Issue with MIL

Ellin

Member
Hi mummies,

My MIL recently knew i want to put my baby in infant care which is very near my workplace, and she insisted that she wants to take care of my baby.
The problem is we live so far apart and transport is the problem. Can you imagine early in the morning i have to travel from one end of sg and bring my baby to the other end of sg then rush to work in the north? The thought of it just make me feel so tired.

So my MIL suggested me to put my baby at her hse and i can come and bring my baby home on weekend! Which like two days to stay tgt with my baby?!

I seriously find it ridiculous. My own baby and I cant look after him everyday nor see him grow everyday? Im so angry when she said i can pick my baby up on the weekends.

Did any mummies faced this kind of issue? How do you tackle it?

I really don't want to let my MIL take care of my baby.
 

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Hi mummies,

My MIL recently knows i want to put my baby in infant care which is very near my workplace, and she insisted that she wants to take care of my baby.
The problem is we live so far apart and transport is the problem. Can you imagine early in the morning i have to travel from one end of sg and bring my baby to the other end of sg then rush to work in the north? The thought of it just make me feel so tired.

So my MIL suggested me to put my baby at her hse and i can come and bring my baby home on weekend! Which like two days to stay tgt with my baby?!

I seriously find it ridiculous. My own baby and I cant look after him everyday nor see him grow everyday? Im so angry when she said i can pick my baby up on the weekends.

Did any mummies faced this kind of issue? How do you tackle it?

I really don't want to let my MIL take care of my baby.

Hello,

I feel it is your right to reject her offer if it doesnt make you feel comfortable. But I think having a talk with your husband on this is essential cause it is his mother you guys are rejecting (which is of a good reason, I cannot accept either). I would first talk to husband, if he is on the same frequency then good. If he is not, stay strong on your points and reasoning. Since you are working, you are financially abled so you don't have to do what you dont think is best for your little family.
 
Hmm... can't you just tell her you have already registered with the infant care?

Once your baby starts to stay with your MIL (entering into the lion den), there is no turning back. By then your MIL may find means and ways to stop you from bringing your baby home on a permanent basis. I am sharing from a negative point of view because a friend of mine fought with her parents in law mentally over her boy for uncountable years. Why mentally? Because she is struggling not to offend the parents in law. I remember she even had the images of seeing her parents in law in court but she is certain she will not win the case because the boy was being taken care of since very very young by the parents in law and they invested too much of $$ and care in the boy's growing up years.

1) Throughout the years, the parents in law gave the boy whatever he wants. Expensive gadgets, luxury lifestyle, free transport to and fro from school and outings till the boy can't even imagine he could stay with the real parents because he fears of losing everything.

2) The boy is slowly showing good signs of visiting my friend (his real mum) and stay with her during the weekends after so many many uncountable years (there was a battle between both parties over the weekends stay too). Reasons are the parents in law losing control of the boy. My friend keeps attacking the parents in law because his boy's school grade keeps dropping. The more the grade drops, the more harsh treatments the boy received from the parents in law. Another reason is he is slowly turning more mature and could feel the love from his mum fighting spirit to keep him in good shape from far. :)
 
Wah! Your friend's PIL is more then just a bit obsessive! But it is so true that once you let them in (be it PIL or own parents) it's no turning back. I would try all means to not have to step into those situation.
 
Wah! Your friend's PIL is more then just a bit obsessive! But it is so true that once you let them in (be it PIL or own parents) it's no turning back. I would try all means to not have to step into those situation.

The bomb ticked off only after one day, based on a bad feeling, she made a special trip to the school to try to build a closer relationship with the teacher only to find out the teacher had been longing to see her to reveal what is happening and of course, not good happenings.

Sensing her fire was up, I add on more oil like frying char kuay tiao. I asked her she knows what is the meaning of M-O-T-H-E-R or not? She knows the English word called mother right? I then told her mother is to brave up her courage to do whatever she thinks is right to protect the best interests of her children. Seeing her tears was showing, I spared her off on that day.

There was this another day i met her for coffee and i heard her calling PIL house because she misses her boy. She asked her boy, "How are you today? Hows work at school? Did you do your homework? Blah blah blah..." After she put down the phone, I smashed the whole plate of char kuay tiao onto her face (just an imagination) but with a very serious tone.

I said:" You really so idiot or what? Your boy is corrupted with all the fun and toys and you still asked about books? Why can't you asked him if he had heard of this place with so much of fun or had he tasted this new (favorite kind of food his son likes) at this place or one day I am going to bring you to buy (favorite kind of toys his son likes), blah blah blah...

She asked:" But I am not doing all these?"

I said:" Damn you lah! If you don't captured the mind of your boy, if you don't remove the fear in him of losing all he has right now and at the same time, giving him the impression you can provide to him too... how will he ever wants to come back to your side?" She thought for awhile and the rest is history.

Moral of the story: I damn myself not because i pierce through her heart with hurts and pains... but because i had accumulated unnecessary sins for using unkind words and underway kind of means to help her battle her way out. LOL! :D
 
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I know I can reject my MIL and I have been doing so by giving reason like "my baby can learn things faster in infant care", "i want to breastfeed my baby"...

But my MIL will said infant care got a lot of germs and the baby will get sick easily. And, i can pump the breastmilk and bring it over to her house.

What I said to her, she will counter back. I really don't want to offend her or make our r/s awkward.

As for my husband, he said it will be good to talk to her mother when im not around. So I will see how he perform then.
 
I know I can reject my MIL and I have been doing so by giving reason like "my baby can learn things faster in infant care", "i want to breastfeed my baby"...

But my MIL will said infant care got a lot of germs and the baby will get sick easily. And, i can pump the breastmilk and bring it over to her house.

What I said to her, she will counter back. I really don't want to offend her or make our r/s awkward.

As for my husband, he said it will be good to talk to her mother when im not around. So I will see how he perform then.

Yah, I think let your husband do the job first. But ultimately when it boils down to making a decision for your family, anyone else is not important, (a little selfish to say but that makes life easier). Because what your mil does is not compromising instead putting her own ways into your life. She doesnt care if your r/s turns sour so if it becomes too much, you dont have to care too.

I had a point too where my mil insist alot on her ways on our parenting style and I wrote a chinese essay over whatsapp to her. Basically just putting into nice words on how we need her to trust we can raise her grandson well. After that it was all peaceful at home. She make effort to maintain our r/s so I will too. Of course I know ppl are different, and you surely have already fight it to your best! Just sharing my case with you :)

Jiayou! Stay strong!!
 
I know I can reject my MIL and I have been doing so by giving reason like "my baby can learn things faster in infant care", "i want to breastfeed my baby"...

But my MIL will said infant care got a lot of germs and the baby will get sick easily. And, i can pump the breastmilk and bring it over to her house.

What I said to her, she will counter back. I really don't want to offend her or make our r/s awkward.

As for my husband, he said it will be good to talk to her mother when im not around. So I will see how he perform then.

Once your husband managed to convince her mother, all will be good. Good luck! :)

And if your husband failed to convince her mother, you then make the final decision. It just sounds logical to me the mum looks after her own children then bring them to visit the grandparents on the weekends and not the other way round. Another friend of mine had to bite his teeth to chase the parents in law out of the house. Reason being his children had their full focus on playing computer games backed by the parents in law. They believe children when young should play their hearts out till the extend my friend had difficulties trying to educate his children and making them study.

As much as we would like to be very nice to people, strangers, related families, etc... and as much as I would like to avoid making decisions... and at the expense of having to do the right thing (within my abilities) for my children, then a Yes is a Yes. A No is a No. This is the part where I will act differently from many others. The point of no negotiation. And assuming if my parents in law continue to cause distress or trying to be funny with me during the weekends when i bring their grandchildren over to visit them, they jolly well be mentally prepared to see their grandchildren less often. I rather go for productive activities by bringing the children to places they like and places that benefits them spiritually. :)
 
You are the mother and you have every right to fight for your kid. Your infant will definitely need you more than anyone else.
 
My in-laws are the opposite of Ellin's. Mine only want to play with my baby but won't do anything else for me or my baby. Even during confinement period, they would come occasionally to my house just to see baby and then leave; won't offer to cook for us, never brought us any food, or offered any help. The first few months I was really very tired, taking care of baby on my own, cooking for hubby and me, and keeping my house clean. And yet recently, they started always complaining and showing me black face that I don't bring my baby over to see them as much as they like. Till now my baby already 6 mths, they have never even invited us back home to eat, always say their house is very messy. Even during CNY, we had to treat them to dinner, otherwise they will complain didn't see baby. I am really :(
 

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