Hi Wendy,
To your posts.
Hope I will like it, will it matter if i say i don't? It dosent cuz you are posting anyways right? so, dont need to ask this question.
On knowing someone before getting married. Why do we need to know someone well before we get married and why not vice versa? (i wanted to say common sense, but decided against for fear of offending you) Quite simply because, knowing someone before marriage allows you to ascertain if this person is hubby quality and other factors (e.g. family, financial, job etc....). and whether he assess the gf-then to be wife quality. Again, from a guy's point of view. knowing someone is not easy and hence, in an ideal situation, we need more time. The more the better, just like practice makes perfect (i dun think you wana go for exams first before really acing the practice right). well, you may take a risk and chose to know someone better after marriage if it works for you.
On how do you know the person well enough? there are many indicators to point out to that. For example, are there still new things you are noticing about him after say 2 years of courtship, do you think you have seen his actual nature? How can i quantify this? I think this will fall more towards your feelings and the ability to try and think in his shoes. I dont think I am in a position to fully provide the ways you know. Cuz from a women's perspective, I dun want to say much for fear of disagreement with people and offending, but its your guy, you should be the one knowing how to ascertain (his life habits, his character, his potential, who am i to judge?)
On people change. The environment change all the time and this brings about a change to the person in the same environment. Simple way to see it. You begin courtship since early uni days/poly days (watever). Simple love right. Then he starts working and was exposed to the new environment. He wasnt the same guy you used to know. some became more ambitious, wanting the best out of everything in life. Some, contented with the exisiting life and maybe a few years later, he wants something better and so on but one thing is quite certain, his innate nature seldoms mutates to the point he becomes a totally different person. So you know someone else before you got married and subsequently environment changes. Will the fact that
you know this person well
before the marriage help increase the chance that these environmental changes will not affect your marriage? Yes. Logic being, you started with a piece of tested material that you believe, can withhstand the test of time. The chances of holding on to a not fully tested material may not be such a good choice. (Hope this works for you)
Withnessing a robbery and not reporting is a crime regardless of your reasons (i shall not use abet, yes withholding is more appropriate in this sense
). (fear of personal safety, watever) Can we not argue on this?
Why should wife negotiate slogging terms. I call it slogging because (my own opinion) what wives do at home is not easy work. Why should there be at least a talk (negotiation) is because you set an expectation to your bf/hubby. The expectation was something he agreed on previously and should be the basis both work towards maintaining a home/family together (disagree?). If he subsequently breaches it. What i feel, from a woman's point of view, there is a point to bring up and discuss. Because at least you have a basis to start being concerned about what is happening and why is he not doing. Punishment? I am not sure in your context what you would like to see done. Most importantly it must work. My friends/contacts feedback as follows: wife nag till he cannot take it and do it, wife scream and shout, some hit hubby (semi painful kinds not out to kill), some dont cook, irritate him and not let him sleep and etc (to the degree that is acceptable to each individual couple). This is couple dynamics and there shouldnt be a hard and fast rule.
Honestly Wendy, there are so many couples that go through wedding counselling after their spouses cheat. Some hubies are lucky enough to meet a nice wife who can try to forgive and turn a blind eye to their husbands past misdeeds. But how many of them can live past this excruiciating point and how many hubbies actually dun go back their old ways? I know a total of 37 couples who got divorced after marriage counselling when their hubby cheated and none who came back together. So the chance may be there, but slim. sorry if 37 is not alot. Really no examples to show the relationship is the same/survivied after counselling. Anyways. 37 is increasing now based on new cases on hand. so....
I know you are trying to make sure that i post responsibly. Anyways, commenting from a guy's perspective. You are not a guy are you? I think you have good intentions mdm, but dont think i need you to tell me what to do. Thanks.