Advice needed regarding Indo. helper

[IronMaiden80]

Hi Mummies,

I am a FTWM who just returned to work this week. I have a toddler and a 4-month old baby at home and I engaged a helper to take care of my children with my mil. Previously mil had some issues with her but all have been resolved. Now it is my turn.

I haven't been able to spend time with my baby as my helper keeps hogging on to him. Previously during my maternity leave, my helper couldn't manage the baby as he was constantly crying with her so I asked her to spend more time with the baby as she is already familiar with the toddler. Now all she wants to do is to carry / spend time with the baby and not help out with the toddler or any housework. I have spoken to her once but she broke down before I could even complete what I wanted to say to her. She can sit down by the bouncer and watch my baby sleep while I am busy with the toddler / doing housework. When I asked her to help out, she gets upset and its shown all over her face. Last night I asked her to watch over the toddler and I told her I would like to carry the baby, she refused to hand him over. Giving her the benefit of doubt that she might not have heard me, I repeated myself and stretched my hands out. She reluctantly handed the baby over but from the reflection from my kitchen window, I could see her watching me... I felt really uncomfortable and turned to look at her and she pretended to look away. Just when I was walking away, she asked me to put the baby on his bouncer. I was very shocked but I kept quiet. She also likes to kiss my baby excessively near his mouth... it makes me very uncomfortable and I have highlighted to her but she is still doing it.

Should I talk to her one last time or have her sent home? I really do not like to deal with this kind of stuff as I rather spend my time with my kids but I feel she has gone overboard. I feel like I am the helper and she is the mother of my child.

Appreciate your thoughts and advice.

 

[damianuuu]

If its as scary as u described, what are u waiting for? send her back to indo or agency asap.. now!! today..!

 

[kiche]

the upside is that she loves your baby very much.

the downside is that her love is turning into an obsession. u may have to be firm in instructing her what to do and show her u are the boss. if she doesnt improve then return her back to the agency. goodness knows what she may do in her obsession for ur child..

 

[MissLin]

You may like to have a proper talk with her. I agree that she loves the child very much, will be better then one who doesn't love your children.

 

[catinthesky]

Sounds scary.. I would send her away seriously. It's not easy to find a helper who loves your children but she sounds obsessed!

And kissing baby near mouth (or anywhere) from a non-family member is NO-NO to me.

 

[adhd.dad]

This sounds quite unnerving. I would recommend you send her away without talking too much about it in advance. While it is great to have a maid love your child, this one sounds wacky. If she may have some weird ideas about your child, it may be better to remove her whilst your child isn't around. We can't take too much care when it comes to the safety of our children.

 

[imting82]

Yes, I would agree to send her back to agency. It sounded like she has some mental issues? When my new helper just came 2 weeks ago, my elder girl is also very sticky towards her. We tried to separate the 2 of them so that we have some family time (as my girl is rejecting hubby & myself to play with her - even my parents have the same encounter). We are monitoring the situation as it seems like the helper is also "using" my girl to get some exceptional requests - time to time.