Double life.

mr.nelson

New Member
I wondering does my wife had love with me when we marry or just to spike her affair guy. She used to have few affair when we are together, which she think I don't know. I thought that after marriage she will change and be a faithful wife and caring mother.
Really don't understand my wife already started an affair and dun see eyes to eyes toward me. Why can't we sit down and open up have a happy ending and be friends. How am I going to tell the kid in future that they have this type of mother.
 


Mr. Nelson.... chances are... you are not capable enough, no 5-digits monthly salary, not handsome enough, not thick and long enough, you have nothing for her to boast about, etc... maybe..

Think about it, I paint you a picture.

Say you are an Army officer, managed to complete your basic degree with honours in only 3 years
did your Masters before age 30.
Now earning take home pay >S$13,000 per month
Able to satisfy her sex drive at night
When you guys are going out, girls will bio you. Guys will look at you with envious glances.
Oh, did I mention that you are 1.87m tall and with 6-pexs?
You just changed your Lexus for Jaguar.

Think about it... if you are the above, seriously, would your wife stray?
 
you knew who she is, you refuse to acknowledge who she is..
i dun understand why people think marriage will change anyone, is just a piece of paper you know?
if a person refuse to change, she/he wun change.. regardless what circumstances...

for example alot of housewives like to rant, but they are not changing themselves to make their lives better. either they are forcing people around them to change (because they believe is other people's fault that they cause their dismay) or they just love ranting... and the cycle continues...

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Mr. Nelson.... chances are... you are not capable enough, no 5-digits monthly salary, not handsome enough, not thick and long enough, you have nothing for her to boast about, etc... maybe..

Think about it, I paint you a picture.

Say you are an Army officer, managed to complete your basic degree with honours in only 3 years
did your Masters before age 30.
Now earning take home pay >S$13,000 per month
Able to satisfy her sex drive at night
When you guys are going out, girls will bio you. Guys will look at you with envious glances.
Oh, did I mention that you are 1.87m tall and with 6-pexs?
You just changed your Lexus for Jaguar.

Think about it... if you are the above, seriously, would your wife stray?

Yeah.. she may. coz she may feel insecure coz you too good??
She wants someone where she can feel more secure with??? Possible?

Too good also got it's own problem..

家家有本难念之经
 
It doesn't matter whether the husband is too good or too lousy, if the wife want to stray, she will stray no matter what.
 
Most women will not stray or predispositioned to do so unless they r hurt or hv emotional needs not fulfilled.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

Complete the questionnaires for u, get her to do so too n learn abt each other's emotional needs from there.

Since her emotional needs r being fulfilled by another, it mayb an uphill task to win her heart over. But if she sees yr sincerity to meet her needs, there's still hope. All the best!
 
I beg to differ, betc...
Quality of spouse makes a difference...
Much more than inherent characteristics...

If my hubby gives me a Jaguar to drive (full paid up hor, not on installment one), S$6000 pocket money per month. not nosy about what I do, passes IPPT with GOLD every year, promotion at work every year... my parents dote on him more than on me.. kids stick with him rather than trouble me... etc etc...

hell, i wont wanna destroy this marriage... i will be contended, driving around, spending $$.. like a rich tai tai..
 
I wondering does my wife had love with me when we marry or just to spike her affair guy. She used to have few affair when we are together, which she think I don't know. I thought that after marriage she will change and be a faithful wife and caring mother.
Really don't understand my wife already started an affair and dun see eyes to eyes toward me. Why can't we sit down and open up have a happy ending and be friends. How am I going to tell the kid in future that they have this type of mother.
Have u tried speaking to her before? She denied or admitted to it?

But if she's had affairs before, likely she'll continue to live that life. Like your title of the thread. Double life. She's used to living that life, balancing you and someone else, or perhaps even more than just 1 affair at a time.

@shearer Sometimes it really is for the thrill ... no matter how good the husband is ... if want to stray, will still stray one
 
Shearer, my hb gives me non of those u mention, he gives me headache, not much pocket money, makes me cook, do housework, take care of 2 kids like as if im a single mom but I don't stray leh... i don't want to destroy my family even tho i'm not rich tai tai...
 
good for you, gal (betc)... guess your hubby is lucky to have found you.. but still, we have a choice, yah...
like what a fellow mum said, marriage is but a piece of paper...

same as when you signed your employment contract. you will also always be on the lookout for better jobs, right?
and the irony?
a job gives you more $$ than your hubby..
a job gives you more days of annual leave than your hubby..
and yet we dun stay loyal to our job...

still, betc, watch out for those sagging boobs.. men always roll their eyes at sagging boobs...
 
i dont know if this is within the topic.
my hb said if he is able to earn the bucks and support the whole family, his bills, my bills etc, he would really hope that i could be a sahm.
i love the idea but i would be so bored. or feel so detached from this world.
i might even do something like what your wife did.
and he would obviously want me to be the traditional submissive wife.
i already need to face his temperaments when i earn more than him.
imagine when he is the sole breadwinner.
sorry for my rant btw. hee....
 
If according to shearer that a man have to be successful so that the wife won't stray, then 90% of married women in singapore will have to stray but out of that 10% taitai, how many of them are faithful? ......hahaha
 
betc, in a way you are correct...

i am just saying, that as a hubby, he should always strive for excellence, upgrade himself, be a good hubby, be a good father, be a good son-in-law...
seriously, not that difficult, yah.

i bet you evern seen those couples whereby the hubby is ugly as shit, but sits behind an Audi. The wife is happily behind playing with kids..
conversely, seen a Toyota Vios, not bad looking hubby, kids behind, wife also behind, but wife busy texting away... smiling as she does so.. maybe a secret lover?
 
All in all, we should change our mindset... signing on that piece of paper doe not really mean a great deal... you ever felt a great deal when you signed an employment contract? its the behaviour and mindset that counts..

if i am a straying wife. i cover my tracks well. i dun bring any STD home. i still care for my kids. i be a good DIL. i still service my hubby at night.. sure, its tiring, in the long run equilibirum, i will most prob ditch my fling, coz i will find it to tiring to carry a double life..

what you dont know wont hurt you..
 
betc, successful is a matter of persepctive... if you think your hubby is successful,
for example,
1) successful in work, even though he is just an analyst (with only a Diploma)
2) successful father, even though he cant afford a car, but he saves here and there so that whole family can take cab on weekends
3) successful SIL, even though he cant give much allowance, he still does small things like, washing the rice pot, helping to mop the floor, etc..

aiyah, i dun need to go on lah, you should get my drift... its all in the mind...
 
I beg to differ. I dun think money can buy everything, especially love and relationships. Even if it is possible to get into one initially, without sufficient emotional connection, romance n attention, the relationship will stagnate and the well-heeled wife may still b bored n stray.
 
In my opinion, there r two categories of women who stray. First group are those who want an 'upgrade' like wat most of u hv mentioned - a partner who has a better career, looks, etc. The second group are those who are looking to hook up with men w traits that r lacking in their hubbies such as affectionate, gentle, attentive, sensual, romantic, etc.

Apart from cushioning the privileged wives w comfort n wealth, taking care of their emotional needs (to a certain extent, sexual needs) is also equally important.
 
trust me.
if u r a sahm...it's possible to feel detached from this world.
of course not everyone does.
but possible.

go pleasure with other men and then go back home service husband, doesn't it give u a feeling that you are having blister down there?
with lubricant or not.
 
for nelson...
he mentioned his kids...
it's not about switching nelson's own mindset
imagine the kid growing up...and always witnessing this uncle coming into his life...

like my friend always says...if u know your partner has issues...don't have kids

but sometimes the issues comes after having kids o.0
 
yeah, kids bring about an addtional dimension in complication..

once strayed/betrayed, the scars will always be there
 
anyways... you ladies are a bit of stick in the mud.. whoever said that having a fling / EMA must involved penetrative sex? we can be selfish, you know.. just get that bugger's tongue down there.. keep his head there till we hit O.. if he wants to penetrat, push him away.. if he becomes angry, ditch him and find another 'victim'... at most just jack him off using our bras, and then give the soiled bra to him as a pressie.. win-win situation.. then get him to buy you a replacement bra! super win-win-win situation!

come on ladies, change your mindsets... straying does not necessarily means sex! stay pure and clean!

there are other ways to seek thrill.. examples:- touch him there when he's driving. use your toes to nudge him there when he's on the phone with his wife. go braless when meeting him. come on, ladies! be creative! Say No to Penetrative sex! and yet still have fun and thrill!
 
i dont know how a lady can manage to push a guy away when he is hungry.
how many victims so far?
try being turned on and your partner just left you there.
oh no wait.
not every woman has a high sex drive.
i think we need a guy to know this feeling.
 
jayjayq, i get what you mean... come on.. keep his head and tongue there,, we hit O, we subside, then we wrap our bra around his cock and jack him off.. savvy? give him a take-it or leave-it situation!

just remember to be selfish! then we will get our way... come on, be strong-willed! if we want to play, we must play hard!
 
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jayjayq, i get what you mean... come on.. keep his head and tongue there,, we hit O, we subside, then we wrap our bra around his cock and jack him off.. savvy? give him a take-it or leave-it situation!

just remember to be selfish! then we will get our way... come on, be strong-willed! if we want to play, we must play hard!
wa but WE need penetration also what!
 
I find it amusing to see comment that women will not stray if the husband is rich, handsome, nice body.... Blah blah.... It is giving spore woman a bad name and no wonder I often see comments like 'Spore women are materlistic'. One would stray could be due to many reasons... Even if she has everything. Sometimes it is the emotional connection that she is lacking or boredom or thrills she is seeking to pass the time. A relationship needs two person to build it strong and lasting. It is very unhealthy for a wife to keep thinking or comparing the looks, built, wealth or whatever that the hubby should have. Also very superficial to keep thinking that men go for nice, firm breast or looks throughout his life. Treasure what u have and contentment could be blissful too.
 
Less judgemental, more encouragement, care and concern for the spouse.

Many couples with kids also make the mistake of placing their kids in the first priority and neglected their spouse. Have you ever seen the dad/mum holding and carrying the kid walking ahead instead of walking together, busy feeding the kid instead of eating together. There's lack of interaction and communication.
Walk together and hold hands as a family instead of walking apart, let your child learn to be independent instesd of doing everything for them and have the meal as a family instead of feeding the child.

Some people are only good in seeing the flaws of others. If a wife or husband has been working hard to earn the dough, do housework and look after the kids. How do u feel of not being appreciated and yet being criticised of not doing this well enough, not doing this not doing that? He or she will no longer feel motivated to do well anymore.
How do u feel if every words come out of the mouth is criticisms and not appreciation?

Not everyone fancy of driving a jaguar to show off everywhere nor hanker for any hunks any babes.

Sometimes just some interaction, more understanding, encouragement, care and concern is what makes a relationship works.
 
I find it amusing to see comment that women will not stray if the husband is rich, handsome, nice body.... Blah blah.... It is giving spore woman a bad name and no wonder I often see comments like 'Spore women are materlistic'. One would stray could be due to many reasons... Even if she has everything. Sometimes it is the emotional connection that she is lacking or boredom or thrills she is seeking to pass the time. A relationship needs two person to build it strong and lasting. It is very unhealthy for a wife to keep thinking or comparing the looks, built, wealth or whatever that the hubby should have. Also very superficial to keep thinking that men go for nice, firm breast or looks throughout his life. Treasure what u have and contentment could be blissful too.

Well.... I can only think of the person who say that is shallow.
 
maybe yes maybe no...
wait till you get into such a position, then you will ponder deeply..

am just trying to find reasons why wives stray... hate for the reason to be "lack of true love"... why get married in the first place..

and, sane, whats wrong with being shallow? are you being deep? So? being deep means you are a good tax payer, a good employee, a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter, a good DIL???

dun tell me u no geng MC, no under declare taxes, no over claim tax reliefs...
 
maybe yes maybe no...
wait till you get into such a position, then you will ponder deeply..

am just trying to find reasons why wives stray... hate for the reason to be "lack of true love"... why get married in the first place..

and, sane, whats wrong with being shallow? are you being deep? So? being deep means you are a good tax payer, a good employee, a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter, a good DIL???

dun tell me u no geng MC, no under declare taxes, no over claim tax reliefs...

Being shallow to me means that person only see things on the surface but well who cares right as his/her views only represent themselves.
 
I am not a guy, so can never know how a guy thinks... If you read my comments, am always trying to put things into persepctive..

saggy boobs vs perky boobs? clear choice
Jaguar vs Toyota - clear choice
a hubby who always pass IPPT with GOLD vs a hubby who always go for RT - clear choice...
a hubby who always get promotion at work vs a hubby who is being counselled for poor performance - clear choice...
 
I am not a guy, so can never know how a guy thinks... If you read my comments, am always trying to put things into persepctive..

saggy boobs vs perky boobs? clear choice
Jaguar vs Toyota - clear choice
a hubby who always pass IPPT with GOLD vs a hubby who always go for RT - clear choice...
a hubby who always get promotion at work vs a hubby who is being counselled for poor performance - clear choice...

Ic... haha hasn't read the above posts yet only last few posts.... :D
 
we try not to marry a loser... thats what our mums taught us...
if the wife is independant enough, seriously, why do we need a man in our life???
 
my mom didn't tell me not to marry a loser leh...hahaha

sometimes life is unpredictable, a very successful man can over night become nothing, so it all depends on the relationship of the couple, how willing is he/she to go thru good n bad times tgr with their spouse.

but hor...i won't go for a man thats too good to be true lor...there may be a dark side of him...

why married men/women stray got many factors...it's all in the mind as what we previously said. :)
 
losers are not born... they are made...

hubby can be skinny. but he trains, exercises and passes IPPT with GOLD every year. i also dun mind SILVER... as long as dun malu by failing and going for RT!
hubby can be not good at studies, but he takes courses, be diligent in work, career still ok.
hubby may have a short and thin cock, but he can go down on us for an hour, i dun mind..


its the efforts that we as wives want to see.. a guy must have "shang jin xin"
 
i am curious...u mind ppl who go for RT?

a notable leader once said though...look at your father/bro.
they are what u have in the market.
my father is a serial gambler. it might have annoyed my mum to bits.
but he love his children to no end.
so much i fail to see the gambling problem :/
i should have a close look at his father.
i realise they are so similar.
 
Chiam... My hubby and I are defined as losers if based on the above points. But we are still ordinary happy family as at now. And of course I do wish that I will never have to come to the position that I have to rethink my options. My point is if already married, just treasure what you have lah. Think of the reasons why u said yes initially. And if really can't take it, just divorce to be happier. Don't force your 'wants' on the poor hubby. To get gold for IPPT or six packs during mid life not easy leh. Comparing will not lead to anywhere but a lot of grievances and negativity in yourself.
 
So the debate ensues. I see that everyone has pointed out b valid reasons, shearer n all other ladies.

As I can see here, there r two categories of women who are inclined to stray. One is a group who want to seek an 'upgrading'. Another group r those whose emotional needs hv nt bn met to a certain extent.
 
well, not that i encourage straying... but, if you really wanna stray, at least stay on top. literally. Be in control. Dun let the other bastard control you.

YOU decide when to have sexual activity and where. NOT him.
YOU decide how long his tongue must be inside you. NOT him.
Of course, YOU decide where can he cum on. NOT him.
Stay pure, stay safe.

Have fun.

I still believe, coz i have been there, that it is possible to achieve O without penetrative sex.. go for it.. hold his head there...
Leave the penetrative sex to hubby.

once we can stray without sex... then... change mindset... straying aint that bad afterall..

you get attention, you get love (not sex), you get new bras! (remember my tip? use your bra to masturbate him and let him cum in your bra. Then give the bra to him, ask him to keep. THEN demand a new bra!), you still go home pure and safe from STDs!

OK, for those who stray due to emotional needs, blah blah blah, ok what, still can stray without penetrative sex mah...
 
Shearer: can I know yr reason for leaving penetrative sex to hubby? W condom, STD can b prevented, isn't it? Oral sex can contract diseases too isn't it?
 
woah... gooseberry... my girl... i din suggest oral hor... oral will be too beneficial to that bastard... dun... unless you really like it... i can bet you, let him cum in your bra is good enough for him, dun need oral...

you want thrill? i teach you.

let him cum in your bra. let him keep the soiled bra. sit in his car - braless. go shop for a new/expensive bra - being braless. buy it on the spot. wear it on the spot!

hows that for thrill huh... of course, i hear some 'deep' ladies saying, cant try this trick forever what... yeah yeah... cum in panties lor... whats next? cum on boobs lor then force him to lick clean... whats next....
 
The point here is, if you DARED to stray, you should DARE to take charge of your EMA!
Take charge!
You decide when to meet, where to meet and what to do.
You decide everything. If that bastard dun agree, ditch him. Be ruthless.
Since you are already betraying a marriage...

No point lording over your lawful hubby, then be a submissive kitten to another bastard... will get retribution de...
since that bastard dared to have EMA with you, be ruthless with him, take charge over him.. poetic justice anyone?
 
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Shearer: how to achieve O without penetrative or oral sex, I wonder? Most times, even w penetrative sex but little foreplay it's difficult to get O. Thanks for yr candid sharing anyways.

Your method works v well for guys who has a thing for women's innerwear. But not every guy is like that right?
 
gooseberry, gooseberry.... i was suggesting in regards to an earlier comment on how to push away a horny guy... he's still hard, yet i dun recommend penetrative sex / oral.. so how to solve the hard problem???

achieve O... each lady's body is different, i suppose... cant really be pin-point about it...
 


Shearer: I thot u r suggesting how to hv an EMA without penetrative sex. So it's possible right? But can't satiate both parties' sexual appetite isn't it?
 

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