No LOVE in married life: Is it worth it!

oat_meal

New Member
I really need help to understand my situation. Please read my story and advice me :-C

Until my mom and sis visited me and saw what was actually happening to me in this relationship I had no idea about this whole situation. I have seriously lost faith in LOVE. Life seems very practical.

I was this very naive girl who loved her husband and would take all the hard work for him and never complain about anything. But people take advantage about this. I have ended up doing all the hard work and he locks himself up in his room with his computer.

There was one time when I forgot to get bread, he sent me to the supermarket to get it at 12pm in the night.

It is during my pregnancy I realized this bitter truth about my relationship. He is very concerned about money matters. He did not allow me to take taxi in my 9th month pregnancy also. And questions about how can I spend $50 for my sis and mom on my treat to them at a restaurant. This is when I work full time. I cant imagine my situation if I stop earning.

There was one time I had ear infection and nobody took me to the clinic, I had to go to the doctor myself after suffering whole night. Next day after taking tablets I was vigorously vomiting because I could not take antibiotics, my husband comes home , sees me vomiting, asking for his lunch and did not even offer me water . All he was concerned was his work for that day.

And after delivering the baby, he offered no help. I had to go out to buy daipers, chicken etc., whenever we wanted something during my first week after delivering baby.

All these have hurt me very deeply.
 


has he always been like this? did he change at some point during your relationship? if there's a change maybe u have to evaluate what caused it.

how would u classify both of your financial situation?
how would u rate his stress level in his work?
how would you rate his willingness to start a family?
 
:(:mad:

Very upset to hear all these selfish hubby who only care about themselves while the wife have to suffer all kind of hardship. Life must be tough for you especially when you just delivered, you should be resting well but instead, you are doing everything without any help, how could he treat you like this?

I think both of you better bring it up to discuss, you cannot suffer in silence.
 
Thank you for your reply :)
One thing I wanna highlight here is, he says he is an introvert so he does not like to be social. When we have visitors at home, his behavior is crazy.

how would u classify both of your financial situation?
we both are IT professionals. But he earns double than me.
He has told me that I should not stop earning in life.

how would u rate his stress level in his work?
Not much stress. During my delivery he was on leave for a month.

how would you rate his willingness to start a family?
After married for 6 years we are having our first baby. I was begging and crying to convince him to start family. But he only got into action in 2015. During pregnancy he never took me for a walk or treated me in my 9th month before going to delivery. Instead he went on some social app like Okcupid , started showing interest in other women. I found this when I checked his phone .But he didnt continue using it. Occasionally he visits his profile and comes and tell me, how many girls like him (he is still like-able by many high profile females)

He always talks to me in a sarcastic way... he dares to tell me I am not beautiful.. oh, he praises all my friends in-front of me. he aims at putting me down all the time.. ( i never feel confident about myself with him) I cant even crack silly jokes with him, he thinks I am dumb. He is not interested to listen to my last night's dreams. Whom should I share it with?

I think I marriage is a total mismatch. He is born in urban area with working parents. But I am not. My background is not up to his level. Every mistake I do, he brings up where I was born and why I am like this. I tried to learn as much as possible from he and try to adjust with him.
when I ask him questions he says how dumb I am!
But now I feel,enough is enough I cant take this anymore. I cant be myself with him.

I except my partner to respect me and help me feel confident as always as possible and be a very good friend of mine with whom I can share silliest thing.
 
it sounds like the fundamental/core values between u and ur hubby are not aligned. fundamental values could be like:
1) whether or not to expand the family
2) monogamy, commitment to the marriage
3) intimacy
4) respect, trust, fidelity etc...

when we want to leave a marriage, we can easily find a thousand n one reasons. but at the end of the day... the biggest reason to want to stay in our marriage is simply to let our innocent children experience the completeness n beauty of a happy family. i find this is the main reason cited by a lot of women here in the forum who have chosen to stay on despite their spouse's philandering ways.

I believe you should keep trying to work on ur marriage and at least seek professional counselling and evaluate your marital situation.
consider the impact of divorce on parties involved, notably your child. Do weigh out the pros n cons for each course of action. For some, divorce is a much better option. For some, it is the other way round.

I hope you and your hubby are able to work through your issues, align your values and stay happy in your marriage. because this will be the best environment for your child to grow.
 

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