Advice needed on divorce/separation/child custody

gladjo

thank you for your reply. i hope my spouse can agree n we can proceed to divorce directly after my preg. currently preg so is a difficult period. so hope to settle all my queries before my preg. for the cfrc is only when u reach the aciliary
for cpf board have to go down n ask? can call?
 

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You hv to clear cfrc b4 judge push to ancillary dear. Cos court view kids welfare very important n above all else.
 
Hi I m planning to go to Low Woon Ming law firm or Rajan Chettiar. Are these two ex? Can I move out before seeking lawyer advise?
 
Sigh...u Contesting or Uncontested? U scout around n compare via google ...bear in mind 1st hr or 1st consult is free hor ...
 
hi,
I am going for divorce. Anyone willing to pm or have wattsapp chat with me on advices, info and perhaps lawyer matters? or perhaps let me join in the relevant group chat?
 
Omg!! Please read woman's charter 353. And court will not out your case unless absence without course then it will be strike out.

As to how strong your case, even lawyers cant determune but assume ...the judge will review all sworn statements and evidence.
 
Strike out wat?

U talk like u know it all. Not every case is like yours.
I used both adultery n unreasonable behaviour for my divorce. I wrote in my statement how violent he was attached with ppo. And also pi report for his adultery.

My lawyer are experience n work as a lawyer for at least 20years. How your one occasions n so call self taught divorce can be compare with him. He knows from ppo n the PI report that the case was strong. All with evidence. So even judge can't say the divorce can't go thru.

Go do your check before you talk here. My friend case was denied divorce as the reason for divorce was weak. The judge was not satisfy with thereason given. She was not able to file the divorce. The husband appear in court n want to stay in the marriage, n dispute the reason with valid grounds
 
Happened i do my checks n happened i hv judges n lawyers as frens. U r so naive n believing without "strong" evidence case will be thrown out ... just cos u engaged a lawyer? Anyway, suit yourself ...but pls go read up Woman Charter n be educated
 
Hahaha, u so fortunate. My lawyer told me, judges n lawyer are professional people, do they know u are giving misleading legal advice here? Pls let the processional do their job, dont be too 'helpful' and get mummies into trouble here
 
Anyway, I try to do a divorce with unreasonable behaviour, the judge was not convinced. He wanted us to mediate and go for counselling. Waste few months for that. Then I manage to get evidence of him behaving intimate with a women. And submitted the evidence. Then manage to divorce.
Anyway I too have gone thru divorce, but it doesn't mean I am a expert. I respect the lawyers n judges. We shouldn't be giving wrong advice n sound like the whole family court is so flaws.
Anyway, mummies pls seek for professional legal advice, don't listen to hearsay or refer to law chapter. The laws are complicated, u need professional advice, n u have only have one chance to get your rights. Don't cock up n regret for the rest of your life.
 
Mediation is compulsory as for every divorce. I went thru mediation too and so did my frens ... fact is woman's charter if you don't understand ..simply call Family court hotline...they can explain. How not to believe the Woman's Charter when this is the one thing that governs woman's rights. And its simple english. It doesnt mean what you go thru dictates what takes place for each case ..i'm merely stating that its not up to anyone of us to say how strong is your divorce case, the judge determines. Get this right ..even with the most experience lawyers they themselves are taken by surprise as the case progresses. And seriously you probably never heard the term strike off so dun assume. I encountered. May i suggest you to check with Family court what is strike off and when and how this will take place. I am no professional but i dun fully trust lawyers. May be you dun know and have only seen one side... but paying $500 for 1hr and fees for per minute and cooperating on closure, i dun agree. Of course there are good lawyers but hard to come by. I encourage you to read up more...its not absolute secret and i didnt pluck..it all over the Internet. Look up on the final judgement of family court. They will.post final judgement of major cases.
The reason for divorce does not rule the judgement of the case, it is only stage 1. If both parties cannot agree to reason why the marriage fails, the case cannot move forward. u can carry on fighting paying your lawyer which each hearing takes 10-15mins at btw $2-3k +/- each appearance just on the reason for divorce and end up with $30-40k lawyer fees. The main fight isnt the reason..its the kids, the house and maintenance. These are the important thing to fight on. So what you win the reason is adultery or unreasonable behaviour. Till you win kids,house n alimony then it really a success story.
Wish you all the best.

True am not expert like u but i dun say things that aren't true and but i do not use my own experience as the deciding factor. Nobody wants to go thru this painful thing.
 
anyway laws and not just by reading u will understand fully la. There are interpretation, doesn't mean u read up u will know everything. leave it to the professional lawyers and judges and not by lawyer 'friend' who advice u casually
 
So it's possible to include both in for divorce since the husband has been unreasonable to me and blatantly carrying an affair.

Wendy: How fast was your divorce granted?
 
Nowsaday, women charter are not as strong as previously, there are many amendments, so as to be fair to both party.
I am not a lawyer but i have consulted many lawyers, some being in business for very long and also top lawyer. they know what they do.
Then when i hear a divorced women coming to the forum to say saying they are better then lawyer n boasting how she have singlehandedly won her divorce at DIY, i was very surprised.
We are here to give our option and advice. but if really legal n professional please go the lawyers.
I have gone thru it. its very stress having to go thru it and if ask u also to handle the other party lawyer n also judge, not many can't do it.
 
Hi All,

I would like to share my story and I needed some advice on the divorce proceedings like how long would it take to be officially divorced and roughly how much will be spent.

I married young and had been married for more than 10 years. Currently I have 3 children (age 8, 6 and 9 months). It was a pretty long story because it had been persisting problems over the years. But to cut it short, my husband has been having affairs.....Repeatedly. From before I got married, and he promised me that it was just a fling and he won't do it again. Then my 1st pregnancy...Again. Last year, he was caught again.

The last one was pretty dramatic. I had suspected that there was something going on. I know he would deny if I did not have any evidences on hand. So I engaged a PI and paid about $2.5k for it, thinking that I could have gotten evidence and file him for adultery. But the footage showed that he was just holding her hands, and going to hotel. I had consulted a lawyer before and he said it was not good enough to sue him for adultery. I also showed some photos to my husband thinking that he will feel remorseful over it. But the opposite, he got enraged of me hiring a PI to follow him. Things get alittle out of hand because I realize that I was pregnant. Then my husband was always quiet when I brought up the divorce thing. When things get alittle serious, he starts getting crazy over it like shouting and screaming at home. My kids were very scared and I was pregnant at that time. I was afraid of our safety like what if he had hit us. I don't have a place to shift out and I have not enough money to rent a flat outside bringing all my kids with me. After that I stopped asking for a divorce because I did not get enough support and I do not have enough money on hand as well.

Throughout this period, I am trying my best to get over it and thinking that he might turn back with my baby born. But at this stage, I think my heart starts dying. Because nothing has changed and I believe he is still with the woman. Everyday looking at him now, I don't feel like talking to him anymore and I just get very sick and tired of it.

I have been thinking of getting a divorce, but I don't know where to start. I know the moment I start talking about this, he will start going crazy again. Besides, he is not a easy person to deal with. He will treat you a tic for a tac. I believe he will fight the kids and the house with me. I don't know if I have enough money and energy to pursue this fight. Therefore, I am trying to plan as much as possible now A battle that does not need to spend too much time fighting on.

So the questions are:

1) I don't know if I should engage a PI again and get more concrete evidence on his adultery. I know of some PI who can really extract text messages and catching them red-handed in bed. The previous PI that I have engaged does not do any of those.

2) Does anyone have a good and affordable lawyer who are specialized in dealing with such situations? The previous lawyer I had consulted with is another a friend's friend. It's not that he is not good. But I feel he is very neutral on this case and he is trying to reconcile us instead of fighting for me. In order for me to win this battle, I needed a lawyer who will really stand on my side.

Can anyone of you please advise me on this?
 
Hi. Extracting of sms from hp is illegal, its hacking don't do that.
For catching red handed in bed, no idea how they can do it, but my previous lawyer n PI was able to successfully file for divorce based on adultery without catching them in bed, but caught them going in and coming out of hotel to prove adultery.
 
The video only show them going in n out of hotel once? Because the video i had showed them going in n out hotel once also. But the lawyer i consulted said its not really consider adultery. So i'm not too sure also.
 
did the PI got the hotel room that they went. if it's a 5 star hotel, he can give excuse that he went there for meals or shopping. but if it's a lover hotel like hotel 81, then what they could be there for?

Even if not adultery then what it is consider as? this is not a proper behaviour of a husband.

either the PI doesn't know his work or else the lawyer is lying to you
 
HI All,

I would like to seek some advice here.

I am married for 7 years, have 1 girl (6 yrs) and 1 boy (4 yrs), both in childcare ctr at my workplace.

We have been sleeping in separate rooms since the birth of my boy in 2013. Mon-Fri, we dont see him, as he is sleeping when we go off school/ work, and he only returns home when we are asleep. He only get to see the kids on weekends, even then, he need work on some saturdays. I am the one who take care of the kids, bring them see doc, and took leave during the childcare closure dates.

In Sept 2017, i discovered smses on his HP that he went to visit prostitutes in JB. The smses indicated the room number, time, prostitutes name and charges for services. The smses showed that he paid for the services in Apr, May and Sept at a named hotel in JB. As i am unable to send the smses to my phone, i took screenshots of the smses. He did not deny when i confront him.

We talked in Oct 2017, and he agreed verbally to agreed to all my conditions (i.e custody of both kids and transfer flat to me) if i wanted to Divorce. But he said he want to stay in the marriage and agreed to improve and spend more time w the kids.

Since Oct to now, i dont see any improvements. I told him I want to proceed with Divorce and now he is not responding at all.

We only have the HDB Flat as matrimonial assets, which we bought in 2009. I have checked with HDB that based on my CFP balance and income, i should be able to finance if he transfer his share to me. Even if he is not agreeable, i am willing to sell off an get another resale flat on my own.

My questions are:
(1) Can the smses be counted as evidence for adultery? I do not want to apply D based on this, but given that he is not responding now, i am worried he may chu pattern. If so, i understand the validity is 6mths.
(2) Or can i based on the fact that we slept separately since 2013 Jun to apply for D? What if he is not agreeable? Do i need to do up a separation deed to formalise this or i just wait till 4years to apply D without consent?
(3) Based on my situation above, will i be able to get care and control of both kids? Or will Judge separate them?

Sorry for the long post. Appreciate if anyone has similar situation and can advise. Thanks in advance!!
 
Just an update.

I have consulted a lawyer over the weekend. The lawyer said, based on the smses, i can file divorce based on inappropriate association with prostitutes. In fact, the lawyer said that my evidence are quite strong cos i have the screenshots whereby i watsapped to confront him and he did not deny. As CNY is coming and he will out of town over this weekend, the lawyer said earliest he can file the divorce is next thu. The lawyer said that i need not talk to my hub anymore, but if i want, i can talk to him to consent to D based on 3years' separation without the need to bring up the evidence of him visiting prostitutes.

On sat evening, i told my hub i am filing for D. He appeared shocked and then angry, and started blaming me that I am the one deciding everything. I am just as shocked at his reaction too. All these while, i have been watsapping him i be consulting lawyer etc and that i am will be seeking the care and control of the kids etc... he does not respond at all.... *speechless*
 
Words of caution. Talk to a few lawyers then decide. Cos sms still can deny, he can claim u delete the part where he deny.
Also separation, both of u are staying under the same roof, can consider as separated?
 
Just an update.

I have consulted a lawyer over the weekend. The lawyer said, based on the smses, i can file divorce based on inappropriate association with prostitutes. In fact, the lawyer said that my evidence are quite strong cos i have the screenshots whereby i watsapped to confront him and he did not deny. As CNY is coming and he will out of town over this weekend, the lawyer said earliest he can file the divorce is next thu. The lawyer said that i need not talk to my hub anymore, but if i want, i can talk to him to consent to D based on 3years' separation without the need to bring up the evidence of him visiting prostitutes.

On sat evening, i told my hub i am filing for D. He appeared shocked and then angry, and started blaming me that I am the one deciding everything. I am just as shocked at his reaction too. All these while, i have been watsapping him i be consulting lawyer etc and that i am will be seeking the care and control of the kids etc... he does not respond at all.... *speechless*

U need to attend MPP to obtain the certificate before the divorce writ can be carried out together with the MPP cert for court hearing. New rules since December 2016. MPP --> Madatory Parenting Program compulsory for those havig children below 14years of age. Have you attended the MPP to obtain the cert? If not, the divorce writ cannot be carried out still.
 
Hi. Photo with a girl doesn't represent anything. Is there intimacy? How many time caught?
If he is caught going to hotel, then its good.
Anyway, its too expensive to pay for a PI to catch him once with a women.
Actually it should be once evidence is enough then stop the investigation.
 
Hi
Want to check if there's any difference in child custody and alimony and maintenance fee if file divorce based on Audultry or unacceptable behavior? Bcos I'm thinking if there is no difference , should I skip the Pi?

No difference. Unless the adultery leads to a reduction of his contributions to the marriage.
 
Adultery leads to reduction of his contributions ?? Sorry pls elaborate ...haven't heard this ..is something new
 
Usually there is no difference. But assuming that he was so into the third party relationship to the point that he was an absent father, and not around mostly, then arguably that will tilt the balance in favour of the mother in terms of efforts spent on the children.

also, the fact the marriage was ended by unreasonable conduct does not mean that the wife cannot raise the fact that the husband was not around during the marriage for the children. it is a case by case basis.
 
So whether the husband around or not around doesn't affect the Direct and Indirect contributions to the marriage.... if thats the case ...holding a picture of hands holding or walking into an apartment is better evidence to court he have little or no contributions to the marriage, right.

There's no $$ diff whether he's present or not.
 
So no diff right ... what makes u think he cant delay the divorce process another way? And with PI pictures ...since no diff so dont need PI after all mah

Have you been thru the whole divorce process ?? Just curious ..you speak as if you know everything ...sorry just a curious cat
 
So no diff right ... what makes u think he cant delay the divorce process another way? And with PI pictures ...since no diff so dont need PI after all mah

Have you been thru the whole divorce process ?? Just curious ..you speak as if you know everything ...sorry just a curious cat
Everyone is sharing their experience. Let talk in a nice way.
No one is expert here. Unless you have gone thru divorce more than once, but also, each case is different, so be nice. Happy Chinese new year
 
There's many ways ...hmmm... thought u knew the process ... and yes like u...i when thru the whole damn process without a lawyer .. delayed him several times

Of course i went thru ...how many times can i go thru hahaha ....your question is very defensive ... as i say am just curious and am not here to spar with u...just curious ... there are more than one way of tactics ... you may be right in some way .. like others say... each case is different and each case is unique... cheers ...just my 5cents worth curiosity
 
Agree ... Jane09

Cheers ...Happy CNY
Thank you. But to shared my experience. My useless ex was not agreeable when I filed for divorce based on his unreasonable behaviour, he was fighting, demanding a lot. My lawyer was not able to make him to agree.
No choice, I went to a PI. The PI got the evidence. We file against him.
Then the process speed up a lot as he was afraid I take the evidence to expose him cos he was involve with a colleague.
He become nice and agree on most term.
 

The procedure is quite daunting for a layperson.

Do it if you have time to prepare docs and also be prepared to go to the courts numerous times. Weigh that against spending legal cost of say 2-3k.
 

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