Anyone trying for 2nd child but fear may never have again?

[only_you]

I have a 3yo from IVF and now trying for a sibling for her. But i have been getting little success even through IVF. My doctor seems to suggest i be contented with 1 child too. And friends console me by saying "at least you have one" but they dont understand the desire whether for a second kid, it doesnt lessen just because we had one. Anyone feel like me? Very sad and my doctor's lukewarm attention is dampening too. Really must give up? What will make you give up?

 

[purplewhite]

If u reli want, go for it. at least u tried. I'm going to have my no 3. Although freedom is lost n financially stretched. Was childless for a long time. They bring us so much happiness.

Pray hard. Eat well. Exercise. Try Chinese doctor.

But do not be too sad if u do not get. Give ur child double n triple the love u have.

Good luck!

 

[only_you]

Thanks Purplewhite

 

[bunnymuimui]

I have a 3yo from IVF and now trying for a sibling for her. But i have been getting little success even through IVF. My doctor seems to suggest i be contented with 1 child too. And friends console me by saying "at least you have one" but they dont understand the desire whether for a second kid, it doesnt lessen just because we had one. Anyone feel like me? Very sad and my doctor's lukewarm attention is dampening too. Really must give up? What will make you give up?

hi @only_you same situation with you. We've a 4yo girl from IVF and I really hope to give her a sibling. The past few attempts at fresh/frozen have failed and tick tock tick tock I'm turning 37 this year. I told myself that I will give up after I use up all the embryoes from my current fresh cycle - which should give me another 2-3 FETs. By then, I would have reached 38yo? Need to focus on the #1 going for Primary School already. My husband is not as enthusiastic about #2. However, I told him this is the best thing we can do as parents - to have a child out of love and to give a sibling to him/her. Much as I want to have #2, I think we as mommies need to set a psychological limit on how far to go. Otherwise it'll drive us and our loved one crazy. Even my mom and MIL has asked me to stop after seeing us go through all the emotional roller coaster of TTC/IVF.

 

[only_you]

Thanks for sharing. I told myself i will finish up my 6th fresh and be done too. But i see my child alone and think when we are gone, i feel sadden and hence wish to try for a sibling for her. At least try while i still have another 1-2 years to 40 yo. Then if still dont have at least i know we did our best.
But doctor's response really dampens me. Makes me waver in my desire half believing him that it will be tough and i will fail. Thats clouding my judgement on what i really should do too.

Anguish and emotional turmoil i know it all too well and frankly by now i have become immuned. I no longer have tears. I cannot talk about it to my hb too. Its all just buried in me. I guess that's ok till i dont know maybe one day i will need to break down and let it all out.

 

[bunnymuimui]

I tell myself not to think too much. Just do it (TTC) till I hit the limit and cannot do anymore. Then I'll stop. Thinking of the feared unknown (her being alone in this world) scares the shit out of me. I also try to prepare my #1 to be a happy individual in case she really has to be an only child. Such inner resilience is key to being by yourself and happy, before you can bring happiness to others. I try not to lose myself as a mother to my #1 while trying for a #2. I still try to talk to my HB, cuz he is really my last pillar of support.

Thanks for sharing. I told myself i will finish up my 6th fresh and be done too. But i see my child alone and think when we are gone, i feel sadden and hence wish to try for a sibling for her. At least try while i still have another 1-2 years to 40 yo. Then if still dont have at least i know we did our best.
But doctor's response really dampens me. Makes me waver in my desire half believing him that it will be tough and i will fail. Thats clouding my judgement on what i really should do too.

Anguish and emotional turmoil i know it all too well and frankly by now i have become immuned. I no longer have tears. I cannot talk about it to my hb too. Its all just buried in me. I guess that's ok till i dont know maybe one day i will need to break down and let it all out.

 

[ringbell]

Only_you, like you, I also have my boy from ivf. He turns 3 this year. As my first ivf was successful, I never expect that it will be that difficult to have another kid. So I was quite depressed when my second ivf failed. The embryo didnt even implant. As I am running out of time (39 this year), I will try one more round of FET in June just so that I do not regret in the future for not trying. I know how you feel about wanting to have another kid for the elder one. This is esp when he is alone most of the time and do not have a play companion. Since you are still young, dont give up

 

[only_you]

Ringbell you are so like me in terms of our situation! Hugs!

 

[queenie122009]

I tell myself not to think too much. Just do it (TTC) till I hit the limit and cannot do anymore. Then I'll stop. Thinking of the feared unknown (her being alone in this world) scares the shit out of me. I also try to prepare my #1 to be a happy individual in case she really has to be an only child. Such inner resilience is key to being by yourself and happy, before you can bring happiness to others. I try not to lose myself as a mother to my #1 while trying for a #2. I still try to talk to my HB, cuz he is really my last pillar of support.

Thanks for sharing. I told myself i will finish up my 6th fresh and be done too. But i see my child alone and think when we are gone, i feel sadden and hence wish to try for a sibling for her. At least try while i still have another 1-2 years to 40 yo. Then if still dont have at least i know we did our best.
But doctor's response really dampens me. Makes me waver in my desire half believing him that it will be tough and i will fail. Thats clouding my judgement on what i really should do too.

Anguish and emotional turmoil i know it all too well and frankly by now i have become immuned. I no longer have tears. I cannot talk about it to my hb too. Its all just buried in me. I guess that's ok till i dont know maybe one day i will need to break down and let it all out.

Bunnymuimui, only_you,

Thanks so much for sharing.. U gals have juz written my thoughts.. & definitely has encouraged me alot..

I agree v v much w bunnymuimui, we muz not lose ourselves as mothers to #1 while pursuing #2.. During my 2ww, I continued to carry #1. She won't understand y I couldn't carry her & I don't wan her to feel tt her mum don't love her..

The challenging part is when I bfn, I was upset & didn't know where to vent out the sadness (hub wasn't as affected as me). I tried hard to cry it loud & move on.. Alamak, no tears.. End up singing "wheels on the bus".. Anyway, I know I can always pop in here for some moral support.. & may our #1 play the role of jie jie & gor gor v v soon..

 

[eunicec82]

you are not alone

 

[eunicec82]

I have a daughter 12 years old. Tried naturally finally conceived den mc so after 4 yrs i went IVF Fresh and FET failed also despite the embryos etc were nice.
Suddenly preg last yr den MC again... so yes i have tried and tried unless i am rather upset and dishearten. so you are not alone

Although i am dishearten i still yearn to have no 2 despite the huge age gap!

 

[bunnymuimui]

hi @eunicec82 wow your case is unique. So you've been trying for #2 for ~10 years? You are really brave in not giving up.

I have a daughter 12 years old. Tried naturally finally conceived den mc so after 4 yrs i went IVF Fresh and FET failed also despite the embryos etc were nice.
Suddenly preg last yr den MC again... so yes i have tried and tried unless i am rather upset and dishearten. so you are not alone

Although i am dishearten i still yearn to have no 2 despite the huge age gap!

 

[egg_factory]

I am also trying for #2 thru Fet with frosties leftover from my #1's cycle. Tried last year but m/c. I will keep trying. Lucky enough frosties but if this fails again i will do another fresh .
Only-you: i think your doc is more concerned about those patients who don't even have one child yet. They will feel more anxious than us.

I don't mind if fail but i really hope it's not m/c coz m/c is really torturous.

 

[sunbelle]

Dun give up ladies, saw a lady whom has a 6 yrs old gal suddenly conceived. so we have hope ..mi 39 Liao.... Old leh

 

[Peabody]

Hi ladies,

I tried for 4 years...thinking it wouldnt happen. Already given up hope already, then 2 months later missed period and it was a hit! Don't be too stressed up, relax...