Trouble with the MIL Part 2

Hi all...

Just had another episode with the mil this morning regarding my 7.5 months old DS. I don't know if I am being too overprotective over him or is my mil really incapable of taking care of him... My mil initially refused to help take care of my son so we registered him for infant care and paid the deposit and fees only to have her change her mind. We give her about $1,300 monthly as allowance to match her previous salary and we are paying for DS's expenses from milk powder to groceries.

When he turned 7 months old, I asked my mil to introduce porridge as he has tried all the usual vegetable and fruit puree. I gave her money to buy threadfin fish but she said it is too expensive. In the end, it was my dad who brought me to the market to get and he taught me how to make the porridge for DS. (My mother passed away when I was very young thus my relationship with my dad is very good) I gave the fish to my mil and asked her to cook without adding any seasoning but she said she used to add salt or soya sauce in her childrens' porridge last time and they all grew up fine. I still insisted but I know she added as I tried the porridge she made for DS. I specifically told her not to skip any milk feeding as his priority should still be milk and not solids but she did the exact opposite. All these I found out over the CNY period as I was at home during the day... I am very hurt but I still spoke to her nicely this morning to ask her to space out the time so he still gets to drink his milk as usual and she just blurted out - aiya just feed him milk only la. What kind of an attitude is this? I felt so bad for my DS I broke down on the way to work this morning... All along I know she has been very complacent with my son, be it his hygiene or feeding... I wouldn't create such a big fuss if my son was of normal weight but pd said he is below average during the last checkup thus I wanted him to continue with his usual intake and not skip any feeding... I only have weekday nights and weekends with him but she takes care of him the most, why can't she make an effort and do her best?
 


Everyone has their own way of doing things which they assume to be the right way. We are all like that.

At the end of the day it is about relationships with one another. It sounds like feeding him is a pretty important point for you. Perhaps sending him back to infant care may be a better solution? The more conducive thing to do is find a way to break the news to your MIL in a respectful manner.

You can consider offering reasons such as exposing him to other children from young so that he is more sociable? Plus it is cheaper to pay for infant care - we are paying about $550, 600/month after the initial registration costs.
 
Everyone has their own way of doing things which they assume to be the right way. We are all like that.

At the end of the day it is about relationships with one another. It sounds like feeding him is a pretty important point for you. Perhaps sending him back to infant care may be a better solution? The more conducive thing to do is find a way to break the news to your MIL in a respectful manner.

You can consider offering reasons such as exposing him to other children from young so that he is more sociable? Plus it is cheaper to pay for infant care - we are paying about $550, 600/month after the initial registration costs.
Hi Richiemccaw,

He used to be above average according to the PD when I was taking care of him during maternity leave but lately he has lost weight... Therefore I am very particular when it comes to his milk and food intake. I am not putting the blame on her for my son's weight loss but I can tell she is very impatient when it comes to feeding him, especially when he gets fussy. I think that if she has made the decision to take care of him on a full time basis, she should do her best and not be sloppy.

I have never sent him to infant care because the mil changed her mind at the last minute and decided to take care of him... how old is your child now?
 
My child is almost 5 months old now. He is very underweight to be frank - started off under and now still under. We have sent him to infant care since everyone in our families is working. He is babbling on a lot and seems quite active so we are fine.

My mom is feeding my elder girl who is 2 years old sweets and fried food almost every other day after dinner or during dinner. It is worse during weekends when we eat at home but we tell ourselves that there are worse issues to worry about so we try to let it go sometimes.

I dont envy your position but you have to gauge what matters to you more and to let other stuff go. You cant have the best of all worlds unfortunately.
 
My child is almost 5 months old now. He is very underweight to be frank - started off under and now still under. We have sent him to infant care since everyone in our families is working. He is babbling on a lot and seems quite active so we are fine.

My mom is feeding my elder girl who is 2 years old sweets and fried food almost every other day after dinner or during dinner. It is worse during weekends when we eat at home but we tell ourselves that there are worse issues to worry about so we try to let it go sometimes.

I dont envy your position but you have to gauge what matters to you more and to let other stuff go. You cant have the best of all worlds unfortunately.

To be honest, I don't have the heart to send him to infant care... even though I have paid for the deposit / fees, even though it was my initial choice. I know there is nothing wrong with sending a baby there but maybe... I am just too overprotective. It took me a long time to conceive and have him... I don't know how to express myself but he means the world to me and to see him not being taken good care of tears me inside out.

I wasn't taken care of by my parents when I was an infant, in fact I was passed around neighbors / relatives and I ended up in hospital for malnutrition therefore I always hoped that I can do things differently but unfortunately life isn't always smooth and easy going... there are lots of obstacles / issues. I keep reminding myself to "close an eye" but she will always surprise me with other stuff... maybe it is indeed time I rethink my decision and consider infant care...
 
When asked eldery( be it mum or mil or nanny ) these kinda issue bound to surface.my mum takes care of my kids and I do also face this kinda issues( bad eating habits etc) I do agree that everyone has his/ her own ways of doing things.

She offered to take care but then she could also be running out of patience at times . In fact I do even with my own kids .

frankly speaking , there will be issues and downside in ifc. Feeding wise, they do not have the time to coax and feed slowly. So do be prepared that weight will dropped / stagnant if your child is a fussy eater.
That said, if sending to ifc can reduce tension between u and your mil, that's not a bad thing either.
End of the day,if we can't be sahm, gotta close one eye on some matters .choose your battles wisely
 
Old people can be clean but nt hygiene coz back in their times, there is no such things call hygiene. Also, during their time, it is common to add abit of seasoning to the porridge coz tat is how they are taught and brought up. It is now during our times, tat we are exposed to western method and realise that there is no need for seasoning and we are taught that hygiene are impt coz these days hv a lot of illness cause by bad hygiene which they did nt hv last time.

To ur mil, she mayb thinking that who are u a new mother to tell me wat to do when I have already raised all my kids up so big....so maybe if can, u ask ur hb to talk to her.....then she feel less offended. But it is the 1st time I heard grandmother will say threadfish ex and nv buy to cook porridge. My ex MIL always tell me to buy threadfish and say all her children only eat threadfish porridge but I will hv mixture like minced meat wif veg, which to her is strange. But I tell her tat is what PD tell me to cook....a variety so bb hv balance nutrients.
 
There is no need to enhance the taste of the threadfin porridge, it is naturally sweet when you add in pumpkin, spinach, sweet potato. Get her to taste the porridge herself. It is already very sweet and flavourful. I finish whatever my bb cant finish.

Perhaps you might like to employ a maid and put her under guidance of MIL first. if she is proven to be competent, you can get her to take care of your LO without going to your in laws. A helper greatly minimise household conflict.

If all fails, endure. By end of the year or early next year, they will be able to enrol in full time childcare.
 
Everyone have their own ways of taking care of babies... so if u decide to give your mil to take care, and she refuse to do it your way, you just have to endure it. Even you bring to infant care or child care, also need to follow their ways. You can give instruction but i doubt they will follow yours as they have their own protocol.

That's why i decide to quit my job after i give birth so that i can take care of my own babies my own way even i no experience. If give to my mil or even my own mother definitely will have conflicts... even now at 3rd trimester, they already got lotsa of own comments but lucky i dun live with them so i dun need to follow. Just listen only

As for the weight you need not worry that much unless is seriously underweight. I always underweight since im a baby. Actually i never ever reach average weight before. The only time i reach average weight with bmi 23 is now, 3rd trimester with twins.
 

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