I've been married for 12 years with no children. For the first 5 years I've been struggling and learned not to care so much in order not hurt myself as my husband is the type of caring his mother and sister more than me. He always asked me not to compare this and everyday after he wake up the first thing he will do is call up his mother and sister and check if they need him to get anything. We stay nearby anyway and my sister in law has mental problem. I showed respect to my in law family despite how unhappy I am and we have basic courtesy relationship even my in law is very political person. Due to different working shift, my husband and I rarely meet each other during weekday and even on weekend he will spend half day at his mom's place or sometime stay over. I don't mind for not going out and only request him to have dinner together during our birthday and anniversary celebration.
During these 12 years, we had only 3 big quarrels. The small arguments usually settled within few days as he said he prefer not to bring problem for more than a day but in reality I was the one usually give in. He has high ego and always wants me to listen to him, always think he is right even he is not. He always think negative of others inclusive me, look down on others inclusive me also but I never provoke him.
First blow up when I chose to abort the baby during our 5th year of marriage. I know I'm cruel and my reason is financial issue as we didn't earn much at that time. I have my own mother to take care and she needs therapy and medication monthly. In addition, I also feel my husband is not responsible enough. I can't handle having baby and taking care my mom at the same time. I can't cope to do everything by my own, as in very simple scenario when I was sick he don't even care or buy a meal for me. What he cares just the 2 at the other house. Majority of the errand and all housework done by me. I persuade myself to be ok with reason he work night shift very tiring. We settled this dispute and things started to get better again after few years.
Second blow up was last year when he told me he wants to make a trip with his friends to Batam. He accidentally told me his friend booked one room for him and he don't know how to answer me when I asked why he need to stay alone in a room and not sharing with his friend? I talk to him nicely and ask him not to go but he insisted. 2 weeks before his trip while I was doing laundry, I spotted his shirt has strong perfume smell and I confront him immediately. He said he went to karaoke with his friends a night before but didn't do anything. I told him I can't trust him to go Batam and again I begged him not to go. He was angry and said I control him too much and not trust him. I was so pissed and immediately asked for divorce. After few days he gave in to me and cancel his trip. It took me almost few months to forget and forgive and the karaoke perfume scene still haunting me sometime.
2 weeks ago he brought his sister's dog back to our place. Honestly, before we married I already told him I scared of dog and every time when I went to my in law place I always hide one corner and stay as far as I can from the dog. In the past, the dog rarely came to our place so I can close 1 eyes but for the past 2 weeks he has brought the dog back to our place for more than 3 times. I talk to him nicely not to but he scolded me said I'm calculative, the dog is part of their family. Every time after the dog left our place, I have to vacuum the floor and sofa to make sure is really clean. Yes I have clean freak and also recently my shoulder suddenly has kind of rashes which quite disturbing. I'm not sure if cause by dog fur or bug. Can you imagine how tired and helpless you have to do cleaning after long working day? We didn't talk to each other that day but next day and next few days I tried to make up by started small talk and buy meal for him. He has no response and punished me like hell, don't want to talk to me. Don't even want to see my face when I'm inside the room. We sleep in different room since few years back because I'm allergic to aircon.
I'm tired and feel like I'm useless. Before I can recover my feeling, he brought the dog again to our place this Monday. This time I was really mad as I have to do cleaning again after work and it was Monday! .I bang the vacuum so loud and laundry basket. I can't control my emotion as I already sound out what I dislike. He said he can't live with me anymore; I also angry but I don't have any guilty feeling nor want to give in. I give in for many years and I don't have many request in the whole 12 years of marriage. Whatever he said I will do as long I can tolerate. I never put any negative comment when he complain about others. Next day after the quarrel is our 12 years anniversary and he left to Bangkok with his friends. What a surprise for me. He texted me said he is going there for 6 days. I called him and ask if he wanna give up this family? He said yes and asked me not to disturb him. I'm a human but can't even compare to the dog, I'm always last item in his list, after his family, dog and friends. I was wondering why he marry me? Maybe as a maid or a robot whom he can control in his way? What he think is only himself and his family. He ever told me he want to retire in Malaysia and leave me alone in Singapore when old age. He ever jokingly told me he didn't win any 4D or TOTO after married which means I didn't bring any luck to him. He always said I stupid but in reality I study higher than him, I work in office while he is taxi driver. He don't even have a job before we married, he can't work long, always complain pay low but need to work so much. Everything spoil at home or anything not go according to his way, he will say is my fault which I just quiet and never provoke him. The reason I give in is I feel guilty for the abortion and try to make up.
With the runaway action I don't know how to forgive and forget. Should I leave or stay? Btw after he reached there he texted me and said he has stroke symptoms because of me which after whole night consideration I don't think I want to take the blame this time. Why can't he think the stroke symptoms came from his smoking, drinking habit and also unhealthy eating style? I boiled herbal and flower tea regularly at home but I have to forced him to drink every time. When he happy he will drink it or just leave in the fridge when he no mood. I always prepare home cooked meal during weekend and public holiday, sometime even when I'm not too tired after work during weekday. Am I doing not enough? I don't know and I'm lost. I want to divorce but will it settle the issue? If not divorce, can I forgive this irresponsible guy who leave me alone at home and having fun with his stupid frens?
During these 12 years, we had only 3 big quarrels. The small arguments usually settled within few days as he said he prefer not to bring problem for more than a day but in reality I was the one usually give in. He has high ego and always wants me to listen to him, always think he is right even he is not. He always think negative of others inclusive me, look down on others inclusive me also but I never provoke him.
First blow up when I chose to abort the baby during our 5th year of marriage. I know I'm cruel and my reason is financial issue as we didn't earn much at that time. I have my own mother to take care and she needs therapy and medication monthly. In addition, I also feel my husband is not responsible enough. I can't handle having baby and taking care my mom at the same time. I can't cope to do everything by my own, as in very simple scenario when I was sick he don't even care or buy a meal for me. What he cares just the 2 at the other house. Majority of the errand and all housework done by me. I persuade myself to be ok with reason he work night shift very tiring. We settled this dispute and things started to get better again after few years.
Second blow up was last year when he told me he wants to make a trip with his friends to Batam. He accidentally told me his friend booked one room for him and he don't know how to answer me when I asked why he need to stay alone in a room and not sharing with his friend? I talk to him nicely and ask him not to go but he insisted. 2 weeks before his trip while I was doing laundry, I spotted his shirt has strong perfume smell and I confront him immediately. He said he went to karaoke with his friends a night before but didn't do anything. I told him I can't trust him to go Batam and again I begged him not to go. He was angry and said I control him too much and not trust him. I was so pissed and immediately asked for divorce. After few days he gave in to me and cancel his trip. It took me almost few months to forget and forgive and the karaoke perfume scene still haunting me sometime.
2 weeks ago he brought his sister's dog back to our place. Honestly, before we married I already told him I scared of dog and every time when I went to my in law place I always hide one corner and stay as far as I can from the dog. In the past, the dog rarely came to our place so I can close 1 eyes but for the past 2 weeks he has brought the dog back to our place for more than 3 times. I talk to him nicely not to but he scolded me said I'm calculative, the dog is part of their family. Every time after the dog left our place, I have to vacuum the floor and sofa to make sure is really clean. Yes I have clean freak and also recently my shoulder suddenly has kind of rashes which quite disturbing. I'm not sure if cause by dog fur or bug. Can you imagine how tired and helpless you have to do cleaning after long working day? We didn't talk to each other that day but next day and next few days I tried to make up by started small talk and buy meal for him. He has no response and punished me like hell, don't want to talk to me. Don't even want to see my face when I'm inside the room. We sleep in different room since few years back because I'm allergic to aircon.
I'm tired and feel like I'm useless. Before I can recover my feeling, he brought the dog again to our place this Monday. This time I was really mad as I have to do cleaning again after work and it was Monday! .I bang the vacuum so loud and laundry basket. I can't control my emotion as I already sound out what I dislike. He said he can't live with me anymore; I also angry but I don't have any guilty feeling nor want to give in. I give in for many years and I don't have many request in the whole 12 years of marriage. Whatever he said I will do as long I can tolerate. I never put any negative comment when he complain about others. Next day after the quarrel is our 12 years anniversary and he left to Bangkok with his friends. What a surprise for me. He texted me said he is going there for 6 days. I called him and ask if he wanna give up this family? He said yes and asked me not to disturb him. I'm a human but can't even compare to the dog, I'm always last item in his list, after his family, dog and friends. I was wondering why he marry me? Maybe as a maid or a robot whom he can control in his way? What he think is only himself and his family. He ever told me he want to retire in Malaysia and leave me alone in Singapore when old age. He ever jokingly told me he didn't win any 4D or TOTO after married which means I didn't bring any luck to him. He always said I stupid but in reality I study higher than him, I work in office while he is taxi driver. He don't even have a job before we married, he can't work long, always complain pay low but need to work so much. Everything spoil at home or anything not go according to his way, he will say is my fault which I just quiet and never provoke him. The reason I give in is I feel guilty for the abortion and try to make up.
With the runaway action I don't know how to forgive and forget. Should I leave or stay? Btw after he reached there he texted me and said he has stroke symptoms because of me which after whole night consideration I don't think I want to take the blame this time. Why can't he think the stroke symptoms came from his smoking, drinking habit and also unhealthy eating style? I boiled herbal and flower tea regularly at home but I have to forced him to drink every time. When he happy he will drink it or just leave in the fridge when he no mood. I always prepare home cooked meal during weekend and public holiday, sometime even when I'm not too tired after work during weekday. Am I doing not enough? I don't know and I'm lost. I want to divorce but will it settle the issue? If not divorce, can I forgive this irresponsible guy who leave me alone at home and having fun with his stupid frens?