Cheated Spouse

Is it possible for a men to "love" 2 girls at the same time?

definitely.. i have relatives who have 2 families... even my parents' neighbour is the small wife and their child already poly or JC liao...
is really depend what you want...
 


Is it possible for a men to "love" 2 girls at the same time?

definitely.. i have relatives who have 2 families... even my parents' neighbour is the small wife and their child already poly or JC liao...
is really depend what you want...
 
Thanks Pixie for your reply.
Of course would want to be loved by a non-straying HB, build the trust again & live happily ever after.
But also worried the infidelity would repeat over time. If the man is playful, is it true they will never change?
 
Hi 2015 newnewnew, ask yourself do you love him that much be able to forgive n forget? Is not easy n either is divorce easy. And counselling it's not 100% money back guarantee success. So, have a serious talk with him as even counseling he need to go down n not just 1trip but multiple trips as there's no quick fix. But think of the kids also. God bless...
 
Hi bb123, there's famous Chinese saying, you cannot have 2 tigers on same mountain. are considering polygamy ? Please don't unless you want to join mountain tribes cos this is their culture with no civilisation. On average, PI is $500 a wk (mon- Fri) ...simple case of following n take pic..not sure if there's time involved cos I ask n this was years ago. So do your maths to include inflation .. Fyi , Handphone messages are proof.

Is your husband supporting you n the kids? Are you working?

You sound like my past talking to me..sigh. I can't advise you to divorce but one thing is sure is unless he change his ways,he will say sorry n do it again n again. I tolerated several affairs, dumb n cos the kids were young plus he dun support us..yet I tolerated. Now, my kids are big already so am divorcing but I have to fight hard as I tolerated 10yrs n that is at my disadvantage.. Sigh.

So..you may concluded yourself. Supporting the kids by yourself is not easy task n finding someone who can accept your kids is also another concern. But if am you now, I wack him hard n with money in hand, I will migrate with the kids n move on.

So just consider b4 you make a decision. PI aint cheap lo...

God bless...peace be with you.
 
Thanks Pixie for your reply.
Of course would want to be loved by a non-straying HB, build the trust again & live happily ever after.
But also worried the infidelity would repeat over time. If the man is playful, is it true they will never change?

Depending on the person... i know people who puts in lots and lots of effort, and they overcome it and now a very happy family. I also know people who gives up on trying or perhaps really no point trying anymore and file for divorce.

But if your tolerance is only within a mth and u not willing to work things out with your hubby and you only want to blame him for all the disappointment he caused you. Then no point going for counselling coz it is not magic.

And i mention before i have relatives with duel families. Both wives has equal assets, allowance and both is treated fairly. So there is no conflicts.
 
Gladjo, hiaz! Nothing is for sure. I've given him chances in the past. We managed to overcome the rough patch, rebuilt the trust & we had good times. But if I didn't give him a chance back then, I won't be in a fix now with 2 innocent kids in toll.

Really can't understand why men wanna get married & have kids, yet still want to have fun outside.
 
Hi Gladjo, Thanks for the advise... yes, I am working, I did consider of bringing my kids and migrate then move on from there, but think of my aged parents I step back.... I know is not easy to bring up the kids by my own, kids do love him too, so I donno what to do.... just close my eyes and continue with existing life? But sometime I will feel very unfair, why he can enjoy his life with 2 sides yet I have to pretend... haiz, really dilemma... my tears alrdy dried up, my heart alrdy numb, do u think I shld hire PI and check on him to see how deep is his affair before I make any decision?
 
definitely.. i have relatives who have 2 families... even my parents' neighbour is the small wife and their child already poly or JC liao...
is really depend what you want...

Actually I really dilemma, donno to continue with my eyes "closed" or shld I just end this marriage and continue my life with my kids.... but if divorce, my kids will be affected and as Gladjo said, not easy to find another men who can accept a divorced me and the kids....
 
Hi bb123, am a conservative type, kindly allow me to share ...my daughter's fren, his dad hv 3 wives,each doesn't knw the existence of the other, poor boy sometimes he's so confuse as that what n when to tell mum1, mum2 n mum3 ! I had frens whose dad had multiple families, they knw their dad those illegitimate children n hated them n cant understand why their mum is so weak. They also dun like to mention their dad as well n they fear marriage.

So, whatever decision you make affects the kids. But am a mum who would not allow any man to treat in this manner, at one time, I did resolved that i most likely be alone hereon , well so be it if I can't hv a partner or remarry then I remain single n do all the things I like, but God is faithful n sent me a guy who loves me more than anyone I know n an exDPP to help me. But I waited for 7 yrs! Now in the midst of divorce, my gals see my strength n they said if ever their hubby is faithful just 1time, they wl not take it lying down.

Just be brave, dun take easy way out. It will just be a vicious cycle you indirectly help repeat on your kids' lives if you take easy road. I believe your kids will appreciate n love n respect u more like my gals do. .. God bless:) Wish you a happy NEW year..:)
 
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Hi 2015newnewnew, dun ponder why man commit adultery as there are sometimes a lot of factors beyong our understanding. Fact is he committed adultery n sin demands payment.

If you dun wish to go thru again, then dun...dun force yourself, be true to yourself.

Move on..but make him pay maintenance to you n the kids, it's his legal responsibility.

At least you hv a future you can look forward... New house, new life.. But be brave,divorce isn't a easy road. And there wl b times how you envy families when you see them, you hv to be strong n move on... Franky I envy..and...I pray harder to God whenever those feelings raise.... Are you ready ...or stay in comfort zone? What if he's selfish type n you get nothing? What if his other women entice him till he comes bk once a month only n stop his financial support for you n the kids? Can you accept? What if he had more women add to his to-feed list? Can you accept? I'm just throwing possibilities... You can't read a man's heart n mind,right.

Make the right decision that your kids will know mum isn't weak or dumb. Be a mum they can be proud gal. Dun let your kids think adultery is acceptable ..an ok thing..a no big deal n that betrayal is acceptable..and non-respondsibilites are the norm ... Do you want you keep you kids to learn n have these values in their lives? It's up to you..

God bless n wish you a happy new NEW year...:)
 
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Hi gladjo,

Thanks for the advise, I decided to engage PI to check on him, then I will give him a big punch and continue with my life with my kids.
 
Hi gladjo,

Thanks for the advise for me too! I am also in a bad situation. Preggy now and husband ask for divorce.

But by the grace of God, I manage to go through and HE will make me go through any affliction that I face. Just have to be patient.

Yes, we must let our kids know we are strong mum and not weak and they will be proud of us.
 
Hi bb123,

I believe if the man truly love u, he will accept ur past and ur kids. I still believe there are men like these still exist...just that they dun appear often.
 
Actually I really dilemma, donno to continue with my eyes "closed" or shld I just end this marriage and continue my life with my kids.... but if divorce, my kids will be affected and as Gladjo said, not easy to find another men who can accept a divorced me and the kids....

i dont know whether the people i know is consider lucky & they know what they want or they are more "see open" and not very stubborn...

i have family member who has 2 families and both families living in peace. CNY the second wife also come visit us (different day from the first wife). my family do not think the first wife is weak because the husband take excellent care of both of his families. he make sure everyone has some of his time, both families have enough financial that both wives need not work at all, but both wives chose to work to pass time. as long as both families are living happily and peaceful, so that's the big deal? now his kids also grown up and has their own family. they do not think adultery is acceptable and believe is wrong too.

i also have friends forgive their spouses (some cases husband cheated some cases wife cheated) after attending to several marriage consult bootcamp (those 4d3n type) and work their issues out for several years... i also have friends who divorce with kids and finally found the right guy in later part of her life...

in my opinion and from what i see, women are more wary of guys with kids rather than men... for me, i can never accept a guy if he has kids. my bf's ex also have 2 kids of her own, and he doesnt think is a big deal. What attracts men is not how many child you have, is your personality and maybe outlook too. If a woman has terrible personality, even she is single with no kids, also no man want to marry her right?

let say you hire a PI, then there is photographs, what is your next step? Perhaps you should think and decide what you really want. for me, hold hands or hug or kiss or sex = cheating. i do not need any evidence to make known my unhappiness to my spouse. if i'm unhappy because of his action, it is the biggest evidence needed. but of course if you are sueing and hopefully to get more money so that your kids & you can settle down peacefully, then evidence is definitely needed.
 
for me, He had an affair once before....we got back together.....but I still have this feeling he is cheating on me....he could not take my constant questioning...so he wanted a divorce.

I felt he give excuse
 
for me, He had an affair once before....we got back together.....but I still have this feeling he is cheating on me....he could not take my constant questioning...so he wanted a divorce.

I felt he give excuse
for me, i'm very straightforward type.. beginning of my marriage, i already unhappy due to some reason and i give a deadline for my ex... 2yrs for him to change. after 2yrs, he didn't change and my cousin even saw him with another girl. so i just file for divorce. no need to hire PI to collect evidence as i find no point in this marriage and i do not want any single cent from him. he was pretty shocked at first and still say i also didnt meet his expectation, blah blah blah. i just told him since both of us find no point then just divorce and he shut up. i told my lawyer i want the fastest way and 6months both of us is divorced status.

then again, no one can tolerate constant questioning... my bf now also keep me on tight leash (coz he kinda MCP), but at least he didnt ask me where am i, what am i doing every hr...
 
Hi 2015newnewnew, since your husband admit his mistakes and want a patch back. It will be great to go for marriage counseling and heal your family.

For my husband, he deny all the way and tell everyone i'm a crazy suspicious wife even with solid evidence... It really depends what your heart really wants. If he really want to fix, maybe you can give him a chance and make sure you list down the behaviours you want him as a role model of a good husband and father and let the marriage counsellor know and see how both of you able to work out a healthy and happy family.

If he is unwilling to fix and improve as a family, then you need to endure the pain of unloving husband and you need to decide are you able to endure? Because after a while, it will affect your health and overall well-being. We definitely love our children and want a complete family. For a husband, like mine, it will take a more than a miracle to fix a family.. my marriage counsellor suggested for a separation because he wants a divorce and enjoy with other woman but I want to fix.

Most important really plan for your future, children and work.
 
Hi 2015newnewnew, since your husband admit his mistakes and want a patch back. It will be great to go for marriage counseling and heal your family.

For my husband, he deny all the way and tell everyone i'm a crazy suspicious wife even with solid evidence... It really depends what your heart really wants. If he really want to fix, maybe you can give him a chance and make sure you list down the behaviours you want him as a role model of a good husband and father and let the marriage counsellor know and see how both of you able to work out a healthy and happy family.

If he is unwilling to fix and improve as a family, then you need to endure the pain of unloving husband and you need to decide are you able to endure? Because after a while, it will affect your health and overall well-being. We definitely love our children and want a complete family. For a husband, like mine, it will take a more than a miracle to fix a family.. my marriage counsellor suggested for a separation because he wants a divorce and enjoy with other woman but I want to fix.

Most important really plan for your future, children and work.

hi
im in the midst of proceedings.
my current situation also like yours.
very sad cos i went through alot in pregnancy and have 2 boys.
seems like alot of mummies have similar cases..
hubby on social media and hook up with girls...
must be too free...
 
Nowadays with websites like Ashley Madison cropping up its like infidelity in marriage in itself is like an industry ... We need to shield our marriages from all these online threats as well ..Phew !!
 
These are the last days where immortality n lawlessness abound...so stay focus n be inform n aware so that you can be wise in family matters n kids upbringing.

That's why mummies shared here... To Be informed n be aware but do not fear...learn n be wise.

Peace ...God bless.
 
Hi Nicole,

I used this PI in Malaysia. He is good and very affordable compare to Singapore PI, you can try him (www.ccho.com.my). Because that woman is from Malaysia so my husband always go into to Malaysia for so-call seminar, at the same time commit adultery as a camouflage. Everyone thinking he is a good man. Sigh what the world has come to?

I want to hold on my marriage for my children but my husband filing for divorce. He is the worst kind of husband you can ever met, he commit adultery and still tell everyone I'm a crazy suspicious wife and file divorce against me for unreasonable behavior so as to escape even alimony! My lawyer advice me to file adultery against him before he file it.

Oh yes, the PI evidences is valid for 6 months. You need to take note too. And honestly, if your marriage is come to point it cannot be save. Please get PI and prove all evidences, you do not want to be in court and your husband deny everything (mine husband lie and scold whole family without blinking his eyes). Remember to go for FULL custody of your children. Please protect yourself and children.

Now he left USA with that woman and put on facebook he going for a spiritual seminar again! In actual fact, he is committing adultery before and after seminar! Those happy photos with my children is like a 5 min snapshot and he show everyone how happy he is with his children. Then continue message that woman til super late at night! My God, what kind of human does such things.

My parent and parent-in-law all ask me to move on, no point crying over this kind of man. And make a happy life with my children from now on. Most important, you need to find peace and happiness for yourself and children.

All the best my dear mommies, stay strong together : )
 
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I do not know his reaction. Because I get the PI evidence solely to protect children and me as he is telling everyone it's my fault and I'm crazy. So the moment, I know he filed divorce, I gave this evidences to my lawyer.

So he withdraw his divorce on unreasonable behavior and admitted the divorce due to his adultery and unreasonable behavior. It's solid black and white proof, how to deny? If your husband die die deny, my dear please get PI evidence. Really to protect yourself and children. Court look at evidences, not what we say : )
 
I wrote in to ICA to lodge a complaint against the PRC woman for having an affair with my the other half and the case was transferred over to MOM. As he is the one helping her to obtain the permit, he was currently under investigation as well. He is insistant that I am the one who lodge the complaint and his whole family is angry with me for getting him into trouble.

What should I do?
 
I wrote in to ICA to lodge a complaint against the PRC woman for having an affair with my the other half and the case was transferred over to MOM. As he is the one helping her to obtain the permit, he was currently under investigation as well. He is insistant that I am the one who lodge the complaint and his whole family is angry with me for getting him into trouble.

What should I do?
Does his family know the reason behind why you lodge the complaint?
If yes and they still blame you and angry with you then something is really wrong.
 
Although MOM assure that my identity is kept anonymous, but he is insistant that I am the one who did it. I act blur and say I knew nothing about it.

I had brought up my point before to the person in charge of the company that problems will arise if the authorities come to spot check. Since they are insistant in doing it their way, I got nothing to say. Frankly speaking, I also do not want the use this way to solve things. I knew he will get into trouble if I do so, but I was hoping that it will make him realize his mistake.

To him, he did nothing wrong in helping her obtain the permit. To the family members, things can be solved in the amiable way and not through this channel. Now, everyone is giving me the cold shoulder.
 
Although MOM assure that my identity is kept anonymous, but he is insistant that I am the one who did it. I act blur and say I knew nothing about it.

I had brought up my point before to the person in charge of the company that problems will arise if the authorities come to spot check. Since they are insistant in doing it their way, I got nothing to say. Frankly speaking, I also do not want the use this way to solve things. I knew he will get into trouble if I do so, but I was hoping that it will make him realize his mistake.

To him, he did nothing wrong in helping her obtain the permit. To the family members, things can be solved in the amiable way and not through this channel. Now, everyone is giving me the cold shoulder.

Hmm.. Looks like the family members approve of his affair with the PRC Lady? Am I presuming too much? :(
Else, why are they not doing anything to help him breakoff with the PRC lady?

True that this method will get him in trouble, more importantly, what are your thoughts about salvaging this marriage?
Any kids? Have you had a heart to heart talk with him over why the marriage seems to have broken down?
 
Sigh... No doubt that I am denying it, but the accusations are pointing in this direction. The MOM officers are asking him about his affair with the PRC woman so for sure they say it's me. To them, I am harming their son and sibling.

From the bottom of my heart, I do not want to use this method to solve things. But in another way, I was hoping he learn from his mistake. We do not have kids, that is why he is having other women outside. He had been avoiding me and doesn't want to talk to me. To him, he is not in the wrong but I am.
 
Sigh... No doubt that I am denying it, but the accusations are pointing in this direction. The MOM officers are asking him about his affair with the PRC woman so for sure they say it's me. To them, I am harming their son and sibling.

From the bottom of my heart, I do not want to use this method to solve things. But in another way, I was hoping he learn from his mistake. We do not have kids, that is why he is having other women outside. He had been avoiding me and doesn't want to talk to me. To him, he is not in the wrong but I am.

Do you want to salvage your marriage with him or do you plan to teach him a hard lesson and possibly "destroy" him, life and/or career before you divorce him?
 
We had been together for a decade, I do cherish the relationship with him. Of course, I hope to work things out but he needs to have a clear cut with the PRC woman.

What can I do?
 
We had been together for a decade, I do cherish the relationship with him. Of course, I hope to work things out but he needs to have a clear cut with the PRC woman.

What can I do?

Have you tried going for marriage counselling and see if they can help bridge the communication issues between you and your hubby?
It is good to know what is it that your hubby wants and needs, and then see if both of you can come to a compromise.

Communication is very important.. if both of you don't talk, or don't acknowledge that there is a problem, then it is really going to be tough.

It is true that everyone have our own wants and needs.. but in a marriage its not just about one party, its about both parties.
Knowledge is Power.. Once you know, you can make a more informed decision on what you want to do with your life..

10 years is a long time, and you have many more 10 years left in your life (with medical so advance lifespan is lengthened). what do you want to do with those remaining 10x years?
That is something you need to think about.
 
We had been together for a decade, I do cherish the relationship with him. Of course, I hope to work things out but he needs to have a clear cut with the PRC woman.

What can I do?

I think you should start by garnering support from your family members (especially those on your side). It simply doesn't add up why they're siding him, unless they don't know the full story about him and the PRC lady.

You don't want to be seen as the crazy one in your family, because it makes your battle harder than it should be.

Hope that you will see some light in your life soon.
 
cant retain the heart? at least whack some assets from him...
we have to realise and understand when to cut loss and let go... just like investment or an unfulfilling job... no point hanging on...
 
This issue has become so common now. Almost all my girlfriends and myself having the same situation that husband is unfaithful and no responsibility toward the vows that they had promised. Perhaps, man has more choices or the woman out there is too seductive. From my personal point of view, a cheating husband will end up nothing at the end and this is so called their “retribution”. The most important thing for a married woman is to carry on her life and live better than them. Draft out the things you want to do and continue with your planning before it is to late [ Time is short ].

if you think that engage a PI and solve the issue, YES.. Please do it !!! or you want to discuss with him whether he has the intention to be with you or give up this relationship.. Is up to him... A relationship cannot be drag for years and it will made your life miserable. Another solution is keep demand money from him, telling him that this is household expenses and he needs to pay. Most of the PRC woman merely want money or become a PR in Singapore. They can do anything to break up your families or even to the extend to cheat your husband money. Before they success, you should do it quick.
 
i do hope there can be instance where the counsellor goes over to one's place and work things out.
for the spouse who refuse to move their butts to go counselling.
for the spouse who can even threaten suicide just to go counselling for example.
or force majeure as what we call it in military :D
but maybe the counsellor's safety might be at stake lol.
 
Why can't men be faithful? Is it very hard? He told me that I can't accept the other side. How do I accept it? I pray for wisdom and peace. Yet I worried that a divorce will have drastic effect on my boys. Why are women always the one suffering?
 
Not always women are the one suffering. Men are in same boat too. My wife have affair outside while I'm taking of the her first married kid and our 2yrs baby at home after work and over the weekend. I earn more than her, almost whole housing and family expenses is from me. Sad is her previous married is her ex-husband have affair. Now she did it to me.

After found their ugly pictures and shown her, she admitted the affair. She did apologize but wired. she still have connection with the guy. Things get more complicated after that.

We went to counsellor and she said she need time to cold down. And I'm the only one still working to salvage the married. But on her 2nd visit with me around, she said wanted to divorce because I chased on when she completed her cold down. I asked her to consider not just for herself, is for the family. Again, she said she need consider time. No dated.
 
NeedHelp, just give up on her... you deserve a better lady... dun waste your time, dun waste her time... seriously believe that human hearts can love another soon....
 

Thanks Shearer. I will consult lawyer first.

I got his name and hp #. But social worker told me things may get worst and turn ugly if I go look for him. Heard his is married too.
He may monitoring me. I'm surprised when I found out his background.

Hi Melody, I agreed with you.
 

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