Is my hubby considered having an affair?

troublewife

New Member
Dear all

I m very troubled recently as my hubby whom is a real estate agent recently got to know another lady n they are partnering to do a project together.

Few weeks back i realise that things are not so normal. Everytime he drop me at office afterwhich he will call her for few mins. I suspect is to arrange meet up.

What is alarming is when I happen to chance upon their messages are those flirting around type. I was even more upset when I saw my hubby texting her asking her to go jogging in one of the parks. When I checked back the call threads. Apparently he has been calling her on n off for few nights. My heart shattered. Cos I know that my hubby is a good honest man.

The whole night I lose sleep. Next day morning has a talk with him n he say they are jus normal frens. He show me all the messages n also their conversation. I expressed discomfort at the way he chio the gal for jogging. He say is to build up team spirit. Anyway only the two of them in the team.

After that day conversation , hardly or no more night calls. SMS all official type. Two weeks past, they are stationed at a project. I called to say I go down to look for him after work n he quickly say no, ask me to go fetch our kid from Childcare. I went n really anxious. Bump into them n intro myself to them. The gal appeared to be super friendly. When we are heading towards my hubby car, she has left a pair of shoes in the car. She quickly explains to me why she put the shoes there.

Why I feel that is it appeared that my hubby will start SMS her or call her once everytime a new development has occurred to their project. I know my hubby really hold this project strongly. Deep down inside my heart, maybe I m feeling insecure, cos I m fat n not that slim. hmmhmm...is 7yrs into our marriage . Got one 2.5yrs old kid ...

Yeah confided in one of my fren. She say trust is impt. I agree too. Trust is impt in marriage. But sum how I know they are meeting everyday. Should I be jealous or really mindful of what is happening ?to be honest, I m very tired from constant suspecting. Cos I have to work n take care of my kid. yo, I jus had sex with my hubby. Felt much better.
 


hi troublewife, trust is important in marriage, but when u see there are signs of thing endangering your marriage, then u have to do something. If not u let it carry on, u will lost him. In relationship, there is no such thing as covering one eye. Because u let them be too close to each other, u will have problem stopping them.
 
I share your anxiety and pain. It is the same case as my husband. First he unfriended me on Facebook. Then his sister asked me if I know a particular woman he knows, and suggested I get to know her. Apparently his sister found him and this woman having a lot of exchanges on FB. Then he refused to bring me to any of his company events, always secretly SMSing. He even locked his phone. When I was having complications and giving birth two months ago, he was not around. Today is his birthday and he said he is going to work. He returned me the birthday present I got him because it is not expensive enough and does not fit his status at office. I just saw he indicated on his watsapp status that he is at the zoo. I watsapp him to ask why he is at the zoo but no reply.
 
should trust and at the same time random spot-check on them without their knowledge.
many men appeared to be very good husband, good father, these are the ones which we as wife have to be more careful of!
 
Hi margret,

Think agree with you. I have highlighted n hope he also draw a line on the tins. there is absolutely nuttin I can do except be a gentle wife n not to ask too many questions. Or else will be pushing him away from me n letting him go the other side. Right ?
 
Hi Mann,

I totally live in fear at times. I believe you too n is jus not easy for us to focus on other tins. Did you have a good talk with your hubby huh?
 
Skiasia, is not easy to spot check cos is a tiring n energy draining process. Cos u will live in fear when searching for the evidences lor
 
Hi Troblewife,
Recently i came to know a guy whom is working in property and he told me alot of stories. I am quite shocked to hear that gals (single or divorcee) nowadays are super daring. They will hook any guy whom they think they are potential. They can even ask guys to go travelling with them, but of course the guy i knew is single, so it not a threat.
I heard there are plenty of ladies whom are single and divorcee in property line, so it is somehow a threat to you even though your hubby is not interested to them, as there is a Chinese saying, "Ri jiu shen qing"
I knows a lot of married guys and they told me...."I can flirt around, but most important, I know I am the bread winner of the family and will be home every night. I won't divorce my wife."
I think sometimes really need to close one eye, as guys will tend to flirt and feel proud of esp after they got married and there are still ladies interested in them.
Hope you see my point and it helps.
 
OMGG troublewife I totally understand how you feel. At the end of the day a marriage shouldn't be kept intact by constant surveillance and what not. Really stresses you out. I think it's best to do what you can control -- try to boost your confidence so you won't feel like you lose out to the other gal. Be it try out a new hobby, get in touch with your talent, work out more to get rid of your post-pregnancy weight and so on. After I got rid of my thunder thighs I felt much better about holding my ground in my own marriage..
 
Hi Wonder and Wonder, tink every trade also have this type of ladies. Yo impt tin is how our own hubbies manage. I see your point of guy having to flirt around to stroke their ego.

Lena F : thank you so much for suggesting to take a hobby n lose the excess weight. Currently I m really trying to lose the excess weights n also trying to make myself feel good
 
Is indeed energy draining to always constant suspecting this n that. I jus dun wan to do all these anymore. I jus do my best as a caring wife. If tins will to happen I also cannot control. I m jus jus jus too tired to think on the issue.
 
there is a very thin line in trusting your husband and just plain close two eyes...
no matter what size you are, how old you are, how many child you give birth to, your husband has no right to cheat on you

if you are uncomfortable that your husband is flirting with other woman, you should tell him to stop. This is not about not trusting him, but is about him reassuring you so that you will not feel insecure
 
should trust and at the same time random spot-check on them without their knowledge.
many men appeared to be very good husband, good father, these are the ones which we as wife have to be more careful of!
How sad! Not good, kana; good also kana. Women are not the only party in a marriage with anxieties. Men get white hair too, although not the emotional type worries. They worry if she'll still love him, cook and look after the kids, and most importantly, whether she'll continue to have sex with him, because he knows he'll wander off if he doesnt get it at home.
 
Hi margret,

Think agree with you. I have highlighted n hope he also draw a line on the tins. there is absolutely nuttin I can do except be a gentle wife n not to ask too many questions. Or else will be pushing him away from me n letting him go the other side. Right ?

I dont think husbands want their wives to change after marriage and kids. Not me definitely. Cos then she wont be the gal I married!
 
there is a very thin line in trusting your husband and just plain close two eyes...
no matter what size you are, how old you are, how many child you give birth to, your husband has no right to cheat on you

if you are uncomfortable that your husband is flirting with other woman, you should tell him to stop. This is not about not trusting him, but is about him reassuring you so that you will not feel insecure
Best course of action. Becasue you'll stop it before it gets into a bigger mess for both the husband and the wife.
 
Fact is property agents all sleep around n this is a known fact. Best is to have ur hubby change job. But difficult, they are so used to the freedom they have.
 
Fact is property agents all sleep around n this is a known fact. Best is to have ur hubby change job. But difficult, they are so used to the freedom they have.
not true... i have friends who is property agents and they dun sleep around...
 
Speaking from an experience of a man. I think the ladies "gut feeling" was usually pretty accurate. Honestly, I don't think your hubby is an honest man. An honest man will not put himself in temptations and will explain his reasons with his wife when he feels that his wife will be jealous or insecure due to some woman.

Might want to sit down with your husband one to one and chat about it. In a calm and peaceful manner. If he was too defensive.....he might be guilty or prideful. If he says you don't trust him, that is crap coz you will not be talking to him in the first place. As his wife, you need to keep a look out for you man, and communicate to him as a form of trust instead of keeping to yourself.
 
Pixie...ur fren will not tell you if he's having affair...I hv bn to that side before... It's not nice... No guy fren will even let any any of their women fren know that they r screwing someone else...sorry for my language...I hv bn to that side cos I went thru a wild stage searching answers... It's isn't nice..

Trouble wife, you just hv to b very direct n honest with your feeling n talk to your hubby calmly. You will know if he's telling you the truth or he's trying to evade the subject... Guys dun like this type of confrontation... Right Tanker79? Cos Ego is corner,right?

Just talk to him directly n see what he says.

Be strong...it's isn't your fault nor it's your failure as a wife to satisfy him. Nothing wrong with you.
God bless..
 
Not true.. if my friend has an affair or flings , he & she definitely will tell me coz im always there to listen and dont sterotype. Im not those judgemental goodie good shoes types.

The fact is my friends who doing property agent doesnt sleep around. Be it male or female.

And ones who do are not in property line..
 
Pixie....
There are secrets frens dun share...n even 20yrs friendships there will still be ugly secrets only they share selectively... My DPP fren n lawyers fren will tell u n my CID cousin will tell me all the amazing shocking truths ... Ever heard human trafficking, surprise..!! .it is happening right at our Singapore backyard! N guess only ah beings are involved? Wrong! Businessman....a lot of businessman n high profile Ppl are in for the quick money!

This is only tip of ice berg. Think cocaine is only pubs n bars? Think only ah beings patronise? Think racing is a thing of past? Every body hv dark secrets that they share "selectively"....it just you got the good version but not their dirty laundry...cos they want their pride n prestige.

Well...said too much... God bless
 
haha..human trafficking is not really a surprise thing... is a very long trade lei.... drugs are everywhere, if you know where to get it... just that singapore u get death penalty so is much more difficult. racing is not illegal, actually alot of people go JB to race, even my friends do that...people who goes for quick money will always need network.. you think MNC dun hv hanky panky business? it's just that news dont show, company cover up, people dont know... no big deal...

perhaps you never have true friends who shared the secrets with you, so you kinda pessimistic.. if you have bigger networks, know more people arnd, you will find that we don't live in a perfect world... just that singapore is so safe and protected that sometimes make people ignorant...
 
And as much I disagree with you, I respect your outspokenness but having said so, pls dun attack anyone that we dun hv true frens.

You hv your opinion n I hv mind,your frens share even bedroom n closet secrets, ok.. I respect that.

And mind you not that I dun network, so why that kind of statement.

Anyway, whatever... God bless
 
And as much I disagree with you, I respect your outspokenness but having said so, pls dun attack anyone that we dun hv true frens.

You hv your opinion n I hv mind,your frens share even bedroom n closet secrets, ok.. I respect that.

And mind you not that I dun network, so why that kind of statement.

Anyway, whatever... God bless
i think you have misunderstood...

i didnt say you dont have network, i'm saying if you have bigger network and know more people from different trades, then you will know more....
like i say earlier maybe you dont have friends who share secret with you, so you seem to be sure that no one do that.. but actually there is.. just happen that you didnt meet one...

for example u say ALL property agents sleep around.. the truth is not ALL... i agree with you, some do... but some don't... perhaps you just didnt meet a property agent who doesnt sleep arnd
 
I think believe in property industry will tend to keep it mellow and not sleep around. Reputation is important in the business and once rumours start flying, it's hard to stop!


relationships are build on trust, trust him like how he trust you to look after the house.

He might really be just very excited to share the new development of the project ... IMO a project to a guy that started from scratch is like a baby to them.. and ultimately he wants to share his joy with somebody
 
I personally had 3 property agents bf...n my gf's bf is a property agent (married but available) ...they all slp around n they all knw who's with who but they dun revealed until u get deep into their skin ...oh my gf's also a property agent n she changes bf ....of course I had meet some who aren't sleeping around but figures shows otherwise.

Their work sometimes takes their into the night , that depends n the competitiveness is so strong that many ...many of them go chill as sometimes it's so depressing n anxious.

Anyway ...i 've seen all n been through a lot .. Innocence is bless.
 
I personally had 3 property agents bf...n my gf's bf is a property agent (married but available) ...they all slp around n they all knw who's with who but they dun revealed until u get deep into their skin ...oh my gf's also a property agent n she changes bf ....of course I had meet some who aren't sleeping around but figures shows otherwise.

Their work sometimes takes their into the night , that depends n the competitiveness is so strong that many ...many of them go chill as sometimes it's so depressing n anxious.

Anyway ...i 've seen all n been through a lot .. Innocence is bless.

That's the most depressing thing I've read all night but I know for a fact it's true. Long working hours and stressful corporate environments really give your S/O more opportunities (and incentive) to cheat.

Simplicity is the best sometimes
 
Sigh...when I was searching for answer in all the wrong faces and encountered these guys, but thank God..I'm still saint otherwise I may go very very crazy n wild. Thanks be to God I'm strong now to share so that mummies know n dun walk the path I walked.

God bless all who read n learn..
 
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I personally had 3 property agents bf...n my gf's bf is a property agent (married but available) ...they all slp around n they all knw who's with who but they dun revealed until u get deep into their skin ...oh my gf's also a property agent n she changes bf ....of course I had meet some who aren't sleeping around but figures shows otherwise.

Their work sometimes takes their into the night , that depends n the competitiveness is so strong that many ...many of them go chill as sometimes it's so depressing n anxious.

Anyway ...i 've seen all n been through a lot .. Innocence is bless.

i can only say you are unlucky?

i know property agents who do small rental, property agents who do sales, 2 property agents who do luxury high end properties, all doesnt sleep around... If you are good in the market, there is no competitiveness....

i only heard from property agents which ones sleep around or do shady business, coz internally they have their own black list.. normally if property agent come find me, i will find my property guru and ask them check for me first...like what @Patricia Ang mentions, i dont want to deal with such people... i prefer to deal with people that has capability...

anyway so far i dont know anyone who sleep for money (or deals) except prostitute or giggolo... those people i know who sleep around or have flings, all goes for joy & fun...

p.s: just in case anyone need a property agent who doesnt sleep, can always PM me. i know a handful of good, experienced property agents who doesnt sleep around...
 
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dun even get me started on insurance agents who meet their clients while wearing red bras.... to think that I at most wear pink bras underneath white T-shirt.. for grocery shopping and library visits...
 

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