No future :(

J

Jaydon

New Member
my wife & i have 3yr old twin girls. my wife is very demanding person, always wants the best for herself & does not like my parents to visit my twins. She always complain about my parents, say they are so troublesome, every month got program must ask us along, i told her its nothing wrong to attend with my parents but she always quarrel with me. ever since my twins were born, they had been taken care of by my inlaws. My inlaws stays with us so they can take care of the twins but they will go back home on weekends so they can rest & let us take over. My wife works until late, sometimes 2 nights never come back due to heavy workload, she is in the stock market industry & dealing with europe/USA side so she says due to time difference sometimes urgent work she needs to work extra hours.

However as times goes by, i feel that i dun love her anymore. She does not know how to be a daughter-inlaw to my parents. Whenever my parents want to visit the twins, she will say we are going out or we not free. She love to spend money on branded goods, even house renovation she also wants the best ID, now my twin girls grow up also starting to be like her, so fussy, so rude, so bossy & picky on food, things etc.

i feel that i had enough, i duno if i should carry on or leave this family as i see no future together. my twin girls will still be my daughters.
 


Actually both men and women can be demanding. But it is mainly men who complain of women being demanding if you realise it. Most cases where one person is supposed to be 'demanding', there is actually a mismatch of expectations which can be resolved with some regular communication. In the more entrenched cases, where the women are actually very demanding, a different approach is necessary. But first of all, you have to understand the root of why your wife (women) are demanding or begin to make demands.

Your wife started became demanding, and always wants the best for herself only after you guys get married or all along she's like that?

You should prolly try to understand why she complains bout your parents being troublesome for having you guys to go for the Programme the folks are attending to every month. Like what you mentioned, she in stock marketing industry and dealing with Europe/USA. therefore she needs to spend extra hours to complete the urgent tasks, and at certain time, she did not come home for 2 nights. She would love to rest at home whenever she can.

For the sake of your girls, you've to stay. Everything has a solution to it. You might also want to take her out for a dinner date, just the both of you. And find the chance to bring up the topic. Hope everything turns out well for you.
 
no, im not seeing anyone.
my wife super lazy, always like to take short cuts, cannot take hardships. this relationship got no love. im just carrying out responsibility. i really tired. there few days we are not on good terms. Everything she put her own parents 1st. She told me her mum is number 1 & i am way below our twins. This type of women not easy to get along & how to get along, so demanding. Stressful relationship.
 
I'm thinking marriage do not have love anymore. Maybe because of the stress from work, parents in law, argue & argue..tiring life..
 
Jaydon said:
no, im not seeing anyone.
my wife super lazy, always like to take short cuts, cannot take hardships. this relationship got no love. im just carrying out responsibility. i really tired. there few days we are not on good terms. Everything she put her own parents 1st. She told me her mum is number 1 & i am way below our twins. This type of women not easy to get along & how to get along, so demanding. Stressful relationship.
Click to expand...

she is a stock broker, already means she can take hardships and she really work very hard for her career.
if that is who she is when you know her, and you have decide to marry her... seriously what goes wrong now?

my partner also accept that my family is more important than him, afterall they are the one who raise me up so that he has the good fortune to know me. he also finds that my dogs are more important than him because they are very spolit. previously i bring my dogs to my parents hse every working day. now my office relocate to another super ulu place, he help me bring my dogs to my parents hse then he leaves for work. he knew this is my lifestyle when he knows me. he accepts me, hence we are together.

if you really cannot accept who she is, and doesn't love her anymore and can't stand the sight of her, then you can consider divorce. no point ranting every single days, and finding faults with her, because it doesn't help you. do something that will make you happier.
 
ur post is rather one sided. dont know your wife's side of story. but can see ur wife must hv hurt ur feelings w sm of the things she said like u are way below on her priority list. she shouldn't hv said that. some of your anger comes from the fact that you feel u have become unimportant to her. this leads u to become mr frustrated n angry n now all u can see are the bad things in ur wife. i can also see you do care about ur marriage enough to seek opinions from outsiders n i m glad u havent betrayed the rship yet. i see a lot of potential for things to get better betw u n ur wife. think its good to suggest to ur wife to seek marital counselling or u can see a counsellor first n find out what steps u can take to improve ur rship. hope that u dont give up on ur marriage ya...
 
Right from the moment prepare for wedding im already not happy, wedding ring must custom made, different from others, this is not love, this is show off, vanity. i told her i dun have so much money, she want means want, ok i give in to her. Renovation for our house i also have no say. i told her its good to have black white grey theme, she said so dull for what, like jill house. Fridge also must buy fisher brand, why because is euro brand, i also no say. bed must be king size. All these i give in to her. Reno cost we share but i no say, sad case. This type of wife, i already told her i no money but everything she also want because she sees her friends all stay condo/private apt but she low class can only stay 5rm hdb flat. she told me her house must do until people come in say WOW so beautiful. all these i also give in.
Ystd i told her i want divorce, all these material things she can have, i dun want. The twins we still share custody if can.
 
Jaydon, pl give yr marriage another try bef even contemplating divorce. For the sake of giving yr gals a complete home, really. Do hv a heart to heart talk w yr wife. U may not know how she mayb feeling all these while. Go for marriage counseling. Think abt the courtship days when u both hv love for each other. I'm gg through a tough patch here, n I'm also struggling w my emotions to love hubby wh has inexorably bn lessening. Dun give up! Go to church. Seek professional help.
 
@Jaydon What did your wife said? If she is willing to change her view towards materialism I feel that it could still work out between the both of you. So try sitting down and have a good talk with each other on the problems you both are unhappy about. But if she's not willing I feel that it's only a matter of time that you will burst and things might get uglier by then.
 
financially is she stronger than you ? maybe that explains her materialism because she can afford them just that she not willing to be the one paying for it
 
Hi

I was also on the verge of divorce with my hubby but we managed to work it out for our girls. Our marriage are on the rocks as he stress up with work and vent anger on us. I was angry with the way he disciplined my girls and always quarrel with him. After almost a year, I gave him a chance and he really do some soul searching. Now we are on better terms and we give and take...

He take care of household chores and I take care of the kids so that they wont disturb him and he can have some personal time.
 
My view is that your wife is more materialistic due to peer pressure as her colleagues are mostly high earners and could well afford good and branded stuff. You could have a talk with her that you cant sustain this kind of living. You will still provide for your kids but doesn't mean everything need to be branded and of the highest and best quality.

Ultimately, kids need our love, attention and company rather than the fastest smartphones.

Sit down and express your views on how to nurture the kids and spend your life calmly with her. Once finger pointing start then its hard to continue the conversations. Also listen to her views why she spend so much, peer pressure or she need to reward herself as she working so hard
 
Also, it hard to avoid the fact that once woman gave birth, the 1st priority is the baby. Take it from another point of view, you choose a woman who will be a caring and doting mother. It better than a wife who don't care about the kids....
 
Also, most daughter-in-law cannot see eye to eye with parents-in-law, esp mother-in-law. Among my frens, this is true almost 99%! What's more, your parents-in-law stay w u all on weekdays so on weekends she jus wish to bond only w u n kids. I hv this issue w my hubby n our disagreements due to this matter has hurt our relationship. N I can say, it is certainly not worth it.
 
For me I seldom bring the kids back to my mother-in-law place as when I bring them there, I will be the one taking after them. It very taxing as my girls cant sit still. At home Im more at ease as I remove things that are dangerous to them or breakable.

Whats more, wkend are the days I can rest.

If when your wife bring you back to your parent-in-law house and you cant stay long then you cant expect your wife to be able to stay long when she goes back to your parents place. This is what I told my hubby.
 
My MIL shld be unhappy about it but I don't care as if I need to run after the kids in her house then I rather let them stay at home. I also don't let my hubby bring them out alone as he will lose temper if my girls throw tantrums. I have make it clear to my hubby and my MIL after my girls got a serious beating from my hubby due to a mischievous act
 
Dun really agree that should stay on a marriage juz for sake of children. .. do u wan ur twin girls to have 2 parents staying in same house but living like strangers, no love, or worse still, quarreling all the time. Dun forget.. children will grow up and live their own lives. . And u will be then left with the 'stranger' again. Fight for marriage for urself, not for anyone else.
 
Jaydon said:
Right from the moment prepare for wedding im already not happy, wedding ring must custom made, different from others, this is not love, this is show off, vanity. i told her i dun have so much money, she want means want, ok i give in to her. Renovation for our house i also have no say. i told her its good to have black white grey theme, she said so dull for what, like jill house. Fridge also must buy fisher brand, why because is euro brand, i also no say. bed must be king size. All these i give in to her. Reno cost we share but i no say, sad case. This type of wife, i already told her i no money but everything she also want because she sees her friends all stay condo/private apt but she low class can only stay 5rm hdb flat. she told me her house must do until people come in say WOW so beautiful. all these i also give in.
Ystd i told her i want divorce, all these material things she can have, i dun want. The twins we still share custody if can.
Click to expand...
if she didn't force you to marry her, you can't blame her on this. when this happens, you already knew this is just the beginning yet you choose to marry her... and if you can't meet her expectation, i also puzzled why she marry you *shrug*

i guess both of you belong to different world. and i think is quite hard to co-exist peacefully. at least you need not pay her any alimony (since she earning more than you?), and she won't fight full custody with you since she didn't have time for your children.
 
I kind of pity Jaydon's wife. What appeared to be 'normal' to a wife, be it wedding, reno or even day-to-day routine have now becoming badmouthing topics of the hubby behind her back. Jaydon, you didn't communicate your concerns to her and after so many years, you started to bring all these up to justify your reasons for a divorce and how much you have suffered. Honestly, I think your wife will be better off without u.
 
i dun plan to share custody with her on regards the kids. she can have the twins. she's so difficult to live with, i cannot stand living in the same house as her, she is so lazy. i have already moved out & staying with my bro now. i have already sent her 2 lawyer letters.
 
Jaydon, why can't u hv a heart to heart talk w yr wife and go for marriage counseling bef acting in your impulse??? She might b hurt beyond words by wat u've done. N wats more, u aren't even interested in having joint custody. I seriously think u hv other woman in mind!
 
Jaydon, why do you call your wife "lazy"? It's not easy juggling a demanding FT job in the derivatives market, the role of a mother to your twins, daughter to her parents whom have brought her up, wife to the man whom she married (you), and daughter-in-law to your parents. Has your wife been also complaining and labelling you?

It seems there's a communication breakdown as both of you go through the motions of everyday life. The differences in expectations has driven the gap further and causes resentment. I'm not sure what's your profession. Maybe you can try understanding your wife's industry. The industry she's in, she's expected to dress and accessorise herself to fit the position. This is more so if she's in the management level.

Every girl dreams of having a perfect wedding, the pretty wedding dress, the glittering ring that will bound her for life. The question is affordability. Don't just label your wife as "show off" and "vanity". Try understanding to a girl, it's once in a lifetime wedding.

If your wife has the earning capability to spend within her means, then try to accommodate her. Afterall, she's spending her hard earned money. If her spending patterns does not goes well with you, try talking to her to understand if there's a need and why.

Hope you can calmly reconsider your decision to divorce. It takes two hands to clap. I'm not siding anyone here. Would just like to share with you the perspectives of a lady.
 
Jaydon said:
i dun plan to share custody with her on regards the kids. she can have the twins. she's so difficult to live with, i cannot stand living in the same house as her, she is so lazy. i have already moved out & staying with my bro now. i have already sent her 2 lawyer letters.
Click to expand...
it is so ironic that you do not want your twins to grow up like their mum & you said that "my twin girls will still be my daughters", but you do not want your kids at all and rather give it to your wife full custody....
i guess that's explain pretty much....

anyway your life is yours to live. and you only live once. so definitely you will choose to live the fullest.
 
im angry with my wife. its a fact that we cannot live together, our personalities/character clash. my twins have started to talk like my wife, at times slightly rude too. the girls will still be my girls, they are both me & my wife responsibility.
 
I feel that at least Jaydon has made the decision to leave his wife who is bettet than those husband keep saying how bad is their wife and have an affair with other girls...treat his wife like a fool.
 
Hi Jaydon,

From what you have written, you seem to be very unhappy with your wife's behaviour. But if that's how she is at the time of marriage and you still chose to marry her, why are you complaining now?

You are blaming her for your daughters' behaviour as well. But dun forget, it's both parents responsibilities to teach the kids the right value and manner. So you cant escape that responsibiliy too. Since your wife has a busy work schedule, and other than your in laws, are you the one spending more time with them on weekdays then?

This resentment dun appear overnight. But the thing is, did you try to communicate to her throughout this yrs how you been feeling? If you havent, dun you think it's unfair to her right now as she's not even aware of your resentment all these years and she's not even been given a chance to try to change.

Unless there's a third party involved, else why not talk things through with your wife or go for counselling before deciding on a divorce. At least put in an effort to make the marriage work again.
 
Bro, every charbor got the idiotic knn pattern...
Its jus how you tahan...can save marriage is the best..

In my brain i still also wanted to divorce my wife, but think back the old times...why i marry her in 1st place.

My wife also a mama girl, got knn cb pattern...but still my wife...think back/see back old time photos & ask yourself...why marry her?
Every mil also same, my mil; say 1 thing but do another. But come to think of it...we have to accept mah..

Like my own mother, also pattern many to my wife...then my mil pattern many to me...LOL...
All jus wan the best for their own child..

What is spent on branded goods liao dun go care,my wife also spent $.....
Cos of dun wan lose her face, she die die wan keep her car..from when she is my gf time, downpayment of car & pay till now she became my wife..
Of cos can kpkb her to remind her not to anyhow spent $ lah..
Bottom line>>>
** Dun scare spent $, care & think bout how to earn back & earn more..

Of cos i dunno what other problems u have..but can see open then see open..
In forum i dunno you, i say the above way.
————————————————————————————————————

If you my real life friend...
I will say in a very blunt way..

You rich or not, got look like movie star or not? Are you girl magnet?
Drive high class cars? Then always CAN ONLY be a player, never a sucker.
If yes, then go ahead, cos i respect my friend decision.
Old liao then find someone for compainion ok liao..
Because i also been thru "charbor so many pattern, wanna compare here & there, where got real love, many is see got $ or not"

But if not, then we have to think, we not Edison Chen got so many movie star women.....We have tummy, no abs, pocket cannot always have $10,000/- ; then we have to suck thumb..
Got 1 "silly" girl that dun want her youth, stay with us for so long, forgo other $$$ guy and born us child...what more you wan lea?
Not to mention wan f*ck can also...no need pay $...
If problems such as kids, bring them to ur parents place walk walk yourself also can mah...

If can, find time to talk to her...see how to solve..tahan a bit, see open more.
If she really cannot talk then bo bian...
____________________________

Then...divorce no fun lea...
You have to think, since women chapter very special....if now she is like this, monthly alimony she ask alot u lagi jialat...

Can save your marriage then save...
If cannot the good luck.
You have to think liao...
 
i had a heart to heart talk with my wife during lunchtime. she said she will change but i am doubtful. i really duno how to save this marriage. i feel very confused now.

dennis bro, thanks for yr post. but she make me feel alot of words she say are insincere. i feel very tired & sian in this marriage.
 
Jaydon, since she says she will change, why don't u give her a chance? Go for marriage counseling to sort out differences, compromise w each other n find back the love u both once shared. No point of divorcing wife one, hop into wife two, n so on. Most women r the same - attention-craving, manipulative, selfish, inconsiderate, nasty to MIL, etc. Try giving this marriage a second chance, for the sake of giving your kids a complete home.
 
If she said she will change it point out the fact that she love u and want to save this marriage to grow old with you. Else with her financial ability, she might as well go along with her divorce.

Give you and her time, to change one's spending habit is not like turning off a tap. It really need perseverance and time. Thus, during her period of adjustment, you should encourage her and praise her change rather than telling off she have change this or that
 
It always easy and fast to pick people bad pts but for a marriage to last, we need to learn to look at the good points.

I learn this from parenting website, we love the kids for who they are and look at their strength to nurture them. We should not love the kids for what they can become what we want them to and pick them on their weakness. That will push the kids away from us.

Same here, you should also try not to look at your kids weakness but nurture them on their strength as they are still young and need you and your wife guidance.
 
Jaydon said:
my wife & i have 3yr old twin girls. my wife is very demanding person, always wants the best for herself & does not like my parents to visit my twins. She always complain about my parents, say they are so troublesome, every month got program must ask us along, i told her its nothing wrong to attend with my parents but she always quarrel with me. ever since my twins were born, they had been taken care of by my inlaws. My inlaws stays with us so they can take care of the twins but they will go back home on weekends so they can rest & let us take over. My wife works until late, sometimes 2 nights never come back due to heavy workload, she is in the stock market industry & dealing with europe/USA side so she says due to time difference sometimes urgent work she needs to work extra hours.

However as times goes by, i feel that i dun love her anymore. She does not know how to be a daughter-inlaw to my parents. Whenever my parents want to visit the twins, she will say we are going out or we not free. She love to spend money on branded goods, even house renovation she also wants the best ID, now my twin girls grow up also starting to be like her, so fussy, so rude, so bossy & picky on food, things etc.

i feel that i had enough, i duno if i should carry on or leave this family as i see no future together. my twin girls will still be my daughters.
Click to expand...
Jaydon,
before anything, was your wife always like this or changed to this only recently?

there is nothing wrong with wanting the best for herself if she can afford. of coz, there is always 2 sides of argument, saving for rainy days or splurge for the moment.
To a lot of pple, weekends = family bonding or resting time, however elderly waited for a week to spend time with son and grandchildren. the other side of the argument is
If you know how long hours she worked, you will know how little hours she rested and how precious her weekends are to her.

before you sign on the dotted line, ask yourself, have she changed or have you changed what you wanted now as compared to pre-marriage.
love is blind,especially before marriage and kids.

cheers
 
Jaydon said:
i had a heart to heart talk with my wife during lunchtime. she said she will change but i am doubtful. i really duno how to save this marriage. i feel very confused now.

dennis bro, thanks for yr post. but she make me feel alot of words she say are insincere. i feel very tired & sian in this marriage.
Click to expand...

Should give her a chance since she said will change. Give her some time, she also want to keep this marriage. Put urself in her shoes, if she were the one file divorce how would you feel. It takes 2 hand to clap, here we only heard 1 side story from you. You said that she is lazy etc.. I think you haven't met the worse one yet. At least she work and earn her money rather than those sitting at home and ask money from you. I'm sure there are happy moments that both of have together. If not, what brought both of you to took the marriage vows. Right? Well, it's ur decision anyway. But do remember once you signed on the dotted line, if one day you want her back its never easy.
 
I think there are some causes of the resentment that you need to consider? (Eg, are there any ego or pride involved because possibly your wife earns more and it is affecting your ability to go against her wishes and over time such anger accumulates?, are you sick of playing 2nd fiddle to the decision process in the house?, how do you channel your anger with your wife these while, like store it up and no release?) before you can make a good decision. Physical intimacy is also important to foster a good relationship i think.
 
Dennis Goh said:
Bro, every charbor got the idiotic knn pattern...
Its jus how you tahan...can save marriage is the best..

In my brain i still also wanted to divorce my wife, but think back the old times...why i marry her in 1st place.

My wife also a mama girl, got knn cb pattern...but still my wife...think back/see back old time photos & ask yourself...why marry her?
Every mil also same, my mil; say 1 thing but do another. But come to think of it...we have to accept mah..

Like my own mother, also pattern many to my wife...then my mil pattern many to me...LOL...
All jus wan the best for their own child..

What is spent on branded goods liao dun go care,my wife also spent $.....
Cos of dun wan lose her face, she die die wan keep her car..from when she is my gf time, downpayment of car & pay till now she became my wife..
Of cos can kpkb her to remind her not to anyhow spent $ lah..
Bottom line>>>
** Dun scare spent $, care & think bout how to earn back & earn more..

Of cos i dunno what other problems u have..but can see open then see open..
In forum i dunno you, i say the above way.
————————————————————————————————————

If you my real life friend...
I will say in a very blunt way..

You rich or not, got look like movie star or not? Are you girl magnet?
Drive high class cars? Then always CAN ONLY be a player, never a sucker.
If yes, then go ahead, cos i respect my friend decision.
Old liao then find someone for compainion ok liao..
Because i also been thru "charbor so many pattern, wanna compare here & there, where got real love, many is see got $ or not"

But if not, then we have to think, we not Edison Chen got so many movie star women.....We have tummy, no abs, pocket cannot always have $10,000/- ; then we have to suck thumb..
Got 1 "silly" girl that dun want her youth, stay with us for so long, forgo other $$$ guy and born us child...what more you wan lea?
Not to mention wan f*ck can also...no need pay $...
If problems such as kids, bring them to ur parents place walk walk yourself also can mah...

If can, find time to talk to her...see how to solve..tahan a bit, see open more.
If she really cannot talk then bo bian...
____________________________

Then...divorce no fun lea...
You have to think, since women chapter very special....if now she is like this, monthly alimony she ask alot u lagi jialat...

Can save your marriage then save...
If cannot the good luck.
You have to think liao...
Click to expand...
Limpeh like your post!
 
Dennis Goh said:
Bro, every charbor got the idiotic knn pattern...
Its jus how you tahan...can save marriage is the best..

In my brain i still also wanted to divorce my wife, but think back the old times...why i marry her in 1st place.

My wife also a mama girl, got knn cb pattern...but still my wife...think back/see back old time photos & ask yourself...why marry her?
Every mil also same, my mil; say 1 thing but do another. But come to think of it...we have to accept mah..

Like my own mother, also pattern many to my wife...then my mil pattern many to me...LOL...
All jus wan the best for their own child..

What is spent on branded goods liao dun go care,my wife also spent $.....
Cos of dun wan lose her face, she die die wan keep her car..from when she is my gf time, downpayment of car & pay till now she became my wife..
Of cos can kpkb her to remind her not to anyhow spent $ lah..
Bottom line>>>
** Dun scare spent $, care & think bout how to earn back & earn more..

Of cos i dunno what other problems u have..but can see open then see open..
In forum i dunno you, i say the above way.
————————————————————————————————————

If you my real life friend...
I will say in a very blunt way..

You rich or not, got look like movie star or not? Are you girl magnet?
Drive high class cars? Then always CAN ONLY be a player, never a sucker.
If yes, then go ahead, cos i respect my friend decision.
Old liao then find someone for compainion ok liao..
Because i also been thru "charbor so many pattern, wanna compare here & there, where got real love, many is see got $ or not"

But if not, then we have to think, we not Edison Chen got so many movie star women.....We have tummy, no abs, pocket cannot always have $10,000/- ; then we have to suck thumb..
Got 1 "silly" girl that dun want her youth, stay with us for so long, forgo other $$$ guy and born us child...what more you wan lea?
Not to mention wan f*ck can also...no need pay $...
If problems such as kids, bring them to ur parents place walk walk yourself also can mah...

If can, find time to talk to her...see how to solve..tahan a bit, see open more.
If she really cannot talk then bo bian...
____________________________

Then...divorce no fun lea...
You have to think, since women chapter very special....if now she is like this, monthly alimony she ask alot u lagi jialat...

Can save your marriage then save...
If cannot the good luck.
You have to think liao...
Click to expand...

LOL~ I guess I dun qualify for char bor... tat's why I dun have this idiotic pattern of buying branded stuffs and spending money. actually I dislike spending money on "materialistic" stuffs now.
even my partner not rich, doesn't look like brad pitt or george Clooney and actually can say not yan dao la, never drive high end car (2nd hand fiat not high end right?), no abs but no tummy, overall body is still can consider ok since he goes to gym twice per week. I still adores and admire him very much. I always say he is the most awesome guy (beside my dad) in real life and also online. sometimes until people feedback they bth how I keep saying he is so awesome.

so I find is not see open or not. is more whether you want to accept it or not. like your wife may not be the best wife in the world, but at least you accept who she is before and after marriage. so to you, she is the best wife ever.

I believe TS never accept who his wife truly is and prays that one day she will change to his expectation. I guess he just have to accept the consequences of his own decision in life.... maybe his wife is like me, dun really care about money and will not demand alimony. as long as can cut all ties, she is happy like a bird liao...
 
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