Affair with a Married Man - Should he be Exposed?

wkar3n

Member
Seeking opinions.

My girlfriend got involved with a married man sometime in May last year after the guy kissed her in the lift while sending her home. She kept rejecting him as she did not want to be a third party but the guy kept assuring her that he no longer loves the wife and is still in the marriage because of the 3 year old child. He said all he needed was time to sort out matters before he leaves the wife.

The affair continued with my friend constantly reminding him she does not want to be involved and asking to break-up but end up getting coaxed and convinced into continuing.

My girlfriend eventually got pregnant in Feb because they have discussed and both wanted a baby (though the pregnancy was unplanned) and she took an overdose to try to end pregnancy which didn't work. When both discussed, they decided not to keep the baby as timing was not right. My girlfriend then tried to end the pregnancy by taking "Cooling" stuff and suffered spotting and tummy aches but was still pregnant. One day, the pain in the tummy was so intense she went to the gynae and a check showed the baby had no heartbeat and thus, the pregnancy was terminated. My girlfriend was so affected by the loss of the baby and as the guy started to slip away from my friend's life thereafter, she though of committing suicide.

I found out about all these and am very angry cos all along, my girlfriend did not dare tell me. I feel so indignant and want to get back at the guy. I now have the wife's telephone number and has threatened to expose him. He is now very panicky but I am not sure if exposing him is the way to go.

I believe there are two scenarios:-

1 - Wife goes bersek and marriage ends in divorce

2 - Wife really upset but guy manages to coax and convince through begging that he won't repeat mistake, marriage becomes stronger

Anyone been through similar situations or heard of similar situations can share your thoughts on whether to expose or not to? What happened in the end?

Thanks!
 


I don't have personal experience with this but from what I've heard and seen so far, most times the wife won't leave the husband. The husband also doesn't have the intention to leave the wife, hence his drifting away from your friend. He'll probably make sure he pacify the wife and keep her by his side.

Well, what does your friend intend to do? If she wants to leave it all behind her, then leave things be. IT may help her move on faster.
 
If I were the victim, I'll feel like this too, wanting to at least make known to the wife of his wrongdoings. But best to talk to your friend before taking matter into your own hands.
 
Last edited:
What is the desired outcome of the actions that you are trying to perform?
What do you think the actual outcome of the actions will be?
Who are you trying to hurt? him only? or his family inclusive? or your friend should he go back to confront her as she is nursing her wounds?
Is what you are proposing in line with what she wants to be done?

Sorry for all the questions.. the situation looks a lot more complicated than what it sounds..
Good to think through things before doing..
No one will stop you from being a vigilantist..
Wish you all the best in your decision making process..
 
Sounds like what i would do..
I would find out if my friend wanted a revenge. IF she does i will act on her behalf.
If she just want to forget and move on.. i will just leave her to be.

We're not the invovled parties.. we dunno how it is.
There might be things that your friend didnt tell.
We all have skeletons in the closet.
 
Galfriend has come clean on everything i believe. Decided to go with her wish which at this point is yet concluded
 
Galfriend has come clean on everything i believe. Decided to go with her wish which at this point is yet concluded
 
whatever you plan to do, make sure you don't break the law..
Singapore has yet to have a law against adultery... :D

One other thing.. when a man/woman is driven to a corner, he/she will be forced to retaliate, i.e. when he/she has lost everything, get prepared for a backlash..
Don't because of revenge wreck your own life and future... its not worth it..

Just my 2 cents..
 
It takes 2 hands to clap. So I don't see why you want to hurt his wife when she didnt do anything wrong. Neither she force your friend or her husband to be in the relationship or get pregnant. To me, just leave the poor lady alone.
If you feel bad for the wife and want her to know the truth of her husband, then you should think of a better way conveying the message to her then just go to her and stab her heart with the news and make her world tumble.
I am sorry to say that but i feel bad for the pitiful wife. First, your friend sleep with her husband behind her back knowing that he is married. And when your friend cannot take the consequences of messing around with a man who is unfaithful and not trustworthy to start with, you want to step in and hurt the wife so that you can get back to the husband. What has she done to deserve all these compared to what your friend has done.
If she want to sleep around with a married man then she should know how to protect herself and strong enough to face the consequences.
Thing might not be as bad as it sounds. It is definitely very painful to lost a baby. But bhat happened if your friend give birth to the baby? So she is going to his wife and tell her he doesnt like you he likes me? What if his parents doesnt accept your friend and the baby into the family? Is she strong enough to be a single mom? But at least she get a second chance. She will know how to think and choose better when in the same situation again.
 
Last edited:
i don't really support revengeful or bitter or negative acts.. because i do not know what there to be gain for either parties...
if no one gain anything, why do it?

you can always argue where is the justice? is there no fairness in this world?
but who should be the one judging?

i always believe karma will always come, is only matter of time...

16dde2321274e47de4fab9ec61651875.jpg
 
I think probably don't look at it as revenge, i think the wife has the right to know what type of husband she is having. It is fair for her to decide what she need to do.
If it happen to our husband, don't you feel pitiful when you are kept in the dark and the rest of the world might already know?
This is just my opinion, of course the decision still lies on the victim.
 
I think probably don't look at it as revenge, i think the wife has the right to know what type of husband she is having. It is fair for her to decide what she need to do.
If it happen to our husband, don't you feel pitiful when you are kept in the dark and the rest of the world might already know?
This is just my opinion, of course the decision still lies on the victim.

Just a quick question.. Hypothetically, if you know your best friend is having an affair, will you tell your best friend's spouse about it?
Coz based on your theory, your best friend's spouse has every right to know what kind of person your best friend is.
Is that right?
 
I personally thought of exposing because there should only be two outcomes - marriage breaks up because wife do not want an unfaithful husband or marriage becomes stronger because couple weather through the storm and reconcile. Either ways, at least the man will not prey on other women again, hopefully.
 
I personally thought of exposing because there should only be two outcomes - marriage breaks up because wife do not want an unfaithful husband or marriage becomes stronger because couple weather through the storm and reconcile. Either ways, at least the man will not prey on other women again, hopefully.

I really wish in life it's so black and white...
I always thought that men are more of the black and white type.. whereas women are more of the grey type (and I don't mean the 50 shades of grey type)..

Things are often unpredictable, especially outcome.. and according to the law of the human name Murphy, i don't believe in what should anymore..
Flipping a coin also has a minute slim chance that it will land on the sides instead of heads or tails..
With that.. there is another possibility that i can think of..

- Wife doesn't want to let go of the husband, but husband doesn't change his ways.. this knowledge will slowly eat her up and drive her nuts...
- so who becomes the victim here?

But this outcome is not a should, and should outcomes are too ideal, and often life have a weird way of screwing up should outcomes..
Sorry.. i'm too much of a cynical when it comes to black and white, should and should not.. :p

No intention to offend anyone, just throwing out a different perspective..
At the end of the day, the knife is always lying around and easily accessible..
No one person can stop everyone from picking up that knife and hurting others, be it with good intentional or not..
3 sides to a coin... a sword cuts both ways... yada yada yada...
Enough of my ramblings.. must be work stress that is driving me up the wall.. sorry... :p
 
I personally thought of exposing because there should only be two outcomes - marriage breaks up because wife do not want an unfaithful husband or marriage becomes stronger because couple weather through the storm and reconcile. Either ways, at least the man will not prey on other women again, hopefully.
If you are thinking of other women and the wife, go to the man and tell him to be faithful to the wife otherwise you shall expose everything if he repeats his act again. At least by doing that you are preventing someone from being hurt by him again. (hopefully...old habit dies hard)
By exposing it, do you know how much the wife needs to go through before they reconcile? And how strong she needs to be for her 3 years old? And how many nights she will cry herself to sleep?
I don't think the man will even shed a single tear...
 
There are a few scenarios in this situation. If this guy goes unexposed. HE will continue to bed other girls and may continue such misdeed again. End up other girls fall into such trap again since like he is quite good in coaxing the female parties.

2nd, the guy may be seriously regretting in his actions. He turn over a new leaf from there. For what actions he has done there is an equal opposite reaction. This is what we called Karma. The baby spirit will come after him and your girl friend. If you believe in what I said. This is a price to pay for both of them. It took two hands to clap.

3rd, your girl friend expose that to his wife. The family is destroy. That's is also a price to be paid by the guy for fooling around and pregnanting other girl. But what does your friend gets? Revenge is sweet but what left behind is again another emptiness.

4th, the wife forgives his man. However, again, the trust is never back again. I do not foresee any that many woman who can forgive his man infidelity and yet becomes stronger after that. Based on what the man had said his relationship with his wife...If they are really that loving couple in the first place, the above is very less likely to happen. Nevertheless, this man has no loyalty to his spouse and responsibility to his child. What kind of person is that to betray his family.

-----------------------------------------------------

We cannot choose the option for your friend and I wouldn't encourage you to do so as the outcome of the consequences may bear part of the karma from our recommendations. Let your friend knows about all these consequences and let time allows her to make the choice.

Your friend is equally wrong in the situation. She has allowed herself to be part of the situation in the first place. She should be more self-control and discipline in the first place. There are other actions she could have done to prevent such miseries from happening ... She could have halted the guy's actions by threatening him to report him to police should he continue such advances.. Sad to say, your friend has allowed such to happen that led to today's consequences. She has led herself to be blinded by her emotions than to be more sensible in such matters. Today she paid the price.

AS for that guy, we shall see ..how your friend will make her choice. I am definitely sure one day he will pay a hefty price for his misconducts.
 
I will just go n tell the wife provided my fren is okay. That's it - what will happen will happen; what will not happen will not. Abt the baby spirit - I agree, yr girl fren need to do something to help the baby spirit or it will stay with him/ her.
 
it's easy for an outsider to tell the truth to the parties involved, is like 15mins job...
but for the parties involved to work their differences out, and make their marriage work again, will take years to come...

if the cheating spouse is willing to change, i do not see why must tell the truth... people may want to be righteous or act righteous... it's easy for them to say and do.. afterall they ain't the one getting hurt

for me, i will always confront the cheating party instead of the poor victim... because the cheating party should be the one feeling all the stress and anxiety.. not the innocent victim who is ganna cheated.
 
Indeed it takes 2 hands to clap. About your fren, if she was not a willing party as well nothing of this sort will happen let alone kill the life of an innocent baby. One moment they decided they dont want the baby but when baby is gone, she felt devastated. Is there any meaning to what has happened? Pls just leave the poor wife alone because she is the innocent party as well. One must be careful and be responsible should anything happened since both of them have decided to have this affair. They really didnt handle this well enough.
 
i feel if that man take the risk to come out to play around, he should bear the consequences.

For the wife, it's not cruel to the wife to know the truth then to being lies by the husband.
 
I feel that we should consider all factors before making a decision. I used to suspect my hubby was cheating on me. Turned out.... well... not technically cheating, but to quote his words "a woman's body is God's gift"..... you should know where I am going and why I am caught in between...
 
There's no need to involve another innocent party. The wife don't deserve to be hurt by what his husband had done. I had been through this and it's so hurtful even till now when we are still trying to work things out.
 
we are all adult. No one is hurting other.

As his wife, if she didnt know and lives in a world of lies do u think it's good for her?
Its better to let the wife knows and take corrective measures then one of these day, the bastard cheated another women and HURT another person or get another women to go abortion.
 
we are all adult. No one is hurting other.

As his wife, if she didnt know and lives in a world of lies do u think it's good for her?
Its better to let the wife knows and take corrective measures then one of these day, the bastard cheated another women and HURT another person or get another women to go abortion.

A leopard will never change its spots..

How will telling his wife stop him from cheating another woman and hurt another person, or get another woman to go abortion?

IMHO, If by telling his wife will stop him from doing all that once and for all, I'm for it.
If it doesn't, then why do it?
Ignorance is Bliss in a certain way..

Put it in another perspective..
It's easy to make comments when a person is not personally involved.
Not cursing anyone here..

Imagine.. your dad, someone whom you worship as an idol, your model, someone whom you are proud about..
Suddenly, one fine day, a stranger walk up to your mum and tells her that, your dad has been fooling around outside...
How would you feel? How do you think your mum will feel? How would you feel towards this stranger?
Will you thank this stranger for telling your mum the truth, who eventually cannot take it and commit suicide?
or would you curse this stranger for crashing your mom's world as he has always been doting husband and a doting father to you?

There are always multiple sides to every story.
Life as such is always complex and complicated.
It is very easy to take sides, while not being involved, and being high and mighty with ideals.
But in life, is it always that black and white..

To me, I don't know what is good for the man's wife.. and it is not for me to be the judge of that.
If i have any grievance, I would approach the man and plead to his sanity and goodness in him.
人 之 初 , 性 本 善 or do you believe in 人 之 初 , 性 本 恶

Sorry.. stress at work.. need an outlet. sorry for the verbal diarrhea
 
I don't think he cheated the 3rd party. He is an open book. He is married with kids and do not want a baby with the 3rd party now. Did he not tell the truth? If without an official married paper for protection, women are still willing to the chance and sleep with him, why point the finger when get hurt. Why they didnt think twice before jumping on the chance to sleep with someones husband and indeed hurting the wife at that very moment.
If someone must be told, why dont leave out the wife and go to the man parents. I think the parents should be responsible for his behaviour rather than the wife who did nothing about his upbringing. Go to the parents instead n say hey my friend screw around with your son and got your grandson but just aborted him. Let them do the judegment and decide with what they want to do with their daugther in law and the son marriage.
 
I don't think he cheated the 3rd party. He is an open book. He is married with kids and do not want a baby with the 3rd party now. Did he not tell the truth? If without an official married paper for protection, women are still willing to the chance and sleep with him, why point the finger when get hurt. Why they didnt think twice before jumping on the chance to sleep with someones husband and indeed hurting the wife at that very moment.
If someone must be told, why dont leave out the wife and go to the man parents. I think the parents should be responsible for his behaviour rather than the wife who did nothing about his upbringing. Go to the parents instead n say hey my friend screw around with your son and got your grandson but just aborted him. Let them do the judegment and decide with what they want to do with their daugther in law and the son marriage.

Excellent Alternative Perspective.. :):)
 
we are all adult. No one is hurting other.

As his wife, if she didnt know and lives in a world of lies do u think it's good for her?
Its better to let the wife knows and take corrective measures then one of these day, the bastard cheated another women and HURT another person or get another women to go abortion.
the point is how do you know what is good for the wife? what is good for the child? what is good for the family?
as an outsider, you can only assume.. and this assumption will cause the husband and the wife to spend many years trying to repair the damage done
like i said earlier, people may want to be righteous or act righteous... it's easy for them to say and do.. afterall they ain't the one getting hurt
 
I agree with you, Pixie. Hurts to assume.
But just to share, straying out of point, we will be attending a wedding lunch this Sat.
Couple got to know each other via ONS and dated since July 2008.
Go figure what is the world coming to...
 
I still think the man got to take up responsibility in some form; just unsure how. Suggestions appreciated pls
 
What does yr friend want to do? So if take revenge will she be happier? If not, will she be able to forget and move on? If she still want to take revenge means she still have feeling for the guy. So does she want to be back with the guy? There r so many what ifs...

If he has done it once, he will do it again. The wife will find out someday.

Let yr friend cool down first...now maybe she still can't think straight n ur still angry that the guy did wrong to yr friend.
 
I still think the man got to take up responsibility in some form; just unsure how. Suggestions appreciated pls

if u think the man is the only wrong and should be punish, then your friend also need to take up responsibility because she is the adulteress..
in the past both couple has to 浸猪笼, so like tat consider take up responsibility?

i guess you should put more concern to your friend, and tell her to learn her lesson & not break up other people family again.. because there's always karma, just matter of time.

lastly, you are not the wife, not the husband, not the adulteress, why must you insist in poking into it :confused:
 
if u think the man is the only wrong and should be punish, then your friend also need to take up responsibility because she is the adulteress..
in the past both couple has to 浸猪笼, so like tat consider take up responsibility?

i guess you should put more concern to your friend, and tell her to learn her lesson & not break up other people family again.. because there's always karma, just matter of time.

lastly, you are not the wife, not the husband, not the adulteress, why must you insist in poking into it :confused:

@pixie ng you are so very kind not to include ex wife, ex gf into the list..
but there are possibly a "thousand and one" reasons that is impacting you personally that we are not away of, and there is no need to be aware of..
As @shearer said, we are all trying to provide an objective stance here..
 
if u think the man is the only wrong and should be punish, then your friend also need to take up responsibility because she is the adulteress..
in the past both couple has to 浸猪笼, so like tat consider take up responsibility?

i guess you should put more concern to your friend, and tell her to learn her lesson & not break up other people family again.. because there's always karma, just matter of time.

lastly, you are not the wife, not the husband, not the adulteress, why must you insist in poking into it :confused:
一针见血
 
Lets be clear here. I'm fully aware both my galfren as well as the man are at wrong and deserve karma. I'm just looking at things from a fren and also as a wife's perspective. Should my husband stray, i would greatly appreciate that I be made aware so I can make an informed choice moving forward rather than to be kept in the dark. In infidelity, it takes many hands to clap, not just the adulteress couple but I believe the wife has a part to play too. There must be some problems in the marriage which require working out, failing which the marriage will eventually break down. If the wife does not know of the problem, the husband will continue to seek solace outside and cause harm to more people. So effectively, informing the wife may mean the couple finally acknowledges the issues and make a choice between resolving or calling it quits. Many of you may think i'm a nosey parker but who are we to make judgement of whoever? Everyone has a reason for doing anything; whether right or wrong and they are going to have to bear the consequence. By informing the wife, i'm putting my galfren and I at great distress too but if I so choose to, there must be compelling reasons too. To me, justice is simple but the implications are what is stopping me now.
 
It will be a very painful decision. I can empathize... I was once caught in such a sucky situation before, but mine was.... more tricky?
imgaine this...

seeing your pre-20s niece being hugged from behind by her father (i.e. which is your hubby's eldest cousin).
Not too bad. Sweet.
Now, imagine his hands were soooo clsoe to her bra undersides...
Still ok, i can hear some of you saying? Me too.

Now the niece turned over or turned 45 degrees to the side... and there you go, his hands were suddenly in contact with the future milk bottles... for a few mere seconds..
 
It will be a very painful decision. I can empathize... I was once caught in such a sucky situation before, but mine was.... more tricky?
imgaine this...

seeing your pre-20s niece being hugged from behind by her father (i.e. which is your hubby's eldest cousin).
Not too bad. Sweet.
Now, imagine his hands were soooo clsoe to her bra undersides...
Still ok, i can hear some of you saying? Me too.

Now the niece turned over or turned 45 degrees to the side... and there you go, his hands were suddenly in contact with the future milk bottles... for a few mere seconds..

hmmm....

I had a very distant niece who was "raped" by her father.. repeatedly over many months.. consensual nonetheless...
but sounds like similar case...

It's very bad and he eventual went to jail for it, coz she is a minor..
 
different case, my dear... you din get to see or hear to be in a situation to inform...
i saw the moment... dun know whether to tell or not... i pray to my god that it was just an accident...

today at campus, also saw a rich taitai driving her son (?) to school.
son got down from the car, taitai too.
went over to the passenger side, gave him a hug from behind, full body contact....
 
Lets be clear here. I'm fully aware both my galfren as well as the man are at wrong and deserve karma. I'm just looking at things from a fren and also as a wife's perspective. Should my husband stray, i would greatly appreciate that I be made aware so I can make an informed choice moving forward rather than to be kept in the dark. In infidelity, it takes many hands to clap, not just the adulteress couple but I believe the wife has a part to play too. There must be some problems in the marriage which require working out, failing which the marriage will eventually break down. If the wife does not know of the problem, the husband will continue to seek solace outside and cause harm to more people. So effectively, informing the wife may mean the couple finally acknowledges the issues and make a choice between resolving or calling it quits. Many of you may think i'm a nosey parker but who are we to make judgement of whoever? Everyone has a reason for doing anything; whether right or wrong and they are going to have to bear the consequence. By informing the wife, i'm putting my galfren and I at great distress too but if I so choose to, there must be compelling reasons too. To me, justice is simple but the implications are what is stopping me now.

the thing is you are not the wife. you would want to know your husband is cheating on you, doesnt mean the wife is like you.
you assume that
inform the wife and the husband will change for good, so he will never have affairs with other adulteress anymore.
you assume that if you did not inform the wife, the husband will continue to have affairs with other adulteress.
everything is based on your assumption, so let's just pray your assumption is correct. if not you just hurt another innocent party and broke up a family.

you are right we shld not make judgement, hence we should not judge the husband and punish him by disclosing to his wife. unless you think that you are the judge here, hence you can pass sentence to him.
if you think informing the wife, ur gf and you will be at great distress. i can tell you that your distress as compared to the wife is just a small factor of what she will be going thru

but like i said before, alot of people think they are righteous and want to do the "right" thing based on their assumption, then so be it.... because they are not the one getting the hurt most.. if your gf knows she is in the wrong for being the adulteress, she should just move on, not continue to create drama to threaten the guy. she can continue to do that, but she definitely will have her karma pass back to her
 
i can understand where you are coming from, Pixie... we are all trying to play a good role in this screwed-up society... best is keep mum and pray for our friends..
 
different case, my dear... you din get to see or hear to be in a situation to inform...
i saw the moment... dun know whether to tell or not... i pray to my god that it was just an accident...

today at campus, also saw a rich taitai driving her son (?) to school.
son got down from the car, taitai too.
went over to the passenger side, gave him a hug from behind, full body contact....

By the way, how do you tell it's her son?
I'm just curious... :p
 
i can understand where you are coming from, Pixie... we are all trying to play a good role in this screwed-up society... best is keep mum and pray for our friends..
I wont keep quiet to my friend if she is the adulteress. I would tell her to know her position and no one will sympathise an adulteress. This is the consequence for her doing so she should take it in

Im a strong believer of karma because i seen alot of cases. Hence i dun believe we should take matter in our own hand because we are not karma. We should not judge and pass sentences based on our own assumption
 
cant tell, my dear... if its not her son... then.... what is this world coming to.....

hmm.. good question.. little white face maybe?
Sorry. Been watching too much drama serials..
Coz, Can't imagine a tai tai wife will do that to her son.. full contact back hug... hmm...:rolleyes:o_O:eek:

With social media, I believe we are uncovering more and more crazy stuff happening in this world..
 
if you are taking public transport, you will get to see many many funny things around you...
from guys (old enough to be father) hugging young girls tightly, to young girls who clinged on to their fathers' arms and in the process, brushing their future milk bottles against the arms, like there's no tomorrow, while the mothers are walking in front or tagging behind with a shopping cart...

its quite.... traumatizing... coming from a conservative background... I mean, can you imagine the mother is pulling a heavy shopping cart, lagging behind, while the father and teenage daughter walking happily in front, the girl hooking her left arm with her dad's right arm and brushing her boobs and her freaking dad dun mind????

almost wanted to go up and scold the dad... so inconsiderate!
 
wow!!! I just can't imagine wife push carts and husband just walk in front..
what is the world coming to?
shouldn't it be husband push cart, pay money, carry bags to take public transports?
And the wife hooking the daughter's arm and walking? Brushing future milk bottles along her arm?
How would you react if you see that in your conservative background in play?
Just curious.. :p

Father and daughter - hmm.. incest??
Mother and daugher - hmm.. normal?? or lesbian??
Which will you pick?

I will pick neither.. they are all not appropriate.. :mad:
 
becoming quite common, dont you think? just open your eyes and observe... who is pulling the shopping bags? who is linking arms with who? you will be surprised...

and to all fellow mummies, dont ever let that happen hor... get ur hubby to take care of the shopping carts!
 


becoming quite common, dont you think? just open your eyes and observe... who is pulling the shopping bags? who is linking arms with who? you will be surprised...

and to all fellow mummies, dont ever let that happen hor... get ur hubby to take care of the shopping carts!

And mummies, don't do that to your daughters.. coz they will end up doing that to their best pals..
I wouldn't want my daughter to be doing that to anyone period.. regardless be it mother or her best girlfriend..
 

Back
Top