Unwed moms

Its not easy to take up the decision to be an "unwed" mother.
The looks u get where society judges us.
The comments we receive.
But who are we suffering for?
We chose this road not for anyone. But for the best of our baby. Who is a life.
 


Be brave @jerlicious. I'm married but it has been a really tough journey for my partner and I to conceive. After years of fertility treatments, I'm finally pregnant with a girl. Babies are gifts from heaven. Whatever situations you are in, it is only right that they are given the best life opportunities a mother can give. With support, a child in a single family can grow up to be beautiful people too. A marriage doesn't guarantee anything. Don't let mean people get you. These bullies need to get out more.

Thanks ya. My life all along wasn't Tt smooth, i have been tru a fair share of the ups and the downs. sometimes u Canot don't believe is Fate and destiny but to an extend we oso can change own fate and destiny ya. I can chose the 'easy' way out which is abort and leave my Bf for good. Then I can start my own 'new life'. Away from the devils. But can anyone tell me wat is the right and wat is the wrong, no matter how one person do there's Alws some morons and idiots who will pin point at ur doings.

Frankly speaking, I reli does love my bf a lot (ok love is blind) aft wat he has done to me is suppose to be wrong some will say. How can he claim how much he has love me and yet stil ask me to abort. Bt he has his mind of his own or prolly some reasons behide it. People can say I am stupid or silly but wat I hate most are those people who say I do not care about how I care and spare tots for my family Or my love ones. If I don't care and only cares for myself I can go ahead abort isn't it. Then I wil not have to ans to anyone. Srly how well do the so call people who noes me or the people around me. When they made such comments did they use their bird brain and spare a tot for others feelings? So wat makes it diff from me if were to say right.

I have mention before that if were my bf who ask me to abort I will nv agree to but if were my parents whom ask me to abort I will! Bcos I am born from them and I wil respect watever decision they asked me too. And my family are supportive and asked me to go ahead and keep my baby! This is a matter of a life and death ok. If those people who do not agree with me and my family decisions then just keep it to urself. Pls go and care for the people who u love instead.

My bf has even accepted the fact that I am just trying my best to keep his baby badly for the sake us. We are still together as per normal (we keep in contact everyday and meet almost every other day) just that we did not get married officially YET. He even wanted to bring me to baby fair to get baby stuffs already but to me I think it's still to early. I think my bf is slowly accepting his baby and I am glad I nv chose to abort it all along. Choices are made by me. I noe in society there's still a handful of people who Canot accept unweds. I'm fine for others to pinpoint me but pls dun drag my family or love ones or my bb into the pics. I will bear all the responsibilities all by myself.
 
Then is it our fault that men dont wanna be responsible? Not all pregnancy came from one night stand. Mine was a long relationship and who knew he decided to sleep around. So you mean to say i should close my eyes and continue to stay by his side and let my child grow up in an environment with his father sleeping around? What if my child follows after his footstep?
Then more poor innocent babies will suffer.

So abortion is the only option ? Trusting this to come out from a woman's mouth. Seriously..
If you are a mom, you dont fit to be a mother and i doubt ur upbringing for ur child.
So one day if ur daughter were to tell u that she is pregnant. Are u going to disown her?

What has happened. And instead of dwelling on the past. Why not learn and move on
Maybe if this happens to her own daughter she will murder her instead. =\
 
Thanks ya. My life all along wasn't Tt smooth, i have been tru a fair share of the ups and the downs. sometimes u Canot don't believe is Fate and destiny but to an extend we oso can change own fate and destiny ya. I can chose the 'easy' way out which is abort and leave my Bf for good. Then I can start my own 'new life'. Away from the devils. But can anyone tell me wat is the right and wat is the wrong, no matter how one person do there's Alws some morons and idiots who will pin point at ur doings.

Frankly speaking, I reli does love my bf a lot (ok love is blind) aft wat he has done to me is suppose to be wrong some will say. How can he claim how much he has love me and yet stil ask me to abort. Bt he has his mind of his own or prolly some reasons behide it. People can say I am stupid or silly but wat I hate most are those people who say I do not care about how I care and spare tots for my family Or my love ones. If I don't care and only cares for myself I can go ahead abort isn't it. Then I wil not have to ans to anyone. Srly how well do the so call people who noes me or the people around me. When they made such comments did they use their bird brain and spare a tot for others feelings? So wat makes it diff from me if were to say right.

I have mention before that if were my bf who ask me to abort I will nv agree to but if were my parents whom ask me to abort I will! Bcos I am born from them and I wil respect watever decision they asked me too. And my family are supportive and asked me to go ahead and keep my baby! This is a matter of a life and death ok. If those people who do not agree with me and my family decisions then just keep it to urself. Pls go and care for the people who u love instead.

My bf has even accepted the fact that I am just trying my best to keep his baby badly for the sake us. We are still together as per normal (we keep in contact everyday and meet almost every other day) just that we did not get married officially YET. He even wanted to bring me to baby fair to get baby stuffs already but to me I think it's still to early. I think my bf is slowly accepting his baby and I am glad I nv chose to abort it all along. Choices are made by me. I noe in society there's still a handful of people who Canot accept unweds. I'm fine for others to pinpoint me but pls dun drag my family or love ones or my bb into the pics. I will bear all the responsibilities all by myself.

I totally agree with you.
My partner wanted me to abort
Then he slowly accepted the child and ended up sleeping around.
Maybe because my figure changed throughout the pregnancy. But it doesnt matter anymore.

And i agree. Its my decision. I can choose to abort and nobody would know. Not even my parents. But i choose to keep it as its a life.

You made the right choice :)
 
Thanks ya. My life all along wasn't Tt smooth, i have been tru a fair share of the ups and the downs. sometimes u Canot don't believe is Fate and destiny but to an extend we oso can change own fate and destiny ya. I can chose the 'easy' way out which is abort and leave my Bf for good. Then I can start my own 'new life'. Away from the devils. But can anyone tell me wat is the right and wat is the wrong, no matter how one person do there's Alws some morons and idiots who will pin point at ur doings.

Frankly speaking, I reli does love my bf a lot (ok love is blind) aft wat he has done to me is suppose to be wrong some will say. How can he claim how much he has love me and yet stil ask me to abort. Bt he has his mind of his own or prolly some reasons behide it. People can say I am stupid or silly but wat I hate most are those people who say I do not care about how I care and spare tots for my family Or my love ones. If I don't care and only cares for myself I can go ahead abort isn't it. Then I wil not have to ans to anyone. Srly how well do the so call people who noes me or the people around me. When they made such comments did they use their bird brain and spare a tot for others feelings? So wat makes it diff from me if were to say right.

I have mention before that if were my bf who ask me to abort I will nv agree to but if were my parents whom ask me to abort I will! Bcos I am born from them and I wil respect watever decision they asked me too. And my family are supportive and asked me to go ahead and keep my baby! This is a matter of a life and death ok. If those people who do not agree with me and my family decisions then just keep it to urself. Pls go and care for the people who u love instead.

My bf has even accepted the fact that I am just trying my best to keep his baby badly for the sake us. We are still together as per normal (we keep in contact everyday and meet almost every other day) just that we did not get married officially YET. He even wanted to bring me to baby fair to get baby stuffs already but to me I think it's still to early. I think my bf is slowly accepting his baby and I am glad I nv chose to abort it all along. Choices are made by me. I noe in society there's still a handful of people who Canot accept unweds. I'm fine for others to pinpoint me but pls dun drag my family or love ones or my bb into the pics. I will bear all the responsibilities all by myself.

Well said again. I want give you a standing ovation woman.

Really hor, mannouhana, your thinking so Stone Age. You born in the wrong era. If you are a woman and a mother, I don't get it why you are not naturally emphatic to another mother's plight.

For most unwed mothers, they didn't set out to conceive a baby to be born out of wedlock. Trust me cos it is a tough road ahead. Besides dealing with narrow-minded prejudiced people with archaic beliefs like yours, it is not easy financially raise a kid on your own. Babysitting issue when unwed mothers go back to work also a problem if you have no family support to help out in that department. Do you know the cost of infantcare ? Not cheap ok ! So if you don't have any encouraging words or constructive suggestions, then keep your negative malicious opinions to yourself. Who gave you the right to pass judgment on others ? Are you God ?
 
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I totally agree with you.
My partner wanted me to abort
Then he slowly accepted the child and ended up sleeping around.
Maybe because my figure changed throughout the pregnancy. But it doesnt matter anymore.

And i agree. Its my decision. I can choose to abort and nobody would know. Not even my parents. But i choose to keep it as its a life.

You made the right choice :)

Gal u made the right choice too. Bt I must say if I were ur age I really will not hv this courage to make this decision like u. I truly admire u to be so brave and independent ya. U will have ur happiness one day. Don't need care for those people like them. Just ignore and blocked their comments. These people will not bring us down. All along I believe in karma. We don't ned to see and witness their down comings. Eventually they will received wat they 'deserved'. They say they pity person like us, Bt I guess it is them who are the most pathetic.
 
Gal u made the right choice too. Bt I must say if I were ur age I really will not hv this courage to make this decision like u. I truly admire u to be so brave and independent ya. U will have ur happiness one day. Don't need care for those people like them. Just ignore and blocked their comments. These people will not bring us down. All along I believe in karma. We don't ned to see and witness their down comings. Eventually they will received wat they 'deserved'. They say they pity person like us, Bt I guess it is them who are the most pathetic.

Well said :)
Its people like them that motivates me to move on even more.
Those that have marriage should know that 2 person to support one child in sg already so difficult. What more a single mom.
So i dont understand why they have to come and give us even more trouble
 
Just happened to read up this thread. And I find its rude of that someone to comment as such. Its a personal choice to have a partner legally or not in whatever reason situation we are in, and in this case, being pregnant and raising a kid. And who are you to say and judge that one will bring shame to the family being pregnant without being married. I'll be more shameful to be the one giving out those comments.

And to me personally, there is so such things as wedded or unwed mums. We are all mums. Well, make it, wonderful mums! Dont put labels on ourselves. Give lots of love to our precious child/children! That's the most important thing.

Hang in there, wonderful mums! God will always be around to help and give us strength to undergo whatever obstacles that HE gives us. So long, dont lose faith!

xoxo
 
Yeah, be it unwed, wed, div moms, its a gift of life... A chance to take care of a lil one, whether one marries or not truely doesnt matter. Y marry and divorce, jus for the sake of 'marriage'.. I believe things happen for a reason :) life is precious and im proud of all these mummies! Dun let others view bother u, u ladies did the best decision in life ! Muackz!
 
Thanks u gals for all ur encouragement words. Once I set my mind into doin something then I will not regret no matter how tough and rough the road gona be ahead.

Being a mom is wat I have Alws wanted to be. Of cos by right it should be aft marriage but it just didn't work out as what I expected to be tats all. I am married before Bt Tt time I had a miscarriage, u will nv know how devastated the feeling of losing own child unwilling is. I blame my weak body for not able to let my baby survived ya. Bt well, my ex hb in the end had a third party outside jus barely half a yr later after my miscarriage. I don't blame the third party nor my ex at all bcos if there's no love then no point carrying on the marriage so we div eventually.

It's only 3 yrs later thn I met my current bf. Our love and relationship really wasn't an easy one either but I just can't explain the love from the both of us that am still keeping us together for these two years and going. Even after this incident that he doesn't agree for me to keep this bb and I don't agree on him for wanting me to go for the abortion. To a point I can understand of his previous bad experience he has the phobia w kids and marriage therefore he do not wish to have or do it as of now. We did plan to only aft another 2 more yrs later Bt who noes everything just came so fast unexpectedly. After this incident then I confirm how selfish he really is, but all I want is to keep my baby as much as I still loves him. (Is after the lost of my previous then I realize how precious a life can be.) At least my bf nv force me to go abortion nor did he abandon me as of now. He still brings me to eat well and ask me to sleep well. All along he wasn't a womanizer as well. Many may say he may just meet another someone along the way and ditch me and bb since we do no hv any legal in papers. Bt can anyone guarantee aft married there is confirm no div? Or jus bcos of marriage aft Tt no love then still hv to be bounded by the papers? Srly as long we are working adults i dont see Tt we Canot tc of baby ourselves. Maybe we can't gib baby the best in terms of monetary wise compare to others nor baby can hv the utmost father love. Bt then I do see those married couples where the dads doesn't even bother abt their kids at all too. Wat I can say is those with happy marriage and family are the luckier ones ya. For our cases we may not be as lucky as them but we can make the most of out everything to stay happy and positive and feels lucky with a healthy baby along the way.

As for those negativities, I see it coming. Just cannot believe those strangers who do not know anything yet made such opinions. I hope those people's life will all along be smooth sailing so in future they will not have to face such dilemmas to make. And so they will not ned to receive any pity from others as well. God bless them.

For now I hope to stay as positive and happy as possible for the sake of my bb. Pray for bb health. Let's all gambeteh tgt! =)
 
I know it is not politically correct not to be supportive. But it is a fact that in our society it is not an accepted practice. This is different from single mothers due to divorce or death of spouse. Who among us can say we are 100% fine telling our daughters when they reach teenhood "never mind. You can be pregnant and mummy is 100% fine with it."? I still firmly believe one should not engage in premarital sex.

For Jer's situation, I am sympathetic. But I think for her to start life afresh, she should put the baby up for adoption.

@mannouhana, This is not the time to preach about engaging "premaritial sex" to adolescents in their pre-puberty days but adults who know what they are getting into and taking responsibility for their own actions.

IMO, I salute single mothers who rather choose the difficult route of hardship out of love for their kid rather than married couples who take the easier way to abort for freedom and shun responsibility.

Just to enlighten you beyond your well , there are many financially independent women in their 30's who rather choose to be single mom than to be tied down to someone unsuitable and head down the divorce route years later.

As some of my single friends' biological clock is tickling, they are contemplating to go for donor sperm or adoption.

Even for those who opt for abortion in their teenager's days regretted their action and given a opportunity, they will choose to keep the child.

You quoted :"Who among us can say we are 100% fine telling our daughters when they reach teenhood "never mind. You can be pregnant and mummy is 100% fine with it."?

You have to understand that kids do not lead by examples but they are young individuals who have a mind of their own.

As a parent, you should let them know the pros and cons before making each decision and encourage them to decide and be responsible for it.

I do not have to wait till my gal turn into a teen, in fact I am training her from young to be independent and make her own choices. You make a mistake, you pay for it.

Parents are not there to take charge of their life forever.

Lastly, I don't think u are teaching your kids the right value if you are those who quote and see things based on the surface.

In fact I feel your parenting theory are rather twisted and might face communication issues when the time comes.

This world does not consist only black and white.

If you remain closed minded and like to forcefully impose your views on others, people will rather shut down than to communicate with you.
 
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What about the shame that you will bring to your parents by keeping the baby? Not meant to be cruel but to have a daughter who give birth out of wedlock is shameful and reflects badly on the entire family.

I know it is not politically correct not to be supportive. But it is a fact that in our society it is not an accepted practice. This is different from single mothers due to divorce or death of spouse. Who among us can say we are 100% fine telling our daughters when they reach teenhood "never mind. You can be pregnant and mummy is 100% fine with it."? I still firmly believe one should not engage in premarital sex.

For Jer's situation, I am sympathetic. But I think for her to start life afresh, she should put the baby up for adoption.

it is quite sad that people around you is so narrow minded....
if my daughter told me she going to get marry just because she is pregnant. i would tell her dont anyhow get marry just because you are pregnant with someone child.
if you think marriage will bring you happiness just because you are pregnant, then that's the biggest mistake you will be making...

i guess i'm a very fortunate person. my family is open minded, they care more about responsibility & happiness than the normal norms people follow blindly.. they dun mind me getting pregnant first before marriage.. even though my bf and i not marry yet, and we trying for baby, my family & relatives are open to it. what they care most and is important to everyone is both of us are happy. my boss & colleagues also know about it, and they don't judge me for it because they knew i'm not the type of person who follow the norms blindly.

let's just say i dun find marriage is my ultimate goal. having a family is. maybe some point of the time i will want to get marry. but now my priority is having a kid.

if one day my kid grow up, and i still not marry (most likely is i too lazy and find marriage is too much trouble), i would tell him/her it is your choice in life whether you want to follow the norms blindly. but what i care most and want to let my kid know, do what he/she wants and be happy in his/her decision in life. Don't just follow norms blindly and end up being a depressed or negative person. You only live once, so live it happily.
 
I kept on re-reading this thread esp that one comment. I am still sad abt it. And angry as well. Sigh!

I hope there are more loving ppl out there, rather than just passing that kinda comments.

I have always believe in agreeing to disagree. But there are always tactful ways to do it without being rude.

I am just being emo lah.
Hope everyone will have a lovely week ahead!
 
I kept on re-reading this thread esp that one comment. I am still sad abt it. And angry as well. Sigh!

I hope there are more loving ppl out there, rather than just passing that kinda comments.

I have always believe in agreeing to disagree. But there are always tactful ways to do it without being rude.

I am just being emo lah.
Hope everyone will have a lovely week ahead!

When I read it I am also extremely upset especially when she is a woman herself and a mom as well. Or if she even a mom or woman I wonder. Anyways, I blocked her comments cos I do not want to affect my mood for the sake of my baby. Being pregnant already makes me so uncomfortable especially when my health isn't in the best conditions. But thanks for so many other ladies who are ever so supportive and kind towards our situation. U and ur family will be bless. =) <3
 
When I read it I am also extremely upset especially when she is a woman herself and a mom as well. Or if she even a mom or woman I wonder. Anyways, I blocked her comments cos I do not want to affect my mood for the sake of my baby. Being pregnant already makes me so uncomfortable especially when my health isn't in the best conditions. But thanks for so many other ladies who are ever so supportive and kind towards our situation. U and ur family will be bless. =) <3


Ohh can block another member's comments ? only if you are the creator of the thread right ? aiya these kind of comments, read liao might give you post-natal blues. ya wise decision to block her comments. if you have the capability to raise your kid, why must give up your kid for adoption. I cannot imagine the anguish of giving up my own baby away, the pain of permanent separation.
 
Ohh can block another member's comments ? only if you are the creator of the thread right ? aiya these kind of comments, read liao might give you post-natal blues. ya wise decision to block her comments. if you have the capability to raise your kid, why must give up your kid for adoption. I cannot imagine the anguish of giving up my own baby away, the pain of permanent separation.
I clicked on her name and click on the ignore. Then watever nonsenses she post I oso can't see. Don't ned to waste my time on such cold blooded. If I do not want to abort then I will not put up for adopt either. It's not gona be easy but I (we) can do it. =)
 
I guess she is from a very traditional Chinese family, so I guess pride and family name is very important to them...
I just glad although my family is traditional but they focus more on the happiness & well being of the family members... as well as my colleagues & boss who respect me and not being judgmental...

Some of my friends still will "nags" me and ask me to consider marry first.. Normally I just ask "So you going to help me pay for the wedding stuffs and help me prepare the wedding?".. They just keep quiet liao... LOL~

Anyway I'm always the crazy free-spirited one and very non-asian being... Those who knows me well enough, will goes "Ok..I'm surprized but I'm definitely not shock because you are you"
 
I think I could be from a different generation from all of you. Anyway, I have asked the moderator to remove my account since my thinking led to so many members' distress.
 
I think I could be from a different generation from all of you. Anyway, I have asked the moderator to remove my account since my thinking led to so many members' distress.

This has nothing to do with generation gap but more on reflecting one's personality.
Even with my own mum and those neighbourhood aunties, I told them not to pass unnecessary comments unless people asked for their advice. Even so, it's to be kept in confidential.
What's about the comment about "bringing shame" to the family? Did your upbringing taught you to be prejudice and judgemental? It is people like you who likes to gossip and pass negative vibres around the society.
You do not have to close your account but learn to restraint from posting if you do not have nothing good to say or any constructive contributions
Don't need to rub salt into other people's wounds.
 
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This has nothing to do with generation gap but more to reflect one's personality.
Even with my own mum, I also told her not to pass unnecessary comments until people asked you for your advice.
What's about the comment about "bringing shame" to the family? Did your upbringing taught you to be prejudice and pass judgement on others? It is people like you who likes to gossip and pass negative vibres in the society.
You do not have to close your account but learn to restraint from posting if you do not have anything good or anything constructive to say about. Don't need to add salt into other people's wound.

I am brought up to believe that being unwed mums bring shame. In fact, my mother constantly told me and my siblings in the event a rape happened, we should rather die than to live on cos our lives are over the moment it happened. During our teens, my mum would monitor our menstrual period and we would be questioned the moment our menses came late.

I thought a forum was meant to share our thoughts. I don't look down on unwed mums but I don't think I can embrace this lifestyle at this stage of my life. Anyway, just delete my account.
 
I am brought up to believe that being unwed mums bring shame. In fact, my mother constantly told me and my siblings in the event a rape happened, we should rather die than to live on cos our lives are over the moment it happened. During our teens, my mum would monitor our menstrual period and we would be questioned the moment our menses came late.

I thought a forum was meant to share our thoughts. I don't look down on unwed mums but I don't think I can embrace this lifestyle at this stage of my life. Anyway, just delete my account.

Sorry to hear about that but the honourable family suicide doesn't sit right in our modern era.

In the olden days and even now in the third world countries, women are uneducated, helpless and are unable to fend for their own survival.

I hope that u do not impose the same flawed theory to your daughters but rather to trust and place positive good faith in them instead.

My mum monitored my menstrual period too, not because she don't trust me but is to brew tonics to replenish the loss of blood during my menstrual period.

From young, she also taught me to be independent and to be able to stand on own feet without relying on anybody.

My parents are more concerned about my safety, my health and place good trust in me rather than telling me to go kill myself if rape ever happened. I think my dad will kill the rapist instead.

Thanks for sharing, I am more appreciative and glad to have a warm supportive family who stand by me and support me for whatever decisions I made and this is the kind of parent that I yearn to be to my gals too.
 
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I am brought up to believe that being unwed mums bring shame. In fact, my mother constantly told me and my siblings in the event a rape happened, we should rather die than to live on cos our lives are over the moment it happened. During our teens, my mum would monitor our menstrual period and we would be questioned the moment our menses came late.

I thought a forum was meant to share our thoughts. I don't look down on unwed mums but I don't think I can embrace this lifestyle at this stage of my life. Anyway, just delete my account.

Mannouhana, Not sure If you can still read this but I want to say, that I am appall that your mother will teach you and your siblings to kill yourselves should any of you be raped. Many rape victims are able to lead normal and even successful lives after the horrible ordeal.

Many famous people are born out of wedlock : Oprah Winfrey, Eric Clapton and maybe even US President Barack Obama.

Any mothers who teaches her child to commit suicide just cos she or he is raped, obviously not a shred of maternal love within her twisted soul. Maybe your mom has that kind of thinking cos her own mother said that to her.
 
Mannouhana, Not sure If you can still read this but I want to say, that I am appall that your mother will teach you and your siblings to kill yourselves should any of you be raped. Many rape victims are able to lead normal and even successful lives after the horrible ordeal.

Many famous people are born out of wedlock : Oprah Winfrey, Eric Clapton and maybe even US President Barack Obama.

Any mothers who teaches her child to commit suicide just cos she or he is raped, obviously not a shred of maternal love within her twisted soul. Maybe your mom has that kind of thinking cos her own mother said that to her.

I wonder with this kind of belief, what advice will the mother give if the male of the family is prone to domestic violence, abuse/assault the wife, sexually abused the young children etc?
 
I wonder with this kind of belief, what advice will the mother give if the male of the family is prone to domestic violence, abuse/assault the wife, sexually abused the young children etc?

天晓得。Only heaven knows.

Really ... Is this year 1905 or 2015 ???
Shaking my head.
 
Ya even the girl's family in this article is fighting against the whole village's decision to kill her. I salute them for this.

As a daughter and even as a mother, one thing I have learnt is that mommy is not always right.
As an adult , we should have the discerning ability to differentiate what our mother said is right or wrong. If we all blindly follow what our mothers said , hmmmmm.....
 
Thats y we all have one brain to OURSELVES.. To make us think, feel, choose whats right n wrong, to live life the way we WANT... Tradition, different generation, age doesnt matter... Its how we want to walk down the path we deem right, happy or not is a choice that we all make every now & then throughout our breathing space..
Ppl who are sick, knows how to seek medication, ppl who are wounded from cut can find plaster to stop the bleeding, it is jus a pyschological emotion tat ppl cannot bother to notice, and makes misery for themselve without them knowing.... (Some article i read online just to share abit)
 
I think I could be from a different generation from all of you. Anyway, I have asked the moderator to remove my account since my thinking led to so many members' distress.
I am brought up to believe that being unwed mums bring shame. In fact, my mother constantly told me and my siblings in the event a rape happened, we should rather die than to live on cos our lives are over the moment it happened. During our teens, my mum would monitor our menstrual period and we would be questioned the moment our menses came late.

I thought a forum was meant to share our thoughts. I don't look down on unwed mums but I don't think I can embrace this lifestyle at this stage of my life. Anyway, just delete my account.

It's not about generation. I believe my parents (late 50s) are older than you, but they're totally different from you.
My parents taught me to be responsible, love & cherish those who love me.

I'm not saying you are wrong about this set of thinking. I'm just saying that everyone is brought up differently and I guess that's makes a huge difference in thinking & acceptance about stuffs.
But still, I feel sad for you because your mother care about something so vague & intangible like family name, than your well being.
That's really pretty sad.
 
It's not about generation. I believe my parents (late 50s) are older than you, but they're totally different from you.
My parents taught me to be responsible, love & cherish those who love me.

I'm not saying you are wrong about this set of thinking. I'm just saying that everyone is brought up differently and I guess that's makes a huge difference in thinking & acceptance about stuffs.
But still, I feel sad for you because your mother care about something so vague & intangible like family name, than your well being.
That's really pretty sad.

Even my grannies don't have such concepts and always tell me kids are blessings.

Last night my mum just told me this "men, u can kick them off but children, u must keep them at your side".

She's saying this out of experience because she has a few unmarried close friends, independent and financial well off, 1 of them ever regretted abortion because there will be at least 1 kin at her old age.

Sad thing was she passed away last year with no kin at her side, only a maid and her distant niece/nephew inherited her fortunes.

The other aunt is staying all by herself now, feeling lonely with her mum just recently passed away while her siblings have their own family. Who is going to bother about her in the future?

Perhaps if she's very conservative with a very traditional mindset, she can place her chaste award that reads "Top virgin" at the bedside *pun intended*.
 
Perhaps if she's very conservative with a very traditional mindset, she can place her chaste award that reads "Top virgin" at the bedside *pun intended*.

LOL~ She's not virgin le... She is mother of 3 liao....
 
Waha who's the mummy of 3?

I meant for those spinsters who can preserve their virginity till old can get such awards as companion for their old age. :D

Mannouhana is mother of 3 le....
In her thread, she mentions her parents are very traditional and treated her unfairly...
 
Mannouhana is mother of 3 le....
In her thread, she mentions her parents are very traditional and treated her unfairly...

Ic ... I go read it later ... in a way I quite sympathise her too.

I hope my writing is not too harsh to her afterall our countries, culture and upbringing are different.
 
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My parents also traditional type too. Around 65 of age. My dad is still more open to a certain extend but my mom is totally those 重男轻女 (favor more to he male) olden mindset era type. I had an older bro and a younger sis. So my bro is the prince and my sis is the princess and I am the one who needs to do all the housework or if anything will be my fault. In fact me and my mom relationship all along wasn't good at all. When I was younger I Alws stay out with my friends bcos I don't feel love at home. And if I feels my mom is not making senses in her talking I will reason out with her and she feels I am talking back to her. (I noe dad dote on us but he is Alws bz at work or out w frens as well, hardly home) mom is a housewife who nv go out to 'see the world' type. And my mom Alws say we are burdens to her. My mom dun abuse us physically Bt verbally and mentally ok. But no matter wat with regards to my current situation, she is the one whom ask me to keep my baby without even thinking! She said so many encouraging words to me. (I'm kinda surprise cos I tot she will say some sarcastic remarks like she used to be, even when Tt time I goin tru div ya). But this time is a matter of life and death leh. No matter how mean her mouth used to be, she also Canot bring herself to ask her own daughter which is me to go abortion and kill another life. She can't blame me for my doings Cos she knew this wasn't my fault at all. And I am not asking for it this time. Me and my bf had been tgt for 2 Yrs and often we go family outings tgt so they see my bf as my future hb alrdy. Is only that part which my bf still need his freedom away from the commitments for the time being that's pulling him back. If I am my bf first wife to be, he will not doubt marry me under watever circumstances ya. Or if this happens in another couple of years time instead. It's just his previous very bad experience with his ex wife and his two kids tats y. Lik I say I nv blame him Bt I does feels he is just extremely selfish bcos he only thinks for himself. Really in this era can anyone tell me wat is love? How do u define love? In current society as much as I do not like it as well. Is different from wat used to be. But for sure one thing, no one teaches us to take a live away. I dun deny when I was younger I do make mistakes but I learn from it and nv do it again! Even so, my relationship that time is not a ONS or flings. Up til now me and that ex (Which I went for abortion) are still very guilty and we still keep in touch as good Frens. It just things doesn't work out and I was too young to think about marriage. People make mistakes and learn from it. That's y at this age of mine I'm all ready, to get married and hv kids. It's only that the part of which my bf is holding himself back and I wun force him to do things he doesn't want to. For this, I really don't see it necessary to pin point who is wrong or right here. I am someone who is not afraid to share my experiences be it 'right or wrong'. Things I do I bear. I just feels it's not right to bring other people like my love ones or family or even my future bb into this pic. We dun ned pity from any people really. U don't ned to agree or support us of our doings but u can simply ignore since we ain't any related at all.
 
@jerlicious be strong gal! u can do it. btw, when is ur edd? Mine in june and I reckon I will hv many bb stuffs to give away till then like new born clothes etc..let me know if u would like them k?

-ps: the bbs' clothes I hv r pre-loved and given to me too--meaning some are not 100% stain free..if u dun mind let me know again
 
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ok no problem will contact u again before oct say ard aug..either thru pm or here lah..
 
Mannouhana is mother of 3 le....
In her thread, she mentions her parents are very traditional and treated her unfairly...

Let's hope she doesn't teach her 3 children ( the way her mom taught her ) their lives are over once they are sexually assaulted and that they should go end their lives cos not worth living anymore.
 
Let's hope she doesn't teach her 3 children ( the way her mom taught her ) their lives are over once they are sexually assaulted and that they should go end their lives cos not worth living anymore.

Maybe the lifestyle in Pakistan is different from us.
 
Hi Jer! Hope things between you and your bf turns out well in the end.. maybe it's really his phobia from his past marriage. I wish you nothing but the best. Stay strong for your bb and hope she/he will be healthy and happy too! Jiayou! :)
 
Hi Jer! Hope things between you and your bf turns out well in the end.. maybe it's really his phobia from his past marriage. I wish you nothing but the best. Stay strong for your bb and hope she/he will be healthy and happy too! Jiayou! :)
Hihi. Sincere thanks for ur wishes. Hope so ya. But at least he is still ok as of now. Shall see how it goes along the way ya. Stil got a long way to go. Bt watever it is I hope and pray my bb is healthy and well.
 
Chanced upon this thread though am not an 'unwed' mummy. I do not see the need to distinguish between 'wed' and 'unwed'. After reading through your posts, could feel the positiveness, strength and determination to carry on with the pregnancy despite the obstacles which you all are facing. My kudos to all of you :)

Being able to conceive may not come easy for some and for those who managed to, pregnancy may not be a breeze. From awful morning sickness to natal blues. Any form of support, physically and emotionally definitely helps. Seeing you all have caring parents to help out, it would matter alot. Do stay positive always as the baby growing inside you can feel and hear you.

a BIG hug to mummies to be here!
 
What about the shame that you will bring to your parents by keeping the baby? Not meant to be cruel but to have a daughter who give birth out of wedlock is shameful and reflects badly on the entire family.

What era are you at? We are talking about a human life here. There is nothing shameful in giving birth whether within or out of wedlock. And it is a very personal decision so why would it reflects badly on the entire family? Please keep negative thos and comments to yourself.
 


@mannouhana, This is not the time to preach about engaging "premaritial sex" to adolescents in their pre-puberty days but adults who know what they are getting into and taking responsibility for their own actions.

IMO, I salute single mothers who rather choose the difficult route of hardship out of love for their kid rather than married couples who take the easier way to abort for freedom and shun responsibility.

Just to enlighten you beyond your well , there are many financially independent women in their 30's who rather choose to be single mom than to be tied down to someone unsuitable and head down the divorce route years later.

As some of my single friends' biological clock is tickling, they are contemplating to go for donor sperm or adoption.

Even for those who opt for abortion in their teenager's days regretted their action and given a opportunity, they will choose to keep the child.

You quoted :"Who among us can say we are 100% fine telling our daughters when they reach teenhood "never mind. You can be pregnant and mummy is 100% fine with it."?

You have to understand that kids do not lead by examples but they are young individuals who have a mind of their own.

As a parent, you should let them know the pros and cons before making each decision and encourage them to decide and be responsible for it.

I do not have to wait till my gal turn into a teen, in fact I am training her from young to be independent and make her own choices. You make a mistake, you pay for it.

Parents are not there to take charge of their life forever.

Lastly, I don't think u are teaching your kids the right value if you are those who quote and see things based on the surface.

In fact I feel your parenting theory are rather twisted and might face communication issues when the time comes.

This world does not consist only black and white.

If you remain closed minded and like to forcefully impose your views on others, people will rather shut down than to communicate with you.

In my personal humble opinion, being a single mum due to unforeseen circumstances is one thing but deliberately choose to be one by getting donor sperm or adoption is another matter altogether. It is not easy bringing up a child considering the emotional aspect of it. One has to consider the child's feeling growing up in a single parent family. Just because one's biological clock is ticking and thus deliberately getting a child into a single parent family might not be fair to the child.
 

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