Working Mum Quit Job to look after children..

Glad I found this thread. I have been a SAHM since my boy was born (save for the 2 mths of notice period served to company).

I agree it is not easy, and many times my self esteem really suffered and it's worst when u have to put up with people's comments esp only mum!!! until now i dun tell my mum that I am a SAHM because she is sure to say it's a waste of my NUS education.

I appreciate how I feel like I have all the time in the world for my son and i bring him to different places sometimes, mostly for him to experience the great outdoors. I believe too many sg kids are too sheltered and deprived of outdoors time!!!

Every now n then i really wish I can have part time job but I know my son at home with him is the best for him - best physical nutrition: food breastmilk, best emotional nutrition: mama has time for him (except when cooking n cleaning... when i would shout out to him and he would come show me his trucks)... i dunno if it is the right choice for my so called career, but i know it is the best choice for my son's well being.
 


hi anmaria, i have read a book from steve biddulp about raising boys n how a childcare setting is really the worst for boy.. i guess this colored my lenses when i sent my 4 mth old for IFC last apr.. and i basically gave up on the IFC after 2 days and became a SAHM!
 
I start to read and wrote on this thread since i was pregnant. And my gal now is 16 mth old. I went through the struggle all SAHM had. on wanting to get back our freedom (be it time or financially) and wanted to take care my own baby. Now I really thank God that I have made the right decision. My good friend who is a psychologist told me she regret for not taking care her own son last time. If only she knew what she know now..

Yeah..skinney, Steve talked abt how the baby brain develop during the first 3 years and to tell you the truth, it was quite shocking to me.
my gal now is only 16 months old..but she can talk with simple conversation now..quite amazing, even sing many songs by filling the blank. I am amazed how much ability they can absorb to learn things now (intellectually and emotionally).
To me..this sacrifice is only a very short period of time..but the reward is a lifetime.
 
its better to stay at home so that you can guide your child..teaching them a good manners and conduct must came from a mother...try to have an online job..visit Odesk.com..
 
The sacrifice as a stayhome is well worth it as a stayhome. (1) We get to personally imbue values and teach our children right up till they start schooling (2) Closeness of relationship and building mutual trust (3) We get full grasp of his abilities and character (4) Children should have a fun childhood, not one tied to academia and excessive enrichment when they should be still playing! (5) Enjoy home-cooked meals

Definitely missing out on lost income but again, not workng = greatly reducing spending on cosmetics/fashion/dining-out. To me, it's also a chance to work out needs from wants, plus my own priorities in life. I am enjoying the freedom of not needing to wake up and dash for work AND coming home as a zombie. Also no income = greater self-discipline when it comes to spending $.

Some people have pushed for answers when they see my son playing all day and night:
(1) Isn't it a waste for degree holder not to work?
(2) Aren't you scared your boy can't keep up when he goes to kindergarten?
(3) Shouldn't you start making him read/write/sing/play music?

No, no, no and no thanks. My kid's three and figured out A to Z (without flash cards or fancy techniques) and read numbers and chant out the corresponding Thomas and Friends engine. Not interested in writing/colouring but able to volunteer to do imaginary painting of my nails using colours of his vehicles. He can also arrange things in order, at equal spacing, make exact-sized blobs of blu-tak to glue the underside of tracks. Also able to translate English words into Chinese these days and speak short sentences. These are immeasurable and gratifying enough. Just need to continue working on his manners and values.
 
think it's really up to your priorities and personality too. I see a lot of mums are so happy & successful at being SAHMs, while others may feel that they are better at work and leave educating their child to somebody who has more experience. But that should be a balance too and can't be a workaholic w/o caring for the kid.

I don't think being a FTWM is worst than a SAHM.. or vice versa. Really depends on what you think is best for you, and for your family
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Ai @ http://www.sakuraharuka.com
 
An old thread but all things discussed here are still so relevant. I too am considering to be a SAHM again because my son is feeling lonely at home after school. I am sad and guilty to know that he is feeling that way. My worry is limited social interaction with adults as compared to being at the workplace. I wonder if the SAHMs here are still SAHMs...
 
I am still SAHM till now and I have never regret this decision. Yes, it could be quite lonely sometime, but its a very rewarding journey.
 
I have been a SAHM for 18months to my gal & my #2 is coming in end Oct.
Really enjoyed being a SAHM and recently as my tummy is getting bigger & bigger, we got a helper to help out with the housework.
Like what anmaria said, no one knows my gal better than me (though my in laws always try to disclaim that by saying I don't know what my gal wants).
My gal can understand more words than she can say, and she listens very well to instructions. She is very disciplined for her age, and now that she starts talking, she can say a lot of words for her age.
Of course, there are times when I worry about $$, but I know everyone will feel $$ is not enough, no matter how much you earn.
Anyway glad that I have known a group of SAHMs around my area. It feels good to have a support group & we chat very often. ;) So if u plan to be a SAHM, post on the forums to find SAHMs around your area.
 
Thanks for responding Anmaria and Flyaway. I was trying to figure a way out. Have rearranged my working hours so that I can spend an extra hour with him every day to alleviate his loneliness. See if it works out.
 
I have been a SAHM for a very long time too. But sometimes still get very upset at how ppl would say about my 2.5 yr old son not able to talk properly at his age.
My neighbor once comment that her grandson only 5months older than my son already learnt so much in full day cc. N suggests that I should put my son in cc full day too. But I told her no need full day n was thinking of half day. She told me my son wouldnt be able to catch up to his peers if he spend more time at hm.
Very upset to hear that, it felt as though my decision to stay at hm wif my children is wrong. N they r better off in cc full day.
 
Cindy, what I have observed, kids in childcare are more independent & discipline as they have been trained in that way. However, in terms of development, I have found out that those stay at home with mum are actually developed faster. Do not compare actually, read more to your kid & he should be able to pick up languages better.
 
Cindy, I can totally understand your feeling. I live in UK right now. My 2.5 yr old also don't speak much as we don't have many friends and relative here. Luckily in UK there are many playgroup organised by children centre, and its free. So I bring her quite often to the different playgroup. But still everyone development is different, be it their mother stay at home or not. Yes its true kids who grew up in CC more discipline. Whether it is out of love or fear that they don't do something, this is something I always question about. Yes, half day CC after 3 yrs is good for him, cos developmentally they are ready to socialised. You provide security for him. Being stay at home mom in Singapore is really difficult...you don't have much support and information unlike here in UK.
 
Hi xianxin and anmaria, thanks for the advice.

Anmaria, I agree that there is not much support in terms of SAHM In Singapore. Most ppl here have the wrong perception of SAHM. Even my mom who was a SAHM too strongly disapprove of me being a SAHM n felt that I have totally disconnected from the 'real world'!
 
Yes, Cindy. People here in SG always have the wrong perception of SAHM when I told them I am one.
But I don't think kids in childcare are more disciplined. Most that I saw are either bad-tempered (throw tantrums) or demanding. Whereas the group of our kids whose mums are all SAHMs, they are mostly well-behaved and disciplined.
It's important to note that being a SAHM means not just looking after the kid but also teaching him the right values and at the same time, giving lots of love to him. That way the kid will grow up well.
Some mothers who choose not to send their kids to childcare & instead to be looked after by their gandparents may have a different effect from one who is looked after by their own parents. Cuz grandparents tend to just take care of the kids, and being grandparents, are unlikely to discipline them. They will just give whatever their grandchildren want.
 
Ya flyaway21, I always have mixed reaction from different ppl when I told them I'm a SAHM. Some would envy, some would insult. Often had debate wif my friends whether to be a SAHM or FTWM would be more beneficial for both mummy n children whenever we meet up. But I guess there's no real ans. All depends on individual. But I still get very upset by those who strongly supports FTWM n advise me on how I should do this n that! N how their kids benefit more from cc than spending time at hm. It really puts me down n make me doubt about my decision
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Well, I'm a SAHD if you would consider that haha. I'm a self employed and mainly works in the evening so day time I would spend with my little girl while the night would be taken over by mummy.

She wanted a nanny initially but I insisted against it since I'm free in most part of the day, now both of us are spending quality times watching her grow. If I was still in my previous employment in IT distribution, I wouldn't even dare to imagine about having quality time with my girl for I'll always be working from morning till night and continue my work well past midnight at home.


Back in the days of my employment, my senior once told me that I shouldn't depend solely on my CPF for retirement and medical needs because its rules and withdrawal criteria are ever-changing, didn't really cared initially until I decided to start my own venture. 1 problem I faced is the financial stability, having only 1 set of stable income from mummy and the rollercoaster type of income I'm having means we need to plan alot of stuff way ahead. Limit our monthly spendings to what's only necessary and leaves close to nothing for the luxuries, because having all the flashy brands really means nothing when we can't even be sure that we can be free of financial woes 30 yrs later.

We've spent a good amount on insurances for ourselves and our girl in effort to provide surplus income in our later stages of lives and assurance of our lives so that we won't burden her in future plus her future study fundings.

Next, we make it a habit to set aside a decent amount of liquid funds just in case she goes out of job.

Lastly, we adjusted our usual lifestyle to a really frugal one to make sure we don't spend out of proportion. We used to eat at places like Sushi Tei, Tonkichi, Daikouya, Din Tai Fung etc every dinner we had outside, averaging 5 meals per week, plus all other entertainment and self pampering expenses per person would spend abt 2K every month, that's beside our other commitments such like parents allowance, car loans and maintenance etc.

Back then we're wondering where had our money went, after we sat down and rework our sums during her pregnancy period then realised that we're quite careless with money, spending them mostly on material stuff.

Now with different priorities in mind, we've totally revamped our lifestyle to a much simpler one, every month we would only go pamper ourselves twice. Baby stuff we would mostly go for free stuff haha, like daily clothings. Do very detailed calculations in supermarkets when determining which diaper brand to go for and scout around for the best milk powder bargains (A provision shop in Bedok Reservoir area hehe), something that I didn't like previously, I've surprised myself that I actually enjoyed the bargain hunting moments.

Promised them that once my business has past the infantile stage, I would bring them on a short trip, but that doesn't mean we could revert back to our previous ways of spending money for we won't know what the future holds.

I would suggest all SAHM/D to work out the sums really well so as to ensure that you don't get stuck in the later part of your lives where you find yourself short of fundings and unable to get a decent pay job because you're out of the scene for far too long.

Now apart from working hard for my business, I'm appreciating my little girl's growing up moments and waiting for her to grow to the stage when I can start to introduce my favourite hobby which is cycling to her
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Cindy, I do at times get put down by my decision to be a SAHM too, by mostly, mummies who are FTWM.
However, if you think about it in another way, I think they are only trying to convince themselves that it's right for them to be FTWM. It's like eating sour grapes.
Sometimes my in laws will also question why I am not working, as if to suggest that I'm an handicapped living off my hubby. That's when I doubt my decision too. But think about the benefits that your child is getting & this is something other people do not know. So it doesn't matter what others say, cuz only our children will know when they grow up.
Like what Stefan Lee said too, it's important to work out the sums of having only one breadwinner in the family. If financial is not a prob, then what people say is their business. We can't change what they want to say, but we can change how we think about their words. ;)
 
I wish to be a SAHM but it is financially not viable now as our flat is going to be ready soon and hubby's income alone is not enough. It kills me that my mil is watching my daughter grow everyday while I get only about 1-2 hours left with her after I finish work and before she sleeps. I am trying to save up now and hope I can be a SAHM or work part-time when I have my second child. I am really envious of moms who are able to stay at home with their kids, it's not easy but I know it is definitely rewarding.
 
Hi Jasmine,

I used to be like you, wishing to be a SAHM. I quit my full time job 4 years ago and went into flexible hour job instead. Initially, I wanted to just spend all my time with my boy coz he's so young and adorable. But when he started attending playgroup, I was relieved coz I finally got more free time to do my housechores, prepare lunch etc. My in laws wanted me to work full time so as to supplement family income and not make my hubby work so hard. I am happy juggling my flexible hour work and family.

But I kinda get bored with just looking after my boy coz his grandparents want to look after him after his school hours and even weekends. That leaves me time to be more involved in my work and I am even doing my own business now other than embarking on part time work. I believe in diversing the eggs in my basket.
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I find it really enriching and rewarding to be a PTWM coz I get to enjoy my boy's development and pursue my dreams (a very slow process). Most importantly, getting family support is the upmost priority to ensure the working mum can work in peace, be rest assured when her child is well looked after when he/she is ill.

In order not to lose track of my son's milestone, I even started a blog on his development while sharing parenting and teaching tips.
http://keepyourchildinterested.blogspot.sg/
 
I have been thinking of doing the same, to be a SAHM for my two yong boys, but financially, it just worries me. It is still a consideration but for now, at the moment, I'm sticking to the job just cause to ease up on the financial matters.
 
Hi All Wonders Mum

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I hope can help any of you financially by sharing with you a real , solid way to enhance your income.

It's not how hard you work but be in the right industry does matter.

email me : [email protected]
 
Hi all,

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Happen to look back at what I posted all the way back in 2010 when I was pregnant with my first child. Now 5 years later with 2 kids, I have no regrets being a sahm.

Just to share some insights, sahm is not for everyone. It can get incredibly boring and tiring. Sometimes u do yearn for adult interaction. Helps a lot to have fellow sahm in the neighborhood whom u can play date frequently.

Parenting is hard no matter u are sahm or ftwm. So I say do whichever makes u a happier person. There is no guarantee how your children will turn out even if u devote all to them. I used to feel stressed that my children should know more than their peers and I should be spending time to teach them at home. But I have learned to let go of these expectations. No need for these unnecessary stress on yourself and kid. Every child is unique and there are many factors affecting development.

Best thing about being sahm is that I have every control how I want to bring up my kids.

Being a sahm is a great sacrifice. After all the work u put in at home, there is no guarantee of anything! At least with a job, u still get cpf and a growing bank account if the kids turn out unfilial! Lol
 
Hi koko7,
Agree with you! It is a big sacrifice to be SAHM.
I m currently a FTWM and preg with no.2, intending to be SAHM after I deliver my 2nd this year end. It could be a 1.5 yrs temp SAHM ( we choose part time when I return to work force once baby no.2 bigger)but I am prepared for it .. To be SAHM temp..
Why I considered that now as to me judging w a full time job plus family , house work ( we don't hav maids or part time maid) is really time draining n tired .:(
Plus if I return to work there bound to be a lot of leaves I need to apply due to my elder now in cc , as u knw they have sch outing ( needs parental involvement..) , cc also close for some occasions or sch got any virus outbreak ( sch close ) child sick etc.. I really cannot focus if I work full time . Plussss I do not have others help ( parents passed away ler and in laws can't do a good job looking after children . So I don't leave my children at in law house alone ever at all , usually I will take leave rather than leave my girl alone there .

Somehow my husband keep thinking both me and him should work. Really don't understand why he don't appreciate my intention of this big sacrifice . :mad:
 
Hi koko7,
Agree with you! It is a big sacrifice to be SAHM.
I m currently a FTWM and preg with no.2, intending to be SAHM after I deliver my 2nd this year end. It could be a 1.5 yrs temp SAHM ( we choose part time when I return to work force once baby no.2 bigger)but I am prepared for it .. To be SAHM temp..
Why I considered that now as to me judging w a full time job plus family , house work ( we don't hav maids or part time maid) is really time draining n tired .:(
Plus if I return to work there bound to be a lot of leaves I need to apply due to my elder now in cc , as u knw they have sch outing ( needs parental involvement..) , cc also close for some occasions or sch got any virus outbreak ( sch close ) child sick etc.. I really cannot focus if I work full time . Plussss I do not have others help ( parents passed away ler and in laws can't do a good job looking after children . So I don't leave my children at in law house alone ever at all , usually I will take leave rather than leave my girl alone there .

Somehow my husband keep thinking both me and him should work. Really don't understand why he don't appreciate my intention of this big sacrifice . :mad:

I like your idea of temp SAHM. I saved some $$$ before quiting last year. Intended to focus on a biz startup, now is an online store. I am expecting 3rd in Aug n intend to be temp SAHM too until he is 9-12mths old. :) life should be flexible an it is up to us mummies to decide wat we want to do at different stages of our n our child's lives. My 1st 2 go fulltime cc. It turned out well. They tell me they miss me at school but the thing is, they enjoy telling me this over dinner and on my bed every evening. :). I am enjoying my break from work for now. Life still stays meaningful. No matter wat the decision is, we are already blessed with little angels that we sacrifice our career for at times, or to work full time again at other times.
 
It's definitely tough to be a housewife nowadays. The cost of living is so high that I can't bear to quit my job. What you did was really brave, and I admire that! I do hope your husband is understanding enough to work a little harder to make ends meet. You could also find a "work from home" kind of job for yourself. It's not uncommon and I think it can be a good way to earn extra income for yourself too. But as always, family (here, children) comes first. All the best! :)
 
Dear mummies,

I'm so glad I found this forum. I read your replies here and realize I am not alone.

I have been a sahm for 6mths, and my journey has not been as easy as I thought. Psychologically the most difficult part is dealing with people's comments and perception that I'm wasting my life sitting at home 'doing nothing' and being a useless person.

Before I quit my job, I was earning well and had a good position but had to work very long hours. Flexi work is not permitted in my company and also taken advantage of in my industry - even if you opt for half day and get half your salary, you can still be working till 4pm. So it's all or nothing. At the time of quitting, I was doing 3 persons work due to cost cutting.

I thought quitting was a no brainer. I was miserable in my job, had lots of health issues, and had little time for my 3yr old child. By the time I get home each night, he was almost going to bed. I thought I would be happy to quit and spend more time with him but I was not prepared for the road ahead.

My son goes to a good preschool where he enjoys the lessons and his friends and teachers. So despite me resigning, my husband agrees he should continue with going to school daily. For that, I am very grateful. But instead of putting him till 7, I am able to pick him up at 4pm daily. Last time, my husband and I often argue who should leave office first to pick him.

I am often alone and feel v lost. I know if I return to my industry it would be back to those 9am- 9pm life again. When my baby was first born, I often resented my husband because it was very painful going back to work leaving a cute baby behind. But at that time, finances were very tight and there was no way to depend on my husband's income alone.

But thankfully, my son adapted very well to his childcare and loves going to school. To the mummies out there who needed to go back to work after maternity, pls do not despair. A good preschool/childcare is definitely better than leaving your precious with a maid or Mil who may not be able to teach your child much givens that household chores are tiring enough. He will have a new world too and make many friends.

I do feel very useless now since my child is in school and housework is taken care of by a part time helper. I started learning cooking from my Mil so I feel better about myself. Now and then she would ask me if I am going back to work, but the honest answer is since I quit, economy been very bad, want to return also not so easy.

While we are not 'broke', I can no longer spend like I used to. Material goods aside, even language, baking, gym classes to improve myself all costs $!! So I feel very isolated. When I meet with other sahm friends, we are not Tai tais. We have budget constraints and hanging out makes me feel more unhappy. When I bring my son to the playground each evening, all I see are maids and old grandparents there. I often wonder if I am wrong in quitting. The hard truth is, my in laws and parents are unable to help regularly even after school. They have heath issues to deal with - all in their 60s and 70s already.

Last time have money, no time. Now have time, no money lol. I even lost precious family time and part of my health. I had piles, migraines, gastric, hair loss, breast lumps, UTI Now that I've left work, I've regained my health. My son is also very happy to see me when I am the one who picks him up early everyday from school at 4pm instead of 630 or 7pm last time when I was working.

So I spend the day cooking, washing up. But I am unable to deal with the low self esteem part of me yet. This Chinese New Year I also didn't want to perm and color my hair - it would cost a good $500-800!

I wonder if I should go back to work. But one thing I know, being a sahm or ftwm, both have their pros and cons and one should not think the other's life is better.

Thank you for 'listening' and letting me share and I hope every mummy here find their road of peace & fulfillment no matter which path they choose.
 
Fabmummy,ur not alone..dun worry.after reading ur situation above,i see myself in you.haha.it is exactly the same as u describe.i hv been a sahm for coming 2 years.AND since this year jan,my kid is gg to a full day childcare.reason is for her to learn more things instead of playing and watching tv at home.so when she goes to sch from 9am onwards,i will be alone at home.gg to buy groceries ,do households and after finish cooking i will go and fetch her ard 430pm which is what ur doing now.dun feel low esteem or useless cause there are so many women out there wanted to hv ur lifestyle but they cant cause they need to go out earn the income to support.initally a yr ago i also feel the same as u.why m i doing all these,give up high position n good income and stay at home.but i tell myself that by sacrificing the above,i can have a good healthy lifestyle eg gg exercise and my kid good health being by giving her home cooked food everyday.so dun feel this way..go enage urself with cc acitivites and keep urself occupied and u will not feel so.u can actually save the pt cleaner expenses and do the household urself too.cheers
 
Skiasia mummy, thank u for your kind words.A good friend I confided in told me I'm going through the 'teething' phase of a sahm.

I realized I miss the sense of achievement and financial independence from working, though not missing the job/long hours. I get a lot of flak from people around me. Ex colleagues make snide remarks like 'how's life shaking legs at home' or 'why do u STILL dress up since you are JUST staying at home' etc etc. To such 'friends', I'll just perpetuate their thinking that I'm living the good life, but inside I feel v lost.

I guess our generation is different from our grandparents or parents generation. My mum and Mil are content to really just go market and go home everyday. An older sahm friend told me 'educated mothers' like u think too much and expect too much from yourselves.

Still using the weekly helper cos when she's here, it's like some sanity for me to read newspapers, or go for some exercise. My house is a constant mess due to my kid. In the past we had a live in helper but she gave me more trouble than good.

I feel guilty too cos I used to condemn sahms thinking they are living a bed of roses while I'm still working my ass off at 8pm and can't smell my baby. Maybe heaven is giving me a chance to experience the other side so I don't judge people so much. I realize people generally do not have any empathy for Sahms. When I 'complain' to my friends, the immediate reply is 'hey u have no right to complain you don't need to work like we do!'

You're right now I'm definitely healthier and fitter. Just the feeling like the brain and pocket feels empty now hahaha.
 
Yes..i also missed the sense of achievement and financial independpent initial.but now i begin to get used.ppal also.say the same thing to me.so gd life enjoy life as a taitai.but ppal only see the good side of us .so 看开一点and you will feel happier.cheers
 
Am also glad that I came across this thread.!

I'm at the point of deciding whether to be a sahm or ftwm myself and there are alot of dilemmas. I'm a first-time mum-to-be and most of me leans towards the sahm side. I feel that being the main caregiver of my baby and the child-bonding time it brings are invaluable.. being there to see the first steps, phases in life and watching the process of your own baby growing up is a lot more rewarding than work satisfaction to me.

Right now I'm thinking of being a temporary sahm till my son becomes 1 year old. Thereafter I can bring him to childcare for more social interactions and learning, while i return to the workforce and help my hubby out with the finances. Hubby is very understanding and is supportive of my decision to quit too. However my boss is advising me that the economy outlook is such that it may be difficult for me to get employed again in my current industry.. This adds to my insecurities of leaving work and actually i'm not sure if i can adjust to the sahm life well too..

Hopefully things would work out as it did for you all. Thank you for sharing your experiences! :)
 
Hi Skiasia, yes you're right I'm learning to ignore what others say. I know half stems from sour grapes (I used to be a real big sour grape!) so I can't really blame my working mother friends from panning me.

Lisapig, I understand how you feel. How about taking a 6mths maternity instead of totally quitting? You can 'try out' if you really like being a sahm to a newborn. Some mummies do, some mummies don't. At least you have the chance to try it out and not lose your job should you decide it's not for you after all. Your boss seems nice enough for you to be honest and open in sharing your plans. How about giving your boss this suggestion?

Based on my own experience, the first 6-12mths is the toughest to leave your baby behind to go to work. Cos they are so small and cute and totally dependent on you. There are many major milestones in the first year that you won't want to miss. It really broke my heart when I have to go back to work after maternity and I hated my husband and Mil so much as they can spend time looking after my precious.

When kids grow a bit older, like my son now 4yrs old, he is still very cute but also very naughty and irritating at times. I'm actually happy to pack him off to school where I know he'll be learning things, going on school excursions and eating fruits and vegetables! At home, it's just tv, iPad and unhealthy snacks haha. I think it helps that I know he's happy and contented in school because he tells me. When your baby is small, he won't be able to express in words so you might worry more whether caregivers are truly giving him the best care.
 
Fabmummy,totally agreed with what u said.exactly the same situation as me gg thru now.
Lisapig,pls try out the experience of whether u like being a sahm at home before quitting.And the most impt thing is whether you hv someone to help after u return to workforce.this is dammed impt point.
 
Dear mummies,

I'm so glad I found this forum. I read your replies here and realize I am not alone.

I have been a sahm for 6mths, and my journey has not been as easy as I thought. Psychologically the most difficult part is dealing with people's comments and perception that I'm wasting my life sitting at home 'doing nothing' and being a useless person.

Before I quit my job, I was earning well and had a good position but had to work very long hours. Flexi work is not permitted in my company and also taken advantage of in my industry - even if you opt for half day and get half your salary, you can still be working till 4pm. So it's all or nothing. At the time of quitting, I was doing 3 persons work due to cost cutting.

I thought quitting was a no brainer. I was miserable in my job, had lots of health issues, and had little time for my 3yr old child. By the time I get home each night, he was almost going to bed. I thought I would be happy to quit and spend more time with him but I was not prepared for the road ahead.

My son goes to a good preschool where he enjoys the lessons and his friends and teachers. So despite me resigning, my husband agrees he should continue with going to school daily. For that, I am very grateful. But instead of putting him till 7, I am able to pick him up at 4pm daily. Last time, my husband and I often argue who should leave office first to pick him.

I am often alone and feel v lost. I know if I return to my industry it would be back to those 9am- 9pm life again. When my baby was first born, I often resented my husband because it was very painful going back to work leaving a cute baby behind. But at that time, finances were very tight and there was no way to depend on my husband's income alone.

But thankfully, my son adapted very well to his childcare and loves going to school. To the mummies out there who needed to go back to work after maternity, pls do not despair. A good preschool/childcare is definitely better than leaving your precious with a maid or Mil who may not be able to teach your child much givens that household chores are tiring enough. He will have a new world too and make many friends.

I do feel very useless now since my child is in school and housework is taken care of by a part time helper. I started learning cooking from my Mil so I feel better about myself. Now and then she would ask me if I am going back to work, but the honest answer is since I quit, economy been very bad, want to return also not so easy.

While we are not 'broke', I can no longer spend like I used to. Material goods aside, even language, baking, gym classes to improve myself all costs $!! So I feel very isolated. When I meet with other sahm friends, we are not Tai tais. We have budget constraints and hanging out makes me feel more unhappy. When I bring my son to the playground each evening, all I see are maids and old grandparents there. I often wonder if I am wrong in quitting. The hard truth is, my in laws and parents are unable to help regularly even after school. They have heath issues to deal with - all in their 60s and 70s already.

Last time have money, no time. Now have time, no money lol. I even lost precious family time and part of my health. I had piles, migraines, gastric, hair loss, breast lumps, UTI Now that I've left work, I've regained my health. My son is also very happy to see me when I am the one who picks him up early everyday from school at 4pm instead of 630 or 7pm last time when I was working.

So I spend the day cooking, washing up. But I am unable to deal with the low self esteem part of me yet. This Chinese New Year I also didn't want to perm and color my hair - it would cost a good $500-800!

I wonder if I should go back to work. But one thing I know, being a sahm or ftwm, both have their pros and cons and one should not think the other's life is better.

Thank you for 'listening' and letting me share and I hope every mummy here find their road of peace & fulfillment no matter which path they choose.
Hi fabmummy
Thanks for sharing. You are not alone...but I believed the sacrifices made for your child is definitely worth it and spending more time with you will made him a more secured child.

Try finding some part time job to do might help to kill time at home :)
 
I have always thought (and still think) that being a SAHM is the best job in the work. But at the same, over the last few months, through conversations with the wife, reading, and blogging, I begin to suspect that a SAHM will consider being a SAHM the worst job in the world. This thread confirms that sentiment.

Still, the logic is that if us parents can be with the kid(s) 24/7, it is the best thing in the world for them. And we should strive to do what's best for them.

If you can afford it, damn, have both parents stay at home. The boredom, lost of freedom and negative things that come with it can be eliminated in creative ways - they have all been suggested by the kind mommies and daddies above. In the same way, if you want to but can't be a SAHM mom, there are also ways to make up for it.
 
Dear mummies (and daddy), thanks for your kind and encouraging words. I have let what people say/think of sahms rob me of the joy of spending majority of my time caring for my child and family.

Perhaps I've been conditioned to think of my usefulness as a person as being tied to my career or how much I make. Now it's zero haha.

I still think of going back to work at times. But it's a zero sum game. I wish my industry can allow flexi work and be more supportive of working mothers, so I will not feel my years of experience go to waste. If all else fails, I might consider giving tuition.

The truth is, though I send my child to preschool/childcare for a good daytime education and play, I don't believe kids should be there 7am-7pm if we can help it. I don't have full time maid, parents or in laws to help out at all. So when I feel low at times, I'll tell myself now I get to see my son in the afternoon, not 7, 8 or 9pm like last time when I was working. And I can make what he likes for dinner, not takeaway food every evening.
 
My situation as well same here .. sahm is really tough fr me .. sometimes I feel so lost .. Taking care baby all day sometimes really make me feel bad on wasting my career .. but no choice family n kids are important as well .. wish to look for flexi job after I find proper playgroup ..
 
All sahms...加油。。 i also feel low at times or the word to use is "helpless" at times when no one to help at all.even to the extend of falling sick..also have to bite thru the bullet and hang on just for the sake of our kid.nvm .i tell myself that my kid will grow up eventually and i will not feel loa pr helpless anymore..
 
Sometimes i really envy those who has parents or in laws to stay with them to help them take care of the kids while they can peacefully go to work .no need to rush like mad after work just to go childcare to bring the kid home or cook dinner.so for those who have in laws to stay tog n willing to help u look after ur kid..pls be appreciate.some in law just simply those knn ones..
 
After I had my 1st born, I went back to work after confinement feeling guilty as hell as I thought to myself, I am a bad mother who places work over my kids.
I was doing badly all ways. When I am home, I have to open my laptop to finish up my proposals before I had to leave on time. When I am at work, I miss the kid badly and couldn't focus fully.
Then, I decided to be SAHM for a good 3 years.
The 1st year was tough. I felt like I lost myself. I could only talk to LO all day, feels like talking to myself even. I don't look at myself in the mirror as I feel so inferior as whenever we go out, I see ladies all dressed up with nice make-up and I am still trying to recover my pre-pregnancy figure. And there I am, with stained shirts, just a ponytail and always in slippers for easy maneuvering, with a pram and a big baby bag and all I felt was.... UGLY... inside and outside... I felt I lost my goal in life... I used to be a workaholic, I work more than 50hours a week and I enjoy my job.
Deep down, I was sinking...

Until I met my gf who's a SAHM with 3 kids... I told her how I felt and how can she cope, being someone who used to party so much and now all she does is ferrying kids to and fro school and tuition.

There will always be a job opening for you out there. No matter when, you can always find a job. But our kids only grow up once. If you missed it, you will miss it for life. Think of when the kids hug you and calls you for the 1st time.

Her words woken me and I finally understood that I didn't lose my goals, I acquired new goals! Making my LO having a great childhood filled with care and concern is my 24/7 work that is more tedious than anything.

SAHM works 24/7, no MC, no off, sleep is never more than a couple of hours before the LO screams for a mommy. Perpetually forever on her feet, always cleaning something, tee shirt usually stained, sometimes with urine, sometimes feces. I even had diarrhea sprayed at my hair while I was changing the diapers once...

Now the kids are older, I'm back in the workforce and I am glad to send them to school as I know they will be in good hands, enquiring new knowledge.

Being a SAHM takes a lot of courage and sacrifice. Sacrifices seen, and some Sacrifices unseen by others, like how we bash ourselves inside for leaving that career we had built for so long.

To all the SAHM, if you ever wonder if is it tough, yes it is... and we other SAHM have all been through that so you are not alone. The sacrifices made is worth it. Your kid will remember the time when you guys went to the park, or the time when you chase LO around the house for refusing to wear his clothes, or the time when the both of you are building the duplo set together.

Sorry for being so lor soh... hope this will help you to feel better yah...
 
I have been a SAHM for a very long time too. But sometimes still get very upset at how ppl would say about my 2.5 yr old son not able to talk properly at his age.
My neighbor once comment that her grandson only 5months older than my son already learnt so much in full day cc. N suggests that I should put my son in cc full day too. But I told her no need full day n was thinking of half day. She told me my son wouldnt be able to catch up to his peers if he spend more time at hm.
Very upset to hear that, it felt as though my decision to stay at hm wif my children is wrong. N they r better off in cc full day.

Pls don't be upset over all these ignorant comments. You are giving your child the love and care that her grandchild is lacking in a child care.

Let me share w you my story. My daughter couldn't even get her ABCs right at 3.5 years old, I grew frustrated at her, she actually said "mum, I am still a kid." My heart broke and never again did I force her on anything academics. I also get nasty comments from strangers that why my daughter is "slower".
She is now 12. Her academics is in the top 25percent by national standard, since P1. She is also in the top 10 in her school ranking. she has a black belt in Taekwando, and distinction for her grade 3 piano. She won many sports medals from school as well.
With constant repetition in Child Care, sure the kid might seem to learn more, but it's all force learn.
In my opinion, young children should be embraced with love.
I traded my lambskin bags and red sole shoes for quality time with my kids.
I can't be happier with my choice:)
 
Children develop at different speeds in different areas. Just stick a middle finger at those naysayers. Ok, maybe not the middle finger but just ignore them. :cool:
 
After I had my 1st born, I went back to work after confinement feeling guilty as hell as I thought to myself, I am a bad mother who places work over my kids.
I was doing badly all ways. When I am home, I have to open my laptop to finish up my proposals before I had to leave on time. When I am at work, I miss the kid badly and couldn't focus fully.
Then, I decided to be SAHM for a good 3 years.
The 1st year was tough. I felt like I lost myself. I could only talk to LO all day, feels like talking to myself even. I don't look at myself in the mirror as I feel so inferior as whenever we go out, I see ladies all dressed up with nice make-up and I am still trying to recover my pre-pregnancy figure. And there I am, with stained shirts, just a ponytail and always in slippers for easy maneuvering, with a pram and a big baby bag and all I felt was.... UGLY... inside and outside... I felt I lost my goal in life... I used to be a workaholic, I work more than 50hours a week and I enjoy my job.
Deep down, I was sinking...

Until I met my gf who's a SAHM with 3 kids... I told her how I felt and how can she cope, being someone who used to party so much and now all she does is ferrying kids to and fro school and tuition.

There will always be a job opening for you out there. No matter when, you can always find a job. But our kids only grow up once. If you missed it, you will miss it for life. Think of when the kids hug you and calls you for the 1st time.

Her words woken me and I finally understood that I didn't lose my goals, I acquired new goals! Making my LO having a great childhood filled with care and concern is my 24/7 work that is more tedious than anything.

SAHM works 24/7, no MC, no off, sleep is never more than a couple of hours before the LO screams for a mommy. Perpetually forever on her feet, always cleaning something, tee shirt usually stained, sometimes with urine, sometimes feces. I even had diarrhea sprayed at my hair while I was changing the diapers once...

Now the kids are older, I'm back in the workforce and I am glad to send them to school as I know they will be in good hands, enquiring new knowledge.

Being a SAHM takes a lot of courage and sacrifice. Sacrifices seen, and some Sacrifices unseen by others, like how we bash ourselves inside for leaving that career we had built for so long.

To all the SAHM, if you ever wonder if is it tough, yes it is... and we other SAHM have all been through that so you are not alone. The sacrifices made is worth it. Your kid will remember the time when you guys went to the park, or the time when you chase LO around the house for refusing to wear his clothes, or the time when the both of you are building the duplo set together.

Sorry for being so lor soh... hope this will help you to feel better yah...

Totally agree with u ..

My lo is 18 months and I see many of my friends go for job leaving 3-6 months baby in infant care or to nanny hands .. I personally feel that baby, which is your own blood sheds should get all love and should get motivated , and all important milestones should not be missed by Mother .. though I feel bad to be sahm, my baby get all love and care that need at this age
 
I am the same with most mums here - quit job to look after my baby girl.
The biggest challenge for me is dealing with people's comments, especially own family members. I had a good education and a promising career. My mother has always been a working mum so she isn't supportive of my decision, and so is everyone in my family. Every now and then she will say things to me implying that I am very free at home and do nothing, like as if I am very lazy. She will also often bring up stories of so and so relatives' kids being so successful in their careers. It is very hurtful when I hear such words from my own mother because it's like as if I have failed them. As for my in laws, they are the type of people who will not be appreciative of my efforts.
Apart from my hubby who is supportive, at times I do feel quite lonely with this decision of mine to stay home and give up my career for now. But only I know that I am the best person to care for my girl. Seeing her happy every day reminds me that it's the right thing to do despite other people's opinions. I just hope my girl will grow well and healthy :)
 


@Elm
Everytime you see those news on maids abusing kids or doing a terrible job (can see in neighborhood too), you can feel better about your decision!

@everyone browsing this thread
I'm partly a SAHD because I work from home. If there's enough demand, I can create a SAH group for both sexes. Not just moms. Let me know if you'd like to be in one!
 

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