Frustrated with marriage

memy

Member
I feel so exhausted in this marriage. My hb spend all his free time in front of his pc after work/ wkend. In all 3 yrs of married, we only went for a short holiday to nearby country, n that is also not really where i like to go. Other off days or PH, he jus wanna stay at home basically. When i asked him to go for an outing to relax, he will give lots of excuse n comment.
I believe he is secretly close to another younger female married colleague. He told me b4 that she is always complaining abt her hb n i believe he also complains abt me too. Yes, my hb take up the lion share of our family, n he says he works hard for the $$. Im slightly more outgoing than my hb, n starting to feel suffocated.
I won't be surprised if he tells this female colleague a one sided story that all i know is spend $$ n request for holidays/ outings. My purpose is so that we can spend more time n relax with each other, n also for ttc. As u know, we havent done so for a long while. He rarely initiates any activities. Do u think its too much to ask for? or have i married the wrong person?
To increase our chances, i have recently bought him multiv & also 2 other vitamins for lower BP. He sometimes scoffs at them n refuse to take it consistently, saying that he don't nid all this vitamins, n jus de-stress playing game on his pc. He doesn't wan to go tcm nor do any fertility test as well. So far, all the checkup things is done by me & me, ie tcm, ultrasound scan etc. He says he has no time to go nor accompany me :(
Im feeling frustrated n unhappy with this life. I sometimes dream to be by myself n free. He thinks jus cos he takes up the lion's share of our finances, he doesn nid to grow the emotional part of the r.ship. N the half truths stories he tells others, jus breaks my heart.
im thinking whether is it better if i just walk out, n start fresh, but having 2nd thoughts cos of age. I'm no longer happy, at wit's end. Sigh
Any1 have advise?
 
Hi Babe,

My personal mantra that I instill on myself before and after marriage, with or without kids, is this quote below.
"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy".
The above doesn't necessarily means you have to literally walk away and serve the divorce papers.

Do something for yourself that makes you happy. Evaluate yourself why you are so unhappy. Educate yourself on what needs to be done and what steps you need to take. This could be in a span of 3-4 months.

For example:-

1. Plan for a solo trip/ friends trip. (I promise you this usually works for everyone. cause when you travel alone, you feel vulnerable and thus takes care of yourself more and with that understanding yourself even more)

2. Plan to take up short,fun & healthy classes. Yoga, Flower, Dessert making, Make-up courses, sewing courses and etc. Take this time to enjoy yourself, socialize with other people and make new friends. Time away from home prolly once or twice a week is healthy for you and would prolly make your husband worry and be more concerned about you a little bit so that forces him to communicate with you even more.

3. Get Interested in a hobby. Since your husband spends all his free time doing something he loves (pc gaming). Maybe you should do something that you are really interested in. Something that doesn't require you to get out of the house much so that you and husband and be at home at the same time but having some alone hobbyist time for a few hours. I say gardening, Baking, preparing for a awesome next day breakfast(so you both can tapau to work), trying your hands on sewings are some of the examples that you can do. This can help communications in your relationships. Especially food.

4. Less Bugging but more impromptu hugging and acting cute on purpose. Sometimes, that's what they all really need. go over while he's gaming/ on the pc and hug him tight just for fun! Acting cute on purpose for no real reasons doesn't makes them tickle and cant help but burst into laughter!

No marriage will last when you only think about love at first sight. Marriage is also about work too! I think at the end of the day, when you are confident about yourself, have tremendous respect for yourself and love everything about yourself, you will be secured enough to know how to work through the marriage or when to leave the marriage.

:)
 

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