Dear all,
I am using this channel to pour out the knots in my heart. Hope you do not mind. Plus I do welcome advice
My wife and I both comes from families with their own set of issues. Both sides parents have their own "unique" set of theories and ways to lead life. Of course my wife and I have our own set of principles that are in conflict with them.
In 2014, due to my my-then-gf's father's protectiveness over my-then-gf's sis, I was chased out of the house during CNY, cause he felt that her younger daughter was humiliated in front of outsiders. Out of disappointment, my-then-gf and I decided to ROM, so we could apply for a flat. So both side parents were given last min notice on our ROM, and it was completed within 2 months. Of cuz lots of unhappiness with our parents, cause to them this is a big matter that should discuss with them.
To my side of the family, before our ROM, my mum (claimed to be very modern herself) told us that we need not have any wedding dinner, just a simple dinner with some relative representative is enough. She even suggest we can save that money for a long honeymoon. We were awe by that and proceed on to ROM. However, after the ROM, she said we should have a grand wedding dinner to inform others (Relatives, friends, parents friends and working partners, etc). We were both shocked by that and brought what she said before that was different. She replied by saying she never say or promise such a thing as no need a grand wedding dinner. my sis even add on saying my mum being so traditional, won't suggest such a thing. In the end, my wife gave in cause I am the only son in the family. As expected, the whole planning was a rough one, with my mum compiling a list of traditions (Which we suspect is a rojak of Malaysian and Taiwan tradition) which even shock the bridal shop. We had many arguments and disagreements that damaged our respect for her. In summary, she just want "face" and won't care about other things. My sis add on to say wedding is not for couples but to notify people that we are married.
In 2016, the whole wedding was successful and guests were happy except us. We planned and managed the whole wedding itinerary ourselves but with my mum forcing her way here and there which cause lot's of unhappiness. She even complained that my wife speech was longer than mine, the video portion was longer than mine. what can she expect from her out-spoken DIL? I am more of the quiet and gentle type of guy, but i guess the "face" issue blinds her greatly.
Nonetheless, we decided to stay with her till our flat arriving. My mum was still never happy about my wife, we suspect is because we do not plan to have a kid this early until we are more financially stable. All this while, my mum has been flipping the things she said, demanding things last minute despite us asking her to let us know in advance (cause my wife and I usually plan our day early), kept insisting that we spend more time with my in-law side, 101 things about us spending more time with our circle of friends than at home. We were both disappointed as we have been telling her my wife has been busy with clearing shit and fire fighting at work. n
Recently, i had an argument with my wife and my attitude was really bad till she decided to move back. My mum was disappointed with my wife not informing her and commented why we put such an act when the new year is coming. And even commented we did this on purpose so she wont have a good year, etc. Whenever she start her nagging, she will bring up the past things that she was not happy with, however, when we brought up some past examples, she will snap at us for bring up the past.
I am really troubled being in the middle. there have been more nasty stuff my mum said which i have not share with my wife. Else it will be harder for me to convince my wife to return home for CNY. I feel if my mum cannot let go of the past, it will be hard for us to continue staying with her
I am using this channel to pour out the knots in my heart. Hope you do not mind. Plus I do welcome advice
My wife and I both comes from families with their own set of issues. Both sides parents have their own "unique" set of theories and ways to lead life. Of course my wife and I have our own set of principles that are in conflict with them.
In 2014, due to my my-then-gf's father's protectiveness over my-then-gf's sis, I was chased out of the house during CNY, cause he felt that her younger daughter was humiliated in front of outsiders. Out of disappointment, my-then-gf and I decided to ROM, so we could apply for a flat. So both side parents were given last min notice on our ROM, and it was completed within 2 months. Of cuz lots of unhappiness with our parents, cause to them this is a big matter that should discuss with them.
To my side of the family, before our ROM, my mum (claimed to be very modern herself) told us that we need not have any wedding dinner, just a simple dinner with some relative representative is enough. She even suggest we can save that money for a long honeymoon. We were awe by that and proceed on to ROM. However, after the ROM, she said we should have a grand wedding dinner to inform others (Relatives, friends, parents friends and working partners, etc). We were both shocked by that and brought what she said before that was different. She replied by saying she never say or promise such a thing as no need a grand wedding dinner. my sis even add on saying my mum being so traditional, won't suggest such a thing. In the end, my wife gave in cause I am the only son in the family. As expected, the whole planning was a rough one, with my mum compiling a list of traditions (Which we suspect is a rojak of Malaysian and Taiwan tradition) which even shock the bridal shop. We had many arguments and disagreements that damaged our respect for her. In summary, she just want "face" and won't care about other things. My sis add on to say wedding is not for couples but to notify people that we are married.
In 2016, the whole wedding was successful and guests were happy except us. We planned and managed the whole wedding itinerary ourselves but with my mum forcing her way here and there which cause lot's of unhappiness. She even complained that my wife speech was longer than mine, the video portion was longer than mine. what can she expect from her out-spoken DIL? I am more of the quiet and gentle type of guy, but i guess the "face" issue blinds her greatly.
Nonetheless, we decided to stay with her till our flat arriving. My mum was still never happy about my wife, we suspect is because we do not plan to have a kid this early until we are more financially stable. All this while, my mum has been flipping the things she said, demanding things last minute despite us asking her to let us know in advance (cause my wife and I usually plan our day early), kept insisting that we spend more time with my in-law side, 101 things about us spending more time with our circle of friends than at home. We were both disappointed as we have been telling her my wife has been busy with clearing shit and fire fighting at work. n
Recently, i had an argument with my wife and my attitude was really bad till she decided to move back. My mum was disappointed with my wife not informing her and commented why we put such an act when the new year is coming. And even commented we did this on purpose so she wont have a good year, etc. Whenever she start her nagging, she will bring up the past things that she was not happy with, however, when we brought up some past examples, she will snap at us for bring up the past.
I am really troubled being in the middle. there have been more nasty stuff my mum said which i have not share with my wife. Else it will be harder for me to convince my wife to return home for CNY. I feel if my mum cannot let go of the past, it will be hard for us to continue staying with her
