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BlossomGirl

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had an argument with husband. He claimed that he has lost touch with many friends and colleagues just bcoz he had to spend more time to keep me company. I was totally disappointed at his remarks :(

Having married for years and to go through the pain via ivf just to give him the family he wanted, and I get this kind of remarks.

There's no one I can talk to except to vent my frustration here. Any sisters here having problem to communicate with husband who has this kind of thinking? Friends more important than wife.
 


BlossomGirl said:
had an argument with husband. He claimed that he has lost touch with many friends and colleagues just bcoz he had to spend more time to keep me company. I was totally disappointed at his remarks :(

Having married for years and to go through the pain via ivf just to give him the family he wanted, and I get this kind of remarks.

There's no one I can talk to except to vent my frustration here. Any sisters here having problem to communicate with husband who has this kind of thinking? Friends more important than wife.
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My hubby also same. Needs lots of me time and time with friends. When kid hospitalised he still go happy hour with friends the whole night.
I have tolerated it, I guess u will get used to it after a while. It feels sucky but frankly men are just wired differently from women.

The other option is that u go out with him and his friends. Does he have friends who have families too? Mb suggest to go out more with them.
 
Jay129 said:
My hubby also same. Needs lots of me time and time with friends. When kid hospitalised he still go happy hour with friends the whole night.
I have tolerated it, I guess u will get used to it after a while. It feels sucky but frankly men are just wired differently from women.

The other option is that u go out with him and his friends. Does he have friends who have families too? Mb suggest to go out more with them.
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Hi Jan
Majority of his friends are married, some just have new born. He feels his friends have distant him as he was not able to join them for weekly lunch date or occasional supper. Now he even want to celebrate Xmas with his friends than celebrate our wedding anniversary.

At least you still have your kid to keep you company I have none yet :( men cannot be as noble as women can do for their family
 
Hi Blossom,

I guess guys need their own time just like we like to have our own time to go shopping. I encourage my hubby to go out with his friends which sometimes he will. I will just stay at home and watch tv.
You can try to organize bbq or dinners at home and invite his friends over. When you get to know the wives, perhaps can go out as couples or families.
 
babylovely said:
Hi Blossom,

I guess guys need their own time just like we like to have our own time to go shopping. I encourage my hubby to go out with his friends which sometimes he will. I will just stay at home and watch tv.
You can try to organize bbq or dinners at home and invite his friends over. When you get to know the wives, perhaps can go out as couples or families.
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Actually I did let him do whatever he wants but he has no time. Weekdays fully packed for work, then weekends we will spend one day at his parents' home to do catching up, then left Sunday which he wil go out with friends. Now he feels distant from them for just meeting once a week and made those remarks on me. I don't even have those quality time with my own friends :( man only think about themselves
 
Well, we all had the same boat, when we marry we literally agree to baby sit a big boy cos their mummy can't control them ..hahaha...well, taken it with a pinch of salt gals
 
BlossomGirl said:
had an argument with husband. He claimed that he has lost touch with many friends and colleagues just bcoz he had to spend more time to keep me company. I was totally disappointed at his remarks :(

Having married for years and to go through the pain via ivf just to give him the family he wanted, and I get this kind of remarks.

There's no one I can talk to except to vent my frustration here. Any sisters here having problem to communicate with husband who has this kind of thinking? Friends more important than wife.
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hey u r not the first. ;)
i lay a deaf ear on such remarks.
i spend a lot of time taking care of household matters ever since my boy is born. i am lucky everyone around me can see that so i dont get such remarks often.
 
Guys will be guys...big baby boys... My bf has toys issue..dun touch his toys he says...believe me..he will buy Bat Man, Star Wars, Iron Man figurines n play..really !..his fren surprisingly are into toys also... So like we gals shop till sun goes down n shop closes.. Same for guys. We can blend in or ... Not be in his group at all, dun complaint .. So gals, learn n blend in n become one of the friends he hang out... Arrange baby sitting whatever... For guys, they only see tmr..but we, women.. We see the whole yr ahead.
 
Most guys will want to have ME time, where they can do the things they want alone or with their friends (exclude family).
My husband will usually meet up his friends on weekday, catch up over dinner or movie. Weekend will usually be with family or going for sport activities.
Can ask your husband to meet his friends over weekday after work, e.g. Friday.
 
Most of the guys I know would like to have some ME time with their buddies, just bitching about anything and everything in the world. Just let them be. I guess your hubby just feel bored. My hubby would go out with his friends without me as well, esp since we have a child and someone needs to be at home to be with the child.

One thing i learnt is to just let him go out lo. Most of the time, they will feel guilty thereafter then be nicer to us.
 
BlossomGirl said:
had an argument with husband. He claimed that he has lost touch with many friends and colleagues just bcoz he had to spend more time to keep me company. I was totally disappointed at his remarks :(

Having married for years and to go through the pain via ivf just to give him the family he wanted, and I get this kind of remarks.

There's no one I can talk to except to vent my frustration here. Any sisters here having problem to communicate with husband who has this kind of thinking? Friends more important than wife.
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Sigh, don't say hubby lah, I m not married, already my BF Kao peh not enough time for his friends. Don't know if I should marry him! :(
 
Vanessa: if you have such a doubt, then probably it's really time to rethink. Are you too sticky and you just enjoy having him around? How often is he out with his friends? After marriage, he would need to prioritise. I seldom nag at my hubby to do chores unless I really buay tahan. I rather just do myself until he buay tahan seeing me do then he will help me. It's a tactic. Instead of nagging, show him you are helping as well. For dating, maybe he will be surprised if one day you say that you will go out with yr friends and ask him to hang out with his. We all need our me time, but it differs from people to people. My hubby needs more than me. For me, I'm happy just texting and being at home with my baby. I don't stop him from going out, and he is learning to prioritise the family as well.
 
Husband just back from biz trip. Reached home less than 2 hours ago, and now already out to meet friends for breakfast at this hour haiz. Makes me feel like a maid in this house :(
I have to find better things to do from now on than to wait at house facing 4 walls and a TV
 
Yes ...yr hb shouldn't be the focus of yr life n the determining factor of yr happiness. He's only a part of it. I used to stay up each night to make him feel sorry but didn't work. Yr kids are yr focus n they will return yr love with hugs n kisses. I used to being my 2 gals catch spiders, dig earthworms, catch caterpillar n watch them metaphor.. Catch fishes n draw ..there are a hundred & 1 activity to do. Until now, they are big, they love those times n its embedded in their minds. So, its worth wait for yr kids then mr big baby. God bless
 
Hi Blossomgirl,
I think your husband is trying to communicate with you that even though he will be out with friends, you are still important to him. There should be a balance in your marriage life. I am not saying that it is not balance now but there is some improvement needed. Focus on you is needed but he should get a break as well, hanging out with friends is normal for all married husband. They need a place to relax themselves and he need friends as well. For you, you should recommunicate with your friends as well, maybe those who are married and have a baby. There should be a balance in your marriage life and i think you can do it.
 
A cent of my opinion based on my experience...

I never constraint my hub to meet his friends and I always tell him that even though we are married, we should have our own circle of friends and me time as this is healthy to a relationship in the long run.

A relationship is not only me and you, but theres alot of others things we should know, see and individually experience it.

I never restrict him gg to pub to drink and i will never msg him asking his whereabouts. In fact, he will keep msg me telling me where he is and what time will he be back but i just replied pls dun worry abt me, go and catch up with ya friends. In fact, i feel good at times when i'm alone at home cos i can have that me time, doing things i like.

So whenever he is back home, he will tell me how his friends are and what they did...it became a conversation that we can talk about and vice versa.

Even I'm pregnant now, i still ask him to go and meet his friends whenever he feel like it and same for me, i will catch up with mine even on weekends. Is all about how u manage ya time.

He asked me a question yesterday why i never ask him where he were and how come not bk home etc....
i told him, we are both adults and we have our own life's to lead..I trusted you thats y i let ya have ya freedom...no pt of me keep asking u where u are cos i think this is very irritating and same, i dont like u do the same to me too...

He even asked me why am i not afraid that he will do something stupid... My replied to him is that no one can control what u want to do. Even i control u, theres nothing i can stop u if one day u decide to fool around. When theres a will, theres a way. At the end of the day, is your choice whether u want to think with ur brain or ya dxxk. And u should bear ur own consequences on ya action.

Hub than replied me that if i control him, the more he want to breakaway from me and do silly things but if i trusted him and gave him the freedom he wanted, he will in fact have a conscious and always have me in mind. This is what happen to him where his ex keep msg him till he felt very irritated and all this has slowly build up and cause a crack in their relationship.

Man are like big boys, you cant keep them everyday by ur side and u need to release them whenever they want their freedom. But bear in mind, having said that, u cant always give all the freedom to them, at times u need to be firm and reserve abit so that they will know what is the line that they should never cross.
 
BlossomGirl said:
Husband just back from biz trip. Reached home less than 2 hours ago, and now already out to meet friends for breakfast at this hour haiz. Makes me feel like a maid in this house :(
I have to find better things to do from now on than to wait at house facing 4 walls and a TV
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its ok to feel sad or sore over such matters.
we women have a powerful weapon, that is our tears. i tend to find it good to cry to the 4 walls. at least i let it out and i feel better after that ;)
 
i guess if you have friends, you wont be alone facing 4 walls and a TV *shrug*
friends is also important, i also need to meet my friend once in awhile (maybe once a month).. so when he is meeting his friends, either i join him or i meet with my friend. when i meeting my friend, he will be doing his own things or meeting his friends...

your entire life cannot just be your family only.. if not you will not have anyone else except your hubby... then you will become possessive and needy because he is all you have. then anything happens (touch wood), he left the family, you will feel extremely bitter and angry, then start to blame him "why i have give everything to this family and end up with nothing. you don't appreciate anything i do. etc etc etc"... you can see alot of examples in this forum.

the question i always ask my friends is why they cannot fulfill their own life expectation and expect their spouse to fulfill it?
 
I agree to Poppybb.

During dating, i always worry and dislike my "ex-bf" to mix with his group of friends, especially when i get to know one of his friend is the gal he want to chase after but due to that gal was married so he got no chance. At that point of time, i am not very happy about it. And whenever i went out with his group of friends with that gal, my "ex-bf" will send her back to her hse lift but he will not do that to me, he will just drop me off at the dropping point and i got to walk to the lift by myself. I was asking myself, am i not that attractive to attract people to attack me. At times, he will go MIA too, I can't even locate him. I don't feel secure at all. I feel no point to have a bf like this guy if he don't treat me well.

After 2 yrs of dating, i was pregnant. But he still behave as previously, no changes at all. He still want to hang out with friends and go clubbing. He don't even care about me. So after all, i decide not to get married to him. I rather choose to be a single mum. Coz i feel there is no point to have a husband like him where he don't even bother me and my baby.

Maybe i was stupid or dumb or rather blind. I was with this guy even after i give birth. Coz i really hope to change him. But things did not change. He still the same old him.

Subsequently, when i found out i get pregnant with my 2nd baby, i decide to married to this guy which is my hubby now. Probably i am tired of it or rather use to it. In between alot of things happen to both of us, we quarrel due some unhappiness issue and almost getting divorce. I was very stubborn and do want to give him another chance coz i feel no point at all. If he would like to be do things as he want, i will let him go ahead and no point stopping him.

I belief a leopard will never change. No matter how hard you tried to do, there is no way to change a person character.

Of coz, finally i still given him another chance. Actually now i feel better, we both had our own free time. I let him do whatever he want and he won't stop me for doing what i like. I know i can't change this person, so i try to accommodate him at times by going to pub, watch movie etc. Actually it is a matter of give and take. Of coz, no matter how strong is that women, at times we still need a men by our side when we need. And many times, couples quarrel due to some unhappiness in between, try to talk things out to make things better.
 
Ivy quek: you are a strong lady. But I agree with you. Only if they want to change, they will do so naturally and without complaints and chances are that they will become a better man. Initially I also controlled my hubby from hanging out with his friends, esp after we had a kid. But I realised that he will be grouchy and stressed and sometimes he really just need to chill. So it's all about compromising. He's a better dad and hubby after he hangs out with his friends. He would tell me that his friend's wife doesn't allow the friend to go out, blah blah blah. Then I just go "orh". But secretly I'm laughing cos very soon, there's nobody to hangout with him and so he has to stay at home.
 
I arrange to have calm conversations on this with my hub. Cannot talk about it when I'm exasperated.

I explain that everyone is at a different life stage now - work, family/children. Everyone's priorities have changed. Some people choose to invest more time in their children, some want to continue their bachelor lifestyles.

And so I ask my husband, in the most non-confronting, gentle manner - what should our priorities, as a FAMILY, be? We got married to start a life and a family together, where do we see ourselves going? What kind of children do we want to raise?

I find it helpful to refocus perspectives:
- that he as husband, is the head of the family
- he has a strong obligation to lead and care for his family
- where his priorities are is where is heart is.

If the hubs does not take his leadership role seriously, we will forever be bickering about where he spends his time.
 
Once most of your husband's friends get marry I think they will not have so much time to meet up. Or you can recommend him to meet his friends on weekdays after work and send his time with you on weekends instead?
 
red peasant said:
Once most of your husband's friends get marry I think they will not have so much time to meet up. Or you can recommend him to meet his friends on weekdays after work and send his time with you on weekends instead?
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not true.. all of my spouse's buddies are married except 1... but they will still meetup once a month or for those without kids will be once a week. most of the times they will bring their wives though, so every gathering would be arnd 5 couples.

btw their wives also quite friend friend with each other. they will msg each other for shopping or go for manicure, etc.. except me though, coz i dun like shopping, manicures and all the ladies' stuffs :p
 
BlossomGirl said:
had an argument with husband. He claimed that he has lost touch with many friends and colleagues just bcoz he had to spend more time to keep me company. I was totally disappointed at his remarks :(
Having married for years and to go through the pain via ivf just to give him the family he wanted, and I get this kind of remarks.
There's no one I can talk to except to vent my frustration here. Any sisters here having problem to communicate with husband who has this kind of thinking? Friends more important than wife.
Click to expand...
读了老师写的没? Click here read post #265.

男人一副贱骨头。
等到需要你才来找你，满足他。不要你的时候，就踹开一旁。

老师建议你退一步。不要唠唠叨叨。妻子唠叨没完没了，丈夫会觉得妻子烦。给他一点呼吸以及自由空间。
 
BlossomGirl said:
Hi Jan
Majority of his friends are married, some just have new born. He feels his friends have distant him as he was not able to join them for weekly lunch date or occasional supper. Now he even want to celebrate Xmas with his friends than celebrate our wedding anniversary.

At least you still have your kid to keep you company I have none yet :( men cannot be as noble as women can do for their family
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Is he bringing you to the Xmas Celebration? If yes, then it is fine. If not, better keep a close watch on him!
 
Give those fellas a break lah. If they got no frens to go out with, they will be somewhere doing something rite? Just find some common ground to share, then you two will be doing the time together. Just do something he will like and you will like. Maybe he like Han Solo toy figures, you get Princess Leia figures, he GI Joe, you GI Jane. Maybe he like watch movies, you hate movies but like the snacks. So, just go movies with him and you enjoy the snacks.:)

Maybe he like big boy toys, and you like shopping, so just go shopping big boy toys with him. There need not be same exact like.
 
I have given all freedom my hubby wanted, pregnant or not he will go out meet his friend... and recently he will be back past midnight.. and went out more frequent than usual, i still didn't ask him anything although i smell something fishy i still give him the benefit of doubt... until i found out that he is actually meeting a girl behind my back.. is this how he repay my trust for him?? is this how he treat me for giving him all the freedom he wanted?? im tired... 2nd time im dealing this emotional hurt...
 
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fool4love said:
Vanessa: if you have such a doubt, then probably it's really time to rethink. Are you too sticky and you just enjoy having him around? How often is he out with his friends? After marriage, he would need to prioritise. I seldom nag at my hubby to do chores unless I really buay tahan. I rather just do myself until he buay tahan seeing me do then he will help me. It's a tactic. Instead of nagging, show him you are helping as well. For dating, maybe he will be surprised if one day you say that you will go out with yr friends and ask him to hang out with his. We all need our me time, but it differs from people to people. My hubby needs more than me. For me, I'm happy just texting and being at home with my baby. I don't stop him from going out, and he is learning to prioritise the family as well.
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I m not sticky. We only meet 2 times a week. Yeah it's time to rethink. Connection is not right. How do you know it is right? How long have you been married? Will having a baby help in the marriage? Thanks for your advice
 
I keep hearing people say "I give him all the freedom....blah blah blah...yadda yadda yadda...". What R U, His Mother!!??? Do you all ever reflect on this that you maybe asking something unrealistic and expending energy on affairs you have no control over. Why not spend those time and effort do yourself up into his lovebox? You have to up your game and make his knees weak. Just don't go too far until has a cardiac episode.
 
Vanessa : having a baby in a marriage I would say it might help and on the other hand it might not help.. it still depends on your guy's character..

I give u my friend's example : I have a friend who has been married for years and maybe due to the bored-ness the hubby start to stray, so my friend tell him that she want to have a baby hoping to "tie" her hubby, ok she got pregnant and give birth, but the man doesn't seems too involve, still, the hubby still continue seeing the other gal. and after 2 years she wanted to have another baby hoping he will have time for the family due to them having 2 children. but end up the guy still divorce leaving her 2 children and end up she got depression..

another example : she and hubby decided to have baby everything went well, hubby loves her and finally the arrival of the baby, he is so involve, but as times goes by he is not so involve in the child and family always leave it to my friend to take care of the child and always go out and eventually??? the hubby has another gal outside...

so Vanessa, its hard to say will a baby help in a marriage? I would say it only helps abit.. and afterall it still depends on your bf/hubby's character..
 
Vanessa, I agree with winter_gal that much depends on your guy's thinking and character. Do not think that anything or anyone can change someone unless the person himself is willing to change himself. It will be not be an easy task and no guarantee of success. But for those couples who succeed, they forge a stronger bond. Whatever your decision, I wish you all the best.
 
Hi Vanessa, my 2cents worth

If ..hypothetically speaking if the gal is a vicious (which u may not know it till too late) ... You will in for a hard fight plus u hv a new born onhand ...it will add to you shoulders ...

Yes...he may for new born sake change for the better. .but how long will it last.

The mummies are correct in that yes it depends on him... And the ppl he mix with. Example, if your friends are frantic shoppers, die eat shopping, neglect family kids...u mix with them may eventually be one of them.

So, suggest to speak to him openly, dun go in with whip behind but be gentle, open n also acknowledged your own short comings.

God bless
 
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Vanessasg777 said:
I

I m not sticky. We only meet 2 times a week. Yeah it's time to rethink. Connection is not right. How do you know it is right? How long have you been married? Will having a baby help in the marriage? Thanks for your advice
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Having a baby might not help. Please work on the issue before bringing an innocent baby into the problem.
 
Its not the women out there who are ur competition. It boils down to ur hubby if others are ur competition.
Be it females or friends.
If females, there's always younger, sweeter, taller, more shapely women out there. I think u need to assess if ur husband is committed.
If it's friends, set a schedule then u can see expectations for urself and him. Then lesser conflicts.
 
BlossomGirl said:
had an argument with husband. He claimed that he has lost touch with many friends and colleagues just bcoz he had to spend more time to keep me company. I was totally disappointed at his remarks :(

Having married for years and to go through the pain via ivf just to give him the family he wanted, and I get this kind of remarks.

There's no one I can talk to except to vent my frustration here. Any sisters here having problem to communicate with husband who has this kind of thinking? Friends more important than wife.
Click to expand...
Hi, I'm a guy but would like to offer my perspective as a man. Men are strange animals, sometimes they just need to have some chill out session with their buddies, even a coffee session at coffee shop is good for them to talk anything under the sky. Don't be disappointed gal, you probably just to set the rule, example sat after 10pm where he has fulfilled his obligations, then he can go out with friends but be home before 2359. However remind him that if he stray, his visa will be volided. It works. Give it a try. Don't give up.

John.
 
Vanessasg777 said:
I recently saw my bf handphone flirting with another china woman. what should i do? confront or act blur? sob sob*
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I understand how u feel, caught my husband flirting with china woman AND lots of other women over wechat too, for the 4th time within 6 years of our marriage. For me, i chose to confront coz i cannot accept. Even it is nothing physical, it's already betrayal emotionally. I was devastated.
 
WeChat is a vice app!! Caught my hb flirting with a China woman on WeChat as well. The more I pry the more disappointed I am. I tried to forgive but trust once broken, the marriage will never be the same. Been struggling whether to end it once and for all :(
 
sandwiched said:
WeChat is a vice app!! Caught my hb flirting with a China woman on WeChat as well. The more I pry the more disappointed I am. I tried to forgive but trust once broken, the marriage will never be the same. Been struggling whether to end it once and for all :(
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How i wish wechat never existed before, if there's a way to ban him like how we can ban our family members from entering casinos, I'll do it. I totally understand how u feel becoz i forgave 4 times and each time he promised that it would be the last. They don't understand life for us would be different becoz i get uneasy when i see him spend long hours playing with his hp, get suspicious when he wants to hang out with buddies or even feel angry when he tells me he's working OT, he has made me leading my life in an extremely tiring way. I have concluded forgiving and forgetting are two total separated emotions, we can forgive but never forget. Each time it happened I threatened to end the marriage however each time he swore that nothing was brewing between them except for chatting over the wicked app itself, then push the blame to me becoz we were constantly quarreling and he felt unhappy. Yah, all blames come back to me ultimately. The last time i caught him was only last Sunday and the wound is still raw, gave him the ultimatum but he refused to cooperate, therefore he acceded to my request to delete that account and uninstalled from his phone. Last time, i told him.. this is the last chance u have from me, if he thinks that wechat worths more than a 7-year marriage I'll gladly give him up. The only reason why I gave him chances and chances again is becoz his hours are still considered regular, no overnight no frequent late nights. But deep down, i know this marriage will be different and now i despise him.
 
hi....i hope I can give u from guys perspective. while on my end i'm completely the opposite. I gave all the time I have for my wife but she divides it among drama, her friends and me. I did tell her once how upset I was abt that, but she brush it off, but that's another story

Please don't be too upset by what ur husband says, at least give him some credit to be upfront and honest with you. While u need to remind him that he has family commitments and to you, you need to tell him that u did not stop him from going out. Do give him some time to go out every now and then, but firmly remind him, family is above all else.
 
Twinkleshinemeow said:
I understand how u feel, caught my husband flirting with china woman AND lots of other women over wechat too, for the 4th time within 6 years of our marriage. For me, i chose to confront coz i cannot accept. Even it is nothing physical, it's already betrayal emotionally. I was devastated.
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Yes he was on wechat
 
Twinkleshinemeow said:
How i wish wechat never existed before, if there's a way to ban him like how we can ban our family members from entering casinos, I'll do it. I totally understand how u feel becoz i forgave 4 times and each time he promised that it would be the last. They don't understand life for us would be different becoz i get uneasy when i see him spend long hours playing with his hp, get suspicious when he wants to hang out with buddies or even feel angry when he tells me he's working OT, he has made me leading my life in an extremely tiring way. I have concluded forgiving and forgetting are two total separated emotions, we can forgive but never forget. Each time it happened I threatened to end the marriage however each time he swore that nothing was brewing between them except for chatting over the wicked app itself, then push the blame to me becoz we were constantly quarreling and he felt unhappy. Yah, all blames come back to me ultimately. The last time i caught him was only last Sunday and the wound is still raw, gave him the ultimatum but he refused to cooperate, therefore he acceded to my request to delete that account and uninstalled from his phone. Last time, i told him.. this is the last chance u have from me, if he thinks that wechat worths more than a 7-year marriage I'll gladly give him up. The only reason why I gave him chances and chances again is becoz his hours are still considered regular, no overnight no frequent late nights. But deep down, i know this marriage will be different and now i despise him.
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I can understand how you feel
 
Twinkleshinemeow said:
How i wish wechat never existed before, if there's a way to ban him like how we can ban our family members from entering casinos, I'll do it. I totally understand how u feel becoz i forgave 4 times and each time he promised that it would be the last. They don't understand life for us would be different becoz i get uneasy when i see him spend long hours playing with his hp, get suspicious when he wants to hang out with buddies or even feel angry when he tells me he's working OT, he has made me leading my life in an extremely tiring way. I have concluded forgiving and forgetting are two total separated emotions, we can forgive but never forget. Each time it happened I threatened to end the marriage however each time he swore that nothing was brewing between them except for chatting over the wicked app itself, then push the blame to me becoz we were constantly quarreling and he felt unhappy. Yah, all blames come back to me ultimately. The last time i caught him was only last Sunday and the wound is still raw, gave him the ultimatum but he refused to cooperate, therefore he acceded to my request to delete that account and uninstalled from his phone. Last time, i told him.. this is the last chance u have from me, if he thinks that wechat worths more than a 7-year marriage I'll gladly give him up. The only reason why I gave him chances and chances again is becoz his hours are still considered regular, no overnight no frequent late nights. But deep down, i know this marriage will be different and now i despise him.
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I feel you. I had total trust in my hb until I found out about him cheating. Since then, I have been constantly checking on him. If I don't uncover anything at least I feel more at ease. But no, he never fails to disappoint me with his cheating ways. He pushes the blame to me for the state of our marriage as well. He's unhappy cos I keep checking on him and we've quarreled countless times over this issue. Am I to close both eyes and accept his cheating ways?? I am no longer truly happy in this marriage and cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with a man who thinks that it's normal for men to cheat. He has zero respect for me as a wife. Silly me held on initially because of love. Now I'm considering my options.
 
sandwiched said:
I feel you. I had total trust in my hb until I found out about him cheating. Since then, I have been constantly checking on him. If I don't uncover anything at least I feel more at ease. But no, he never fails to disappoint me with his cheating ways. He pushes the blame to me for the state of our marriage as well. He's unhappy cos I keep checking on him and we've quarreled countless times over this issue. Am I to close both eyes and accept his cheating ways?? I am no longer truly happy in this marriage and cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with a man who thinks that it's normal for men to cheat. He has zero respect for me as a wife. Silly me held on initially because of love. Now I'm considering my options.
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Men are always the same, did wrong but pushed the blame to their wives and claim that we made them do all those nonsense outside. Other women outside are really better than the own woman at home, who weathered through thick and thin, spent our time, youth, love etc.. the woman whom they went through so much to woo eventually started a family with. This something that i won't be able to understand probably in whole of my lifetime.

I feel u, my husband reacts the same way too. He simply hates me from checking his hp and he said I'm treating him as my prisoner. Tried reasoning out with him that i feel insecure however most of the time too, resulted in quarrels again and again. I know I'm pushing him out further and further away by behaving this way but i really can't help it. I thought they knew if they want to build the trust back, they have to give up certain privacy? I have the same question as well, am i really suppose to close 2 eyes and wait for things to happen, pack up then leave. Even my own mum asked me to keep quiet since he is having regular timings. I just hate how advance the technology has became that they now have much more ways to find temptations conveniently.
 
I dun think there's anything wrong w checking or using or seeing each other's hp really. Is there's nothing to hide what's there to mind?
I thot marriage vows are for better or worse. So how is a hp that big a deal?
 
I don't know about your marriage, but how do you treat your husband? If all the time he talks with you always end up quarrelling, or you neglect him, most probably he will do it to you. If you always feel entitled without giving nothing in return, he wouldn't feel that you are worth investing his time in. Afterall, treat others like how you want to be treated.
 
shoppixe said:
I dun think there's anything wrong w checking or using or seeing each other's hp really. Is there's nothing to hide what's there to mind?
I thot marriage vows are for better or worse. So how is a hp that big a deal?
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Sadly to say usually if one party has problem letting u see their hp, 99% of the time there's bound to be something. Or like my husband, suddenly sets pw die die to protect his own so call "privacy", it is suspicious. Women don't really have 6th sense, is all the guys thought we are really stupid enough not to pick up anything. My hp lies all around in the house unlocked and I'm cool with it. It's my 7th year with my hubs and now i truly understand the depth of the 7-year itch.
 
TheSelflessOne said:
I don't know about your marriage, but how do you treat your husband? If all the time he talks with you always end up quarrelling, or you neglect him, most probably he will do it to you. If you always feel entitled without giving nothing in return, he wouldn't feel that you are worth investing his time in. Afterall, treat others like how you want to be treated.
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Thank u for speaking from a man's point of view. Yes u r right that we kept arguing throughout all these years but i didn't stop my duty as a wife to him. I placed him at the top of my priorities, listened to him when he needed, attending to his needs whichever within my abilities. In a marriage, definitely there will be times when we may neglect each other but can i also do the same to him too when he neglected me? To be frank, being 8 years his junior i can play more than how he did but i chose to stay faithful to our wedding vows. I married young to him at 25 years old, i admit that certain things i may not be able to reach his level of thinking however i still think it's not right to treat me in this way as long as one day he is still married to me. He could sit me down and explain things to me that i didn't understand, and that's communication. Unfortunately not all husbands have the patience to talk to their wives becoz they feel they are more superior, at least in my case.
 

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