Unwed moms

[bbfelice]

No matter which era or generations we are in, there still some people who have this thinking. It might due be the family upbringing or personal's belief. There is nothing wrong if a person believe that a child should born within the marriage cause everybody has their own belief. Just like some still think that son is more important than daughter.

mannouhana's comment might be insensitive in this thread but there may be some truth in it cause I have seen in other forum that a young unwed mom commented that her parent told neighbours initially that her child is from other relative because they felt embarrassed. Fortunately, they came to love the child eventually and proud to have the child.

I can see some of the comments are quite harsh to mannouhana but I don't think she has any ill-intention. Her comment is based on a strict family where she was brought up. But that doesn't mean she will murder her daughter if born out of wedlock

I am not siding her but in reality, there are people with more cruel words and actions towards unwed/single mom. Perhaps it is good thing to learn from this incident so that when really come across with such cruel people, you can get yourself mentally prepare and learn how to deal with such people so as not to get yourself affected emotionally.

 

[tiga_mummy]

Hi jer,
I salute u on tis brave step. I am a single unwed mum by choice. I knw hw muc u hv bn thinking to come to tis decision.
Looking back, having my girl is the wisest choice I have ever made in life. She gave me a purpose in life. Nw tt i knw i hv someone to looked fwd to evryday frm work and someone who will aso look fwd hving me bk hm evryday. It's v fulfilling.
Hw ppl tink of u starts w hw u tink of urself.
It's nvr a shameful decision to start w or either to b in.
B brave and b strong.

 

[sane]

In my personal humble opinion, being a single mum due to unforeseen circumstances is one thing but deliberately choose to be one by getting donor sperm or adoption is another matter altogether. It is not easy bringing up a child considering the emotional aspect of it. One has to consider the child's feeling growing up in a single parent family. Just because one's biological clock is ticking and thus deliberately getting a child into a single parent family might not be fair to the child.

IMO, it is only not fair to the child if the parents are irresponsible parents be it single parent or not.

No matter which era or generations we are in, there still some people who have this thinking. It might due be the family upbringing or personal's belief. There is nothing wrong if a person believe that a child should born within the marriage cause everybody has their own belief. Just like some still think that son is more important than daughter.

mannouhana's comment might be insensitive in this thread but there may be some truth in it cause I have seen in other forum that a young unwed mom commented that her parent told neighbours initially that her child is from other relative because they felt embarrassed. Fortunately, they came to love the child eventually and proud to have the child.

I can see some of the comments are quite harsh to mannouhana but I don't think she has any ill-intention. Her comment is based on a strict family where she was brought up. But that doesn't mean she will murder her daughter if born out of wedlock

I am not siding her but in reality, there are people with more cruel words and actions towards unwed/single mom. Perhaps it is good thing to learn from this incident so that when really come across with such cruel people, you can get yourself mentally prepare and learn how to deal with such people so as not to get yourself affected emotionally.

Although we can't control our upbringing, we are born with a brain to think.

If these people can just shoot off their mouth without thinking, they should be prepared to take responsibility for their words.

The same goes to me too. If anyone find my words inappropriate, feel free to tell me.

Treat people as how u would like to be treated.

 

[Jasvin20]

Hi.im giving up chinese baby for sdoption,please contact me [email protected]

 

[deprived]

I guess she is from a very traditional Chinese family, so I guess pride and family name is very important to them...
I just glad although my family is traditional but they focus more on the happiness & well being of the family members... as well as my colleagues & boss who respect me and not being judgmental...

Some of my friends still will "nags" me and ask me to consider marry first.. Normally I just ask "So you going to help me pay for the wedding stuffs and help me prepare the wedding?".. They just keep quiet liao... LOL~

Anyway I'm always the crazy free-spirited one and very non-asian being... Those who knows me well enough, will goes "Ok..I'm surprized but I'm definitely not shock because you are you"

Wedding don't need to be expensive.. just register for ROM will do liao right? LOL...
Actually, this wedding stuff is just signing on the paper to make it legal binding.. other than that it doesn't do anything else..
Marriage isn't and shouldn't be an end goal..

Be happy, Be well, and live your life to the Fullest!!!

 

[pixie ng]

Wedding don't need to be expensive.. just register for ROM will do liao right? LOL...

if family members not traditional then will be cheap..
but if family members are traditional and want to follow watever "rules & regulation" of chinese culture, then wun be cheap

 

[deprived]

if family members not traditional then will be cheap..
but if family members are traditional and want to follow watever "rules & regulation" of chinese culture, then wun be cheap

True lor.. hiaz..
Talk is cheap.. Who is the actual one paying for it and doing it?

Not a good analogy.. but along the same lines..
During my grandmother's funeral wake.. all my relatives keep complaining.. why do this? why didn't do that? why never buy this? why never buy that?
I feel like telling them off.. Shut Up!! you are not the ones paying.. we can't afford coz we are poor.. its not as though we don't want, its we don't have the money and luxury to afford it..

I guess I see wedding as the same thing.. its in outwardly action that doesn't really always justify the inward emotional feeling..
There is no end to watever "rules & customs & tradditions" lor.. Face saving is so over rated.. hahaha.. but that is just me..

 

[pixie ng]

@deprived i think hard... i told my bf everytime i think of the guest list, i already stuck liao... is like so many people i dun want to invite because i only see the most 1 time per year, but if dun invite not sure parents will be happy or not... tat y we never get marry yet... wait until we settle guest list, i think we can move faster from there...haha...

 

[deprived]

@deprived i think hard... i told my bf everytime i think of the guest list, i already stuck liao... is like so many people i dun want to invite because i only see the most 1 time per year, but if dun invite not sure parents will be happy or not... tat y we never get marry yet... wait until we settle guest list, i think we can move faster from there...haha...

haha.. Guest list is a walking time bomb..

It's trying to walk on thin ice and hope it doesn't crack..

Never did realize on your side so bad as can give a major big rock to clear.. All the Best! The Best is Yet To Be!!!

 

[TheFaith]

i'm an unwed mum. gave birth when im 17, now my kid 4 years alr.
i applied for hdb many times, keep get rejected. even rental also rejected.
Financially im since i've been working real hard for many years, but hdb doesnt bend rules.
Reason rejected because single mum is still counted single.
A single mum n chil does not form a proper family nucleus.
Dont worry.

But for single parent, no baby bonus, no cda $1-1, not able apply hdb till 35.
and definitely ppl will ask, will see u differently, next time childcare arrangement, all will quite headache, but more or less.
you will learn to block it all out.
jiayou!

 

[pixie ng]

@TheFaith but now you are much stronger and independent than most of the people you know. alot of people depend on their family, spouse or government for help. but they don't realize they are the one that truly in charge of their own lives. instead of trying to be stronger and more independent, they become depressed or try their best to find another float or blame others for their dismay.

although they see you in different light, it just that they don't admit they are not as strong and independent as you!

 

[Seonlim]

Hi.im giving up chinese baby for sdoption,please contact me [email protected]

Hi,

I would like to adopt a child (boy/girl) at least 2 year old. My HSR is ready.
Can help? Would appreciate it, if anyone know of someone who is looking for an adoptive parent for their child.
Please send me an SMS at HP 91002204 or email at [email protected]. Thanks, grace.

 

[piggyevie]

I am also an unwed single mommy to a 3 months plus boy.. i dare say i dont regret and he is now the love of my life!! yes, i agree that i am faced with alot of challenges but i overcome everything with faith!

hoping to create a support grp! if interested can pm me!

 

[Seonlim]

Hi, please be strong and courageous for you baby. God himself promised that He will be the father to the fatherless. Please continue to trust Him for He will provide for you and your baby.

I'm yet to adopt a child, until then won't be joining a support group. Thanks for the invite.

 

[Tracybk]

Anybody knows for unwed couple beside taking oath during birth registration of the child, whose address will notification or letter related to the child be mailed to since both parents' address are on the cert?

 

[Phoenix16]

Is this thread still alive...?

 

[cindylee]

Any unwed mum willing to give up baby,please pm me,thanks.

 

[PAI YR]

Jerlicious ... Be strong for your baby. It might be tough in the beginning but you and your baby will get through this. Trust me.
I am an unwed mother. I am now 38 yrs old going on 39. I became an unwed mother when I was 29 yrs old. My daughter is in now in Primary 4 and she is diagnosed dyslexic and ADHD. I was the one who called off the wedding 2 days before we were supposed to go through solemnisation ceremony. It wasn't an easy decision to make cos invitations had been sent out, deposit for restaurant been paid, plus I was a RC member , so I had to be thick skin walking around my neighourhood with a bug tummy, unemployed. On top of that , to make it worse, I had to call SDS ( Social Development Service ) to ask them cancel the feature interview of my ex and me in their magazine ... Cos I met him at SDS's first Speed Dating activity ... So when we decided to get married, I went to inform the facilitator of the activity to thank her.

Things were uncertain in the beginning. Immediately after I finished my 1 month confinement, I went out and got a job. Few months after my daughter's birth, I bought insurance for her for her education . Few years after that, I bought medical insurance for her.

As an unwed mom, yes we are not entitled to IRAS Working Mother's Child Relief but there are many other financial subsidies available ... For me, for PCF Kindergarten fees, I applied KiFAS / for her dyslexia , she is attending lessons on Tuesday , Thursday and Saturday ( English at 90% subsidy ; Maths at 75% subsidy ) / for her visits to Child Guidance Clinic for ADHD , I got 100% subsidy / for her eyes problems where she had sought treatment at Singapore National Eye Centre, I got 100% subsidy...... What I am trying to say is, many organisations do offer financial aids of some sort... Some might be publicised .. Some might not openly advertise about the financial aids ... Don't be shy or embarrassed to ask if there is any financial aids to apply for low income families ...not for unwed mom to apply but coming from the angle of low income families cos many financial aids are for low income, doesn't matter if you are unwed or married mother.


There used to be a support group for unwed mothers called " Flyin Solo " but I think it is now defunct.

Below is a support group helping single parents. You might want to give them a call if you want to see what kind of help they can provide you. Good luck

HELP FAMILY SERVICE CENTRE
http://www.helpfsc.org.sg/about-help/mission

Hi Eileen333
am new here. Very interested to hear about yourself and how you handle your child. Here's my appeal for your help ;

I am currently working in a primary school as a chaplain, while preparing to complete a postgraduate Master's program in counseling, However, before graduation I need to submit a research paper before I can successfully complete my studies.
The thesis of my research is 'An analysis of the experiences of Singapore parents with ADHD children’., The aim is to understand the experience of parents in dealing with their hyperactive children’s education through dynamic analysis of children. I would herein seek the help of anyone with this task. I need 3 to 4 parents who would be willing to share their experiences in parenting their hyperactive children.
I will provide a set of questionnaires for a face to face interview. As my thesis is in Chinese, preferably I would like to interview in the Chinese medium, however those who are bi-lingual are welcome to participate.
All personal data contributed will be held in confidence with me and will not be used for any other purpose but solely for this exercise. In addition, I am also prepared to offer a hundred dollars gift voucher to those who are willing to participate in this exercise. Sincerely hope for your help. Please contact me by e-mail:[email protected]

PaiYR

 

[happyhappyhappy]

Hi all,

Can i check for KiFAS, do we have to adopt our child first before we are eligible to apply? Or is my name in child's BC enough for application?

I heard that there are some benefits that are only valid when we (single unwed) adopt our child..

 

[chloeding]

Checking on behalf of a friend.
She is a unwed mum trying to write in appealing for a chance to buy a 3rm bto for her and child numerous time. Cos she is unwed, so they view her as single. They keep asking her to provide divorce prove that she has the custody of the child as birth cert do has the guy name. But she is unwed!
Is adopting her own child the only way to make it legal child of her?
Thanks