Help!! Should I keep or abort?

If financial was the biggest problem, Will you still have 4 children?

  • Yes

    Votes: 7 35.0%
  • No

    Votes: 13 65.0%

  • Total voters
    20

waka

New Member
I know this is a question that will trigger most people. But I seriously need some advice.. I am thankful to those who take their time reading this and give your most honest opinion. Please understand that I know all of people will tell me why never take prevention. But I have to be very honest with you is not I don’t want , is my pap smear test fail hence im unable to do my ligation on time and this thing happen. Im am not suitable for pills and IUCD. And we did use protection. But this thing still chooses to happen.

I am currently now a mother of 3 very beautiful kids, the youngest one is nearly 1 year old. We are not very well off.. Hardly makes end meets every month.

Recently, I found out I was pregnant again. Im totally at lose if I should keep this child. My husband wanted very much to have the child. We quarreled; I told him money is not enough having another child meaning to have more burden and putting pressure to our financial. But he say he will work 12-16 hour after that and I told him why make things so difficult now.. I doubt he can take it every day working 12 -16 hours. I enough a very minimum income too, and if you ask me, deep down in my heart I wanted the child very much too.. Which mother wants to kill her child? Im are weeping every time I think of it. I am struggling inside too. But nobody seems to understand and I have been labeled the most selfish, heartless mother. They say im creating a sin, But if i give birth and i cant even give him/her the best, isnt it more sinful. And i don know if my child will mind anot. This is not the first time I need to do an abortion (The first 2 time was due to unhealthy child). I don know how bad is it for my body if im going to do it again. And if I choose to carry on, what will I be able to provide for the kids? Anybody have encouraging stories to share?


Thank You very Much
 


I really hope that those who do not want any more children, please remember to take precautions (Just a general comment and not particular to anyone)

Hi waka,

I really hope that you will not go through this process as abortion is risky especially you already had 2 previously. You also had to take into consideration that if you really abort without your husband agreement, will he blame you or will this strain the relationship in future? Will you be blaming yourself also or able to live with the guiltiness? Cause this time is different from your last 2 abortion which left you no choice.

Please do not be mistake that I am trying to make you feel guilty. I just hope that you think really carefully to avoid any regrets especially that both of you love children so much.

You can try to go to MP to find out if there is any help for you or down grade the house or upgrade the job.....If really no choice, you might want to consider giving up the child for adoption? At least, your child has a chance to live like your other children.

For upgrading job skill, try to check out this website to see if it can help (WDA website)

http://www.wda.gov.sg/content/wdawebsite/L102-ForEmployers/L226-JobDescriptionforEmployers.html


Please take care and hope the best for you
 
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Abortion is killing our own flesh and blood. No good reason is a reason. Life will still goes on if you manage it well.
 
in worst scenario, you can give birth to the kid and give up for adoption...
give him/her a chance to live...

p.s: if pills and IUD is not suitable for you, and you know that you really cannot afford anymore kids nor want to have more kids, you can consider tubal ligation
 
I believe when theres a will theres a way. No matter how bad times are, you have pulled thru.
From single to married, till marriage n childbirth, every single stage is just the $ sign. I, for one believe that u are blessed to have kids, yes protection is never 100%. But like ur hubby mentioned, he wants another joy in life, an addition ur family. Honestly, even when i n my hub have to work, we still have $ problem. Both my Parents not working helping tk care of kids, younger bro who is keen to go uni, high utility bills, esp water bills (4rm hdb) cos 12 coming to 13 under a roof plus the cooking of meals.. Scrimp n save, but wen i look back, there are things that cannot forgo tat y spening more n more.
What i wanna say is not about the bills n dollars n cents, its what u want in life wen u look back. Ur happy kids having mummy n daddy, siblings, joy laughter tears sorrow together. Even wen we're young, im sure MANY of us lead normal lives, while pur parents may have been thru proverty, but they still brought us up one way or another.
Of cos i know the end decision is in u, but i do hope u sit back n listen to ur heart, talk to ur kids, faith, god, family, friends, n make the best decision that u can. *hugs*
 
Hi Waka,

Hope u r doing well....

I think u can take pride in having such a loving hubby

Before u make any decision, consider these:

1) d first time u saw your child
2) d first time your child smile @ u
3) d first time he/she say mommy

N d list will go on... Think... What is d best gift dat we as parents can give? Is it d toy dat they wan? Or it's d time dat we can spent wif them?

Remember whatever decision dat u choose to make... Be sure your DH supports dat decision too
 
This is a very personal decisions and it is something that you would need to decide with your husband. But like every issue, it is important to make a list of the pros and cons, and the various options available. So that you have a clear vision of things, so to speak. Most of the advice you will get from others would be shaped by their experience and we haven't walked in your shoes, so we wouldn't know. Here's me, trying to be as objective as possible.

First of all, what is your childcare plans now. If you have a parent or a maid (or yourself) taking care of the kids now, adding one more is a matter of coping. It might not be easy, but you are likely to be able to cope because the mechanism is set up. The older children will goto childcare centre at some point, so it wouldn't be all at home. Also, if you are from lower income group, the additional childcare subsidy might mean paying additional as little as $100 for full day infantcare, childcare, etc. The SG government puts in place a lot of schemes to help families in need. If you qualify, please, do make full use of it.

Other things to think of:
1. You are likely to need about $200 additional for baby milk and diapers etc. Is this feasible?
2. Working extra hours for extra income - it is tiring, and it might not be beneficial to health, in the long run. Also, when our third baby came, we realized that with long working hours and three kids, our greatest regret is that we cannot spend enough quality time with them. What is your situation and position on this?
3. Again, for primary school, secondary school, etc - there are a lot of bursaries and scholarships. We are lucky to be in the Singapore system where everything is need based or merit based.

A good friend had been in your situation, twice, and twice she had chosen not to expand her family due to financial constrains. It pains her and she was heartbroken. However, I would comfort her, and tell her, never look back. Just look ahead and never think of the "what if"... So, husband and wife, they would make the decision together, and while it saddens them to have to come to such a decision, they never regretted it, they stand by their choice. You need that sort of trust in yourself and your husband so that you can make a decision, and move on, whatever the decision is, you trust that is the best and correct decision. And then you live life!
 
Im Thankful to everyone of you for taking time to read and advice. After reading all the comment i start to open up my mind to consider however i start wondering can i really do it myself with 4 children? i don have mother nor MIL to help. Im all alone.. im afraid tat mentally i will break down with 4 kids.. My husband is a very traditional type of person.. Meaning he is not hand on kind.. all housework,cooking , cleaning and taking care of children is wife job and his job is to find money home. But i think he is also not doing very well on his part.. im not blaming him for not bring enough money. in fact im already upgrading myself so i can bring more bread home. So at this point of time i think he should start to change his mindset to be more hand on with the kids so i can finish up my upgrading and we can have a better life. But that not the way.. he still insist i stay at home looking after the children.

I find that his mindset is different so when i told him about no4, after hearing his reply, i dont know why but i cannot trust/believe him.. I dont want everything to become empty promises again and he just tell me this is the best i can do and i have to let the kids suffer with us because of this.

im already like 6 weeks pregnant, i havent make up my mind or see a gyna.. call me silly but i even thought of abort it myself... i felt like ive been push to one end and i still have to think of how he feel and keep everything looks fine.. then who ever think of me at this point of time? im scared, im so scared that everynight i having nightmare. If he is convincing enough or he is willing to give me his support, i dont think that i needed to come here to ask for advice.
 
Although the thoughts of having 4 kids freak me out, I will still keep.

At the most, no more tuitions, luxuries/holidays with a change of lifestyle. Rope in the older kids to help with the studies, household chores, caretaking of the younger ones. You have to be more organised with the chores and schedules.

Then there's school bursaries, food vouchers and at the most write in and state your difficulties to ask for more reimbursement/financial assistance.

I have friend who have 4 children with a single household income. They are coping well too.
 
Hi Waka,
Trust me. Abortion is worse than not enough $ . Cos the thought of u giving up ur child will be with u for rest of ur life. I hav been through it. Im also preg nw w my 3rd child n onli me n my hubby working. My inlaws are staying w me , both nt working n we r having a maid looking after the kids. Both me n my hubby r onli earning less than 5k after cpf deduction but we still vy positive towards life cos i always believe as long as we tried n do our vy best. We will be able to make all works well someday. So dnt give up ok. Believe in yourself n ur hubby. Work things out together.
 
Abortion should not be an option for you to consider in the first place. You do not have a choice.
Abortion is a sin. Your baby is a perfect, healthy baby that ought to be born and receive life.
Money issue can be worked out but abortion will leave permanent scar on you and your husband. Don't choose decision that you will regret over temporary hassles.
 
I have a friend who has 7 childrens , all abt 1 year apart, and they are not well to do.
Hubby is only earning $2.5k a month and they do not have any help either.
So she has to care for her children herself & somehow she survived.
I believe that God will not give u any test in life that He thinks u cannot handle.
I am sure when the baby comes, motherly instinct will kick in naturally and u will know how to survive in yr situation.
There are many welfare help around and u can apply for them.
You can go to the Family Care Center and try to get help from them.

Another friend who is a single mum, managed to get help and is only paying $30/mth for childcare.
So if ur eldest kid is big enough to go childcare, u can get subsidy for childcare.
At least, with some kids in childcare, u are not so tied up with the newborn.
 
Hi waka..agree with zaclin29

Children are a blessing and they are the pillar of our strength n purpose in life. Imagine 20yrs later, taking picture with your kid who graduate with honors ...just because you love him.

Also..your baby now can feel what u feel. If you feel abortion, your baby will feel very insecure when he come out.

So be at peace, all will work out well. Not every enrichment is necessary, not every ballet or piano or music class is necessary... Not every toy n gadget is necessary.

Trust in God ..He is faithful to provide.

God bless.
 
please dun ever let $$ be a factor... simply not worth it... just have to find a way to manage... buy an additional $1 TOTO very week, if you want... can always sacrifice that cup of kopi siu dai for TOTO ... the gist of my message is... there's plenty of things, luxuries, to give up in life. Kopi, nail polish, expensive shampoo, expensive diapers, cut allowance to parents, etc etc...

remember, spare that $1 to buy TOTO. u never know when will lady luck smile on your family...
 
Hi, pls give the healthy child a chance in life. He is in your tummy so you cant hear him yet.
Who says he cant survive well under your care? He may prove you wrong in his own survival ways years from now.
It is his life dun take it away from him. If you really must give him a better life why dun you consider adoption?
 
If I'm u.... I'll make sure I don't ever get pregnant again knowing how fertile I can be n in such a financial situation. But since things already happened, I'll prob embrace it. If there's a will, there's a way.. Really. If u decide to abort it, i can almost guarantee that u will regret.. Someday... My 2 cents.
 
Consider other options like giving it up for adoption?
But of cos best is to keep it and work things out.
All the best to you!
 
Hi Waka, i think it is important to note your spending and income for now. It is going to be costly to raise another child again. Furthermore, you have 3 other children and that will only add more to the financial constraints you already face. If you have the financial capability, I would strongly urge you to keep the 4th child. Abortion is by no means a solution that I feel is legitimate, but it should be your last resort. God probably has a good reason to give you a 4th baby, so you may want to consider that :)
 
Hi Waka,
Being a mother is not an easy task. There are many couples out there who have tried endlessly for a child, but to no avail. This child in you is a gift and a huge blessing. If you abort him, you'll never get to know his/her personality, never get to capture his first smile, his first belly flip, never know when he will pop his first tooth, take his first step and say his first word. You may essentially deprive your family of a loving sibling and a filial son. Try to keep a positive mindset, 船到桥头自然直
 
Hi Waka, stay strong! Your child would be 15 weeks old by now. It's never an easy option no matter which way you decide. Like you I'm in a dilemma but after going your account, I feel mine is nothing compared to you. I agree with some that if the long run is too tough then putting up for adoption is the next alternative. I went through the same dilemma with my youngest child 4 years ago and boy I was glad I went ahead to keep the child. Hope you get the chance to look back and had the same thought as I.
 

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