IronMaiden80
Member
Dear mummies,
Just seeking some advice on how to settle some domestic issues at home at the moment.
I engaged an Indonesian helper 3 months ago as I am expecting #2 and I am a FTWM. Before helper came, #1 was being taken care of by mil but there were a number of hygiene issues (baby often broke out in rashes and had stomach flu). This made me very unhappy but I am at her mercy. I need to continue working as we needed to pay for our new place which just obtained TOP status last month.
When we informed mil that we have collected the keys to our new place, we started to hear many stories about the helper. mil told us that the helper came out of the bathroom half naked knowing well that my fil was in the house. I did not believe her and wanted to ask my helper but mil stopped me saying that she has already told her off. She also claimed that the helper was carrying my son and hanging the bamboo full of laundry out to dry. I wanted to ask the helper about it as well but was stopped again by mil which made me start to doubt her words.
During weekends, mil will go marketing and buy all of us breakfast / lunch at the same time but for some unknown reason, she didn't buy any food for the helper last Saturday. Instead she told the helper to cook instant noodles with an egg. My helper did not finish the noodles and she went into the bathroom to cry. From my understanding, that morning she was just given a small piece of bread to eat by my mil. I offered to go out to get her lunch (after cooking lunch for my son) but she told me it is ok yet she still continued crying. mil saw and she got very angry, telling me that my helper thinks she will have an easy life here in Singapore, there are plenty of helpers eating instant noodles everyday and my helper should be thankful she was given an egg to cook with her noodles. I got really upset with her words and told her off. For the amount of work done during the day, the helper should be given enough food to sustain her till her next meal and not just instant noodles.
Besides the food issue, I do realize that mil is also teaching my son to turn against the helper. She will snatch my son from her while she is on the playmat with him and will laugh when my son doesn't want my helper to carry him. In fact, she doesn't stop him when my son tries to kick my helper as well. I chided my son when I saw these scenes only to have my mil laugh it off. Now I feel my son has become a spoilt brat and will throw tantrums unnecessarily...
is my mil feeling insecure that we are moving out that's why she has resort to all these antics, hoping that we will send the helper home? I want to understand both of them from their point of view but one is headstrong and difficult to communicate with and the other (my helper) is meek and refuses to be frank with how she is feeling. I still need them to work together to take care of my children and now with the current situation so tensed up, it is hard...
Anyone has similar experience?
Just seeking some advice on how to settle some domestic issues at home at the moment.
I engaged an Indonesian helper 3 months ago as I am expecting #2 and I am a FTWM. Before helper came, #1 was being taken care of by mil but there were a number of hygiene issues (baby often broke out in rashes and had stomach flu). This made me very unhappy but I am at her mercy. I need to continue working as we needed to pay for our new place which just obtained TOP status last month.
When we informed mil that we have collected the keys to our new place, we started to hear many stories about the helper. mil told us that the helper came out of the bathroom half naked knowing well that my fil was in the house. I did not believe her and wanted to ask my helper but mil stopped me saying that she has already told her off. She also claimed that the helper was carrying my son and hanging the bamboo full of laundry out to dry. I wanted to ask the helper about it as well but was stopped again by mil which made me start to doubt her words.
During weekends, mil will go marketing and buy all of us breakfast / lunch at the same time but for some unknown reason, she didn't buy any food for the helper last Saturday. Instead she told the helper to cook instant noodles with an egg. My helper did not finish the noodles and she went into the bathroom to cry. From my understanding, that morning she was just given a small piece of bread to eat by my mil. I offered to go out to get her lunch (after cooking lunch for my son) but she told me it is ok yet she still continued crying. mil saw and she got very angry, telling me that my helper thinks she will have an easy life here in Singapore, there are plenty of helpers eating instant noodles everyday and my helper should be thankful she was given an egg to cook with her noodles. I got really upset with her words and told her off. For the amount of work done during the day, the helper should be given enough food to sustain her till her next meal and not just instant noodles.
Besides the food issue, I do realize that mil is also teaching my son to turn against the helper. She will snatch my son from her while she is on the playmat with him and will laugh when my son doesn't want my helper to carry him. In fact, she doesn't stop him when my son tries to kick my helper as well. I chided my son when I saw these scenes only to have my mil laugh it off. Now I feel my son has become a spoilt brat and will throw tantrums unnecessarily...
is my mil feeling insecure that we are moving out that's why she has resort to all these antics, hoping that we will send the helper home? I want to understand both of them from their point of view but one is headstrong and difficult to communicate with and the other (my helper) is meek and refuses to be frank with how she is feeling. I still need them to work together to take care of my children and now with the current situation so tensed up, it is hard...
Anyone has similar experience?