Advice needed on divorce/ separation/ child custody/ properties

A

angelsndevils89

Member
Hi,

I need some advice here...

Married for almost 3yrs+... currently pregnant with #1 baby... I have caught my hubby cheating me 3 times... Whenever I confront him, he promised not to do it again...

But last 2 weeks, I caught him again with a major mistake... trying to look for prostitutes in a forum. When I contronted him, he tried to deny. When I stood firm on my stand, he pleaded me and said he loves our family. He did that because of curiosity and naivety.

Today, I found that he has been into prostitution for more than 2 years... this is according to what he has posted in the forum.. but I have not confronted him. I do not know if he is posting just for the sick of his boastfulness or it is real...

I am not sure if I should file a divorce or separation... we are both PR and just bought a flat here... And my baby is due soon... if I were to file a divorce, should it be done here or back in our country?

i do not know what to do... I have no one to turn to... pls advise.
 


I can feel you as I experienced similarity 1.5 years back when I was married 3 years plus too. I almost did the same thing as you. But u really need to think carefully what's your next action plan as your baby is due soon. You got to think of it as we and not I anymore as you are not alone now. Please ask for second opinion before you make the big decision as it is going to be a toll on your emotions and if it will affect your ability to care for your new born. Take care girl!
 
Seems like his problem is having too much $$ on hand as looking for pros is not cheap.
If he is really sincere to repent, get him to hand over all his savings, monthly salary and get $10 as allowance daily.
Let's see with hardly enough to get by, does he has enough to seek pros.
 
Thanks, Sane and Trizel for your reply...

Yes, I have no control on his money at all. He will always tell me that he does not have enough money to use tho earning more than 6k per month.. He does not give me any pocket money as well. During my pregnancy, I need to fork out my own money to buy supplements every month. As mentioned by Sane, give him $10 per day, but he can always have some side income where I do not know...

I do not suspect him at the beginning because he did not come back late. He is always on the dot. But I only get to know that he sneaked out during office hour for pros... or when he is on mc....

Even when we buy the property, I contributed half of the deposit using my cpf as he does not have sufficient cpf.... sometimes i think that I am super silly.. did not check or suspect on him at all...

Trizel, what is your action then? I am financially stable...

my mind is totally blank and i do not what to do now...
 
Last edited:
Ask him to hand over his existing bank account/atm card etc.
Unless his sideline transaction is all in cash.
U have to start monitoring his finance? Earn 6k not enough? And not contributing to the household? Ask him to handover and u will manage all for him.
Tell him if he really want to salvage the marriage, start from the finance first. Ask him to give u more 安全感。
 
My old man through out our pak tor time and marriage time did many weird lame things that can damage our rs totally. Each time I choose to give chance bcos I weigh many things n he is not that bad after all except for the third party n Internet gfs things. Pak tor time this kind of things I lay terms before marriage and he promised he will not repeat mistake. Just before marriage I caught him having rs with his colleague whom he doesn't even know her age. I flared n wanted to call off the wedding. He begged me to forgive him n he will never hurt me again. I choose to give in cos of the wedding n both families. 3 years later he had affair again with the same girl by chance of a gathering with ex colleagues. My basic instinct sense something wrong though he also reach home on the dot after work or msg me said drinking with colleagues at Jurong area which I won't go n of cos lies. He met up the girl for rendezvous. 1 fine night I check his hp n throw the phone on his face. Ouch haha. I asked for divorce immediately. The whole drama lasted for 2 weeks with many family members involved in talking & his persistent of not signing the papers. In the end I decided to give one last chance as I know he really loves the family and me. Probably I am partly at fault too for him doing such thing. Soul searching and self reflection. It's not easy. Really hard as the prick is always there. That doesn't mean I forgive and forget but I m thinking for our 2 families and relatives. I asked for his sperm to do iui n here I am with a 8 weeks lovely cute son. Nothing else matters anymore after seeing the bb. Since u r financially stable, ask yourself what you really want. Can do without him? Or a complete family with some little flaws and cracks? Or move on waiting for another new life? Think carefully. Not easy but achievable. Like sane said, control financial is a good start. See what else u want. I asked old man to show me all his bank statement n card n I can access all his things. I expect him to msg me everyday tell me where is he or face time me if needs to. Fetch me everyday without fail.
 
to me, with or without him, it's the same..

I only want a peaceful life... not full of surprises from him... I worry if I were to continue the rs with him, I do not kno if I will end up having hiv one day... I cannot imagine if one day me and my child seeing him walking out from pros centre.. I do not know how to answer/ explain to my child...

But if I were to divorce him, I worry the flat will not be given to me and my child. Or he might fight for the child custody...
 
Hi..sorry anglesndevil89 to hear this ..sigh

If he loves the family proof it..go counselling n cut off this habit.

Stay focus n dun let ur imagination gets to you.

God bless
 
Thanks gladjo...

I went online and search more about this pros centre... The price is cheap... only $30-$70.

Arghhh! This man really made me go bonkers!
 
For flat and custody we are unable to advise you. It is better to consult professional advice. If you are firm on your decision, then look for legal aid. However you will need to explain to your baby then.
 
Legal aid is available unless u r drawing below $1.5 or stay Hm mum

I managed to hv court appointed 2legal Fren to my case n free legal counsel at law society...pm me if u need..

God bless
 
Dear angelsndevils89,
Divorce is a 2 step process. Step 1 is to apply for a divorce. Step 2 deals with ancillary matters like the flat, maintenance and the baby.
For step 1, you can file for divorce once you're past 3 years of marriage. In your case, it would probably be best to file for divorce based on the reason that your husband has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with him. Repeated extra-marital affairs and repeated procurement of paid services will likely fall well within such unreasonable behavior. If your husband will agree to the divorce, this step would be quick.
Step 2 deals with division of the flat and care, control of the baby, maintenance for you and maintenance for the baby. Generally you should be able to recover the monies you contributed to the purchase of the flat including your CPF contributions. Any non-monetary contributions like those for the upkeep and maintenance of the home, contributions to the child's care and expenses will also be considered.
Generally the child will be under the care and control of the mother with just custody. This means that the child will live with the mother and the husband gets time with the child.
Maintenance for you will depend on your separate incomes and how expenses have been divided in your marriage. Maintenance for the child will also depend on what it would cost to bring up the child including living and educational expenses.
A good lawyer will be able to help and guide you through the process. I have found this lawyer to be well experienced and very helpful.
www.womandivorcelawyer.com.sg
http://www.characterist.com/chinchin.html
 
onlawyers said:
Dear angelsndevils89,
Divorce is a 2 step process. Step 1 is to apply for a divorce. Step 2 deals with ancillary matters like the flat, maintenance and the baby.
For step 1, you can file for divorce once you're past 3 years of marriage. In your case, it would probably be best to file for divorce based on the reason that your husband has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with him. Repeated extra-marital affairs and repeated procurement of paid services will likely fall well within such unreasonable behavior. If your husband will agree to the divorce, this step would be quick.
Step 2 deals with division of the flat and care, control of the baby, maintenance for you and maintenance for the baby. Generally you should be able to recover the monies you contributed to the purchase of the flat including your CPF contributions. Any non-monetary contributions like those for the upkeep and maintenance of the home, contributions to the child's care and expenses will also be considered.
Generally the child will be under the care and control of the mother with just custody. This means that the child will live with the mother and the husband gets time with the child.
Maintenance for you will depend on your separate incomes and how expenses have been divided in your marriage. Maintenance for the child will also depend on what it would cost to bring up the child including living and educational expenses.
A good lawyer will be able to help and guide you through the process. I have found this lawyer to be well experienced and very helpful.
www.womandivorcelawyer.com.sg
http://www.characterist.com/chinchin.html
Click to expand...
Onlawyers, i have pm u
 
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