Problems with mum and maid

queenie08

Member
Hey ladies. Do u have this problem ? I have so far changed 4 maids since my original one left last year.

Every single maid my mum has complaint that they are not following her instructions and undermining her. And the maids will always roti -prata. (Ie. Telling her something and then try to back track and change what she said when confronted by me)

Our current maid is not perfect but I think she is fine. My mum again has complaint about her not following instructions.

I am very tired of all this. Plus, I am expecting my 3rd child now. So, energy level has also went down significantly. So far I have manage to speak to my current maid and she is OK with my mum, though terrified but she knows that I understand the situation.

I think I am doing a good job so far, but I am really very very very tired. Emotionally and physically. Not sure how I am going to last. Especially now, when my mum thinks that I am siding with the maid. Adds to the burden.

What should I do?

Oh ya. My mum stays with me and hubby. She loves my kids and have been a great help. I love her a lot but I don't think I am.able to balance this maid vs ah mah equation much longer.
 


Hi, I know what exactly you mean...I have the same problem with you.

I feel that my current maid is already not too bad, but my mum has been trying to pick on every single things...Similarly this is causing a lot of unnecessary stress for me...
I have told my mum that i will send the kids to childcare if she really have problems with this maid...

Haiz, will be good if someone is able to give some advice on this....Is so tired...
 
I get this all the time, too. My mom complained about every single maid. However, in my case, after I send one off and she gets another, she has gone as far as to asked me to beg one of them to come back. Before that, every day I have to endure complaints. So one day my mom admitted. She (my mom) is bored. Nobody to talk to. So, it is her time when we get home, they complain and gossip about their day. Vent their frustration. Listen already then is fine. Just need to listen. And they want to feel important, too. If the maid is good, they feel inferior and not important. So they always try to put the maid down.

My advice to you? Just ask your mom. So, wanna change again? Or try with this one? Her call. Because, she will have to train, manage, etc.
 
Actually I have the similar issue many 8 years back, within a year I change 4 maids and got a warning issue from MOM. Finally 6 years I got a good one and I admired a patience and tolerance level. She managed to work well w my mum despite the constant scoldings. And when she decided to leave us bcos of her husband deteriorating health, my mum finally realise her good. And she told us of she will to come back is bcos of my mum... This is their love and hate relationship.
 
Seems like a lot of ladies have this same problem. I am just glad that it's with our mothers and not with our mother in laws - it will be a very different beast of a problem if it is.

What I have done is I manage everything. Literally. Instructions are all given by me and my mum is there to look and tell me if they are followed. Lesser problems (fingers crossed)

But I have also notice that my current maid though not too bad does play punk also. And i was thinking that for our mothers who r at home all day, they basically can't stand it as whatever punk maids are up to will directly or indirectly cause consequences to the family.
Eg. taking short cuts to prepare food hence short changing on hygiene. The small kids will suffer. Things like that.

So I try very hard to balance up.

Seems like no one has the real formula. What are you ladies doing to handle this?
 
maybe can ask your mother to close one eye? tell her maid standard and her standard confirm wun align.. her standard will always be higher than the maid, tat y she is the boss ma...

my grandma also always complain about my parents' maid, but we just listen lo.. just let her rant out
 
You can still talk with your mum I believe. My sister's situation was even worst, it was her MIL keep scolding and complaining abt the maids for really all sort of stupid reasons (even the kid not eating also blame on the maid....). if the maid can work more than a year is consider very good Liao, you can imagine how many maids she had changed over the past decade. It is until now become better bcoz her boy is already p6 can more or less take care on his own, the maid is simply for housework. She can't even tell her mil off.....
Usually it's becoz the old has nothing else better to do and so become very focus on what the maid is doing. Else is cultural difference and language barrier.
 
Hi ladies. Things has just worse. This whole nightmare of changing maids is happening again. Sigh.
Recently has seen the true colors of the maid. Even my neighbours has started complaining to me about my maid leaving a mess at the corridor. Loitering outside the house and waiting for the other maids to chit chat.
Looks like my mum maybe spot on. Am I being picky or what? Keep having this problem
Feeling so tired. I am 5 months preggy and have 2 lovely Angels. But it still seems to be a chore to pep talk to the maid every night and morning about basic chores not done. Damn Sian.

She used wet cloth to clean electric plug and my mum told her not to do that else she will get electrocuted. And she was unhappy. And when I told her what ah mah say is correct as we don't want u to get hurt. She still show black face. I was so angry I told her off.

Quite sian to start the day like that. Sian....

Thanks for listening me whince.
 
Hi queenie08

Ever considered not having a maid since there are so many issues? With your mum around to help looking after the kids maybe can engage a part time cleaner? As for meals can do tingkat... if your mum can't handle two kids can consider send them to childcare if they aren't already enrolled.

House may not be so clean.. food may not be as good but at least there's peace of mind :)
 
My oldest is p1. 2nd is in full day child care. My 3rd one is due in Oct
I am a full time working mum and my mum is 78.
So not having a live in is not an option. Unfortunately.
 
I see. Indeed it's not easy without a helper. There are some threads with pple posting about letting their maids transfer.. maybe can consider getting one of those recommended ones?
 
It's definitely not easy for all to live under one roof.

For me, I set v clear instruction. No black face, no talking back, wrong means wrong. N respect is no 1. So mum wins even if she's unreasonable. Make mum feel she's more impt than the helper.

However, I treat helper like my family member. I talk to her about her family, I understand her feelings n chat with her whenever I'm free, I buy her fav food n if she's v good, sometimes I'll buy her some jewelleries or call cards etc... It's like carrot n stick.. So far okay ... Been 12 yrs so far..
 
Atta - u r so lucky that your maid reciprocate and appreciate your warmth.
Unfortunately for me, my maid feels that it's her god given right. She takes advantage and abuse every freedom we give. She takes from the house whatever she needs without asking which I have told her several times not to.
We have sponsored all phone calls (as she claims she misses home) and even surfing of Internet. Unfortunately she abuses all these. She has phone calls coming in at 2, 3 am in the morning. I have given her warning after warning. But doesn't seem to improve.

Looks like it's time to change maid. Again.

Fingers crossed that I wouldn't get banned by MOM
 
Queenie, I think you have given your maid too much freedom. There is no need to sponsor them phone cards. I will pay or buy them other things like good breakfast or clothings or toys and clothings for her kids but not phone cards. Else they won't feel the pinch and will always be on the phone which I don't want that to happen. Maybe you can try setting some house rules and share with the maid on her first day. E.g. No showing of black face and no talking back. Cannot take or eat your things without asking for permission unless you have told her it's ok. Cannot steal things etc. For me she cannot enter my master bedroom without my permission and strictly no opening of the cupboard in my room.
 
oh dear, i understand how you feel. I used to be in such a situation and good maids are a hit or miss thing.. i had several not-so-good ones till a suitable one came. Before the good one came, my MIL was giving me all the problems too.. but my husband did come in to mediate and try to let her understand the maid is here to help and try not to be too fussy or hard on her. I guess gradually my MIL understand abit and stop being too extreme... i hope your situation improves soon and you get a good maid! :) congrats on your upcoming bundle of joy!
 
Hello ladies...
Pinkdoll - I have to agree. Maybe I am too relax with her. Maybe I should have just say no when she requested for phone calls and wifi access.

I do have house rules set. Printed it out and went hrough it with her. But all of these she seems to disregard. Simple things like - knock when entering master room. Not just sneak in, take stuff and sneak out. Told her repeatedly. She do it for a while then revert.

Not sure if this is just forgetfulness, do not bother, or simply not interested to work anymore.

I spoke to her and offered to pay up her loan and send her back home if she really didn't want to work anymore. But she insisted she wanted to continue.

But yet - I don't see any changes or listening to my mum.

Simple instructions like change water bottle - use the one with strap. She will ignore and when asked she told me she didn't understand my mum. BTW. My mum speaks perfect English.

So I really don't know what to do anymore. Have done pep talk everyday. Have tried being nice and using incentives. Tried threatening sending her back. Now last resort - being strict.

Maddyxlee - I think I am going to get barred by MOM soon ha ha ha. Fingers crossed. Somehow I know this current one may not be able to make it. She is trying to avoid doing as much work as possible.

Bought pre mix stuff so it will make it easier to cook dinner. Can also screw up dinner. Not sure what to do. Sigh
 
Hello ladies...
Pinkdoll - I have to agree. Maybe I am too relax with her. Maybe I should have just say no when she requested for phone calls and wifi access.

I do have house rules set. Printed it out and went hrough it with her. But all of these she seems to disregard. Simple things like - knock when entering master room. Not just sneak in, take stuff and sneak out. Told her repeatedly. She do it for a while then revert.

Not sure if this is just forgetfulness, do not bother, or simply not interested to work anymore.

I spoke to her and offered to pay up her loan and send her back home if she really didn't want to work anymore. But she insisted she wanted to continue.

But yet - I don't see any changes or listening to my mum.

Simple instructions like change water bottle - use the one with strap. She will ignore and when asked she told me she didn't understand my mum. BTW. My mum speaks perfect English.

So I really don't know what to do anymore. Have done pep talk everyday. Have tried being nice and using incentives. Tried threatening sending her back. Now last resort - being strict.

Maddyxlee - I think I am going to get barred by MOM soon ha ha ha. Fingers crossed. Somehow I know this current one may not be able to make it. She is trying to avoid doing as much work as possible.

Bought pre mix stuff so it will make it easier to cook dinner. Can also screw up dinner. Not sure what to do. Sigh
hey queenie, read through your story and just wanna commend you for being so strong throughout the whole episode! I think you should consider being firmer with her. Be clear that she has to follow instructions and the house rules, if not you will simply send her back and get a better one. If your maid is trying to avoid doing work, I think it's high time you give her an ultimatum - Do your job, if not you won't have a chance to.

hope this helps, and jiayou!
 
Hi ladies. Thanks for all the input.
Nicoletan78 - thanks. Have tried very hard. But I guess there always should be a line drawn.

I've changed her out.

My hubby insisted on getting a recording for some reasons. And when we did that, we found out she did only stuff in the morning that was clearly visible. And didn't do chores that could not be seen so easily unless checked. Eg. Laundry.
The rest of the time, she will hang out at the kitchen area, with lights off ( mornings) and chit chat from the time she wakes up till 6.45 when we wake up.
From the recording, we saw that a few mins to 6.45. She will hang up and then start to make her own breakfast n my hubby's. Looks very busy

I saw this happen in the recording going on for a full week and I notice she only does Laundry only at the end of the week using machine wash with all dark colors and all white together without laundry bags even for those stretchables. Sigh.

After that I went to the agent. Agent thinks she is very good and insisted it was my mum picking on her ( maid very good in making herself the victim) until I mention the recording. Immediately agent went to look for a replacement.

Moral of story. Mother knows best. Ha ha ha
 

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