divorce advise

charms

New Member
Any can advise how stop my hubby to move the elder kids out fm my in law house.. We are in midst of discussion on divorce however with out legal procedure.. My kid age 14 , 11 and a toddler...he claims insisted the elder to move w him despite I voice out.. He had an affair behind my back and claim that the reason for divorce is due non conversation for 2-3 years.. My younger kid was not even 3.. Everything was ok when I was in my maternity leave and he was jobless at the point of time.. After he return to work .. Whenever I call him he was jus enteraining me or not answering my call den his facebook update hes married in 2013...in jun/jul this year I found out that a woman call him "bb" in her msg to him.. Den short he join her in partnership in her company.. Start to inital that he wanted to move on his life wo me and divorce.. This is not the first time anyway.. Recently He keep enquiring abt maintaince and our flats.. Seriously what my rights
 

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Hi charms, you can Google Women's Charter n your rights are there however it seems ur hubby will not make it easy...but since he in partnerships with that woman, check if the company have his name as shareholder, that will help you prove he is able to provide for you n your kids... So he knows about Maintenance but never mind, you can do a court order for maintenance, is very easy n only $10...this will ran parallel to your divorce if he had file...to the court, they treat Maintenance Order and Divorce separately...so start digging for receipts for past 3mths ( everything including toilet paper, taopao food whatever), you may ask fm friends to inflate the amount.. I can teach you... If you can dig pictures of them intimate that wl b good or you hv witness .. Dun worry I wl help u along... Just stay clam now n gather as much evidence as possible... God bless
 
Hi charms, you can Google Women's Charter n your rights are there however it seems ur hubby will not make it easy...but since he in partnerships with that woman, check if the company have his name as shareholder, that will help you prove he is able to provide for you n your kids... So he knows about Maintenance but never mind, you can do a court order for maintenance, is very easy n only $10...this will ran parallel to your divorce if he had file...to the court, they treat Maintenance Order and Divorce separately...so start digging for receipts for past 3mths ( everything including toilet paper, taopao food whatever), you may ask fm friends to inflate the amount.. I can teach you... If you can dig pictures of them intimate that wl b good or you hv witness .. Dun worry I wl help u along... Just stay clam now n gather as much evidence as possible... God bless


But how I haven engage PI yet
 
Hi charms, merry Christmas... So sad to hear your hubby like that...my hubby broke the news of divorce o. 2nd day of chinese new year!! Be strong n wise n clam.

Anyway, Dun engage PI ..it's very expensive but unless you can afford, ok by all means... One way is you talk to him, get ready a good recorder or a witness, (dun let him see you record la) like that he will not be on his guard, if he decides to divorce, ask him specifically is it because that women, if possible get her full name, with that we can trace electronic footprints n hopefully enough evidence to support your case. And enquire the name of their company.. If you cant is ok...we'll think of other ways...Let's give reasonable doubt ur hubby haven't lost his head n cm back to you. Oh..take down the number of that woman if possible. Dun let anger n sadness overwhelmed you, think, the kids need you so be clam.

Do this first n meanwhile control the letterbox key.. u will need whatever docus you can find..especially bank statements. If he ask, dun alarm him, say the letter box key was lost or jammed n you made a new set n you will give him a set later, but Dun give, everytime he ask always something urgent cropped up n u got distracted.

Meanwhile, continue to gather your receipts.. As much as possible n dun let him know, keep at your mum's or sister's place.. If you want to win, you need the element of surprise, your hubby is smart.

So talk with him first n record it down, get also a witness , if you can't nvm, dun stress yourself....at least you know clearly the direction n you had given him a chance to return... Peace be with you... God bless
 
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gladjo, if u records without informing u are recording it's can be used in court. Also voice recording are weak in court as it can be manipulated.

For letter, credit card statement is unless for just a month, worst still if he use cash only. U will alert him and he can used it against u for overly suspicious and intruding into his privacy .
 
Thanks gladjo for the advise.

I am currently keeping the receipts too

Hi charms,
Remember u are not alone. That fella ask for divorce when i am pregnant. Heartless right? He dun even bother.
 
Hi Margret ... Hmm.. May b you got a point but... The discrebility n doubt is achieved n will shadow his arguments ... My DPP taught me, nvm mind if usesless effort as long as u achieved a dent on plaintiff's integrity n cast doubt in judge's mind.

Credit card stmt useless ...that's why hv to start collecting as by the time due for actual seat down hearing, wl probably in 2-3 mths...also sometimes dun attend court purposely by using MC n overseas trip excuses. Why...to give yourself more time to collect documents n prepare your affidavit. All these are elements to use to antagonise plaintiff as he n his lawyer will wonder n ponder what you are up to...u put element of doubt n fear in them.

A Commander chief can loose all his generals but he wins the entire war...heard this? You dun need to win every time, just the final hearing, cos each contesting point you set the stage of doubts on him as a father n husband. Best part if he becomes so annoyed that he blew his anger in court. Yep, testing his 'patience'. So...food for thought..

God bless
 
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what is DPP? If u say Deputy public prosecutor, then he might not know much as he deal with criminal law not family law.

also mc cannot excuse him from court as most mc will mark it's not a excuse not to attend court.

if u wan evidence, make sure u get strong evidence, if not u will be wasting your lawyer fees, if u keep on delaying
 
Hi Margret...he was DPP n resigned to do private n handled divorce cases. Yes, the max u can defer using mc is 2x ...n if overseas trip...u can defer max 3-4x

Divorce isn't like maintenance order, it's a long process if contested n if auxiliaries matters are lot or if alimony amount is huge...

So,I rather play my chess carefully than rush thru n end up with nothing. I must ensure future how my children live on. He have committed adultery to the max even using my daughter laptop to watch pornography n save his woman pic on my gal PC...I will make him pay since he doesn't know how to be a father. I'm not going to rush thru n get it over so fast...furthermore, he want me to transfer my hdb share to him n get lost! I'll fight with everything of course.

When nearer...I will engage legal counsel...do u knw when the times I went to family court,I see quite a few wife n husband discharging their lawyer n representing themselves! So doesn't mean getting a lawyer u will win...I hv Ppl telling me when i scouted around that their lawyer dun do anything to fight for them.

God bless..
 
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gladjio, mc cannot be excuse for court. Oversea trip unless proven, if not the court wont allow u to deter.

I think u are wrong on divorce. There is a deadline either for mediation or contest. There is no point in we win or lose in getting a divorce. Maintenance is not based on adultery, is based on the child needs and division of asset is based on how the contribution.

Yes, to get a good counsel is important, if u get a lousy lawyer then ended up u don't get what is rightfully yours.

Strongly to get a good lawyer in the beginning, so that u wont jeopardize your child custody.
 
to add. its never good to look for revenge in a divorce proceeding. Both party and child will come out from a bitter worse off. If can settle amicably
 
If you are paying 26yrs ...supporting 2 children on your single salary while he womanize outside and now he tells you to transfer your HDB shares to him n **** off...you are not angry? No matter how gracious n kind a person, it will boil any normal human begin.... Oh, just to add during while supporting the kids yourself, you r incurred huge debts... Not angry? And because he womanize, though tested negative... You aren't sure your are carrier of Abt std or VD. .. Not angry?

It's not revenge, it's getting what I need for my sunset years n my children's education.
 
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Thanks for your concern, I knw how far I can push the limits, I've been running in n out of court listening to cases n reading up n researching...am not naive. Furthermore, every time I go to court, there's much to learn just by listening n the officials will answer to the best if their knowledge. They are very helpful.
 
to add. its never good to look for revenge in a divorce proceeding. Both party and child will come out from a bitter worse off. If can settle amicably
agree with you....

then again, no point trying to discourage gladjo... she has been enduring too much from her marriage... when a person's world collapse, he/she needs some faith or goal to work towards... if not, the person may go crazy....

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I hv learn to forgive but no forget n I dun wish anyone at all to endure what I go through, that's am here sharing. He want to squash me like a bug n take all for himself n bring that Thai girl in...Franky i dun care what he does, I just want justice n my fair share that if possible leave this country n start anew with my gals. So I must push to the limits n work round the system to gain every advantage.

So, God bless..
 
totally agree on the forgive but not forget part... everyone has their own way to choose how to have their closure... for me, i dun think i can live as long as government expects, maybe 70yrs old e max.. i already at my mid life, and already wasted 11 years on my ex. i want to be happy and choose to be happy for rest of my half remaining life. hence i seek for the fastest way to end everything and have my closure.

now i found my Mr Right who loves, adores and pampers me and we TTC-ing now :)
 
Pixie...only Ppl like LKY n the Lee's n the s'pore chosen elite can outlive anyone of us. ...hahaha... N I just read women's charter 95(5)(b).. Something everyone overlooked... If able to prove he committed adultery, I basically dun hv to pay a cent....sigh, if only I hv more soild evidence

Oh..also found out from legal aid voice recordings are good enough proof for adultery...

So...this some juicy stuff to share with mummies here.

God bless..
 
Hi Mummy, hope my reply not too late. I went to see a divorce lawyer yesterday before I raised anything to my husb. It is advisable to spend money on consulting a lawyer than proceed with PI.

My husb doesn't have an affair (or not that I know of), my grounds for divorce is stress from finance and differences. This reason is acceptable.

My point is, according to the lawyer, the courts do not really care what is your history or story, they prefer to look forward, i.e. what you or both of you want - specifically, the conditions after divorce e.g. matrimonial flat distribution, assets distribution, monthly maintenance for household and wife, monthly maintenance for children (if they are in your custody).

According to the lawyer, if you are the person initiating the divorce, most husbands will contest - i.e. challenge the divorce
If you write something nasty in the divorce proposal, the husband will likely get bitter and write even nastier things.
These waste the court's time. The divorce can drag up to a year or longer.

Keep ALL receipts that you spend on your children. Calculate monthly how much you need. No receipts, no proof. Separate what you spend on yourself and keep in calculation too.

Prepare yourself for a submission of reasonable requests. Show them to the lawyer. Lawyer will advise u if these requests are reasonable / legal.
Do not, do not make yourself look vengeful / spiteful / unreasonable. Show that your requests are for the children, for household.

I read up on some really outrageous cases in the past.
a) Wife wants to divorce. Husband requests reconciliation. Wife says ok, on account in laws move out of their home because they give her immense stress. She is SAHM.
Husband says, if you want my parents to move out, you pay half of all children's expenses and pay for expenses for the flat. But she is SAHM.
Court deems husband unreasonable, grants divorce, and some maintenance to wife.

b) Wife wants to divorce with requests for maintenance. Husband had an affair. Husband says he wants reconciliation, he will accede to some requests, but he wants to continue seeing his mistress. Of course, the court didn't approve husband's request.


If you wish to proceed, you have to stay very strong. You need lots of friends and family support. Your husband can get spiteful even though usually he seem level headed. Even you may turn ugly.
My parents went through it, I was 17. I may go thru it soon.

Another milder approach, is to go for counseling first. Find out more abt your issues.
At least, even if in the end you still want to attack the other party, you should know his weaknesses first.

Sorry if I sound very evil, but after consultation with lawyer yesterday, I know women suffer alot in divorce cases and men can be very heartless.
 
If I am a SAHM, do you think I can have the kids with me if divorce? I am afraid to lose my kids. He is high earner.
i think you check with lawyer better....

i just wrote in another thread, i have a friend, her 2 sons is given custody to her ex-hub. her ex-hub is businessman and my friend is just a normal office worker. she only to see her kids every weekend.

i also have another friend, his son is given custody his ex-wife. also need to give her alimony even her pay is higher than him. end up she didnt want to look after her son, then kick here and there. my friend take back his son to look after but legally still under his ex-wife.
 
What do I do if I want to file for a divorce or annulment?
When you consider filing for divorce, you must consult a lawyer for legal advice and assistance. You lawyer will be able to determine whether you have a case for divorce before proceeding any further. He or she can prepare all the necessary legal documents required by the court. Upon the commencement of your matter, you must furnish the following documents and information to your lawyer:

  1. Original Marriage Certificate
  2. Grounds for divorce or annulment together with the supporting documents (where applicable). For example:
    1. For adultery
      1. Private investigator’s report, DNA report
    2. For unreasonable behaviour
      1. Police report(s) on such unreasonable behaviour(s)
      2. Medical report(s) evidencing physical abus
    3. For separation
      1. Deed of separation
  3. Particulars of petitioner, respondent and children of the marriage
    1. Corresponding addresses and contact number(s) of the petitioner and respondent
    2. A copy each of the birth certificates of the children
  1. Particulars of the matrimony property and/assets
  2. Custody, care and control of children of the marriage
  3. Maintenance of petitioner and children of the marriage
 
  1. Grounds for divorce or annulment together with the supporting documents (where applicable). For example:
    1. For adultery
      1. Private investigator’s report, DNA report
    2. For unreasonable behaviour
      1. Police report(s) on such unreasonable behaviour(s)
      2. Medical report(s) evidencing physical abus
    3. For separation
      1. Deed of separation

i file divorce under irreconcilable differences.. no need any reports or evidence... just tell my lawyer about the things i'm unhappy about, then my ex-hub will agree and sign on the documents... and also no need go thru separation
 
in real situation, it might not be so easy.

What u unhappy with doesn't mean it's a valid ground for divorce. And also, what u say bad about your husband, he definitely will defend himself.
 
in real situation, it might not be so easy.

What u unhappy with doesn't mean it's a valid ground for divorce. And also, what u say bad about your husband, he definitely will defend himself.

for irreconcilable differences, you can say things that you are unhappy in the marriage which cause marriage impossible for both of you. it can be religion, the way you discipline your kids, or the difference in lifestyle...hence need not provide any reports or evidence

for my case, my ex and I agree on the irreconcilable differences which reflect badly on him... he do agree because those are the reasons why i filing for divorce... then again i didnt ask for any alimony or monetary from him. i explain to him we need to agree on irreconcilable differences so that both of us can divorce asap. it not because i purposely want to put him down or want him to apologise or feel sorry for our marriage. but is just purely what courts want to see so that both of us can go our separate ways and we need not go thru consultation or deeds of seperation

i believe most men dun mind absorbing the bad stuffs if he need not to come out money to pay for his "fault".. alot of women is using these "fault" to penalize their ex hub hence ex hub will fight back
 
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its good u meet with a man with low ego and MCP. I hear of many men who refused to acknowledge they their 'fault', instead they turn the whole thing against the wife.

For yours, i think its a easy way out as he doesn't need to bear any responsibility, in term of alimony. But not everyone is financial independent from the husband , many give up their career for the family, and a divorce come in, definitely need to claim money from him, or get the sale proceeds from the house.
 
its good u meet with a man with low ego and MCP. I hear of many men who refused to acknowledge they their 'fault', instead they turn the whole thing against the wife.

For yours, i think its a easy way out as he doesn't need to bear any responsibility, in term of alimony. But not everyone is financial independent from the husband , many give up their career for the family, and a divorce come in, definitely need to claim money from him, or get the sale proceeds from the house.

he is not low ego and MCP. because both of us are reasonable being and share the same goal - divorce. whose fault is not important anymore as we just want the marriage to end. hence we are not calculative for the assets. we just take back what we have paid for. for me, i can find work and learn a living. plus i have pride so i want to cut ties with my ex, i will not want anything from him... like i said earlier on, we are poor folks, even i fight for alimony will be less than 1K. just because of less than 1K i have to be "connect" to my ex, and people will "look down" on me that i take my ex's money even though i want a divorce & kinda richer than my ex.

i stand on my own feet, has my own house, my own career and now have a guy who loves and adores me.. if i took another path (fight for the small money), i dont think i will be as happy as now.
 
u are the kind of wife many men like to have.

After they wasted your youth and enough fun, they just wash their hands without having to bear any responsible.

I believed u are better off than a lot of us. To us few hundred or 1k is not small money, and its not just one month. But the opportunity cost if we have not given up our job to look after the family. If there is child in the marriage, the more we will need the 'small money' to survive.

Very important, for for your rights.
 
u are the kind of wife many men like to have.

After they wasted your youth and enough fun, they just wash their hands without having to bear any responsible.

I believed u are better off than a lot of us. To us few hundred or 1k is not small money, and its not just one month. But the opportunity cost if we have not given up our job to look after the family. If there is child in the marriage, the more we will need the 'small money' to survive.

Very important, for for your rights.

i think because my focus point is always myself even i'm married. i don't throw away my life just because i married to a guy. hence when i divorce, i don't find i waste my youth or forgo any opportunity cost. even now my spouse treat me very very good, dotes me alot and cherish me, i also won't put my entire fortune to bet that he always be this way forever. i think anyone (regarding man or woman) must prepare a backup plan
 
Pixie Ng, you are so lucky able to find Mr Right after your divorce. I hope I will be able to find 'My One' too. Do you have kids?
my current spouse knows me when i'm already married. we were ex-colleagues. i was having trouble with my marriage, and he just divorce his wife but we never mention about these when we were colleagues. only after we left the company, we start to hang out as friends then we start talking about our past.

i dont believe divorce women is lower of value like some people may said. we are same value as any other single women out there. alot of women feel that after divorce, no man will wants her because they have kid. i don't find it true. because i do have friends who married divorce woman/man with kid. my spouse's previous ex also divorcee with kids. when i finally divorced, my buddies warn me that divorcee (plus i'm not young) no market value. total bullshit!

i do not have kids because my ex does not want any.
 
U hv to be brave n take the first step...nobody fights for u except yourself.. Stand up gal ...we r here n all of us can give u advise
 
Pixie Ng... I hope I can have your confidence level. I don't even dare to take the first step to leave him. I think I will just endure, close one eye till to my max level. I really hope someday I could find someone that sayang and adore me . your success story will definitely be an inspiration to me!!!
i dun encourage divorce unless you are really really sure that what you want..personally i know people who divorce and re-married to same person again.. and also people who divorce and regret their decision...

at the end of the line, everyone wishes for happiness and live their lives to the fullest. if you still far from it, perhaps you need to think how you going to live your life to the fullest. everyone only got 1 shot at it and that's all.

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