Sahm -stress with kids- no life


Dear SAHM,
wanted to be SAHM too, but due to financial not allot and monthly house loan & all the bill all paid under my account. next year my girl will be P1. thinking if can be sahm can have more time with her.... as she need tosleep early and wake up early for morning school.... any job working hour at 8am-5pm so that have more time with my kids.
 
I'm a SAHM too. Can I know how late does your partner return from work to relief you from a whole day of child caring?
Mine always pack our dinner home n bring bk no.1 from the nanny about 9pm. I'm pretty frustrated to be at home alone with no.2 (7months old) for so long hours everyday, bored. It's being 5yrs marriage and his working hours being so. Sat he work till 5pm while I am with the kids at my mum's place. I really need to take a breather. Already talk to him often but that's how his work is.
 
I'm a SAHM too. Can I know how late does your partner return from work to relief you from a whole day of child caring?
Mine always pack our dinner home n bring bk no.1 from the nanny about 9pm. I'm pretty frustrated to be at home alone with no.2 (7months old) for so long hours everyday, bored. It's being 5yrs marriage and his working hours being so. Sat he work till 5pm while I am with the kids at my mum's place. I really need to take a breather. Already talk to him often but that's how his work is.

Seven months is a JOY! Don't say frustrated, lah... I have been through ups and downs as well (three kids) and I realise that if I decide it WOULD BE A GREAT DAY - then it would be a better day, indeed. If I wake up and decide "URRRRGH... :-(" then... the day would be not-so-great. Seven months is a joy, really!

I am not sure how old is your #1, but I would think it would generally be very positive to have two children together. They grow up together and really know each other, they can play (and fight) together, etc. Set up a routine for everyone. Consider sending the older one to playgroup. Learn to bring both of them out - to libraries, park, lunches, etc. It can be very fulfilling. SAHMs that are happy and contented and tell you that they find life as SAHM fulfilling are those in control. If you feel that you are "stuck" then you are, unfortunately, STUCK!

In another thread, I just stressed on the importance of building relationships - with other mommies you see at the playground, with neighbors, etc. This will help build up your social support group - these are real people you can talk to. Real people you can ask for help - e.g. when it rains heavily and you need to run an errand, you could park your kid at a neighbor's house, or if you need to fetch your older kid, you can get another mommy to send her home instead, etc. As for ME time - Once you establish a routine, it would be easier - e.g. you can sneak out during their long, afternoon naps (get a neighbor or mom to babysit).

The main thing is to be in control. Stop feeling "STUCK" and think of all the positive things about being a SAHM. Think of all the fun things to do - btw, you are a SAHM - the main thing is to be a mother to your children - cleaning and even cooking, sometimes, needs to take a back-seat!
 
Thanks Frog. Ya, I only feel stuck 24/7. Gg to send no.1 to CC, dinner at nanny then come bk when her father pick her. She has GDD, don't comply n throw tantrums anytime, she listen better to her father.
I like to look after my no.2 but too long hours in this hot weather, can drive me insane. She has being sick, refuse medicine n clinch to me. 2x nite feed so afternoon I try to catch up some sleep if bb nap longer.
Being a 2nd child's father, I think his involvement is too little, he don't tidy his clothes n stuff then I become the naggy wife n mother.
 
hi mummies. I'm also a SAHM with 2 kids, 6 yrs, a terrible two and one more bun in the oven. I was reading through the entire thread and was wondering how to solve the 'problems'we have....any one has any ingenius business idea or solution to suggest??
 
Dear mummies,

I feel that I'm always in great delimna. Not sure what is wrong with me. Nothing seems to work "well" for me ever since my boy is born. I am a SAHM with 21 months old boy.

When I was 1st pregnant with my boy, I was so looking forward to be a SAHM. I have plans on what I should do with my boy when born (eg, activities, swimming, etc) However, things doesn't turn out that way, I realised I can't cope with my boy alone and have been struggling with daily chores. Once in a while will send it to my MIL place for me to take a breather.

I struggled and complained to my hubby and we finally decide to hire a helper when my boy turned one year. God knows, hiring a helper doesn't work out for me too.... felt too tiring training and re-training maids (not lucky enough to get a good maid) and ended up double stress with additional cost incurred.

Then the finally draw was to send him to full day childcare (the childcare we wanted doesn't have hourly/half day care). Now that my boy is in childcare (started one week ago). I now feel depressed and guilty for sending him in childcare.

My point is I really love to take care of my boy myself but seems like my ability doesn't allow me to do so. Moreover I have stop work for quite awhile and now having phobia finding job and work again.

What's wrong with me.... I really don't know. :(

Any mummies have the same situation as I do? Pls share.

You are taking things to hard or your character is not suited for SAHM. :p I am a SAHM with 2 kids 4yo girl and 2yo boy. Ok when they were permanently at home and now with both of them going to school, I can even fully concentrate on housework in the morning and possibly help out with the finance in the afternoon. At first I felt stressed, but after I learnt to let go of things and not take it too hard, everything seems fine now.
 
Being SAHM for 8 yrs....i'm really really stuck. Hb work super long hrs, never help out with housework (I only allow myself to mess up my kitchen) or kids (they, esp my 2 yr old is kind of stuck to me). I don't have 'Me time' at all but it's ok as they won't be stuck to me forever. I will feel weird going out with the small one when elder one is in sch(P1). Being a SAHM is like a job but without AL, MC etc etc ...but u need to like this job or else u won't be able to tahan. I seldom meet up with any other mommies or my own friends. Time is limited as my elder is in P1. Friends who don't have children will find it troublesome to meet up. Friends who have kids will spend time with their kids. Actually I prefer to go out with just my kids so that I can concentrate on them. We can do things at our own pace. I try to bring them out whenever possible to outdoor/indoor playground to let them run ard. They have endless energy. Always runing ard at home. Nowadays weather is too hot to go outdoors so I will bring them to changi airport T1 playground. They really love it.
 
understanding and support from spouse and families are important to survive and make the day better :D
 
understanding and support from spouse and families are important to survive and make the day better :D

Yes. Definitely. In fact, my hubby is very supportive but I dont think he can fully understand how its feel like staying at home at a young age and not going out to work in the society.
 
Hello everyone, I havent 'set foot' in the forum for so long! This sounds so like me :p Sahm...2 active boys whose energy sees no boundary, hardworking hubby, sometimes, barely anyone to have a decent chat with! My boys are turning 3 & 5 this yr.
 
there are flexi work, part time work, freelance work from the public portals out there.
Simply find one that suits your needs and lifestyle from it.
 
Hi, I am somewhere stuck in the middle between a sahm and ftwm now.
Been working all my life and i resigned few mths back and been staying at home, temporary.
I am in a dilemma on whether I should stay at home for my kids or get back that payroll.
The fact that I could not make up my mind hinder all the necessary arrangements which I should make and I feel so useless.

The struggling part is I feel so insecure to part with the salary. I can't spend like before and it feels bad.
My hubby do give me an allowance but if I am working, these are extra savings for the future higher expenditures when the kids grow up.

But on seeing the performance of my #1, I know that I need to spend more time to guide him closely. To do so, I will have to withdraw him from the student care (which is not helping much on his sch work) so that he can come home early and I could plan his time better. (Its tough if he were to be home at 7pm and by the time he completed his shower and dinner, he is tired and its near to bed time.)

I know I can always get a part time job but if I take that step out, is that the end of my career and earning power? Like I said I been working my whole life and to stay at home sounds so "not right"? especially there are so many ftwm around us and they are coping fine and why can't I have the best of both world?
 
I have been SAHM for 10 years. How time flies. When I was young, I was always greeted with my mum's beautiful smiles at the door when I came home from school. I especially appreciated having her with me during my growing up years and now I want to do the same for my kids. Its true at times I feel so bored and useless but 2 months ago, my eldest came down from the school bus and gave me a big hug, told me how she look forward to see me waiting for her everyday, I know I had made the right decision ten years ago. :)
 
I am also torn between FTWM and SAHM. My boy will be in pri 1 and my hub prefer to be look after by me than send him to student care. If I work, the saving will be better for us. If not, we will need to cut down our expenses. But on the other hand, I would love to be with my boy all the time. ...
 
It really depends on yrself. Money more impt or children more impt. I also wanted to work but I feel it's easier to face my kids rather than nasty bosses/colleagues. It's more tiring to be a FTWM than SAHM. Being a SAHM, tho i'm stuck with my kids whole day, I get to do things according to my own schedule.

I don't think student care staffs will teach the kids there unless the kids ask for help? I suppose... coz my friend's daughter always come home from student care but no work done.

I'm giving myself at least another 5 yrs to be a SAHM when my younger one goes P1. By then I can take up courses or part time job. Anyway, I still have at least 25 yrs to work if I live until 65 yrs old so no hurry to work...lol.. :D
 
I am also torn between FTWM and SAHM. My boy will be in pri 1 and my hub prefer to be look after by me than send him to student care. If I work, the saving will be better for us. If not, we will need to cut down our expenses. But on the other hand, I would love to be with my boy all the time. ...

If you ask me, work is never ending and money can never be enough. So I would rather spend quality time with the kids and nuture them along the way. Make the best out of what we have. Give them my full undivided attention. Not many families in sg can afford to do this nowadays. But if you can afford and your hubby is supportive, why not? And if you have already tried out and feel sahm is not for you, then you can always go back to work again. Jmho! :)
 
i like your quote :Make the best out of what we have. Give them my full undivided attention". Yes i am trying at the same time working, in fact is not really enough. I am keep on rushing my time, feel time is not enough. Sometimes end up have some little conflict with hubby.
 
hahhahahaahha, was telling my hubby if i were to be a SAHM, perhaps i should at the same time upgrade my skills take up some courses, and when i really in time to come out again to work, at least my market is better?

But i am in my late 30s, when time to come out to work in a few years time, will i be employed?
 
I'm in my late 30s as well. SAHM for the past 8 yrs. Have been wanting to get back to work but my elder is only in P1, younger only 2.5 yrs old so wait la...work can wait...my kids will only be kids once...will take up some courses when the younger one goes to pri 1...now have to face my 2 crazy girls almost whole day...
 
5 yrs ago, after being a SAHM for 3 yrs, I wanted to work but my market value already almost 0...went job agency n they suggest part time job which is totally a waste of my time, considering the pay will all go to childcare, transport with no savings, n lots of rushing fetching kids to n fro childcare, so i give up wanting to work n just concentrate to be a SAHM
 
Hi all,

I am a SAHM too, with 2 sons, one going to P1 next year and a 2.5 year old. Have been a SAHM since 2nd half of 2011, so I guess my market value should be zero now. :( Sometimes, I really miss working life and having my own income but seeing my two sons grow somehow makes up for it. Although at times I really feel like strangling them... hehe....
 
Hey mei11
Hi all,

I am a SAHM too, with 2 sons, one going to P1 next year and a 2.5 year old. Have been a SAHM since 2nd half of 2011, so I guess my market value should be zero now. :( Sometimes, I really miss working life and having my own income but seeing my two sons grow somehow makes up for it. Although at times I really feel like strangling them... hehe....
U're so funny...lol... When my 2 girls argue, I will just switch off n laugh at them coz everyday they argue....really driving me up the wall...

Hey any SAHMs here wanna start whatsapp chat grp? PM Me
 
Hey mei11

U're so funny...lol... When my 2 girls argue, I will just switch off n laugh at them coz everyday they argue....really driving me up the wall...

Hey any SAHMs here wanna start whatsapp chat grp? PM Me
Hi Betc,

I really wish I can ignore them when they fight but it's almost impossible as they'll start beating up each other and yelling away... then one of them will come running and crying... my younger boy used to give in to his older brother but now that he's older, he'll start provoking his brother and beat him first then come running to me. He's rather rebellious and very mischievous, tried caning him he is also not scared. :( At times like this, I start wondering how come I dun have daughters instead.. maybe life will be a bit better... hehe....
 
Mei, when kids fighting must disciple them immediately. And seperate them. Both my kid also fight, I always teach them to love one another & care for sibling. Now stil hv fight but they go back to play together again after fight.
 
Hi Betc,

I really wish I can ignore them when they fight but it's almost impossible as they'll start beating up each other and yelling away... then one of them will come running and crying... my younger boy used to give in to his older brother but now that he's older, he'll start provoking his brother and beat him first then come running to me. He's rather rebellious and very mischievous, tried caning him he is also not scared. :( At times like this, I start wondering how come I dun have daughters instead.. maybe life will be a bit better... hehe....
My daughter and son oso fight. My son 8 years old also dun give in to his sister. Everyday must argue with 2yr plus sis. And the sis oso very mischievous like a boy.
 
Hi Betc,

I really wish I can ignore them when they fight but it's almost impossible as they'll start beating up each other and yelling away... then one of them will come running and crying... my younger boy used to give in to his older brother but now that he's older, he'll start provoking his brother and beat him first then come running to me. He's rather rebellious and very mischievous, tried caning him he is also not scared. :( At times like this, I start wondering how come I dun have daughters instead.. maybe life will be a bit better... hehe....
My younger one will keep trying to take take the sister's things and jiejie will keep screaming at meimei so i will separate them. Ask jiejie to go to her room and do her things so that meimei cannot go into her room to take things. Girl vs girl, boy vs boy, boys vs girl....still will get into fights....
 
I choose to be ftwm as I feel it's a lot easier than looking after my active son. My mother in law is a baby sitter and my husband is a lot better with kid. Don't get me wrong, I love my son madly and we went through the most difficult path to have him, but I just don't know how to play with him, I have never brought him out without my husband before. He goes to PAP school in the morning, plays with grandparents and aunt in the afternoon. At night we bring him home and pay full attention to him for good 2-3 hours. And there is weekend...we glue to each other, and we never sleep a night without him next to us. So I thought it's a fair share for all of us, each have chance to love him and have him loved back. I do feel upset too when people say I love money more than my kid, that I miss out watching my kid grow up. We just have to find our balance and We do best of what we capable of...that's all
 
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Hi Jkids,

I cook simple meals as my children are fussy eaters. Steam rice + pumpkin. Steam fish meat, fried spinah, fried eggs, pork meat balls, taiwan sausages, frozen fried scallops, baked bean. Chinese noodle, marcaroni and pasta using Campbell soup etc. Boil soup like sweet corn, lotus etc. can find recipe from Internet.
 
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If yr kids eat salmon, can bake with cheese.

Today we're only eating baked potato with Campbell's mushroom soup.
 
It's quite troublesome to cook dinner for my kids as my elder is in primary school n we usually eat lunch at 2.30pm n she will sleep by 9pm. I barely digest my lunch n have to eat dinner already.
 
To quickly dish up a meal for family, I like to assemble a one-dish meal such as long bean roast pork rice, chicken cheese baked rice, char kway teow, etc. In a dish, I'll incorporate veg, meat n carbo.
 
I feel that me being a stay at home mum gives my child's father more reason to look down on me. Today we had a row and he said wat kind of a wife i m comes home got to help me with cooking and other stuff. I feel lousy he is really looking at me in a bad light. He only knows how to criticise and never appreciate wat i did for the family. I m growing sick of this man. Is he the right man i can trust?He is no longer the man i vowed to walk along together hand in hand. The marriage vow i took together with him.
 
Hi Linwong, dun be sad. I guess ur hubby is stressed from work. After a long day of work, people tend to be emotional. talk to him again at a good time. tell him u do not like his way of talking down to u.
 
Hi Meowmummy,

Thks for your consolation. I feel we have come to a point where we cant communicate with each other. He called my parents and conplained about me. Who in the world does that? If a husband loves his wife, will he do that? Who doesnt experience stress? We r also having stress as SAHM. Does it give our partner the reason to run us down whenever they encounter stress at work? To make matters worse, complaining to in laws shows how poor an upbringing your wife has. If u married this woman, shouldnt it be your responsibity to communicate well with her and thrash things out should things get nasty. Why should u go to your in laws? I did not go to his parents nor his family members. He is always so harsh on his tones i really cant talk to him anymore. I am staying put for my girl's sake. Who wants to depend on him and gives him a chance to think he is great jus coz he is bringing home the bacon. Every man does that m i right? Saying things about me not being contented and everything nasty about me. I believe everyone in my shoes will feel deeply hurt.
 
Hi Linwong, I will b able to commiserate w u on tt bc I hv somewhat similar experiences. Hubby n I hv marital discord for as long as my first child was borned ( so it's bn ten years running). I oso feel he looked down on me when I was a SAHM for a period of time. All these years, I've tolerated bc I still love him. Until one day I discovered the skeleton in his closet n pieced the puzzle as to his disconnection, lack of intimacy n weird behaviour do I fall out of love w him. Currently, I've no feelings for him but still staying on bc I've two kids. I'll wait for kids tb a lil older, n by then I'll exit my marriage.
 
Hi Gooseberry,

How old are your children? I feel like calling it quits now. Until now the pain is still hitting hard on my chest. I find that the person closest to you who sleeps besides you everynite may not be the person whom you can really confide in. Some couples can be like good friends who can talk about anything under the sun. They can be best friends, comrades, and good partners in life. I feel very pity for my girl cos i dun wan her to get involved in the marital entanglement. She is really innocent. As a mum, it is my responsibility to protect, love her and give her a happy family. But at times, things jus doesnt work our way.
 


My kids r 10 & 6. Hubby n I hv bn living like housemates n intimacy w him nv seem natural. Perhaps oso bc I've bn biased against after the revelation n the weird behaviours he has bn exhibiting. To make matters worse, we aren't relating well w each other n to our respective in laws! So it's really v sad to live on in a dysfunctional family like this. Reality sux, isn't it? Year on year, I ramble on abt my situation. I'm still stuck as of day one. My feelings aren't good n I'm jus putting up w issues in the house, I know can nv b resolved. Well, in time to come, I wish to exit my marriage to stay w parents. Should I b able to meet a good partner deserving of my love, then I'll b truly a happy woman. If it doesn't pan out tt way, so b it. At least I've tried, so no regrets than me sitting put here rotting away in the dumps
 

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