling a pregnant woman "fat".

It's really upsetting. But I'm glad I'm able to keep my cool as my gal is with me at that time and I don't want to embarass her, and I don't want to get angry and probably upset my little one inside my tummy. Even though I ignore her, she still continues scolding "si fei zhu" and "si fei po". This is really depressing. My only console is that this didn't happen during my 2nd trimester, when I was having a very low self-esteem at that time. But neverthelss, I was still upset (or else I won't be writing this).

Just this morn, I read in ST that a librarian asked two young mothers who were reading alound to their children to go to the reading room and she was challenged by these 2 women. I really sympathised with the librarian and at the same time, saddened by the attitudes of Singaporeans today. What kind of society have we become? And I start to regret a little for having 3 kids who have to be brought up in such a society.

 

[fairyprincess]

Hi Lis,

Sorry to hear about this....
Honestly, having high self-esteem comes from within i.e. yourself- why let someone determine your value/ worth???

Sure it may hurt, but if you let the comment linger and reduce your self-esteem, only you are suffering...

I would totally ignore such comments...you have got more impt things to do in life than to linger on what others say...that's my philosophy =)

 

[luvmum]

Hi lis,

Can understand how you feel...I received ugly comments from my colleagues during my preg period too. Sometimes pple are unaware how much their wordings hurt, to them they just speak out from their mind w/o going thr their big brain..these are the untactful lot. Dun be too disturbed by them. Sometimes you may be too shock or angry to react.

Once I went to this boutique to try a top. I took the M size and it fits well. Love it and tot of buying. Guess wat the salesgirl ask me 'oh you are taking an XL size'? I change it, return back to her and point to the size M. Then I told her, for what you have said, I'm not buying.

If I need to answer back that woman, I will be sure to tell my gal that this is a rude behaviour and unkind words which I will make sure she won't say this to other pple as well. We need to guide our young ones the right behaviour. Still in this world, there will be a mix of pple, I saw many ill behaved and rude children too.

 

[liztan]

Actually, I've having low self-esteem during my 2nd trim coz' I was having PUPPS, plus the effect of hormonal changes and mood swing during preg. My mood has improved since my PUPPS has recovered with medication. Even though I weigh 71kg now, I don't think I look fat, kee kee, quite thick skinned.

Yes, i read about the teenagers article as well. I guess it has to do with parenting as well. Nowadays, if you see a misbehaving kid in public and tell him off, most likely, the parent will side his/her kid and challenged you. But I remembered during my days, my mum always apologise when I misbehaved in public.

LuvMum, yeah, shopping during preg may be a problem. But many times, I feel that it's the way Singaporeans phrase our words that offend pp, I am lucky so far to meet more tactful sales people.

 

[pinkpigs]

Hi Lis,

Dun feel so bad abt it. They might be suffering from some mental illnesses.

I once sat behind a middle-aged lady and she started ranting at another middle-aged lady seated across the aisle from her for staring at her. The other lady ignore her and she started cursing?!?! I witness the whole event and I can say there was no staring to begin with. So all I can say is that the one tat rant is mentally imbalance.

 

[buggie]

i guess when people are unhappy, they want to infect others as much as possible with their misery. Unhappy pp can be vicious and cruel. Happy people don't go around insulting others. You did the right thing by ignoring her, she's so not worth another thought!

 

[maryjeff]

Hi lis,

I still remembered ppl called me "Lantern" when I was pregnant & I was wearing those whole piece maternity dress. But i juz ignored lor & smiled cos when I looked myself into the mirror, I really looked like a big "lantern".

We must try to look on the bright side. We must make ourselves happy especially when we r pregnant. Being pregnant is enjoyable and amazing.

 

[larkspur]

Hi Lis,

when i was pregnant with my boy, one colleague of mine kept saying out aloud whenever he saw me"oh mine you are fat" or "you are getting fatter and fatter" and it could be in my cubicle or in a lift full of people. Initially i was angry but then i just brushed it aside and ignored him.

 

[tamarind]

I think if you are unhappy about someone's rude comments, you should tell her off immediately. Don't need to shout, just tell her calmly that she is a rude person with a very bad mouth, and that she didn't look any better than you. Then calmly walk away. It's better than keeping quiet, then feeling unhappy about it for a very long time.

 

[liztan]

Hi Larkspur, your colleague is really irritating! Just don't understand why women made such comments, I mean, they will become like dat when they got pregnant rite?

btw, I just had an early delivery n this time round, tummy's still hanging like a spare tyre n looks preggie esp at the sides. sigh...

 

[larkspur]

unfortunately it is a he and not a she. Anyway i just ignored him cos hehhehe i looked very thin even though when i was preganant and maybe that is y i cant be bothered about him.

 

[pinkieperpig]

Hi Lis,

u shd think it this way tat the lady noticed your size cos your baby is gaining weight, rite?

Anyway i agreed with tamarind, if u'r unhappy about the comments, just tell her off nicely.

I think i was very lucky as compared to most of the mummies cos no one ever say rude/bad remarks when i was preggy. Infact most of my colleagues treat me very well. Even if i'm on bus/train, someone will definitely give up their seats to me.

 

[jasmine_goy]

Hi all

My story will be asking for sit from a young lady for sit in the MRT. Since someone step on my leg and cause bleeding. I am 34 weeks Pre. She raise her voice and said WHY ME. How about that.

 

[mayng]

she stepped on u to cause that bleeding? this ppl really too much.. :

 

[openyrmind]

Hi Goy
The most of the younger generation only tried to look nice in their appearance and when it comes to the things that they should do (like give up their seats for old ppl and pregnant mummies) they just pretend not to see it. Sometimes they can fall "ASLEEP" immediately....Sigh. This got to do with their Upbringings.

 

[openyrmind]

Hi! I had an unpleasant incident last week when I was taking the LRT from Punggol Meridien station with my daughter. We went into the LRT and there was an empty seat so i told my daughter to sit down and I stood beside her.
This nice lady gave up her seat to me and just when I was about to sit down, 2 kids sat down.
At this moment, 2 women speaking in their Native Chinese said that I am so rude, the lady gave up her seat and I did not sit down.
At first, i thought just forget their comments but they continued speaking loudly.
So I got fed up and walked up to them and told them in Chinese, "Where i sit is none of yr business!" The skinny woman said, "No lah, we not talking about U." Then they said i was crazy so I said loudly, "Mind yr own Biz".
I am so irritated with these 2 women. I think pple should really mind their own biz...what do u think?

 

[hamasaki]

loveumummy, i encounted such rude pple before. really pissed off with them.. wondering if there's something wrong up in their head?
sigh, there are so many weird inconsiderate pple in this world. sometimes, think they are taking advantage to bully preggies? wondering what will do them good in this case??

 

[jasmine_goy]

I am quite fierce type won't keep silence . I actually scold her in front of everyone. She also very bad luck.Ha....

 

[hamasaki]

goy, yes must really teach them a lesson if not they think we are good to be bullied.

why poke their nose into our business where they are in the wrong in the 1st place.

 

[openyrmind]

thanks everyone for yr support..hee...yes we should stand up for our rights and not let these crazy pple bully us

 

[closetdoor]

Shocking... I mean who don't put on weight when pregnant??? Haiz. Now I am 20 weeks le. Nvr once ppl give me a seat on the train... Lol.

See it this way: We are living in a world with lots of poor souls. We should forgive them since they are ignorant.

Stay happy!

 

[babypris86]

ya i agree... u know i was even being offered by OSIM staff , " MIss do you wan to try our UZAP?? effective to slim down ur tummy..." i was so fed up!!! i think his senior or boss is beside him.. den he asked him to apologise cuz I AM PREGNANT!!! not FAT!! I was even wearing my maternity dress...

 

[jywy2000]

I also experienced this when I was pregnant at 25 weeks. This lady came up to me to promote slimming cream. My friend and I almost burst out laughing. Is it so difficult to differentiate pregnant ladies from the really fat women? I am sure they can tell from the tummy right?

 

[hamasaki]

<font color="0000ff"> i was wondering if they knew how to see between preggies and non-pregnant ladies but chose to turn a blind eye so as to promote their items.. </font>

 

[cutienottikitty]

just a story to share... currently not pregnant...just newly wed roaming this site to get info...=D

anyway... a few mths back.. i was on the train... had a very tired day... and immediately fell asleep... not sure why i woke up all of sudden and saw this pregnant lady standing... and those sitting beside me... all asleep too... so i quickly stood up and gave her my seat..she needs it more than me...and almost immediately... those pple who were sleeping also "all of sudden" wake up..and continue to sms, chat etc.... isn't it very weird??? i think they really dun put themselves in other pple shoes... those young ladies...1 day they also will be in the same situation...and those guys... young men... their wives also will be in the same shoes one day...

worse of all... when i stood up to give my seat to this pregnant lady... 1 auntie in her 40s wanted to rush over and snatch the seat... so i just used my body to block her and make sure the pregnant lady got the seat...how terrible can pple get nowadays???

 

[hamasaki]

<font color="aa00aa"> during pregnant days, pple also wanna snatch seats from me and they like bo chap when so many pairs of eyes are watching them.

Very inconsiderate and often i believe they wanna bully preggie ladies cos they know we cant run as fast as them and cant be rough as them for fear of hurting our baby..</font>

 

[atm]

hi Priscilla (babypris86),
Same encounter! it also happen to me when I was preg.,however I just walk away & ignore them. Dont want to get angry and affect my baby.

*Mother-to-be, pls ignore and forgive them for your baby & your health.

 

[bibi_gal]

Hi Saki,
I totally agreed with you as it also happened to me before. I really being squeezed like a sardin in the MRT but everybody seem like saw nothing!
Finally I choose to go home after peak hour...... haiz

 

[hamasaki]

bibi, yup. those hours, there were lots of pple. really so packed n when u stand in front of those seats, Often pple will automantic shut their eyes n pretend to sleep...

They will only open their eyes when u found a seat or have walked away.. I saw many of such incidents..

I ever saw some pple snatching n almost knocked a preggie lady before n I shouted at them to back off n watched where are they going..

These cases happened to me before so can imagine the shock the preggie lady was at that time..

 

[bibi_gal]

Saki,
Those people keep squeezed at me even though I shouting at them.... haiz....
Yeah, these always happen to those young people, office working adult!

I find aunties more considerate as they will let preggies to have their seat! Probably they understand how tough and heavy for a preggie to carry a baby.....

 

[hamasaki]

Really wonder those young adults or University students etc dun even know these basic courtesy and manners.
In future, they themselves or their wives will be pregnant n I wonder what will they think n feel if other pple treat them as non-existents. Hope they will look back n reflect their own actions.


Hmmmm, some people are good but maybe I’m unlucky as I met those that are so kiasu n dun care whether I’m preggie or not by snatching seats from me when I was approaching.

Got one incident that i can remember clearly was when a kind uncle offered the seat to me n the auntie went over n sat on it purposely when i was abt to sit down.. She almost knocked me down.

The uncle was furious n scolded her n asked her to get up… Then they started to argue in the train..... Zzzzzz

 

[hamasaki]

bibi,

if u can afford, i think better to take a cab or ask someone to drive u ard when u're heavily pregnant..

after I encounted many bad incidents, my hb will drive me ard or if i'm alone, i will only take a cab to n fro.

 

[bibi_gal]

Saki,
Wow, yours are worst then me lei.....

Now, I am going to 28wk preg, getting heavy and tired ya....

I remember i only take cab when I was 35wks onwards for my 1st one...

by the way, how many kids you have?

 

[hamasaki]

bibi, i encounted many bad incidents other than this one.. Quite sad as I feel they are out to bully pregnant ladies...


i got 1 sweetie baby...

 

[bibi_gal]

Aiya,
Sometimes I also quite sad to say that some working audults are selfish even though they are high educated....

I am from Jurong, how about you?

 

[hamasaki]

staying at central....

 

[xiaobai_78]

I met this prob b4

 

[princessruru]

nowadays children r brought up in this way. i wonder how is my 3 boys going to survive here!!!

 

[3asmum]

hey moms..

i am one of the moms that discipline/manners come first then education. i have taught my kids to be polite, show them when to say 'thank you', 'sorry', 'please', etc and alot of 'talk or say lecture' when they are naughty..i tried to reason with them (not long nagging). also show them live examples for NO, Dont, etc.. i dont believe in physical punishment..

but, somehow, kids or say every human has their own thought and aready inborn behaviour/character( i cant really explain this..), my kids now at times still 'rude', 'naughty' etc..but if a mom will to say ME as their mom do not teach them well, i will have to raise 2 hands to object. i already done my best.....

i just tell myself i already done my best in their upbringing..will still continue but how they turn out to be really is a future BIG question mark.. just hope when they turn to teenager to adult will be able to remember my teaching.

to be frank, my parents dont teach me all these when i was young, they only show me what is horse gambling and mahjong session.. haha.. but i dont gamble, etc

problem is not only the parents, other factors like schoolmates, road passers, tv drama all these will affect the kids n they are now so easily accessible to them..

 

[ion]

Sad to hear such incidents happen...where is the courtesy?

I remembered when I was preggie last time, I was on a bus, abt 30wks preggie, they just sit there and just look at me without giving up their seat!

 

[bb_5mey]

I m 29 wks pregnant with my 2nd baby. I will just take cab as I know very slim chance I will b offered seat in mrt/bus; usually old people will offer but I do think they need the seats too...

I have a friend visited me frm oversea. She also mentioned about courteousness in public transport.

She mentioned that there r mainly old people cleaning n clearing in food court, she was kind of uneasy about being served by them. Yes, at least there r working opportunity for old people but how is the society b courteous while the youth here being so used to b served by old folks?

I was speechless while hearing that... ...

 

[fantasiaval]

yes i tell u we r living in a world with no souls..

not only abt giving up seats in mrt or bus, when i push my pram to go out of the mrt gantry (the big gantry meant for prams), everyone keep comin in and noone let me go out.

the mrt staff has to come out n stop the human flow then i can go out of the gantry! this happened every single time!

imagine got so many other small gantry meant for their use they don use. they wan to fight for the big gantry!! as if they are all FAT ppl.

 

[elisechow]

val, this is very normal in singapore. all basic courtesy gone becos everybody is in a mad rush and nobody teaches basic courtesy in schools anymore. parents also no time to teach. that's why our young pple are now very terrible

 

[bluedolphinac]

Hi

i think courtesy starts from young.
if i sees a misbehavior i'll tell or ask my gal in return is this suppose to be done in this manner.
i always tell myself if my child don behave outside others will not say the child but parents will be blame for not educate them. haiz....

Btw i was not given a sit even i was pregnant the train was full &amp; ppl just can't be bother to give up their seats to me.

 

[ayoyojojo]

I think kids learn frm parents...
Some story to share:
Not long ago my gal's school participated in an event with BIG MAN's visit... While all parents r asked to line up by the driveway to welcome the BIG MAN, this parent of my gal's classmate so kiasu trying to force himself with his son towards front row (1st row where I was standing with my 3 yr old n holding my 3 mths old); he gradually pushed me behind from where I was.
Ironically, there was an angmo family stnding next to me (not affected by him), he apologised to the angmo WITH pretend accent,"oh... sorry, am I blocking yo way?"
All parents who witnessed were like," HUH??"
I suppose I m yellow skin so he just missed me?!

 

[bb_5mey]

jojo,
hmmm... is he chinese? If he is then SHAME on him to be racist to own race. What an exmaple set to his kid...

 

[bb_5mey]

What he did is very rude...

 

[trinity4ever]

Just curious, what is your view about giving up seat to young mothers (i.e. 20s-30s) who are not pregnant but just pushing a pram with a kid in public transport. Thanks.

 

[mumusings]

Well it's not a problem giving up seats to parents with strollers 'cos sometimes the kids will want to get out from stroller to sit with parents or to feed. Pregnant or not, I tell my kid to give up his seat to anyone who needs it more.

 

[lasery2k]

i don't see anything wrong in giving up seat to elderly or preg or even young parents with young kids in stroller..

i myself is a young mum with a 20mths boy. when i get into the train sometimes people give me seat..but if i see preg or elder i will ask my kid to stand up n i will give the seat to them..like mumusings, yes my boy will move about n a seat given would be comfortable.

when i was with my kid who was a few months old tt time. i also gave my seat up..now my little 1 who is only 20mths old when see old people he point n say man = old man n will ownself give up his seat...

if a 20mths old can do tt i really believe others can do tt...it's up to them if they want to or not...