Husband doesn't want a child

Enid123

New Member
Me and my husband have been married for 9 months. He doesn't want a child because he said he wants us to be financially stable first. How stable does he want us to be when we both have our own full-time jobs and our house has been renovated? I'm satisfied with our house although there are a few missing points but very minor. We have everything that we need. His idea of perfection are bigger TV, house decals, change of aircons, etc (those very non-important stuffs to me).

He knows very well how badly I want a child. Whenever I brought up this topic or try to talk to him, he will either get irritated or just brush it off or making empty promises only to be given a big fat NO when the time comes.

He also has not "touch" me for more than 2 months. I'm guessing that it's because he really doesn't want a child.

I'm honestly very depressed with his actions that I will cry at times just at the thought of it.

How do I deal with this?
 


Me and my husband have been married for 9 months. He doesn't want a child because he said he wants us to be financially stable first. How stable does he want us to be when we both have our own full-time jobs and our house has been renovated? I'm satisfied with our house although there are a few missing points but very minor. We have everything that we need. His idea of perfection are bigger TV, house decals, change of aircons, etc (those very non-important stuffs to me).

He knows very well how badly I want a child. Whenever I brought up this topic or try to talk to him, he will either get irritated or just brush it off or making empty promises only to be given a big fat NO when the time comes.

He also has not "touch" me for more than 2 months. I'm guessing that it's because he really doesn't want a child.

I'm honestly very depressed with his actions that I will cry at times just at the thought of it.

How do I deal with this?

Hi how old are you and ur hubby? I can somehow relate this to myself. For me it started off when we were dating, after dating for 7 years, he still didnt pop the question or think about wanting to marry me. Everytime i bring up the topic on marriage and kids, he will get annoyed. Or he tries to be funny and change topic. I asked myself, does he love me? And how long more am i going to wait? It was painful coz i wanted to get married soon and start my family before 28. But in the end i guess it's a guy's thing. U cannot press them if they really dont wan to get married or have kids. I decided to stop asking him when we gonna get married and one day after 10 years of dating, he planned a big surprise and proposed to me. I guess he felt the time was right n he was financially more stable, earning more salary.
While we were together, he always avoided the topic of having kids as well, same fear as ur hubby. But u know what, after getting married a few months, we started to try to have kids (he was 37 yr old and i'm 31), and when after 6 mths no news, I panicked. He also panicked lor. We went to see specialist but was told to try harder. Come back in another 6 mths time. It was then he felt that it's not like u can have a baby when u want it. So he started to change his mind and we tried hard. Finally im now 3 mth + pregnant.

I think guys, sometimes, u cannot force them or push them.. i just have to live with it even i know he may not want to marry me or have kids with me.. so i waited n waited. but lucky for me, it all pays off. Must be patient with them. Hope they "mature" faster and start planning about the future! And of course communication is v important, mus align ur goals together. I can totally understand how u feel coz i felt helpless last time, theres nothing i can do coz it depends on my SO. But cheer up, maybe u can try asking him for a time line?
 
Me and my husband have been married for 9 months. He doesn't want a child because he said he wants us to be financially stable first. How stable does he want us to be when we both have our own full-time jobs and our house has been renovated? I'm satisfied with our house although there are a few missing points but very minor. We have everything that we need. His idea of perfection are bigger TV, house decals, change of aircons, etc (those very non-important stuffs to me).

He knows very well how badly I want a child. Whenever I brought up this topic or try to talk to him, he will either get irritated or just brush it off or making empty promises only to be given a big fat NO when the time comes.

He also has not "touch" me for more than 2 months. I'm guessing that it's because he really doesn't want a child.

I'm honestly very depressed with his actions that I will cry at times just at the thought of it.

How do I deal with this?

If you put the "baby" issue aside, are you happy? Can you try to remember what were the values and things about this man that made you attracted to him? Made you fall in love, and made you wanted to marry him? Are these the right reasons? Are these good reasons?

If they are, try to give each other more time. My hubs was the same, too. We had so many issues at the beginning of our marriage, most he doesn't even know existed! I wanted to leave him countless times. He didn't even know, or didn't know how I felt. And I was so angry that when we (he!) finally decided we could have babies, it took me a long time to conceive - so much time was wasted. But fast forward a decade later, I realize what a friend of mine said was so true "Just because he doesn't love you the way you want him to, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you with all his love"

Sometimes, financial stability can be a real concern. A smooth pregnancy-to-delivery-confinement could easily cost $10k. If you have heard of some of the stories of a not-so-smooth pregnancy, that would cost double! And neonatal care cost is estimated to cost $1k a day. If you are still young, he might be wise to "wait a little". Also, it takes time to build a marriage, and living with someone, handling the in-laws, etc. So, perhaps not all that wrong to "wait". When my children ask me, who do I love most? I always tell them, it is PAPA, which I think should be most ideal choice for everyone!
 
Its true that we can't push or stress the man. But how many years do us ladies need to wait. We don't have all the time to wait for them as our age is important if we want to conceive right?
 
I think that's a man thing really. My hubby too. I don't want to wait till I'm 30 to have my first child. We have talks about it and he insisted to let nature take its course. But to me that's crap because my body take its course with me counting the dates of my peak.

Everytime I talk to him about trying for a baby, he says let's wait and let nature take its course. One year later, he still say let nature take its course!!!

I've decided to take matters into my own hands, I buy ovulation kits and pregnancy test kits and I tell him directly "hey it's today, tmr and the day after you know?"

It makes me sound like a desperate wife, but I really want a baby and I have started to think that maybe he and I have health issues? Could it be why we couldn't conceive after trying a year on (let nature take its course)

So fast forward a year plus later, i finally got pregnant and we have a boy now. 5 months old. And now he agrees with me that "nature doesn't really takes its course" and he told me actually one of the factor was that he was worried that I couldn't conceive so he didn't want to talk too much. He even told me about adoption before! But i thought it's just a chat. But for me, I thought he couldn't! So now no more thoughts, it's confirmed we both can have a baby, just that it's not "nature take its course"

So I guess it's a really "man" thing?
 

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