FTM and having difficulty letting someone else care for baby

[Sunnydaysagainz]

Hello mummies, I'm a FTM to an almost four months old and planning to extend my maternity leave for a few more months (no pay leave). My MIL will eventually care for my baby on weekdays at my place when I go to work but one of the reasons I'm extending my leave is because I don't want someone else fully caring for my LO. The baby has his own room as we have tried rooming in with baby but nobody could sleep well, especially my husband who is a light sleeper and has a stressful job. Using a baby monitor has worked well and we will go to baby when he cries. Sometimes, I will room inside the baby's room and cuddle him. With this arrangement, we could all sleep well. When my MIL stays with us on weekdays (she's willing to as both of us leave work for work at 6.30am and not possible for us to send baby to her or ask her to come daily), she will be using the bed in baby's room and honestly speaking, I'm not comfortable. I think all mothers will understand as we want to be as close to our babies as possible and be there for them. Although my husband said that I can still go in and care for baby when he cries or needs me, I know that things will never be the same. I have suggested to him that we room in with baby but I know it will still not work out with all the noises we make when we prepare for work and we will also not be able to sleep well. Another idea is to convert the study room to a bedroom for my MIL but of course, it's too much of a hassle. I'm not really looking for advice here but I'm worried that my baby will not recognise me as mummy when I return back to work. My job does allow me to return home early on some days and I have school vacation as well. Am I thinking or worrying too much? I really love him a lot and this is the best arrangement for now as I think about it. Of course if things don't work out, we will have to find other ways...

 

[Calim1502]

Hello mummies, I'm a FTM to an almost four months old and planning to extend my maternity leave for a few more months (no pay leave). My MIL will eventually care for my baby on weekdays at my place when I go to work but one of the reasons I'm extending my leave is because I don't want someone else fully caring for my LO. The baby has his own room as we have tried rooming in with baby but nobody could sleep well, especially my husband who is a light sleeper and has a stressful job. Using a baby monitor has worked well and we will go to baby when he cries. Sometimes, I will room inside the baby's room and cuddle him. With this arrangement, we could all sleep well. When my MIL stays with us on weekdays (she's willing to as both of us leave work for work at 6.30am and not possible for us to send baby to her or ask her to come daily), she will be using the bed in baby's room and honestly speaking, I'm not comfortable. I think all mothers will understand as we want to be as close to our babies as possible and be there for them. Although my husband said that I can still go in and care for baby when he cries or needs me, I know that things will never be the same. I have suggested to him that we room in with baby but I know it will still not work out with all the noises we make when we prepare for work and we will also not be able to sleep well. Another idea is to convert the study room to a bedroom for my MIL but of course, it's too much of a hassle. I'm not really looking for advice here but I'm worried that my baby will not recognise me as mummy when I return back to work. My job does allow me to return home early on some days and I have school vacation as well. Am I thinking or worrying too much? I really love him a lot and this is the best arrangement for now as I think about it. Of course if things don't work out, we will have to find other ways...

Hi, that was how I felt when I returned to work at first. I was guilty, worried and uncertain if leaving my baby with my helper is the best option. My workload is heavy and I reach home around 8-9pm sometimes. However, over the last 6 months I learnt to trust my helper and take everything in good stride, one step at a time. It is not easy at first but believe me, things will get better. And I am sure your baby will recognise you as his mummy because mine does and she flashes the biggest smile whenever I come home from work. It is wonderful that your MIL is helping out too

 

[redvel]

I'm a FTM and my LO is coming 9mo.

Most mothers will feel you. I totally understand how you feel.

I had separation anxiety when I started working and had to leave my baby at IFC. My situation may be different from yours but many mummies will agree with me... it'll get better. We will learn to let go bit bit when eventually we see that the baby is getting the right care. We cannot be a mother 24/7. Really we cannot. Now 9 months have passed, I very much appreciate there are many pairs of hands helping around my baby. I count my blessings that they are happy to help.

Baby will recognize who their mother is. It's the nature.

Time will put everything in the right place for you and your baby. You'll be ok

 

[twinsy]

aiyo mommy - u will regret once your baby moves into your room. he will not want to go back to his own room! lol. dont worry about baby not able to recognise you. they are very smart little creatures...once they sense mommy around...they will want nobody. once they are older, u will wish they are less clingy. (i cant even take a proper shower w/o my 20mth old pounding on my door)

enjoy ur sleep & time with your hubby while you can....it wont last long when ur baby starts wanting to bunk in.

 

[hippo78]

Trust me, Sunnydaysagainz, I've been there too.
I was like you, when I had my eldest son. Was depressed, and cried so many times when I have to hand over my son to my mil and helper after my maternity ends. Because I was afraid my son won't recognize me as mommy, and afraid he will regard my mil or helper as mommy. But in the end, my son is still very attached to me, they will always know who their mommy is.
Now my eldest son cling to me like super glue, whenever I was around, he doesn't want anyone else.
He now bunks with me, sleeping between my hb and me, even sings song to me every night bef he sleeps. haha..(he sings not I sing).

Now with my younger son, I well jolly let my mil and helper to handle him when I return to the workforce.
My boys are very clingy to me even though I don't spend a lot of time with them. I came home at 6 and they sleep at 8.
I really hope the boys are not so clingy to me now, so that I can have my own space. Well, imagine my 3rd baby is coming in Aug.

So don't worry, your baby knows who his mommy is, and he always will.

 

[joyfulmommy]

My Mom looks after my Son since he was born and yes he is close to me but also close to her. Sometimes I come back from work he don't even want to greet me. This started when he was less than 1 year old and it hurt me so much I even quarrel with my Mom over it so many times. She always say a kid will always be close to own Mother so tell me don't worry. But can I not worry? It makes me so sad so many times. Now my Son is almost 2, he is better, I feel he can distinguish between who is his Mother and other caregivers but I just can't shake off the feeling that I didn't do my best for him when he was born until now, that I left him in the care of someone else (though good). Those 2 years I can't get back. Super miss his baby time and crawling phase. Now he's already running all over the place!

Now I pregnant with my 2nd child, I really want to be there for baby 24/7. To be the primary caregiver. Hence I'm going to give up my job! Looking forward but apprehensive too

 

[spanielpups]

Don't worry too much. My son stayed with my mom since young and I will pop over to my mom's home in the evening after work but will only bring him home on Fri night n back to my mom's on Monday. These goes on till he was two and one day, he decided that he wants to be home with us every day. So, do not worry that your kids are not close to you. They will.

 

[joyfulmommy]

Don't worry too much. My son stayed with my mom since young and I will pop over to my mom's home in the evening after work but will only bring him home on Fri night n back to my mom's on Monday. These goes on till he was two and one day, he decided that he wants to be home with us every day. So, do not worry that your kids are not close to you. They will.

I Guess it's not just worrying. It's this desire to really want to be home with my kids. It keeps me up at night, it stays in my mind when I'm at work.

 

[Sunnydaysagainz]

My Mom looks after my Son since he was born and yes he is close to me but also close to her. Sometimes I come back from work he don't even want to greet me. This started when he was less than 1 year old and it hurt me so much I even quarrel with my Mom over it so many times. She always say a kid will always be close to own Mother so tell me don't worry. But can I not worry? It makes me so sad so many times. Now my Son is almost 2, he is better, I feel he can distinguish between who is his Mother and other caregivers but I just can't shake off the feeling that I didn't do my best for him when he was born until now, that I left him in the care of someone else (though good). Those 2 years I can't get back. Super miss his baby time and crawling phase. Now he's already running all over the place!

Now I pregnant with my 2nd child, I really want to be there for baby 24/7. To be the primary caregiver. Hence I'm going to give up my job! Looking forward but apprehensive too

Thank you mummy for your reply... I hope to be the primary caregiver too but I guess I have to return to work as I will need to earn money. Am feeling it as I slowly try to handover to my MIL so that she get used to his routines and how to bathe/ feed him. Sometimes I talk to my son and will tell him mummy needs to return to work soon. I agree that these years will never come back. Will try to adapt to being a working mom. I just hope that there will be no conflicts between my MIL and I especially when I reach home and want to interact with baby as much as possible. We tried to co sleeping with baby but my husband just cannot fall asleep... he told me that there's no more solutions to co sleeping and it's making me sad as well. Sigh

 

[Sunnydaysagainz]

Don't worry too much. My son stayed with my mom since young and I will pop over to my mom's home in the evening after work but will only bring him home on Fri night n back to my mom's on Monday. These goes on till he was two and one day, he decided that he wants to be home with us every day. So, do not worry that your kids are not close to you. They will.

Thank you mummy for your reply... Yeahs I couldn't imagine not seeing him for even one day so this arrangement would not have worked for me. Thank you for your reassurance. Will keep in mind that and try to let go when I return to work.

 

[joyfulmommy]

Thank you mummy for your reply... I hope to be the primary caregiver too but I guess I have to return to work as I will need to earn money. Am feeling it as I slowly try to handover to my MIL so that she get used to his routines and how to bathe/ feed him. Sometimes I talk to my son and will tell him mummy needs to return to work soon. I agree that these years will never come back. Will try to adapt to being a working mom. I just hope that there will be no conflicts between my MIL and I especially when I reach home and want to interact with baby as much as possible. We tried to co sleeping with baby but my husband just cannot fall asleep... he told me that there's no more solutions to co sleeping and it's making me sad as well. Sigh

Yea just explain to your Son, tell him Mommy is going back to work and Nai Nai will take care of him. Do a routine in the morning. For me it is waking him up (if he has Not already woken up), asking him how was his sleep, then before I leave I pray for him and he sees me off at the lift area. Babies are v smart they will soon be able to gauge what time you come home in the evening too and sometimes will wait for u at the door. Enjoy the cute moments when you're home ! Stay upbeat and take leave every now and then to bring baby out to special places like gardens by the Bay. many working mummies around too and It's workable!

 

[chon0028]

Hi, the cost of living is really high here, so same here that I am also working full-time. But I am now doing an e-commerce business as well to generate residual income and hopefully this will help provide better financial stability for us.

With this e-commerce business, stay-at-home or working parents are able to earn passive income by doing this anytime anywhere. Create the financial security that you desire which can be transferred to your children in the future.

I am looking for serious partners who are driven and willing to put in effort to work for it! This is not a job but a business opportunity.

If you are one that wants to be in control of your financial status today at your own terms via this e-commerce platform, PM me.

Min age 21
Training provided
Motivated and driven personality
Open to learning

 

[chon0028]

Hi, the cost of living is really high here, so same here that I am also working full-time. But I am now doing an e-commerce business as well to generate residual income and hopefully this will help provide better financial stability for us.

With this e-commerce business, stay-at-home or working parents are able to earn passive income by doing this anytime anywhere. Create the financial security that you desire which can be transferred to your children in the future.

I am looking for serious partners who are driven and willing to put in effort to work for it! This is not a job but a business opportunity.

If you are one that wants to be in control of your financial status today at your own terms via this e-commerce platform, PM me.

Min age 21
Training provided
Motivated and driven personality
Open to learning