From miscarriages to a baby boy. My story.

[Johan]

Like to share the path that my wife and I went through before our little angel arrived. The hope is that this sharing of us will give couples who are facing the same situation some hope and not to give up.

My wife had a total of 3 miscarriages: 2 miscarriages at around 6 to 8 weeks and 1 chemical miscarriage.

I will be sharing my story in a couple of posting. Feel free to comment. Thanks

 

[Johan]

My wife first detected she was pregnant in the year of the snake. When we went to the doctor for checkup at week 6, I was cool. Thinking that it's just a routine check up to confirm the baby since the baby test using those testkit from pharmacy already confirmed it.

How wrong was I. The doctor asked my wife to lie down and proceed to do an scan. The scan took some time before the doctor said that there might be some problem.

He said there was no heartbeat detected. Thereafter came all the questions and he answered. Was he wrong in the diagnosis, issues myself. I don't believe and wantwd to seek 2nd opinion. Made booking immediately and travelled to another doctor directly.

Same reply.

The journey back to home was terrible. Once home, we lay on our bed. Cried. We hugged. I still remembered touching my wife belly and saying that I was feeling sad for the baby.

The few days that passed was terrible. We did not tell our parents and had to go back to work as if everything was OK. It was not.

 

[Johan]

It took some time for us to get over it. The doctor explained that miscarriage is very common and it happens to many couples. Don't be discouraged. Try again, he said. I told myself it's just bad luck. The next time will be OK. But at the back of my mind I always ask myself what if it isn't. There is nothing I can do. Be positive. I need to be positive. My wife needs me.

Thinking back, actually during my mother birthday celebration, my wife and I wanted to surprise her with the news of my wife's pregnancy. But we were reserved and think that it's better to do it after the 3rd month.

Luckily.

It's more painful to tell her the baby is no more. We kept it to ourselves.

 

[Johan]

My sister announced that she is pregnant with her second kid. I felt I was striked by a thunder. I had just got over thinking about my first when this thing happened. I put on a happy face. My wife put on a happy face and congratulated my sister.

The night was painful. We cried.

 

[Johan]

The D&C process to clean up my wife's womb was done. She recuperated.

We went for TCM consultation. It's was a expensive and tiring process. Every month, we will head down to parkway parade. We had to cook medicine once every other few days. This was our weekend. This went on for at least half a year when we were given the green light to try again.

My wife was pregnant again. As I am happy, I am also afraid of the first visit to the doctor at week 6.

Week 6 came. We changed doctor to try out a new place thinking that the previous was not lucky for us. The wait at the reception was killing me. I have to appear calm before my wife while my heart was pumping crazily.
Again it happened. No heartbeat. My wife was strong. She did not cry. I can't recalled what happened that night but crying should be it.

My wife went through another D&C. It was painful for me as it was for her. I still remembered her telling me she cried when the nurses pushed her into the surgery room.

We changed TCM and visited a one at AMK. The doctor was very confident and said that it's no problem. She will 'diao' my wife's body and we will have baby. I thought is she the special one? Or will it be the same thing at Parkway Parade? I have to be positive.

 

[Johan]

During this period of time, I asked myself what did I do to deserve it. Murderers have sons, my friends who were not as filial as me have children. Why was it me that meet up with all these? As I searched more, I came across the book called 了凡四训. It's a book written in ancient China by a guy who teaches his son about life and how one can change his destiny. I was very serious and read the book. I learned about cause and effect. I learned about karma. For once there was a explanation to why things happened to me.

 

[Johan]

Most importantly, I learned that I can change my destiny. I need to do good. I was convinced.

I searched for voluntary work. I went to a soup kitchen called Willing Hearts. I helped out with the cooking of food for people who had problems affording them. I carried on with this. I wanted to do more. I searched for Life Liberation and found Buddhists Life Mission that carries out liberation of fishes every last Sunday of the month. I was convinced that I could do something about my situation. I was convinced of the laws of cause and effect. I continued with the voluntary work

 

[Johan]

I was reciting 准提神咒 as described in the 了凡四训. My wife was pregnant again. This time before the 6 weeks was up, my wife had a chemical miscarriage. She sort of had a period after she was tested positive using the testkit. I was devastated. Why is this still happening? As I thought to myself now. Things could have been worst. My wife could have went to the doctor at 6 weeks and be told no heartbeat again to which another D&C have to be carried out. The procedure is intrusive and bad for ladies womb. Maybe my wife and I are supposed to have another miscarriage and to go through D&C. But now the impact was sort of reduced. My wife now only had to go back and recuperate since everything was discharged naturally.

I remembered i went to Si Ma Lu that day after the doctor told us it was a chemical miscarriage. I told Guan Yin PuSa of my plight and I am very depressed. I was lost. I took the little sticks and asked GYPS to guide me. After I got a stick, I 'pua puey'and ask GYPS if his stick was intended for me. It was positive. It was a 上上签. It says that good things will happen once i pass the Golden Gate. It also said that I will get a girl if I am asking for children. I was happy. I cried.

At the beginning of 2015, I went to Si ma lu and told GYPS that I will be a vegetarian for a full year. I told myself that people always pray and say that I will do this and that after you grant me my wish. However I believed if you don't even show you are willing to give or change first, why should you get anything?

I should mentioned that after the chemical miscarriage, we never went back to the AMK TCM. What I did was continued with the voluntary work. I continued with the liberation. I was more into Buddhism and started vegetarian diet.

My wife was pregnant again. This time we went to KKH. I heard my baby's heart beat. It was loud and clear. My wife and I cried.

To our surprise, it was a baby boy. Maybe GYPS wanted to give me a surprise. But gender is only secondary after what we went through.

My wife and I had our baby boy in the year of the Goat. He is a healthy baby with a sunshine smile. Many people says that he looks cheerful and is a happy baby.

We recently went to a vegetarian restaurant and the server said that my baby is very cheerful and asked if the parents are vegetarians. I told them I was and she says that's why.

 

[Johan]

I am now a vegan. Why? Because dairy is cruel. Eggs are cruel.

Cows are "rape" through artificial insemination to make them pregnant so that they can have milk. After their calf is born, they are separated from their mother. Mother cows are known to cry for weeks after separation from their baby. I can understand the pain. I lost 3 babies. The pain was indescribable. How can I cause this suffering to another being by drinking milk.

As for eggs, male chicks are grounded up alive since they have no use in the egg industry. They are grounded up like pork you see in the markets just that they are alive when it happens. I have lost my 3 babies. They died. How can I cause the death of more babies?

Veganism is the only way.

 

[Johan]

Why I wrote all this is because during the period when I was down, internet and forum are my means to getting answers. When i read of stories where a mother had miscarriages but able to have a baby later, it was an evidence to me that it can happen to me too.

I wanted to share my story to give others like myself a source of encouragement. To fight on. At least i shared the path i taken, you can try the path I took. I hope this gives you a moral boost.

 

[Johan]

To those who are into Buddhism, do look into 了凡四训, https://www.google.com.sg/url?sa=t&...2lCTUE0grNpDzBb_A&sig2=TqFZylyZiX3QAfusducB7w

For those who are pregnant, do recite the 地藏经. It is known to be very good for babies. Pregnant mummy should recite this during and after baby is born.
https://www.google.com.sg/url?sa=t&...Mv1cBrvM87TiWx9aw&sig2=wVBF1FtZVLW6gcuF3qn1Bg

 

[diddledum]

Thanks for sharing Johan. I just went thru a mc and I'm a Nichiren Shoshu Buddhist so I understand the law of cause and effect very well. Still I am grieving the loss of my 6wo and living in uncertainty. But thanks for sharing your story of hope.

 

[Mercury_Blue]

thanks for sharing.. i was enlightening by my friends for enlighening not to discourage for not having baby . everything happen for a reason. they share with me about di zi gu and etc..

 

[Johan]

Hi Johan,
may I know which brand of milk powder did you provide for your kid to consume?
It is a great merit to enlighten all living.

Hi Nicole,

I tried Friso Soy for my boy but moved to normal milk product later (sad to say. I read that you require to seek doctor advice to move to soy). I will try to influence his diet when he grows up. But I am still a vegan today.

 

[Johan]

thanks for sharing.. i was enlightening by my friends for enlighening not to discourage for not having baby . everything happen for a reason. they share with me about di zi gu and etc..

Yes, there is cause and effect. That's the only reason I justified to myself for what's happening to me and not another. I believe when we do good, we will accumulate the merits. Please carry on trying. If I gave up after the 3rd try, I will not have my beautiful boy today. Do good and Carry on. ☺

 

[Johan]

Thanks for sharing Johan. I just went thru a mc and I'm a Nichiren Shoshu Buddhist so I understand the law of cause and effect very well. Still I am grieving the loss of my 6wo and living in uncertainty. But thanks for sharing your story of hope.

In times of despair we need to be positive. Not only for ourselves but also for our spouse that is looking for support from one another. Do good and Carry on.

 

[Mercury_Blue]

Yes, there is cause and effect. That's the only reason I justified to myself for what's happening to me and not another. I believe when we do good, we will accumulate the merits. Please carry on trying. If I gave up after the 3rd try, I will not have my beautiful boy today. Do good and Carry on. ☺

thanks for the beautiful msg. lets all contuine to good more good deeds