advice to how to move on in life ..*beginning stage of separation*

daylight004sg

New Member
mummies ....please advice on how to move on in life i am now in my confinment 12 days ...one month ago my husband left me ,my 15 month old son and now a new born baby for his drinking late nights and vietnam affairs and he decided to be on separation ,he move back to his mum's place - he doent text or call me asking about the children at all...everyday is like dead day to me- meaningless ...any advice on how i can pull myself up again ..i am very miserable ....
 


mummies ....please advice on how to move on in life i am now in my confinment 12 days ...one month ago my husband left me ,my 15 month old son and now a new born baby for his drinking late nights and vietnam affairs and he decided to be on separation ,he move back to his mum's place - he doent text or call me asking about the children at all...everyday is like dead day to me- meaningless ...any advice on how i can pull myself up again ..i am very miserable ....
U have 2 children, a toddler and a new born.
People come and go, when feelings change, it's pointless to pin hope on it.
Only your children are the dearest to you. Accept the fact that he is gone for good.
I am sure your family and friends will be very supportive of you. Focus on getting the best for your kids, take good care of your health, don't think too much. Spend more time with the baby and your toddler.
You will be even busier when you start working and you won't even have time after work or during the weekend.
Time will heal everything, is hard but focus on your kids now.
Don't think too much. Feel free to pm me if you need a listening ear.
 
U have 2 children, a toddler and a new born.
People come and go, when feelings change, it's pointless to pin hope on it.
Only your children are the dearest to you. Accept the fact that he is gone for good.
I am sure your family and friends will be very supportive of you. Focus on getting the best for your kids, take good care of your health, don't think too much. Spend more time with the baby and your toddler.
You will be even busier when you start working and you won't even have time after work or during the weekend.
Time will heal everything, is hard but focus on your kids now.
Don't think too much. Feel free to pm me if you need a listening ear.
thank u sane.....i am glad i found this forum... many mummies advices and also life examples...i am not alone ....
 
thank u sane.....i am glad i found this forum... many mummies advices and also life examples...i am not alone ....
A mummy's time is very precious, we have no time to grieve.
No matter what, always remember "think positively".
This is what I am telling myself everyday.
Keeping the house clean, planning on what nutritious meal to cook for the meals, their educational/studies and think about where to bring them during the weekend.
We bring them to the world and it is our responsibility take care of them and only if you are strong and think positively, you can do more for your kids.
Take good care ok, we are always here to be your listening ear.
 
Daylight. . Yes.. only u urself can pick urself up.. we can always be ur listening ear but ultimately how to move on is up to u..

Are u close with ur MIL? Is it possible u ask her abt your hubby?

I know some mummies here will feel its no point involving others etc.. but for me i would need a proper closure. To actually let him know what separation and divorce means.. u will be surprised some men dun think.. then next time they try to fight children fight house with u.

But show him u r strong and independent to bring ur kids up..
 
Daylight. . Yes.. only u urself can pick urself up.. we can always be ur listening ear but ultimately how to move on is up to u..

Are u close with ur MIL? Is it possible u ask her abt your hubby?

I know some mummies here will feel its no point involving others etc.. but for me i would need a proper closure. To actually let him know what separation and divorce means.. u will be surprised some men dun think.. then next time they try to fight children fight house with u.

But show him u r strong and independent to bring ur kids up..
mother in law and sister in law also say him liao....but he very persistant on leaving me ...they also lost hope liaoz.....:(i have to move on ..
 
gladjio...thank u for concerns dear ...the past 2 days i have been staying at a good friend house....to help me cool down abit ...it seems to work alittle when i am not in the* memories*..house and room...
 
Ok ..thank God..that's a good idea...dun go back for time begin until you are stronger... I also like u ...went into depression as my hubby careless about me n I almost kill my elder gal. So, dun take this lightly... You just gave birth n your body still adjusting so a lot of feelings n emotion will cm out... Just remember you are not alone n we'll help you get strong. You deserve someone better n God is faith to bless. Dun think negatively, we'll get him to pay when you r strong ...just rest now n be strong.
 
Hi daylight004sg, please be strong for your children. A new born and a toddler to take care by no means is an easy feat to handle. Given his actions, you definitely deserve someone much better. hope you will have the will to let go and move on. Focus on taking care of yourself and your children, accept love and kindness from the people around you, and let go of those hurting feelings, and remember what you resists will persists. So I hope you will be able to live in the moment, and learn to forgive. Forgiveness is the best gift you could give to yourself at this moment.
Yourself and your children are the treasures that you have right now. So I hope you could be strong to give your children pleasant childhood and when they grow up, they will for sure understand what leads to the separation. God will bless you.
 
Dear Daylight, remember ,u are not alone. I am also almost in the same state as u. But I am staying strong because of good family and friend support. These are very important. And as long as I am with my children and they are healthy, I feel blessed. Focus on our kids, so they feel loved. Don't think negative things, we have to fight against the devil who come and kill steal and destroy. Proof to that heartless that u are strong. A lot of times, we kena bully because they think we are weak. So proof to him, groom urself, take care of the children well and bring them up well. Then that heartless will be amazed how u did that. Proof to him that without him, life goes on and in fact its even better!
When I know of colleagues who are single mothers and their kids excel in terms of character and education, I salute these single mothers. Its not easy, but they can do it so can we. We just need to focus on them. Be strong, we will encourage each other here in forum. Probably when I deliver, we could meet up , at least to have support for one another :)
 
Hi all.. need some advice. My hub n me has been married for 6yrs n with 2 kids(4 n 6). I am a SAHM for 3yrs. Recently i caught him telling his collegues that hes divorce(with me). & some text to a female collegue sweet talk n those text are like making e gal thinks that hes trying to woo her.

Recently he went KL 3days 2night trip with this female collegues n 2 other guys even i say cannot...

This is not e 1st nor 2nd time anymore. We quarrel n even mentioned divorce b4.. the last time he promis3 to be the last time.. but i confronted him n he confessed too. N give me lame excuses.. I cried almost every night to slp as i find myself really stupid..

Sorry for the long story.. any kind soul pls advice. Shd i divorce with him..
 
Hi michkhoo

What's SAHM?

Anyway, this question is only you can answer yourself... Do you still love him? Does he still loves you?

Hv a talk with him n start collecting evidence... You nv know when u needed it. And record the conversation, it is an evidence in court, even text msg also ... Start to quietly collect, though I hope your marriage can be saved but should it become divorce, you are all prepared.

sugguest u Google women's charter n know your rights.

God bless...
 
Hi gladjo, SAHM is stay at home mum. I still love him we had a talk already. N he say he cant promise theres no next time
 
Hi michkhoo

So so so sorry to hear that...sigh...you know you are the only one..my husband told he need a change of dish and it wasn't his fault to commit adultery cos that woman stripped naked. What lame excuses a will think man. And what he mean can't promise...when he took the marriage oath, he already promised! sigh...

Did you record ? did you keep all the text messages ? less than 6months? Did he say what he intends to do? Do you want to go counselling with HIM ? Do you love him still to be able to endure future adultery? Do you want to join back the workforce?

I mean, these are questions you have to face eventually. I feel so bad you have such a man, after all, you sacrifice everything, everything to stay home for the kids...HIS kids.

As much as I would discourage you divorce but ... he's a real asshole. Sorry to say.

Discuss with your parents and family, you will need their support and strength, gal. Just remember, you deserve a good life because you have done all you can for the family. And you are not alone gal, we are all sama sama so feel free to share with us here. Legally I can guide you as far as I can.

So, whatever decision you make after that, stand firm and don't waiver. Kids no matter how young they are, they can feel though they may not understand fully, So, spend valuable time with time, talking and talking, even repeating a 100x telling them you love them and will not leave them alone. They are scare to be abandon, this is their fear.

God bless...
 
Gladjo, i like ur words of encouragement:) i have been telling my daughter and my baby that i love them (many many times too!) and will not leave them. Afterall, they have love of many ppl, grandparents, grand aunties, grand uncles, maid (yes, the maid sayang my daughtee alot), my bro and his wiffe... See, so many ppl sayang them. My daughter din even ask for papa. How sad
 
Hi all, just to update. I managed to save bk my marriage. Well, dunno good or bad but because of the kids... I give in.

Currently, hes still ok. Nv caught him doing anything n hopefully not.. we are doing well n less quarrel too. I understand it takes 2 hands to clap hence i also change abit in my attitude towards him n children too.

Thanks all for the concern
 
for me, if a husband failed to be a husband and refuse to admit & change for better, it's time to leave
my expectation is i dun even need a catalyst e.g catch him cheating or emotional cheating. as long as i feel insecure, instable and find that the relationship is heading nowhere, i will consider leaving..
 

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