What is cheating
- Thread starter Lostdad
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infernolord
New Member
Bro, we are guys.. so what you think..
This will eventually lead to intercourse. And that guy, knowing she was married, yet trying to be funny, buying her gift.
What you think he wants ? True love? or a no commitments free... fxxk.
This will eventually lead to intercourse. And that guy, knowing she was married, yet trying to be funny, buying her gift.
What you think he wants ? True love? or a no commitments free... fxxk.
Lostdad - then what is your definition of cheating?
Different people have different ideas of what 'cheating' means. To me, although no physical infidelity, already cheated emotionally by allowing herself to fall in love with another man while still married, notwithstanding the state of her marriage and her relationship with her husband.
And like what infernolord said, it is very likely that it will eventually lead to sex if things are not stopped.
Different people have different ideas of what 'cheating' means. To me, although no physical infidelity, already cheated emotionally by allowing herself to fall in love with another man while still married, notwithstanding the state of her marriage and her relationship with her husband.
And like what infernolord said, it is very likely that it will eventually lead to sex if things are not stopped.
Errr, you not doing anything to change things and guide her back? What will you do if things get worse, especially if you have kids?
Just in case you are wondering, I am also a daddy...
Just in case you are wondering, I am also a daddy...
infernolord
New Member
Bro, you are not the first..
My circle of friends, most of them divorce because they caught their wife cheating as well.
These days i feel that technologies and western mindset are trying to advocate woman to seek for "true love" rather than commitments. With hp apps, it make it so easy for people to cheat.
Anyway you shld do something about it, is either she draw the lines or you are out.
How you know there are no intercourse, woman tend to hid their tracks better than guys.. or i would say guys tend to be less cautious. (We generally do not check on our gf/wife)
LostDad,
I'm truly sad to read this. I hope she will find her way back but even if she does, you will probably have trust issues. But if she does come back, you will know it may have made your relationship stronger too. Do you have kids??
I agree with infernolord that this age of technology has serious downsides. Cheating spouses, online scams, children being groomed for abuse. Who said going online doesn't have it's serious downsides?
I'm truly sad to read this. I hope she will find her way back but even if she does, you will probably have trust issues. But if she does come back, you will know it may have made your relationship stronger too. Do you have kids??
I agree with infernolord that this age of technology has serious downsides. Cheating spouses, online scams, children being groomed for abuse. Who said going online doesn't have it's serious downsides?
Hi Lostdad,
So what does cheating means to you? If you are the one who is behaving the way you said, can your partner accept that? By asking the above questions, you know well that you have doubts of her behaviour.
You already said she fell in love with the man. Are you married? Can you accept that she hugs and kiss or even doing something more without intercourse? When a friendly relationship become secretive, it also means something is wrong.
One who choose to cheat means they choose to betray your trust and this is not only to you, but the kids too. A parent responsibilities include ensuring the happiness of a family. Everyone need to know their commitment to the FAMILY and what to do and what not to.
Lostdad, maybe you choose to trust her which I can understand but when things really happened, do you think you can deal with it, do you think you will not regret? Communicate now but don't assume or accuse, so she won't turn on the defensive mode and avoid all talking.
Trust can be taken for granted. Good man cheats like wise for woman! You THOUGHT he or she is good until things happened. Then your whole world just collapsed and your heart just crashed like you going to die.
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on sep note: why people cheat, can't understand
Committing to a relationship is actually a cycle, how many times does one want to repeat the cycle?
Dating - marriage - giving birth - grow old together
If one cannot stay committed and complete the cycle, one should always stay single.
If complain that hubby or wife nag too much, what makes you think that the next person won't! He or she don't nag so much before marriage?? Or the current affair, even nagging means love to you?? Love not just blind also makes one deaf?
If complain that hubby or wife don't understand you, then what is it that he or she used to attract you to listen or understood before marriage?
Sad stories everywhere, what has this world become? Both man and woman take some lightly of their relationship!
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Hi Noobee
Sorry to hear this...i was once upon time like u ... i set my priority on my kids n close my eyes n hope he change but...
So it depends whats your priorities are n what is important to the kids n you.
Thank God we r in singapore n we women can still make a decent living.
Suggest try talking n try counselling. Till all else fail..then weigh your strength n priorities.
God bless
Sorry to hear this...i was once upon time like u ... i set my priority on my kids n close my eyes n hope he change but...
So it depends whats your priorities are n what is important to the kids n you.
Thank God we r in singapore n we women can still make a decent living.
Suggest try talking n try counselling. Till all else fail..then weigh your strength n priorities.
God bless
Holly Wheeler
New Member
This is cheating. As wife or girlfriend no one will like such behavior.
Seems like she is finding those butterfly feelings from dating all over again. Maybe maybe can try doing things like how you used to woo her? That's all woman or wife will always love to have. Love needs effort to maintain. Just a 2cents voice as a woman and wife
Holly wheeler...when no kids are involved..its very easy but when you have children, its not about your feelings..its a totally different. Some kids are vocal n extrovert so are able to ride the waves but others may withdraw n blame themselves or be traumatised n forever be haunted. No professional counselors can guarantee the kids will not be affected... if there's one, let me know. My gals needed the magic touch.
I trusted my hb 100% because he used to inform me about his casual drinking sessions and I'm ok with it. However after my pregnancy with no. 2 he started to selectively informing me about the drinking sessions and to the extend now he lies to me about having to work late but actually head out to pubs / nightclubs (i happened to stumble upon these info). Is this considered cheating? I wanted to talk to him about how he has crossed my limits. If its like any other drinking sessions, why the need to lie? He doesnt even want to explain and avoided my presence at home.
Not technically cheating if just drinking. But good to let him know how you feel now. Before worse happens.
queen_kay,
I agree with adhd.dad. While I don't consider this cheating, lying is not something that we would want to tolerate and sweep under the carpet. The concern is If one can lie about something not so significant (drinking only rite? used to tell you rite?), who knows how things might turn out if such behavior is left unchecked?
Have you tried sitting down with him for a heart-to-heart talk? Or get a male relative (like your brother) to talk to him, since guy-guy talk might be easier? I had a friend who behaved almost the same as your hubby. She got me to talk to him. Eventually, I found out the reason behind his behavior - he just wanted to avoid home as he felt overwhelmed by his parental responsibilities. And he avoided his wife (my friend) because he felt guilty that he was not helping out enough. This sounds counter-intuitive, but you will be surprised at the number of people who rather bury their head in the sand than to face the hard truth and work to resolve the problem. Going to the pub enabled him to 'borrow alcohol to numb sorrow'. I am not saying that what he did was correct - I told him he was wrong to behave this way, and that he needed to do something before his marriage was affected to the point of no return. My point here is that your hubby's behavior might be the result of an equally critical issue (other than cheating) that needs to be resolved.
Dr. Tooth
Active Member
Are you someone who likes to nag? Nagging easily vex up a guy especially when he is already trying hard to fight his own stress. He just needs space, quietness and not you.
Like what I said he tried to avoid talking about it. I told him how I felt and he crossed my limits but he remained silent.
Thank for providing the other side of a view. I do agree without help, lm more occupied with my child after work while he will head into the room at his computer. I know our life has been mundane but it's such a drastic change as he was never into drinking. His bunch of male colleagues were all problematic with flings outside even for the married ones from what he previously shared with me. I got no one suitable who can speak to him sadly as no one knows our situation.
Are you someone who likes to nag? Nagging easily vex up a guy especially when he is already trying hard to fight his own stress. He just needs space, quietness and not you.
Dr Tooth he has got plenty of space. He will hide into the room after shower and dinner. I got no chance to nag. My energy post working hours is focused on my child plus I'm pregnant. I would even ask him nicely to help me with laundry etc. If you ask me if he is stressed, I don't think so.
Above all, he was totally not sorry about lying to me and did not answer directly to my questions when I whatsapped him yesterday. What triggered him to reply was because I told him I would discuss with his parents if he refuse to talk.
His reason for not telling me is because he thinks I will become crazy which I think it's ridiculous. I never stopped him from going for drinking sessions before let alone being crazy since he informed me about them. Isn't it more suspicious that he choose to cover and to hide those particular ones that will definitely make me crazy because he lied? I don't understand at all. And he was very sure he wouldn't do anything unfaithful. How am I going to believe now?
His reason for not telling me is because he thinks I will become crazy which I think it's ridiculous. I never stopped him from going for drinking sessions before let alone being crazy since he informed me about them. Isn't it more suspicious that he choose to cover and to hide those particular ones that will definitely make me crazy because he lied? I don't understand at all. And he was very sure he wouldn't do anything unfaithful. How am I going to believe now?
Oh dear, you are preggie with your #2 now? Your stress might get worse as your pregnancy progresses if this issue is not adequately resolved soon.
You wanna consider getting help from a professional counsellor, like those from Clarity Singapore in Yishun?
Dr. Tooth
Active Member
May I know how are you going to stop a man from cheating if he is determine to cheat? And since you are suspicious rather than having the evident, I suggest you take the issue a little more lightly?
If I had to shed a tear, that tear is for your husband. You won yourself a reply. A reply you expected from him but the relationship cracks further. I'm not too sure how your husband reacted and the thoughts in him upon reading the whatsapp. I will be very surprise if he could manage his emotions well because the whatsapp had crossed my patience. I read that as a threat and personally, I never want to swallow that piece of threat. Is it really necessary to send such a whatsapp?
Can you read that he is trying to avoid you? Probably avoiding starting a war or confrontation with you since you are pregnant? When a man needs space and quietness, what I meant was he just wants to be alone. Sometimes even a word or two can push him away further.
Dr. Tooth
Active Member
A woman not hearing what she wants to hear and a man not saying what he needs to say will certainly arise the conflict of interests in a relationship. Many relationships ended up in a sad state on the term 'compromise'. Compromise in the sense agree to disagree.
He thinks you will become crazy. You think this is ridiculous. This is not compromise. This is disagreement vs disagreement. The relationship is slowly heading to disaster. You can also disagree with me if you think I'm ridiculous.
Can you leave him alone for now? Just give him what he needs for now. Don't talk to him for a few days to a week for a start. He will comes talking to you once he appreciates what you are trying to do. Both of you need to calm down first. Think through what's the next best course of action. If one party is continuing pressing the other party hard for something, one of you are going to come home later and later.
My postings to you are purely from my personal point of views. It is purely for your reading and see if they make sense. Most importantly, you need to be feeling great as and whenever possible. Good emotions are great for your baby!
I resort to "threat" because he was totally not responding to my messages. In any way it worked, he responded.May I know how are you going to stop a man from cheating if he is determine to cheat? And since you are suspicious rather than having the evident, I suggest you take the issue a little more lightly?
If I had to shed a tear, that tear is for your husband. You won yourself a reply. A reply you expected from him but the relationship cracks further. I'm not too sure how your husband reacted and the thoughts in him upon reading the whatsapp. I will be very surprise if he could manage his emotions well because the whatsapp had crossed my patience. I read that as a threat and personally, I never want to swallow that piece of threat. Is it really necessary to send such a whatsapp?
Can you read that he is trying to avoid you? Probably avoiding starting a war or confrontation with you since you are pregnant? When a man needs space and quietness, what I meant was he just wants to be alone. Sometimes even a word or two can push him away further.
Nope... it's always been his habit even way before I was pregnant. And there wasnt war or confrontation to happen? It's just his habit to coop in front of his pc watching his shows and games. More like avoiding to help me out and wanting to do his own things. Who doesnt need time to be alone? When a woman needs space and quietness, she just wants to be alone too. Its not a man's thing only.
A woman not hearing what she wants to hear and a man not saying what he needs to say will certainly arise the conflict of interests in a relationship. Many relationships ended up in a sad state on the term 'compromise'. Compromise in the sense agree to disagree.
He thinks you will become crazy. You think this is ridiculous. This is not compromise. This is disagreement vs disagreement. The relationship is slowly heading to disaster. You can also disagree with me if you think I'm ridiculous.
Can you leave him alone for now? Just give him what he needs for now. Don't talk to him for a few days to a week for a start. He will comes talking to you once he appreciates what you are trying to do. Both of you need to calm down first. Think through what's the next best course of action. If one party is continuing pressing the other party hard for something, one of you are going to come home later and later.
My postings to you are purely from my personal point of views. It is purely for your reading and see if they make sense. Most importantly, you need to be feeling great as and whenever possible. Good emotions are great for your baby!
To me by saying that he thinks i will become crazy seems to be just nothing more than an excuse. You may think I'm making an assumption. I never questioned where he is at, who is he with when he merely informed me he will be out late for drinks. full stop. Why would he think I will become crazy? Is it who he is meeting up with? Is it because of the place he is going to? By hiding or sneaking out in the middle of night without me knowing, you cant blame me for getting suspicious and lose trust in him.
In any way we are talking now and has come to some agreement of terms. We still have feelings for each other and I will see how it goes. I admit I still cannot trust him back 100%, especially with raging pregnancy hormones. Right now I think he is just feeling mundane about current life and discovered something fresh out of the norm. Consider him a late bloomer who never clubbed or visit pubs regularly. It's so happened his colleagues are all like that and he finds it fun. As long as he isnt anything unfaithful and tells me truthfully about his outings, i'm cool. That's all I expect of him.
Dr. Tooth
Active Member
It works this time round to your advantage but it may not works in the next few tries. And that also depends on what type of guy/ man you are dealing with.
Your concerns over his friends activities may be out of your control. It has got to do with his own consciousness and willpower. If he is going to be a faithful husband, I doubt any woman of any sorts can even try to tempt him over.
You sure have every reason to know why did he hide or sneak out in the middle of the night. I guess he wasn't convincing in his responses to you. How about sleeping with both of your legs over his? He can't run in the dark anymore. Will be better after giving birth, you can start to wrap your legs over his.
I wish you well in your agreement of terms with him. It is great especially after you made known to him what you expect from him. Faithfulness! : )
Looks like the thread somewhat got hijacked.
Lostdad, your wife is having an emotional affair, if not already a physical affair.
Don't be passive. Someone is coming to rob your house, and you are telling him to go ahead?
Did your wife admit to you? Still having contact with the other party?
If you are expecting a rational well thought response from your wife, I am sure you will be disappointed. People in EA are in affair fog; heart flutters, infatuated; think of yourself when your were smitten.
Gather your evidence fast and confront. Get full transparency on phone, emails etc. Estasblish no contact.
There are few more things to do. Leaving it for next post.
Meanwhile, be swift.
Lostdad, your wife is having an emotional affair, if not already a physical affair.
Don't be passive. Someone is coming to rob your house, and you are telling him to go ahead?
Did your wife admit to you? Still having contact with the other party?
If you are expecting a rational well thought response from your wife, I am sure you will be disappointed. People in EA are in affair fog; heart flutters, infatuated; think of yourself when your were smitten.
Gather your evidence fast and confront. Get full transparency on phone, emails etc. Estasblish no contact.
There are few more things to do. Leaving it for next post.
Meanwhile, be swift.