Hi Mummy, hope my reply not too late. I went to see a divorce lawyer yesterday before I raised anything to my husb. It is advisable to spend money on consulting a lawyer than proceed with PI.
My husb doesn't have an affair (or not that I know of), my grounds for divorce is stress from finance and differences. This reason is acceptable.
My point is, according to the lawyer, the courts do not really care what is your history or story, they prefer to look forward, i.e. what you or both of you want - specifically, the conditions after divorce e.g. matrimonial flat distribution, assets distribution, monthly maintenance for household and wife, monthly maintenance for children (if they are in your custody).
According to the lawyer, if you are the person initiating the divorce, most husbands will contest - i.e. challenge the divorce
If you write something nasty in the divorce proposal, the husband will likely get bitter and write even nastier things.
These waste the court's time. The divorce can drag up to a year or longer.
Keep ALL receipts that you spend on your children. Calculate monthly how much you need. No receipts, no proof. Separate what you spend on yourself and keep in calculation too.
Prepare yourself for a submission of reasonable requests. Show them to the lawyer. Lawyer will advise u if these requests are reasonable / legal.
Do not, do not make yourself look vengeful / spiteful / unreasonable. Show that your requests are for the children, for household.
I read up on some really outrageous cases in the past.
a) Wife wants to divorce. Husband requests reconciliation. Wife says ok, on account in laws move out of their home because they give her immense stress. She is SAHM.
Husband says, if you want my parents to move out, you pay half of all children's expenses and pay for expenses for the flat. But she is SAHM.
Court deems husband unreasonable, grants divorce, and some maintenance to wife.
b) Wife wants to divorce with requests for maintenance. Husband had an affair. Husband says he wants reconciliation, he will accede to some requests, but he wants to continue seeing his mistress. Of course, the court didn't approve husband's request.
If you wish to proceed, you have to stay very strong. You need lots of friends and family support. Your husband can get spiteful even though usually he seem level headed. Even you may turn ugly.
My parents went through it, I was 17. I may go thru it soon.
Another milder approach, is to go for counseling first. Find out more abt your issues.
At least, even if in the end you still want to attack the other party, you should know his weaknesses first.
Sorry if I sound very evil, but after consultation with lawyer yesterday, I know women suffer alot in divorce cases and men can be very heartless.