8 year old asking about death

babybud

Member
My 8 yr old sudden pop question on death. Asking all sorts of questions like
. Where pple go after death
. Is god real (im a free thinker)
. Is angel real
. What if mommy die
. What if i die
. He ask every1 (grandparents, uncles, teachers etc) he met the same question and pple give different ans like there will be recarnation, there's heaven, hell, pple reborn become baby again. Some say god and amgel real some say its just a myth amd shared scientific facts. Thus he is confused.

I shown him the facts a human life cycle diagram. Shared that we must protect ourself and stay heathy to avoid death. Duno if it right counselling anot. This my 1st born. He broke down saying after aged and death there is no.more life. How?
For past 1 week, similar qns pop up 1st thing in the morning and it goes on.. before sleep ask again.

The kid become anti social and emo for the past 1 week. And he keep crying suddenly sayin he is scared when he dies or his loved ones dies. I need to do something.

Where can i go to for professional counselling for the child?
 

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This is something new to me. I also have no experience with kid.

Throughout his 8 years, did anyone around him or known him who passed on?
 
No need counselling.
Just tell him we live as a society.. Got siblings got parents got aunty uncles all will help one another. Promote the tribal concept. Be there for each other.
 
This is something new to me. I also have no experience with kid.

Throughout his 8 years, did anyone around him or known him who passed on?
Nope, he did not experience any1 loved ones passing. It triggered when he heard his classmate grandmother passing and he start thinking what if it happen to his own grandparents and it ballooned to what if it happen to his parents and it goes on.
 
No need counselling.
Just tell him we live as a society.. Got siblings got parents got aunty uncles all will help one another. Promote the tribal concept. Be there for each other.
Done that, even got his daycare teacher involved and stick to the same theory. But he just keep asking what if this happen what if that happen. I even notice his loss of appetite. He is trap in this circle he can't get out. We ask him to stay happy and don't think, he says he can't control. Initially i did not pay much attention but now it seems serious to his well being. Haizz...
 
Nope, he did not experience any1 loved ones passing. It triggered when he heard his classmate grandmother passing and he start thinking what if it happen to his own grandparents and it ballooned to what if it happen to his parents and it goes on.

I came across an article how a mum (should be local) having the exact questionings from her kid about the mystery of death. It took her quite awhile to resolve the thoughts in her kid and having the kid settling down well. Eventually the finding was that her kid felt remorseful for not attending the grandparent's (if i remember correctly) funeral. I did not bookmark it and can't find the article for you. Kids were normally intrigued about death upon seeing or hearing from friends, tv shows, story books, etc...

I also managed to retrieve some advises from the professionals on the internet in not avoiding the questions. Words need to be used very carefully. For example the word 'sleep' should not be mentioned during the careful explanations. It could trigger them the fear of sleeping. And the next question the kid going to throw you will be: "What will happen when I go to sleep? What will happen.. ". That's how cute a kid can gets.

You may want to google for more information? Seeking professional's help? Patience is key to resolve kid's curiosity and remember not to scold or raise your voice regardless how frustrating it gets. I hope my post helps. :)
 
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I came across an article how a mum (should be local) having the exact questionings from her kid about the mystery of death. It took her quite awhile to resolve the thoughts in her kid and having the kid settling down well. Eventually the finding was that her kid felt remorseful for not attending the grandparent's (if i remember correctly) funeral. I did not bookmark it and can't find the article for you. Kids were normally intrigued about death upon seeing or hearing from friends, tv shows, story books, etc...

I also managed to retrieve some advises from the professionals on the internet in not avoiding the questions. Words need to be used very carefully. For example the word 'sleep' should not be mentioned during the careful explanations. It could trigger them the fear of sleeping. And the next question the kid going to throw you will be: "What will happen when I go to sleep? What will happen.. ". That's how cute a kid can gets.

You may want to google for more information? Seeking professional's help? Patience is key to resolve kid's curiosity and remember not to scold or raise your voice regardless how frustrating it gets. I hope my post helps. :)
Thanks. While i'm typing away my boy is still asking how i know this will happen after death, what if its not true,
As the qns caught us off guard, at first we shared the fact that dying means gone forever, not coming back anymore. Thats when he start thinking all the what ifs, secretly crying under his blanket, kept himself away from activities and stop talking to friends because he keep thinking his loved ones will die soon. Over this weekend We change the story abit saying that although after death we will be gone forever but we will become baby again. Son replied that then its ok to die since we become baby again. That thought scares us again so we change the story that our memory will be erased... u still can't be with ur family, so we must protect ourselves frm harm and stay healthy. Now he starts questioning the authencity of the story asking how i know we will become baby, who erase momery, which book says so, what if its not true, why become baby cannot go back to mommy... why 1 year pass so fast we will get old so fast and soon mommy n daddy will be gone. haiz.. probably we make things worst.. since I keep telling him anything u must say it out don't keep inside your heart.. so every few hrs he pop all the what if qns and ask is god real, is becoming baby a myth only or real... how u know... so many thoughts provoking qns might lead to worst if i did not ans tactfully.. and the qns had me trap in my own story. I googled and found NUH pediatrician offering some children counselling. Still considering if there a need to such extend.
 
Try to distract him over the next few days. Bring him out to the zoo, bird park, universal studios, even the playground etc. Monitor his behavior over the next 3-5 days to see if he is still behaving like that, still not eating, still having difficulty sleeping etc. If still persist, you might really want to seek professional help.

I have been through this the hardest way possible, so I know...
 

You are welcome! I'm curious how kid's mind works too. :)

Try to distract him over the next few days. Bring him out to the zoo, bird park, universal studios, even the playground etc. Monitor his behavior over the next 3-5 days to see if he is still behaving like that, still not eating, still having difficulty sleeping etc. If still persist, you might really want to seek professional help.

I have been through this the hardest way possible, so I know...

The expert has sounded her advice. :D
 
What a sweet and sensitive child. You should be proud that you have raised such a sensitive kid who can question about life and death at this young age. Shows that he has depth in thinking.

Do you have any religion? I feel that it helps because that was how I coped with my father's death when I was 9. Maybe can bring him to learn form the pastor/monk/priest (whatever religion you are) who might be able to explain death better.

Also agree with the post that you can bring him to fun place to distract him. Does he play computer games, ipad, read books? Let him do all these for a while and see his response some day so later.
 
OMG, he seems really sensitive and thinks a lot about such topics. Might be good to be careful about thinking through future topics just in case.

My son asked a few questions when he was 8, but never really thought too much about it after we explained stuff about family support, extended family, insurance etc. He has forgotten about it and is playing as a normal boy would today. Phew. Thank goodness.

babybud, sometimes it is better to agree that it can be sad but to show him that the other support structures in place. Don't just reassure him and dismiss his fears. Sometimes that just makes it worse. I know what you mean about confusing responses. I am a free thinker. My wife likes to mention Buddha sometimes. My PILs are Taoist/Buddhist and my own mum is free-thinker. LOL.

I am glad he hasn't gone around asking them all.
 
Hi Babybud,

My youngest son did ask some of these questions before when he was like kindergarten and I found them strange too.

He heard Jay Chou's song 听妈妈的话 also cried non stop, keep thinking if mummy gone how. He couldn't accept one day when I'm not around.

He cried after watching Nezha being killed by the Father, monkey king death and even karate kid being bullied.

Someone said my kid has a 慈悲心, not sure but he can be quite naughty at times.

I only tried my best explaining the life cycle. Telling him that so far no one can answer whether god or ghosts exist. No one knows the real truth about hell or heaven. But we can believe in religion if we think it does give us a peace of mind. Death may sound scary but it is a path that everyone will end with.

I do monitored my boy a lot when he asked those questions. He also mentioned like holding a knife but not hurting others is ok or about committing suicide jumping down from high floor. I suggest that you avoid letting him watch those unhealthy dramas, many has misleading contents.

He is now 11 yrs old. I didn't bring him for counselling but I can't decide whether u should or not. If it is worrying issue and causing constant fear maybe you should.
 
Hi Babybud,

I do monitored my boy a lot when he asked those questions. He also mentioned like holding a knife but not hurting others is ok or about committing suicide jumping down from high floor. I suggest that you avoid letting him watch those unhealthy dramas, many has misleading contents.

He is now 11 yrs old. I didn't bring him for counselling but I can't decide whether u should or not. If it is worrying issue and causing constant fear maybe you should.

I wanted to comment on this post and how relevant it is. Many parents watch TV without thinking about the content being shown. Or sometimes its the kid's grandparents etc. We need to be careful as there is ALOT of rubbish showing on our TV screens. Dramas which sell infidelity and sex for views. And others which show suicide and murder. Young children are NOT mature enough to understand much of these are just entertainment for crazy adults.

I often remind my son that whatever he sees on TV is fake! The actor is just acting etc. But the influence of such a medium can be very terrifying.... even if you tell them that much. Please be careful what your children watch. For movies, I often check IMDB and check the section where they mention what parents might be concerned about in each movie. For TV series, this is way harder so you to get a feel for what's coming up and if it looks like it may be unsuitable for kids... then stop or chase them away or distract etc.
 

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