Big big hugzzz....i tear when i saw ur disappointments n frustrations..somehow it dug out all the sunken emotions in me(mus b the hormones!
)...calm myself down abit b4 i reply...i may not b in a good state now to comfort u but i will share with u wat i went thro n how i picked myself up again...
Ytd my fren posted her baby pic 1mth old...i supposed she tried some time for it, after she's pregnant,she told me right at my face...they r so so fortunate coz she heard so many horror n painful stories of ivf,those pple so pitiful...i breathe in hard n thot to myself..yes,i'm one of those pitiful pple..
Another colleague of mine #2 coming to 1 mth..n she's the one who told me..."tt's easy, baby dance once or twice then ganna alr lo"...she wants it,she has it...
Grand mother-in-law 90+yo for the first time this cny held my hand n tok firmly to me..u need to give birth, cousin in law who got married ard same time as me #2 alr...so next coming cny, i really need to brave through it with a smiling face....
Now by right i shld b hopeful but i am not coz i'm battling with my fear everyday as day draws closer to ER in fear of ER aftermath like last...still gotta tell myself is fine & definitely safer to opt out of ET...who in this world if can proceed with ET will wanna cancel?
2.5yrs...it has been more than 2.5yrs i'm treading on this path tt's full of pit holes...i gav up my career tt i painstakingly built over past 9yrs, i turned from a slender 44kg lady to a nearing 52kg auntie(this is a side topic coz I very vain)...$$ thrown in endlessly while i'm jobless....no more career,no more looks,no more $$(this is meant to make u smile..i hope it works ah)....a few times i asked god, wat else do u wan me to giv up?tell me, n i will do so if i can...
A few occasions i was pampering myself so well but deep inside me, i felt so empty...machiam like a lonely tai tai buying her another LV bag to add to her collectionssss...equals to?...meaningless..indulgence in pampering can no longer heal those wounds or fill up the emptiness...BUT still pamper myself n treat myself well ya else i really damned pathetic liao....lol
Many of us along the way..dropped n lost alot of things...but ultimately i jus ask myself...do i wanna lose the last thing i am holding?happiness...so stay happy everyday,is not worth it to b robbed of happiness bcoz of something u dun hav,yet...there's no drama kind of miracle,accept it(this is 1 good way to shield n protect urself from total devastation from another disappointmt)..but miracle is jus another name of an effort...dun hope for miracle,work towards it...make it a destination...n u wont b alone,we r here for u...try to counter negative sentiments with positive thots....
dun feel bad to think tt u dampen the so called good atmosphere,is a platform for all of us,the ivfers,our sole exclusive rights to b sad,happy,disappointed or excited here
Last of all...like wat daydreaming mentioned...we r waiting for the happy,bubbly Aarlysa to b back...soon...p.s...i miss the fd horror jokes....
