I am going to be a first time dad...

[Bluenapkin]

... and my wife is expecting her third child. first 2 from her previous marriage.

suffice to say - she's more experience than me in pregnancy and infant care while I kept having the feeling of not being able to catch up with her on the preparation. Now in her 3rd trimester, with the hormones acting up, we have dispute and cold war almost every other week. Very disturbing.

I honestly do not want us to be in this state... deep down within me, I want her to enjoy the pregnancy and prepare herself to be a proud mum of our baby. I am not afraid of hardship, I am not complaining if she asked me to go out and search for a chocolate donut at 12am... but I always find myself at lost, sitting at one corner blaming myself for not doing something or done something utterly wrong.... and that's after she told me off

Some of her complains? such as me not being excited enough of the arrival of our baby, me not being proactive enough in getting things done, me not being caring enough of her feelings...

I am not writing to this forum seeking encouragement or pitifulness. But if any of you can impart some tips on how a first time dad should get prep up starting from 3rd trimester - I will be very grateful. Say....Is there a checklist for first time Singaporean dad for a Singaporean wife?

Quick question - she just asked me.. "do you know what you should do on the day I am in labor?"... I am really clueless.. I though this will be pretty standard right and just follow the instruction of the nurses? no?

anyway.. you get my point.. pretty stress here. help!

 

[candymoshi]

I'm not sure what you have already done to prepare for your Bb so I'm just suggesting what can help a pregnant lady feel taken care of.

Have u purchased the items needed for ur newborn?

Perhaps u can start reading pregnancy or parenting websites that have some recommended stuff and buy them in preparation for the bb!

Give her a massage on her calves, or back rub. Sayang her tummy...

Wash baby's clothes, hang and sort them up to used. Wash milk bottles and teats and sterilized them.

Pack hospital bag, with baby's wear, pre admission letter, IC, maternity pads...

Last but not least, enjoy ur adventure ahead!

 

[sysy2016]

... and my wife is expecting her third child. first 2 from her previous marriage.

suffice to say - she's more experience than me in pregnancy and infant care while I kept having the feeling of not being able to catch up with her on the preparation. Now in her 3rd trimester, with the hormones acting up, we have dispute and cold war almost every other week. Very disturbing.

I honestly do not want us to be in this state... deep down within me, I want her to enjoy the pregnancy and prepare herself to be a proud mum of our baby. I am not afraid of hardship, I am not complaining if she asked me to go out and search for a chocolate donut at 12am... but I always find myself at lost, sitting at one corner blaming myself for not doing something or done something utterly wrong.... and that's after she told me off

Some of her complains? such as me not being excited enough of the arrival of our baby, me not being proactive enough in getting things done, me not being caring enough of her feelings...

I am not writing to this forum seeking encouragement or pitifulness. But if any of you can impart some tips on how a first time dad should get prep up starting from 3rd trimester - I will be very grateful. Say....Is there a checklist for first time Singaporean dad for a Singaporean wife?

Quick question - she just asked me.. "do you know what you should do on the day I am in labor?"... I am really clueless.. I though this will be pretty standard right and just follow the instruction of the nurses? no?

anyway.. you get my point.. pretty stress here. help!

Try to understand wat food she craving for and buy for her by giving surprise. And dun wait she tell u wat u need to do but you can read from forum or those support group like wat thing to bring for the hospital bag..etc...must read more and ask around..of course you as a first time dad you won't know much on this..but if you ask more and read more then you will learn more

 

[P3riwinkl3]

Hi, both my husband and I are going to be 1st time parents...needless to say we are both clueless about what needs to be done.
In a sense, I think our situation is "worse" than yours (2 clueless vs 1 cluesless...hahaha). But thankfully I have 2 live encyclopaedias which are my mum & mil.
Perhaps you can ask your mil/mum for advices on how to further prepare for this pregnancy?

Probably I'll share with you how a pregnant woman's brain/mind is working right now...maybe you will be able to decipher your wife's behaviour better.
Husband's show of love and effort is not just about buying food in the middle of the night to satisfy the wife's craving...that's way too easy...lolx.

1) There is always an anxiety that there is not enough time to prepare everything, and there are still so many things to prepare.
=> You may want to sit down with your wife to list down what else is not prepared and start getting them done. Shows you are making the effort. Of cos, we can never be 100% ready for the baby. Just try to cover as much ground as possible.

2) The husband seems less interested in the pregnancy.
a) Hubby not proactively talking/singing to the baby bump while the pregnant woman will excitedly share every activity the baby is making inside the womb.
b) Husband not reading up more on pregnancy stuffs like maternity insurance, differences between baby products (trust me, every pregnant woman will be super studious during this time, we
will google everything!)
c) Husband don't seems as excited as pregnant wife when shopping for baby stuffs. Perhaps shopping is never a guy's thing in the first place, but the pregnant woman really wants to share the joy. So, as mentioned in (b), read up more so that you can participate in the shopping and discuss with your wife regarding the various products, she will appreciate the input and effort.

3) Husband not spending more time at home but still wants to go out and meet his friends for kopi session (that's my husband. I understand that this is his way of de-stressing after a day's work, but still...pregnant woman will feel kind of being neglected, especially when I go to sleep alone at night while he's still outside. Our emotions are running higher now, so we are very sensitive emotionally.)

4) Husband won't move his butt immediately after I told him to handle some tasks.
Eg. clear the rubbish bin, go bath, etc. Makes me boil that I need to repeat myself and I hate nagging. Makes me feel like I'm his mum before I become a mum officially. My patience seems to be thinner when I'm pregnant.

There are more grouses but off my head now, I can only remember these examples.

Others:
Since you also mentioned that your wife has 2 children from previous marriage, you have to be clear who is going to take care of them when both of you head to the hospital for delivery. She may be worried about the arrangements for the actual day. Just make sure you are familiar with the drill before every happens.
Depending if she's doing natural or c-sect, you may want to watch youtube videos of live births if you dare...lolx...

Good luck and take care. Enjoy the remaining 3rd trimester with your wife!

 

[aaa111]

... and my wife is expecting her third child. first 2 from her previous marriage.

suffice to say - she's more experience than me in pregnancy and infant care while I kept having the feeling of not being able to catch up with her on the preparation. Now in her 3rd trimester, with the hormones acting up, we have dispute and cold war almost every other week. Very disturbing.

I honestly do not want us to be in this state... deep down within me, I want her to enjoy the pregnancy and prepare herself to be a proud mum of our baby. I am not afraid of hardship, I am not complaining if she asked me to go out and search for a chocolate donut at 12am... but I always find myself at lost, sitting at one corner blaming myself for not doing something or done something utterly wrong.... and that's after she told me off

Some of her complains? such as me not being excited enough of the arrival of our baby, me not being proactive enough in getting things done, me not being caring enough of her feelings...

I am not writing to this forum seeking encouragement or pitifulness. But if any of you can impart some tips on how a first time dad should get prep up starting from 3rd trimester - I will be very grateful. Say....Is there a checklist for first time Singaporean dad for a Singaporean wife?

Quick question - she just asked me.. "do you know what you should do on the day I am in labor?"... I am really clueless.. I though this will be pretty standard right and just follow the instruction of the nurses? no?

anyway.. you get my point.. pretty stress here. help!

Hello, i only want to answer this question beco i think is more interesting to me. Hope you do not mind. Your quick question ..............she just asked me.. "do you know what you should do on the day I am in labor?".

Your thought is correct but incomplete. These are the missing part that you need to tell her.

1) You got to tell her you already standby the bag that contain all the stuff she will need to bring over to the hospital.

2) You have already indentify and test drive a few time the fastest and safest way to bring her to hospital

3) Assure her that $$$ needed to pay the hospital already standby sui sui le. Hope by now you already know your estimated bill, if you are not sure yet, please go to speak to the nurse when you accompany her to her next appt.

4) Assure her you already inform your boss and also work mate that her due date is when and have already put in place some back up plan so that you can spend a few day with her and baby

5) Check with her anything else that she think is needful and immediately go to get them.

6) if your piggy bank permits, you can consider getting her a nice gift to reward her for willing to go thru this processes for the 3rd time so that you can experience it for the 1st time.

7) Discuss with her and ask she which are the way you can assist her after the baby pop out. Empty words will bring her comfort only for a short time, in another words, whatever you promise to do, make sure you will strive to do it.

8) go read a at least a good book on taking care of the baby and chat with her on this topic. If she give you comment like "so simple also dunno. etc etc" Please be understanding, endure endure and take the opportunity to praise her say that you damn heng to have her to guide you so that you will know what to do. this will make her less edgy and happier. Happy mummy = happy baby.

9) etc etc. there are really a lot a lot more.

Hope it did not scare you off in anyway. Most important is to relax (Not bo chap ya) and enjoy fatherhood. I am sure your family will do just fine. enjoy.

 

[Mdm king]

Hmm.. My husband also like that although he not first time dad.men mostly like that.

Whatever I want to eat I just buy myslf I went to eat kfc with my 10 yr old nephew today, the husband can do his own thing I don't care and don't expect him to pack my maternity bag he most likely won't know what I need to bring.

Just be in the operating theatre when I give birth and don't like the last time bring the in laws the moment I finish surgery and don't tell me like last time u don't know any number to call the cab and do not pick up work call last minute and let me stand and wait in labor pain.

And pls carry my bag when u see me lunging along heavy bags. Anything unsure pls ask for clarification fm the wife.

 

[hi_mei]

There is a set of three books sold by TMC and written by Mrs Wong Boi Boi called Guide to Childbirth, Breastfeeding and Childcare (3 separate books). I thought they are not bad for first time parents because they are informative and pretty short in read. Perhaps u can try to read them. Not too expensive too.

 

[chocobunnie]

my hubby and i are both first time parents to be.. both are clueless from the start, but we read up and go through all unexplored topics together and learn together.. if we go for baby fairs or class, there is usually a bunch of materials that will prep us for the upcoming journey ahead. imo, this allowed us to bond and be excited about our upcoming newborn.

I don't mean to be rude, but your wife seem to expect you to feel excited by yourself while she is like "been there done that". a bit of a wet blanket? I'm a woman too and I can understand if she can be sensitive or emotional if you were to approach her to talk about stuff this way. but in any case, if you do have a concern, it is still best to have a heart to heart chat if you are feeling left out. Explain that you are very excited, but hope that she can be part of this journey with you too as it is all new to you. I don't think it is fair to expect you to be all on your own and suddenly become super husband and prep everything nicely.. Pregnancy is a 2 person journey and communication is key whether or not you have a baby on the way.

On your own part, you could sign up for those weekly email newsletter that talks about baby development this week, how is wifey's body changing, where is she possibly feeling unwell. Why not read it to her too? My hubby reads these weekly updates to me and ask me if I experienced all these then we chat about stuff..