Single & attached/remarry?

Hi Mummies,

I am wondering, is there anyone here has divorce and remarry again? Do you think it will affect the present/existing child feeling?
 


I also think abt this often. I will also worry what if i have future kids w my new guy? Then my current kids will have different surname than the rest? Haiz.
 
Strongmummy82,

What is your cateria for a man to come in your life? Do you mind your existing kid feelings and thoughts towards the new guy? Do you put your child feeling in before accepting the new guy in your life?
 
Firstly, remarrying is giving a child a feeling of how will your son/daughter feel if there is a father.
So, frankly saying I don't think so its an issue. By the way, is whether your child is able to communicate and have a strong bonding with that man you have in your mind.
If your child can get along very well with him. I think, its best for you and easier for you then.
Get that man, to talk out things with you and then understand what are his thoughts of accepting your child.
If he is able to accept your child as his own and able to commit that even if he has a child of his own with you, he will continue to see your child as his own.
He wont mistreat your child.
If there is another child, teach your child to accept the child as its own siblings.
Its like a circle. Everyone has to commit to one rule "Accept one an another as our own".
When the minute, you start seeing a difference, there will be problems arising against you.
I have meet someone older to me, and she is married for the 3rd time. The first marriage, she has 3 children but because of violence used against her, she had to apply for divorce. Her 2nd marriage got divorce because they could feel loved but they could only be friends even after marriage, finally she met a man who changed her life and accepted the 3 children of his own and now he has own child but he still continuing to support her 3 others children education and expenses.
Different people has different thinking and perceptions in life.
Is whether he is the right man in your life?
Think carefully before you decide. Analyse all his characters and thinkings when you are alone, then note it down in a book. Does he match the man of your heart? Everything he says or do, note it down and circle the good and bad thinkings and characters. E.g Loving but he was very hot tempered.
As you note it down, you will getter better understanding.
I hope that these could help you.
 
Hi tifflim,
I heard many people mentioned about guys accepting the other partner kids, but you think there are really such guys existing?
Guys may say they can accept other kids, but comes to reality, it can reflect some differences.
I appreciate your updates.
 
I work in childcare industry so come across many different families. i hv seen quite a number of very good stepfathers. they really take care of the kids like their own n care for them no different from their own children if they hv. so not all men r bad. N i hv also seen some very wicked stepmothers who cannot accept their step kids when they hv their own kids...really remind me of those disney movies with evil stepmothers. sometimes really depends on your luck
 
Hi tifflim,
I heard many people mentioned about guys accepting the other partner kids, but you think there are really such guys existing?
Guys may say they can accept other kids, but comes to reality, it can reflect some differences.
I appreciate your updates.

Hi! As I have mentioned in my earlier post, that I have come across a lady that is married for the 3rd time and she is living happily with her 3 children that she has for her 1st marriage. She is living in luxury and her children are also happy that their mother have gotten a good husband and nevertheless, they got a good step father who take care of their needs and wants.
It all matters on the man whether want it or not. But not all man are the same. Some may say but in actions, they don't prove it. Some may not say, but they will prove it in actions, there are some that say and do it too. So it all matters on which man you chose. But be sure to know his intention towards you and thoughts and the way he behave towards your child/children. Its really important to let your child/children to know his first and let them mingle around with him. See whether your child/children is able to clique well with him and feeling comfortable being with him. Before even you decide, get your child/children and talk to them personally and ask them their thoughts ad feelings towards him? and if they are willing to accept him as a step father ? If your child/children agrees, its good then you can start talking to him about this and ask the same questions to him. If either party says, they are not comfortable, then give yourself and them sometime to get comfortable with each other. The bonding between each other is really important. As I also have a guy friend who actually got married the 2nd time but he was unable to accept his wife's previous marriage children. He had alot of problems with the children and even became heated argument because the children was also in matured age like in their 20s. So be sure that these doesnt happen. Its better to get each other to know each other well.
 
I also think abt this often. I will also worry what if i have future kids w my new guy? Then my current kids will have different surname than the rest? Haiz.
Hi! I understand your worries about having kids with your new guy and also the difference between your kid/kids and your future kids. However, being positive it makes me think that surname doesnt really matters as long as your children are happy with their stepfather. As long as they have both father and mother to nurture them with Love. I think its never gonna be issue. So just be positve, think positive and everything will turn out good. All the best! Any issues, feel free to PM me.
 
Hi tifflim,
I heard many people mentioned about guys accepting the other partner kids, but you think there are really such guys existing?
Guys may say they can accept other kids, but comes to reality, it can reflect some differences.
I appreciate your updates.
actually i seen more males accepting their partners with kid than female accepting men with kids...
 
actually i seen more males accepting their partners with kid than female accepting men with kids...
True True, In these days, males are better off in a way that they are willing to accept their partner's ex marital kids. As you can see, nowadays there are many young single mothers. So they take it as its common now. But females are taking it hard to accept their partner's kids as they are feeling insecured. There are a lot of abusive stepmothers that I have seen that abuse the kids because they have the features as their mother. I feel its lame because, these children are innocent and they have nothing to do with the parents divorce or separation.
 
If you would ask yourself the same question, you would know the answer honestly. No one is in any position to advise. It might work out well for others but not on us.
 
If you would ask yourself the same question, you would know the answer honestly. No one is in any position to advise. It might work out well for others but not on us.
True enough, nobody has the rights to advise anyone. I agree with your statement as we ourself will have an answer to every of our questions. But sharing opinions and thoughts in a positive or negative ways, its whether you want to take it personally or not. Everyone has their own points of views and I don't think so its wrong to share opinions.
 
Thank you so much for everyone info here.
Recently, i know a guy whom said he can accept my kids, but eventually, his attitude are different. Eg, My son wanted to have fishball noodle, but the hawker centre we went to, have two storeys and the level that we went has no fishball stall, so i asked him to change his mind, but he is very persistent for that night. I decided to go down and check any fishball stall and i asked him to go ahead and get his own food, as he did not want to let my son to go with me and check what kind of food are available.
During that second, he gave my son a piss off look! I am quite shocked because he mentioned he can accept my kids, but on the other hand, he is piss off with such small issue.
WIth such attitude, i think he can't accept my kids, right? If yes, then why still keep putting beside his mouth that he can accept my kids?
Another incident - I was not well out of a sudden and can't get out of bed due to terrible giddiness. I told him and he did call to check how am i, as he was still working at that moment, so he is not able to accompany me to see doctor immediately.
At around 7+pm, he was still working as his supervisor asked him to stay back till 8.30pm as there were some conflicts between his colleagues and his supervisor. After work, he still has to attend wedding dinner which have already pre-planned a month ago. He kept saying he was not happy to attend, but he has to attend since his company higher authority were attending.
At that time, i was still very sick and did not see doctor. Instead of fetching me to see doctor, he rushed down to his colleauges' wedding.
Can anyone advise me is this guy worth being with?
 
Thank you so much for everyone info here.
Recently, i know a guy whom said he can accept my kids, but eventually, his attitude are different. Eg, My son wanted to have fishball noodle, but the hawker centre we went to, have two storeys and the level that we went has no fishball stall, so i asked him to change his mind, but he is very persistent for that night. I decided to go down and check any fishball stall and i asked him to go ahead and get his own food, as he did not want to let my son to go with me and check what kind of food are available.
During that second, he gave my son a piss off look! I am quite shocked because he mentioned he can accept my kids, but on the other hand, he is piss off with such small issue.
WIth such attitude, i think he can't accept my kids, right? If yes, then why still keep putting beside his mouth that he can accept my kids?
Another incident - I was not well out of a sudden and can't get out of bed due to terrible giddiness. I told him and he did call to check how am i, as he was still working at that moment, so he is not able to accompany me to see doctor immediately.
At around 7+pm, he was still working as his supervisor asked him to stay back till 8.30pm as there were some conflicts between his colleagues and his supervisor. After work, he still has to attend wedding dinner which have already pre-planned a month ago. He kept saying he was not happy to attend, but he has to attend since his company higher authority were attending.
At that time, i was still very sick and did not see doctor. Instead of fetching me to see doctor, he rushed down to his colleauges' wedding.
Can anyone advise me is this guy worth being with?

Hi! I am glad to hear you.
I have no idea how recent you know this guy. I am unsure of how well you know him. But when comes to the way he gave that look at your child, I am feeling insecure because a man who thinks only for his own stomach and his partner. Not seeing the child happiness, will never be a good choice. As you see, your child only has you in this world has its own property. But this man, did not allowed you to accompany your child to see what are the food options available for your child to choose from. He was not being fair. I am not sure if he meant what he said that he is willing to accept your kids. But for this incident I would say there will be many other disagreement with you both and will cause a gap between you and your kids.
2nd Incident, He might be damn busy but he could just give himself just 1-2 minutes to call and ask you if you are feeling better or etc. But he did not do so. Okay maybe he was too busy that he maybe in a worst mood or stressed up with his work. But he could just dropped by at your place at least to bring you to the nearby clinic or at least do something that will comfort you. But he didn't. I know that the wedding dinner was important but he could have popped by at least for awhile before he attend the wedding dinner.
So this both incident shows that he may not put you and your kids as his priority when it comes to other matters.
"Everyone has their own way of thinking, solutions, this was just my opinions towards this situation, as if it occurs in my life, this is how I would feel and reacted".
Maybe you could give yourself more time and make many outing arrangements together with your kids, and see how it reacts with them. Time can change people at times. Dont rush but give yourself much time to analyse more situations, then decide.
Feel free to PM me if you need my opinions towards any situations.
 
@WonderNwonder As an outsider, I can't really comment on the "pissed off look" he gave your son as it is subjective.

But as for going to a wedding while you were sick, I think that's due to the fundamental difference between men and women. Did you explicitly ask him to take you to see doc? Women are relationship-oriented but men are more task-oriented. I'd imagine if my hubby (whom I consider to be very loving to me already) was put in the same situation, he would also say and do the same thing as your guy, UNLESS I actually ask him to skip the wedding and go with me to see doc. Even so, he would not hesitate to tell me why he feels he should attend the wedding, because in his task-oriented mind, going to the wedding to obey his higher-up is more important than bringing me to see doc, which he would feel I can ask another family member to accompany me. He would not be able to figure out by himself how much it means TO ME for him to be with me when I'm sick - he can't sense my relationship-oriented emotions unless I tell him clearly. I suspect it's the same for your guy. We can't expect men to think and feel like us women and have the same priorities as they are biologically hard-wired differently. So if I were you, I would not use this incident to judge whether he's worth being with or not.

I would advise you not to make a hasty decision but to continue to quietly observe how he interacts with your son.
 
Thanks for both of your opinion.
I was alone at home with my son that day and i made my son who is 7 years old to go downstairs to get food for him and me. At that night, it was raining and he had a fall which ended he came back home, without ordering any food. He was very scared, but i told him to be brave, as i was not fit to go down with him.
At around noon, he offered to send me to see doctor after he knocked off @ 6pm on the phone, but when i reminded him about night wedding, he never mentioned anything after that.
The guy complainted many times that i did not give him some time to be alone., beside fetching me off work. We started the relationship during school exam, so do you think i have time to spare for him?
As Archie7 mentioned, i think it is really true after hearing what you have analysis.
In fact after he went to the wedding dinner, i sms him to end the relationship and he did not give a damn. He agreed.
Do you think i am stupid? Or too emo? Or he did not treasure at all...
 
Hows your son now ?
Anyways, nobody is stupid in this world. We are easily getting stressed over things. Take things lightly and then think carefully. If he thinks that he doesnt want you let it be. But what meant to be yours will be yours after all. If he meant alot to you, try talking things out with him and have a better mutual understanding between both of you.
 
@WonderNwonder Your son is a good boy, you brought him up well. It looks like your guy forgot about the wedding until you reminded him, then he decided that the it was more important to attend the wedding than to go with you to see doc, which relates back to my previous post on how men are more task-oriented. Does he fetch you from work every day? That is some devotion to you there, the little daily things he does for you in that sense. Some guys don't handle break-ups well, he may have agreed to your sms to end the relationship to "save face" but in his heart he may not have wanted that.

What bothers me most is his complaint that you did not give him enough alone time. Try to sit down with him and ask him exactly how much alone time he needs and why he needs that time etc., and then see if you can accommodate that. Write down what he says so that he cannot anyhow change his demand of how much alone time he needs in future, without asking you nicely first. What worries me also is that he may use alone time as an excuse to not spend time helping you take care of your son when you need him to - so let him know your expectations in terms of his commitment to your son (e.g. how much time to spend with your son per week, what activities to do together etc.), if he says okay, test to see if his actions match up to his words.
 
Tifflim & Archie7,
He is ok....thanks...just a simple fall..as no one around him, so he tends to be timid.
In fact, i have been thinking about him and been wondering why he did not bother to ask or bother to know why i asked to break off and just end in this way. Or i am too emo that i did not want to end.
On the other hand, my son also dont like him, so i am still hesitating whether to contact him a not.
I did not spend any alone time with him as we were together less than a month and this thing happen.
If you are me, what will you do?
 
@WonderNwonder
If I were you, I would give myself some more time to analyse and decide things. As in a month, Its really impossible to know him well and also for your son its too fast too get comfortable to even accept him as a step father or maybe even as a friend. Your son is still too young. He needs time to get comfortable with your guy. At times, guys can be really damn practical. They do what they think, when we start pointing out things or even rushing things, they may just feel very stressful and may just leave you for no reasons because they are not able to handle stress well . Give your guy some time to be alone. Most Importantly, as I have been highlighting this to you, keep organising as many outings with your guys and your son in order to see how he treats your son. As for my concern and opinion, this relationship may not be as worth as your son. Your son, is an important gem so ensure that whatever you decides, put your son as your first priority. Things will be better for you to decide.
 
@WonderNwonder I agree with @tifflim. Your son should be the biggest priority, as you yourself are also having doubts about the man's character. You've been with him for only a month, so I presume you're not too emotionally invested in the relationship yet. Why not give both of you a cooling down period? If he cherishes you, he will return to you or try to contact you again somehow. I also believe in giving him and your son more opportunities to do things together to see if their relationship improves. If I were you and if the man does not get along well with my son after a reasonable period of time, I would drop the man, to put it bluntly.
 
@WonderNwonder I agree with Archie7 as she mentioned, she would drop the guy if your son cant get along well with your guy. As strongly I would believe that my child happiness will be mine too.
If he treasures you, I am sure he will be back to you or even start contacting you after realizing that he have neglected you or your son.
 
Now the issue is, he will not contact me if we are not together, so how can i see any future with him? Do you think i should let him go?
 
Dear, If true Love is there, you think he can just let you go just like that ??
Or maybe you try contacting him and start your first conversation. You can try out. Don't have to be ego. Just try to talk things out with him. Ask him out.
 
Now the issue is, he will not contact me if we are not together, so how can i see any future with him? Do you think i should let him go?
actually you must understand that he accepts your son, doesn't mean he will treat your son as per your expectation.
for example, maybe even is his own son, perhaps his decision will be "i buy what food for you, you eat what food". But in your terms, you perceive that he is being not good to your son

as for the sick part, i dont think his part is any wrong. or maybe i belong to those very independent type which my partner comments before. even i faint at home, i just crawl up on my bed and sleep. i won't msg my partner to help me (coz he only move in with me after 3months of par tok). beginning of the rship, if i feel sick, i would go to the doc first before heading office. my partner only know i'm sick when he saw me taking medicine. but after he move in with me, everything change to his way.. so that's that...

generally when people start dating, there is no commitment, no taking care of kids, no family.. just honeymoon.. but because of your special case, the guy miss out the fun and suddenly jump to the commitment + family.. you must also understand it is difficult for someone who is not married, never have a kids before to adapt as fast as you. If you really see some future with him, give him some space. Don't start the r/ship with "you must accept my son like your son and treat him as per my expectation" or "you must be 24/7 emotional and physical there for me".

I'm not saying what you did is wrong. But I'm saying that perhaps you stand in his shoes, you would understand his perspective
 
Yes, true enough that he might be a waste that he missed out that fun part. He straight went into commitment + family. But do you think WonderNwonder would have hint him to be in this relationship. She cares for her son. And I strongly believe that what as a mother she did was right to place her son as the first priority before getting committed. Okay! Lets put it in this way, for instance, this guy may use this commitment + family in order to win her heart and just to get over her easily. Nowadays man tend to do that. As I have seen in many woman's life that any tom and Jerry just use all this words to get close to them. So, in this case, she have to be careful with her decisions and first of she have to be more firm with her decisions.
 
Yes, true enough that he might be a waste that he missed out that fun part. He straight went into commitment + family. But do you think WonderNwonder would have hint him to be in this relationship. She cares for her son. And I strongly believe that what as a mother she did was right to place her son as the first priority before getting committed. Okay! Lets put it in this way, for instance, this guy may use this commitment + family in order to win her heart and just to get over her easily. Nowadays man tend to do that. As I have seen in many woman's life that any tom and Jerry just use all this words to get close to them. So, in this case, she have to be careful with her decisions and first of she have to be more firm with her decisions.

it's not wrong to put her son in first priority. but expecting another party which just dated for 1 month to put her & her son first priority, in my opinion is too much to ask for.
like i said earlier, everyone want to enjoy honeymoon first before commitment slaps in their face. Then they will deal with commitments but at least they did enjoy honeymoon before. the guy definitely know where he is heading. but he would definitely need a longer time to adapt as compare to wondernwonder. afterall he is a noob in family commitment & stuffs like tat, he needs time to learn and adapt.

for example, just 1 month of dating, the guy expects you to do household at his house, cook dinner for him everyday. how would any gal would feel?

acceptance level of commitment is different from different party.. but most of the guys would not want to have the commitment during first month of dating.. even for me, i would drop the rship instantly.

in my case my partner told me that he loves me and want the rship to be serious within 2 weeks of dating. in my heart i'm like WTF, it's just 2 weeks nia... after dating for 1 month, he told me about marriage plan. in my heart i'm like WTF (again), it's just a month nia... for me is like i'm serious to the r/ship too but why must make until so seriously committed during honeymoon period? i need some more time to get to know each other romantically first. this is just an example of different people with different commitment level.. but we give each other time to sync with each other.. if my partner push me too hard then, i definitely will break up.

p.s: both of us are married before and divorced
 
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it's not wrong to put her son in first priority. but expecting another party which just dated for 1 month to put her & her son first priority, in my opinion is too much to ask for.
like i said earlier, everyone want to enjoy honeymoon first before commitment slaps in their face. Then they will deal with commitments but at least they did enjoy honeymoon before. the guy definitely know where he is heading. but he would definitely need a longer time to adapt as compare to wondernwonder. afterall he is a noob in family commitment & stuffs like tat, he needs time to learn and adapt.

for example, just 1 month of dating, the guy expects you to do household at his house, cook dinner for him everyday. how would any gal would feel?
Yes I totally agree with you. I understand that in a month is really a short period first of all to get to know each other well and to be comfortable with each other. As for WonderNwonder, she could adapt to him but however she is also confused whether this relationship is worthwhile having. This shows that they are haven't get comfortable with each other because they have different thinking, importance, and the way they put things. I will never say its wrong because its common as it takes time to understand one and another feelings. I will strongly hint and highlight that they needs a lot more time to get to know each other well and feel comfortable in this relationship. In order to be firm with their decisions. Most importantly, to avoid disagreement. As too many disagreement is bad. They wont have an healthy relationship and this maybe an impact for her son's life. She needs to come out of confusion. That's my little wish for WonderNwonder. As when we are positive, we are able to make decisions well.
 
Really appreciate your advise. I have already dropped him a msg and the msg is so called asking him permission whether can i go out with another guy. If he did not reply by today, i will take it as an ending for us.
He is a married and divorcee and he is the one whom hold on the relationship in the first place by using my son, and not me. He also told me he treated his gf like princess and also chaffeur her to and fro everyday and everywhere she wants, but does not apply to me. If he did not tell me how good he treated his x gf, i think i will not expect anything good to come from him. I am not demanding...i am only comparing why he can treat his x in a good way and not me although he kept saying his x is a disaster to him. haha....
Currently, i feel more relax because at least i sms him and see is he really ready to end the relationship. If he is ready, i am fine....nothing to be sad...at least i can stop all the thinking and continue my life, rather than holding on something which is hanging in the air without any answer to it.
Dont you agree?
Thank you so much for all of you the opinion, as i did not see some points which you all pointed out earlier on. I feel more better after hearing all your opinions.
 
actually why need to msg him to ask him whether you can go out with another guy?
if both of you already breakup, you can even one night stand with another guy *just saying*
 
Really appreciate your advise. I have already dropped him a msg and the msg is so called asking him permission whether can i go out with another guy. If he did not reply by today, i will take it as an ending for us.
He is a married and divorcee and he is the one whom hold on the relationship in the first place by using my son, and not me. He also told me he treated his gf like princess and also chaffeur her to and fro everyday and everywhere she wants, but does not apply to me. If he did not tell me how good he treated his x gf, i think i will not expect anything good to come from him. I am not demanding...i am only comparing why he can treat his x in a good way and not me although he kept saying his x is a disaster to him. haha....
Currently, i feel more relax because at least i sms him and see is he really ready to end the relationship. If he is ready, i am fine....nothing to be sad...at least i can stop all the thinking and continue my life, rather than holding on something which is hanging in the air without any answer to it.
Dont you agree?
Thank you so much for all of you the opinion, as i did not see some points which you all pointed out earlier on. I feel more better after hearing all your opinions.
Thanks for appreciating our opinions. I hope he could help you in some way or other. Yes! I guess that because he have gave you that hint of how he have treated his ex. You expect that to be apply in your life. Maybe he could have take sometime for him to chaffeur his ex to and fro after sometime of knowing her. So not to worry.
I seriously don't understand why that you messaged him asking him permission to go out with another man? This will bring bad reputation on you my dear girl. It might worsen the situation. He might be out there waiting for you to message him with love, but you messaged him asking for permission. Anyways, I am still hoping for the best for you.
 
actually why need to msg him to ask him whether you can go out with another guy?
if both of you already breakup, you can even one night stand with another guy *just saying*
Hi! Its really wrong to put your opinions in a such a harsh way. She has really been hurt in some way or rather. Yes whatever she want to do she could do it but she messaged him because she wanted to get his response and see if he still want to continue this relationship or whether she could moved on. But she didnt put it in a right way. Haizz.. :(
 
Hi! Its really wrong to put your opinions in a such a harsh way. She has really been hurt in some way or rather. Yes whatever she want to do she could do it but she messaged him because she wanted to get his response and see if he still want to continue this relationship or whether she could moved on. But she didnt put it in a right way. Haizz.. :(
actually it's not even harsh at all and i dont know which part is harsh >_>
IF she already broken up with the guy, she has no obligation to "report" to the guy at all
 
Yes, tifflim is correct. I just want to see his reaction. If he did not bother to reply, it is very clear.
We did have arguement regarding this guy before, so if he really wants to continue together, he will reply.
If i dont sms him this, what do i need to sms him? i really dont know.
 
The way you saying if both of you already breakup, you can even one night stand with another guy *just saying*. If someone say just saying and put this in public. Will you like it?
 
Yes, tifflim is correct. I just want to see his reaction. If he did not bother to reply, it is very clear.
We did have arguement regarding this guy before, so if he really wants to continue together, he will reply.
If i dont sms him this, what do i need to sms him? i really dont know.
You could have asked him to meet you so that you can talk to him? Or you could have asked him whether is he still angry? Or maybe has he moved on in life?
 
No worries, i am not offended. Two of you are here to give me opinion and i accept all. :)
Haha...i think i dont dare to reveal my feeling to people and if being rejected, i feel so "malu" and need to hide in the hole.
 
No worries, i am not offended. Two of you are here to give me opinion and i accept all. :)
Haha...i think i dont dare to reveal my feeling to people and if being rejected, i feel so "malu" and need to hide in the hole.
I don't think is a need to feel embarrassed at all. Everyone faces different types of problems each time. You don't have to hide in the hole at all. Be brave and have that courage to face every issues. Be proud of yourself that your coping everything well. Everyone needs a listening ear, so its good that you are sharing it.
 
The way you saying if both of you already breakup, you can even one night stand with another guy *just saying*. If someone say just saying and put this in public. Will you like it?
Errmm..ya... what's wrong? Because if I'm single i really can one night stand with another guy if i want to...
 
No worries, i am not offended. Two of you are here to give me opinion and i accept all. :)
Haha...i think i dont dare to reveal my feeling to people and if being rejected, i feel so "malu" and need to hide in the hole.
Actually is very simple at least to me.. what you need to know is what he and you feels now and if he is really a great guy, then perhaps you need to work things out. From your posts there is no right no wrong from either party. Just that both of your expectations are not in sync..

I dont have kids but i have 2 dogs which alot of people say is no different from kids. I bring them to my parents hse before going to work and fetch them home after work. My toy poodle refuse to walk on leash so i have to carry her 24/7 when we are out.

If the guy i date hates dogs then of course i wun even consider dating him. Because it will never works.

If i expect the guy who i just dated to love my dogs as much as i do, he needs to cleab their pee n poo and helps me to feed them, that will be asking for the sky. But after few months or yrs later like right now, i expect my bf to love my dogs like i do.

Hope you get what im trying to say. If you think he is a good catch, give each other one more chance. Msg him whether you can date other guys is not helping because you will not know what he is thinking and most likely this is not what you really want.
 
Actually is very simple at least to me.. what you need to know is what he and you feels now and if he is really a great guy, then perhaps you need to work things out. From your posts there is no right no wrong from either party. Just that both of your expectations are not in sync..

I dont have kids but i have 2 dogs which alot of people say is no different from kids. I bring them to my parents hse before going to work and fetch them home after work. My toy poodle refuse to walk on leash so i have to carry her 24/7 when we are out.

If the guy i date hates dogs then of course i wun even consider dating him. Because it will never works.

If i expect the guy who i just dated to love my dogs as much as i do, he needs to cleab their pee n poo and helps me to feed them, that will be asking for the sky. But after few months or yrs later like right now, i expect my bf to love my dogs like i do.

Hope you get what im trying to say. If you think he is a good catch, give each other one more chance. Msg him whether you can date other guys is not helping because you will not know what he is thinking and most likely this is not what you really want.
Yes, dogs are like children too. True enough!
 
Finally he replied me. He said " Seriously i do not know how i should answer you."
Of course he dont know how to reply you... duhz.. he doesnt have any rights to stop you.
you should ask him whether he wants to work things out with you..and whether you want to work things out with him
 
Of course he dont know how to reply you... duhz.. he doesnt have any rights to stop you.
you should ask him whether he wants to work things out with you..and whether you want to work things out with him

Agree with what @pixie ng said. I think the fact that he replied is actually a good sign, and at least he's not so petty as to ignore you. :)
 
Ladies,
Thanks for your reply.
In fact, i am quite happy that recently we got together again and something which i did not know until a day ago.
He dont bath after heading out the whole day from work at all. This is one of the most ugliest thing i can believe, a guy whom is fat and sweats alot and do not bath before heading to bed. His reason is....the weather is too cold. Haha....This kind of attitude makes me run away from him.
I can endure all kinds of things, but not to this extend and i am very sure he is not the guy i want to be after getting to know him better.
All the while, i am thinking i am in the wrong and want to be with him and see possible to work things out, but this time i am clear of what i want.
Thank you so much for all of your suggestions and advices.
 
@WonderNwonder I'm glad for you that you finally know what you want. Certain things (in your case, good hygiene) cannot be negotiated/compromised. Unless he's willing to change for your sake, or you're confident you can change him over time to practise better hygiene, it boils down to the simple fact that you both are incompatible with each other. As you're not so sunk into the r/s yet, it's okay to let go so that both of you will move on to separately find better partners. All the best to you!
 
Archie7,
In fact, i did hint him about his hygiene. I told him that after a long day from work, everyone has to bath, be it clean or dirty. Even my son falls asleep at night in the living room while waiting for me to reach home, i will still wake him up to bath before heading to bed even he is screaming or yelling (around 2 -3 yrs old) at the top of his voice when he was young.
He told me, "The weather is cold!" If i am not wrong, fat guys have more fats to burn and not scare of cold. Every night, he has to sleep with aircon or else he will not be able to fall asleep. If that's the case, how can he be cold when he can't live without aircon.
It is just an execuse from him not to bath which i can't tolerate.
After getting to know him more of his attitude, i have no more regrets or hopes to walk further in this relationship, but i am thankful that i have all the ladies here to share their opinion to me.
 
Another incident - I was not well out of a sudden and can't get out of bed due to terrible giddiness. I told him and he did call to check how am i, as he was still working at that moment, so he is not able to accompany me to see doctor immediately.
At around 7+pm, he was still working as his supervisor asked him to stay back till 8.30pm as there were some conflicts between his colleagues and his supervisor. After work, he still has to attend wedding dinner which have already pre-planned a month ago. He kept saying he was not happy to attend, but he has to attend since his company higher authority were attending.
At that time, i was still very sick and did not see doctor. Instead of fetching me to see doctor, he rushed down to his colleauges' wedding.
Can anyone advise me is this guy worth being with?

Did you tell him you need him to fetch you to see a doctor, or did you just tell him you were ill and hoped he would drop his plans and come back to fetch you to the clinic? Men and women think differently; and in serious medical situations, both must be forthright. He probably thought that you werent in such dire straits otherwise you would have said so directly. If it were me and you told me you want to go see the doc and could I come fetch you, I'd rush home stat. But if you did not, I'd think that you were telling me you're still feeling badly and needed to tell me ..... that different.

Give the guy a chance re the piss look re the other incident. You might have been uber protective to your child. But if you really felt his evilness in that piss look, I would advise that you drop him straightaway. Trust your instinct.

Good luck.
 


Please be very careful in your future search for a partner. From what you have posted you seem to be rushing in your search. You have been too tolerant despite his mean attitude to you and your son. Right up to post #47 you got back together with him (not the other way round cos you didnt say so). You have now decided breaking off, not because of his attitude and meanness, but because you cannot tolerate his not bathing, which has nothing to do with whether he'll be a good partner of not. Just in case he comes begging, please do not give in or you may end up taking care of his kid and him and getting no love from him.
 

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