Need advise..Lonely and afraid young mummy

leezaizad

New Member
Hi mummies,

I just joined in here as i was trying to find some answers on google and saw this forum.. I have no idea where to post, or how to post, so I hope there is some people who can see this msg and help me as i am at a total lost..

My name is Liz, im 20 this year. I have two sons aged 2.6yo and 1.1yo. I have been married for coming 2 years now. In this 2 years, there is no honeymoon period but just nightmares. We keep fighting and separating. Once we were separated for over 3 months with me at my parents home, and him not even contacting me, or asking about his sons or anything at all. Till my dad had enough and asked him what he wants to do with me, he came down and told my parents he wanted to divorce me. I refused and i straight away packed my bag and returned to his mom place to win back his heart. In just 3 days , i did. But I guess, his faimly members are not happy seeing us as happy as we are. On fine day we had a big fight, and his mother, called my parents over to her place and told them to bring me and my sons out from her place. But when I asked her, "What about my husband? Why dont you throw him out too?" She said "No icant do that. If he wants to follow u he can. If not he can just live with me." I was heartbroken. Because even after the fight, me and my husband calmed down and stil lcant interact with each other nicely. But his mother out of a sudden change from the nicest to the most crazy mother in law ever. Sprouting out all my negative sides when living with her. I was so shocked like i was backstabbed by a bazuka.

When i moved back in with my parents in JB, We were still contacting each other like normal. At times i will go in singapore and we will meet outside to let him spent time with his sons. He never discussed with me how is it. Only when i asked him, he says now is not the time yet. Again i was being thrown aside by him. But he acting like he cared but nobody knows that he does. Now I manage to rent a place from the market in marsiling near to his mom place at woodlands. We celebrated our younger son bday together, went out together, still can kiss goodbye when going home but every time i ask him to come live with me, he said he was not ready. I am confused and this is eating me up.

I was so angry one morning and whatsapp-ed him saying that is being a coward. Why must he be easily influenced by his family?? Than what about me and my sons? Arent we his family too? My parents are totally pissed off with him and told me i better start preparing myself to let him go and move on because they feel that this man is really one useless piece of shit. Ofcos i think otherwise.. he is my husband. But as time passed, i begining to belive that its true... He said he wants to go to court a zillion times but he didnt. And now he is claiming that the marriage cert is with me. So i already mailed the cert back to him. My mother said that she feels, he is doesnt want to take responsibility of me and my sons anymore, but he doesnt want to take the first step to divorce me. I am living alone with my sons, and im self employed working full time at home. This is the life i want to be. Me taking care of my precious boys.

I am overly attached to my sons, and i swear if they are not by my side i have no reason to live any more. I have rebelled my whole life and only till i held my first born in my arms, ive never felt this much of love before. He is my bestest friend and im blessed to have 2 now. Im paying 1.1k per month for rent now. Everything else is all on me. Ive been supporting them since forever on my own. My husband only gave me $1000 per month 3 times of our marriage life and thats it.

So now I am hoping he would come home eventually, but i have to be more realistic and accept the fact that he is not a good man. He claims he missed his sons, he loves his sons, he will die for his sons, but he will only meet his sons when he is convenient. He was divorced once with no children, even his eldest brother is a divorcee too. But have 2 daughters. I lived with them for 2 years and I see how they are especially the evil mother. She teaches her sons that all they have to do is work and work and give money. That is all. Because that is how she is living with her husband now. My guess is, my husband is too afraid to leave his mom's home and live with me, afraid that we wont work out again. But whatever the reason is, he not being here is already as irresponsible as he always is.

So now, my main and ONLY concern is, can i have custody of my children at a young age? I may be young, but i will do anything for my sons. i will never leave them out of my sight even for a second, I cant live without my sons. I cry everytime i think of this. My family are all non divorcee, my parents cant advise me on this. So i am all alone. Im not prepared and im just scared. I know my husband wont claim full custody as his mother wont want to take care of my sons, but i know they will ask for weekend access. Just like my husband's elder brother two daughters. I am strongly against this access. Can i fight to disagree?? If he can live without his sons for months, and just see them a few hours one sunday a month, why after divorce he wants every weekend? I cant comply and i hope there is some ray of hope here telling me that i can fight for this. I do not want to sleep a single night without my sons, because i have never done that, and im not ready to experience that. He is used to it. Im sure he can live with it like how he is living with it now.

Since we were married, he have not even provided us a home. I owe anyone who can help me with this. If this way is impossible, than i have no choice but try to win my husband's heart back again just to ensure that i dont have to be seperated with my sons. even if it means living with an idiot.

Regards
 


Sorry to hear about your situation. I think you need to ask a lawyer about this. Find a good one and he will be able to help you. Lawyers have seen many cases of divorces turning ugly so they are the best people to advise you.
 
as long as you can prove that you can support yourself and your son means u got a home (be it is yur parents home) + a job, high chance you can get custody for your boys. courts tend to rule in favour of mother.
but for the father to see the children weekly basis, i think it is quite reasonable... unless you can prove that he is abusive or something
 
i am sorry to hear about your story.. first thing for all, your husband and your cannot file for divorce if your marriage is less than three years from the date of marriage. However, both of you can go for separation and you can claim maintenance for yourself as well as for your children from him in the meanwhile.

From your story, it seems like your husband does not care about your children hence i would think that it will not propose a problem if you file for the custody of the children. However to play safe start saving the text messages you send to your husband asking him if he wants to take care of your children. It would be best if he reject you in sms as they can be supporting evidence to persuade the judge to grant custody in your in any case if he decide to fight for custody.

lastly, i am tell that you are going through a very difficult stage.. i can imagine all the pain and everything.. if u need a listening ear, pls pm me.. i will try to help to advise.. no hidden agenda but just as that i am also going through shit in life and sometimes i wish i can get help too..
 
We are all strong women cos of the shit those 'man' put us through... Am in first stage divorce also n I single handedly raised my 2 gals, all these yes I kept my peace n silence because of them n now they are big nw age 19 n 20...am fighting tooth n nail nw. So I can empathise what you are going through. So, winning his heart isn't going to work. agree with your mum...move on ...talk Franky with him first and then you will know how to procced from there.
 
agree with sane, u are spammimg with your name and contact.

U have just registered today, how did u helped many in this forum????

i have send a complaint to the moderater. Pls stop sppamming. u are advertising not helping.
 
Sane n blue blur, I had actually registered in this forum around 3 yrs ago n had done cases for many troubled mum. Since then I had others contract on investigation n busy with advisory panel so i had missed out this forum n forgotten the password. Yesterday I registered again n logged in. Like I say just ignored n dun bother to reply. I dun see anything wrong by having my name n contacts in here. Thks for the complaint. I just hope u could be a better thinking human or minding yr own issues rather than worrying wat I m doing in here.

@bee_lee, @chinleng FYI

@Elias007, i hope u can be considerate to keep the thread neat and tidy for the fellow users and not spamming all the place with your name and contact.

Do take note spamming is not allowed here.
U understand meaning of spamming??

"Any user who spams (posting multiple similar messages) will risk having their account suspended. "

http://singaporemotherhood.com/forum/threads/no-spamming.142/

Unless u are doing volunteer work without charging a single cent, if not there's a business thread for businesses
http://singaporemotherhood.com/forum/forums/for-business.20/

Lastly instead of apologising for the spams, u sound rude and self righteous, good luck to those who's engaging your services.
 
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