A selfish husband

Oh my. I though I am the only one who is suffering in silent with fail marriage. The thing is for my case, he changed to a different man after my girl turn 3YO. He keep things to himself and unwilling to communicate. Thing got worst when recently he has some court case involved in his traffic accident. He claims that I am not a unsupportive wife when he is at his weakness and when he need support. He say that I am very VERY VERY WEAK! All i know is cry and cry! He sick to see my face! How hurting can these words be? Only i know how deep these words cuts into my heart. He feel that in a lot of things he expect me to solve it myself YET I have to go and hassle him when he is so vexed with his own matters. He claims that I am not understanding to him that why there is no point talking to me. He say our communication break down long ago. He says that our way of handling things, our temper, our vision, of character is so different. He say he envy other couple that husband haven't even say, the wife already know what he wants to do and say.
He says that there is nothing to talk and relate to me anymore. Things has comes to this stage and I have to accept it.
I told him yes I may fail my duty as a wife but that is because I am too focus in my role as a mum and that is because I so tired. I have no family support, my girl goes to CC and fall sick very often. Plus my full time job is demanding. And daily I need to rush to send and pick my girl up from cc and rush home to cook for her, feed her, bath her, prep her sleep, wash her uniforms, pack her school bags, after that do some housework like mopping the floor, tidy the house. I am so so tired already by the end of the day EVERYDAY. We have no helper. He is also the type that never look into details, so whatever what used up in the house, i have to take note and replace them too. I admit I may have neglected him but I though he understands my pleads where he don't help out much at home! But I always appreciate the thing he does help up is on Laundry washing (which he volunteer to do it since the day I preggy) . He say I should be appreciative that he still helps. And I never say I am not. But maybe we woman sometimes just hope the daddy to do abit more and spend more quality time with their child. But all he came home daily is just eat, watch TV, play his phone. On weekends, he just do the same, Eat, TV, ipad, Sleep. So i did nag at him and show him my unhappiness at this area esp see our girl so distant and dun want daddy! everything wants me! Then He say he need to recharged too and say that I did not give him freedom. But since I know when things come to this stage is partly my fault too and I told him that why not we start all over again, to erase the past and work on our marriage and start afresh. But all he do is to look away and refuse to say anything to me. I am so hurt, i want to do something to salvage this marriage but he again and again hurt me with his action and words. I took care of this family whole heart and i never expect he did this to me.
 


Victoria Ching 088 said:
He say he envy other couple that husband haven't even say, the wife already know what he wants to do and say.
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hello.. when girls expect their guys to know what they want without saying, guys say they are not telepathic, not stomach worm, how to know what girls' thinking without telling them...

now your husband say he expects u to read his mind without saying. please PUI him on my behalf *roll eyes*
 
Ya. I am so sad he say these. It is so lame right. If he don't want to say how I know? He also say he feels that we are not moving in the same direction in life. He see our relationship very difficult to work. He keep say I am very weak. He keep tell me stop showing him my weakness. But I am puzzled, aren't men suppose to take care & protect us when we are weak and support us when we are in need of support too? Now I cannot even show my weakness in front of him? Why i must always be strong?? And I dun think I am as weak as he said me, if not I won't be surviving so long all myself............................
 
Victoria, in saying that he envies other couples of which the wife knows what the hubby wants without the hubby saying it, you can tell him that his expectations are completely unrealistic, and he is showing signs of being MCP (male chauvinist pig). Ask him for the names of the actual couples who enjoy this. Did he get these examples from watching fictional dramas on TV?
 
If I were you, I'd send the hubby to a counsellor. He has sky high expectations that are clearly unrealistic and too self-centred, like you must know what he wants without him telling you, and you must not show him your weakness. WTH! He wants a perfect wife, who will never exist in this world.
 
I keep reflect on myself what I did wrong. I am trying to un-did my wrong doing, I am willing to change if he really feel I am not so perfect...but he is shutting himself up and give me a straight NO right at my face. When I tell him my feeling, he will say stop thinking of yourself. Tell me again that I only stand in my own shoe to think. I never did a single thing for him all these while. So what i contriute for his family/our family is so insignifcant to him all these while. I am so dumb. I really don't know what i did so seriously wrong to deserve all these kind treatment from him. I don't even dare to relate to my parent cos i don't want them to worry about me. I keep everything to myself. Bottling up and only one of my good friend can lent me a listening ear. I am really so so so heart broken and disappointed with him. Sometimes at work, i will just hide in the toliet to cry. Now i really so tired of trying too because all I got is a negative back from him. Maybe I just should just save the last dignity to myself.
 
Girls, I understand everything like working it out. But tell me one thing. One is it always woman who has to work things out, make compromise and sacrifice her pleasures and her freedom to make it right for the husband? I keep reading your posts and it's obvious that it is not you who have problems but the husbands. They are lazy, not understanding and not helpful. Like a parasite. You do everything alone, you must do all the chores and plan everything by yourself. Except taking care of the babies you must pamper the husband who puts no effort in anything. Girls, there are decent man out there who are real partners and really supportive so why do you want to be stuck with parasites? Give them ultimatum: change, help me out or I will leave, after all it's a family of both of you and not just woman's.
 
I have lost my faith in man thoroughly! Be it there are 1000000 decent men out there i will not even want to be ever in a relationship anymore. They can be very nice when they love you but when they are not, they can say a million hurting words to CUT your heart out. my heart is dead. Now I only worry for my girl, I just want to give her a happy family but yet I cannot.
 
Victoria, I feel you should bring your hubby to see a marriage counsellor. Since he does not believe you or even consider your opinions, hopefully an independent 3rd party can make him realise the follies of his destructive thinking. I really find it very silly his comment about the wife knowing what the hubby wants without the hubby saying anything; it is general knowledge by now that communication is key to a marriage. Someone needs to knock common sense into his head and it cannot be you because you're too directly involved. Hugs to you, dear.

Do tell him the marriages in HK dramas are fake and of course they want to show perfect, happy ever after marriage relationships coz that's where the story ends and that's how they attract audiences. DUH!
 
I wish I have the courage to bring up the counsellor suggestion dear, because I have this in my mind too. But the thing is he refuse to discuss and talk things now. His ego is now bigger than the sky I think. If I bring this up I am sure he will start to either use hurting words or the IGNORE me. He always say I don't understand him...but we are together for 16 years already (before marriage 7 years & 9 years of marriage) and I actually know what he is thinking...But on the contrast, I feel he don't understand what I am going through.
 
Instead of expecting the guy to change and the women keep harping on the 'gaps' and weakness of their man, y not us (the lady) to take a step backward and to find the real problem that is causing the miscommunication. Guys r simple minded; to be happy, just need to be fed well, enough money to indulge and have sex regularly. I used to be very angry with my hubby for not helping me enough till my mum reminded me. She said what is meant by enough and how to go about measuring it. I complained about him playing his iPhone grames day and night and mum told me at least he is at home playing not outside 'playing' women. Mum also said it is ok to have the floor dirty a bit, laundry undone, messy table as no one is going to penalize. Leave some time for the hubby. What's so great to maintain a tip top conditioned house when no one other than yourself appreciate it. Sometimes we tend to focus on a lot of unimportant stuff on housework, cooking and neglected the hubby. Date the hubby or plan for family time with the kids. Don't keep going after him for answers when something bad happened and if u have no solution. He is feeling very stressed and bad and sometimes just want to sleep away the issue and deal it when it comes. Everyone has their own way of dealing with issues. But we always remind them again and again of the 'bad' stuff which irrates him more. I think my post might not go well with some of u as u may ask why is is always the women who need to give in. Oh well, I feel that unless u want to be out of this marriage then just proceed to try to change the man. Relationship doesn't turn sour overnight. It is the little things that accumulate so if we want to maintain this marriage, we have to start to do some serious 'cleaning'.
 
friends78 said:
Instead of expecting the guy to change and the women keep harping on the 'gaps' and weakness of their man, y not us (the lady) to take a step backward and to find the real problem that is causing the miscommunication. Guys r simple minded; to be happy, just need to be fed well, enough money to indulge and have sex regularly. I used to be very angry with my hubby for not helping me enough till my mum reminded me. She said what is meant by enough and how to go about measuring it. I complained about him playing his iPhone grames day and night and mum told me at least he is at home playing not outside 'playing' women. Mum also said it is ok to have the floor dirty a bit, laundry undone, messy table as no one is going to penalize. Leave some time for the hubby. What's so great to maintain a tip top conditioned house when no one other than yourself appreciate it. Sometimes we tend to focus on a lot of unimportant stuff on housework, cooking and neglected the hubby. Date the hubby or plan for family time with the kids. Don't keep going after him for answers when something bad happened and if u have no solution. He is feeling very stressed and bad and sometimes just want to sleep away the issue and deal it when it comes. Everyone has their own way of dealing with issues. But we always remind them again and again of the 'bad' stuff which irrates him more. I think my post might not go well with some of u as u may ask why is is always the women who need to give in. Oh well, I feel that unless u want to be out of this marriage then just proceed to try to change the man. Relationship doesn't turn sour overnight. It is the little things that accumulate so if we want to maintain this marriage, we have to start to do some serious 'cleaning'.
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i tink that doesnt apply to just the women... neither party shld focus on the "gaps" of the other person. it has got to be reciprocal.
 
Victoria Ching 088 said:
I have lost my faith in man thoroughly! Be it there are 1000000 decent men out there i will not even want to be ever in a relationship anymore. They can be very nice when they love you but when they are not, they can say a million hurting words to CUT your heart out. my heart is dead. Now I only worry for my girl, I just want to give her a happy family but yet I cannot.
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i think i already said before...
a broken family doesnt mean is unhappy family..
a "whole" family doesnt mean is happy family..
 
Victoria Ching 088 said:
I wish I have the courage to bring up the counsellor suggestion dear, because I have this in my mind too. But the thing is he refuse to discuss and talk things now. His ego is now bigger than the sky I think. If I bring this up I am sure he will start to either use hurting words or the IGNORE me. He always say I don't understand him...but we are together for 16 years already (before marriage 7 years & 9 years of marriage) and I actually know what he is thinking...But on the contrast, I feel he don't understand what I am going through.
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I know first-hand it's really hard to bring a spouse to see a marriage counsellor if they refuse. My mum tried desperately to save her marriage thru counseling but my father would not even show up in the counsellor's office even after the appointment has been made. It's now a sham of a marriage and my father shamelessly does whatever he wants, including having affairs outside and only returning to the house to sleep twice a week.

Maybe tell your hubby that seeking counselling is not only for him to improve, but for you yourself to improve too. It takes two hands to clap, it's when both sides make efforts to change that the marriage can heal. If he doesn't listen to you, can you seek help from someone who has a strong influence on him, to persuade him to go? His parents or siblings?
 
Hi all, i didnt expect to see so many posts after the last one. I have been busy and did not log in.
It is sad to see others' marriage break down.:(

I agree with friends78 mummy about household chores. Rather than getting angry with husbands over not helping, I would rather pay for part time helpers than to quarrel over these. Sonetimes we tend to be too idealistic, but the truth is even twins do not think alike or have thesame sets of finger prints.

Sometimes, we need to evaluate our goals in life and see our priority. My goal is to help my children struggling with school work and maintaining good relationship with husband. When I resigned my children, we downgraded from condo to flat. I gave up job and friends but I have time for children. I have a maid to help with householdchores so that I dont have to worry about these things. Now that I do not have to work hard to pay off huge loans, we are happier. For me, prioritizing reduces stress in our marriage life. I do not dine out nor do I go for holidays. We spend weekends going to beach and parks (cycling). Life is simple but more fulfilling.

For those who have problems with husbands, try to iron them out, and go for counselling. It is easy to give up. Throwing away used clothes is easy while mending it is troublesome and tiring. But we cannot find the same design or texture anymore. If it is our son who has strayed, what would we have done? Give up on him? I think not.

let us all step back and think. If u think u r better off without your husband and cope with everything because he has 0 contributions, then I have nothing to say. If u think u will miss him and he has contributions eg driving the family, helping to carry groceries (these r contributions too!), pls go for counselling.

I wish all marriages have happy endings.
 
I think not all husband willing to work out together with you to solve the problems. maybe they are also in their own misery. We have a talk. But he insist there are already no more feeling, all he can do for us now is to do his role as a father because he feel that that is his responsibility. He ask me not to ask for anything else. He say he know its unfair to me but he already lost the feeling and it is impossible to get it back. He no longer has the vision of growing old with me. He has lost the connectivity totally. Even I tried to propose to try short term goals of trying to reconnect with one another, he say he is already OUT, and he can't. Its really very hurting but what can I do? I propose for counselling and he is totally off the idea. He ask me to go and think what I want. Now he throw the ball to me............
 
Victoria, go slow then. Start with the little things in your day to day routine. Find opportunity to chat with him about your children, your day, anything under your sun. Act as if the life is back to normal with occasionally jokes and small talk. Hope as the days pass, his heart will change. Take care.
 
thanks friends78, ya I am trying to do so. Now all he give me is silence or black face to me. I do not want to give up but his response is really depressing but I will hang on. Hopefully my sincerely will moved him one day. even can't I guess I have did my best.
 
Victoria Ching 088 said:
I think not all husband willing to work out together with you to solve the problems. maybe they are also in their own misery. We have a talk. But he insist there are already no more feeling, all he can do for us now is to do his role as a father because he feel that that is his responsibility. He ask me not to ask for anything else. He say he know its unfair to me but he already lost the feeling and it is impossible to get it back. He no longer has the vision of growing old with me. He has lost the connectivity totally. Even I tried to propose to try short term goals of trying to reconnect with one another, he say he is already OUT, and he can't. Its really very hurting but what can I do? I propose for counselling and he is totally off the idea. He ask me to go and think what I want. Now he throw the ball to me............
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Hi Victoria, it's so sad to read your messages. Your husband's behavior will easily make you into depression, so you have to be strong and think positive.

Life is never easy, especially you have to face a un-supportive spouse everyday. He totally does not cherish you and respect you, that's why he can easily speak out those harsh words. When I read, I felt heart pain as a stranger.

I think you need to put more energy/time in your career, earn more money. Not only for your kid's better future also for your own retirement, you need to start to plan a future without him, financially and mentally. Meantime, you may give him more chances to wake-up/change his mind. We are all human, we are all not perfect, he either. He maybe just "lost" now, he doesn't know what he wants, he always thinks other woman is better than u. That's naïve but most men will have this period of time, so give him more time to grow up.

Year 2014 is going to finish very soon, sit down and think how to work smart and make more money in 2015, set a goal. When you are focusing on your work, your boss can see it, your husband also can see it. They will feel amazed on u. I know it's difficult to balance work and family, but as a mother, we have the power to fight for everything.

When u financially stronger then him, you have more confidence and you will be independent.

Jia you!
 
Victoria Ching 088 said:
thanks friends78, ya I am trying to do so. Now all he give me is silence or black face to me. I do not want to give up but his response is really depressing but I will hang on. Hopefully my sincerely will moved him one day. even can't I guess I have did my best.
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Way to go, Victoria! I am sure u r doing your best. I salute the efforts u make to solve the problem. 加油!

Even if all things fail, you will never have no regrets in future because u have done a lot to save your marriage.

加油!加油!
 
Thanks MTB-2015 & mummysniper. Ya now I can only focus on my carreer and my daughter. I will be strong.
He keep saying a lot of words to hurts me till to be frank, I already give up. The awful things he said is beyond what I can accept. Yesterday suddenly he say he want to tell me how he feel, he dig out all those past things that happen during our courting days keep putting me down telling me how terrible a person I am. He say he never felt the love from me. He say he never happy in the marriage. He say he lost feeling long ago. I asked him then how about our daughter? Isn't she our love then we have her? you know what he say? He say he just have her because everyone told him to give birth lor. Isn't this humiliating and insulted to me? He make love to me cos other ppl told him he need a baby? I just couldn't imagine these words come from his mouth. My heart already shattered. I told him is better we go our own ways and I also need to cool down since he is so determined there is nothing left in this relationship. Tears are dried up. No more tears. Heart is broken and it cannot be mend. I can only look forward. Yes. Thanks ladies. I am glad I have a channel here to express my feeling....at least not so bottled up. Thanks!!
 
Hi,

I'm new here and I'm a FTWM and have a 1 yr old toddler...I wonder if I fit in this group

1. Hub helps occasionally but I do most of the tasks, including cleaning, feeding, preparing bb to go out, cooking, putting him to bed, waking up for night feeds and comfort latch. Yet he always claims credit for those things he has done, as if it's a big deal. Whenever I ask him for additional help, he says I'm a lazy mom. He has not shown any appreciation of what I've gone through after my delivery. He thinks this is part of my responsibility as a mom and I should not even complain to him and he doesn't want to hear and insists that I just do my job.

2. Staying with in-laws and MIL is the caregiver for my child and she cooks dinner for the family...Because of this additional goodwill help, hub thinks I treat his mom like a maid. I've no idea what makes him think that way! So much that now I boycott the dinner that his mom cooks.

3. He complains I don't show concern and has no interest in his life. With so much on my plate as a FTWM and no appreciation and love from him, I don't have anymore energy with his nonsense. Mutual feelings takes 2 hands to clap!

He recently told me he lost all faith with me and doesn't see a future in this relationship. With this, I'm planning to move out with my child and file for separation. I can't live in an environment with no appreciation and constant fault findings. Please let me know if I'm thinking logically as I can't take it anymore.

BTW, counseling is not an option.
 
@babyx2one.more.time not sure whether it sounds logical to you or not... personally i find that ur husband's mother did an excellent job, so as compared to you.. you kinda failed (as graded by him).. his mother cleans the house, cook dinner, most probably also do all the washup, laundry, etc.. when he is a baby, most probably his mother also do everything by herself.. then again most probably his mother is SAHM so she can give 100% to the home...

as for you, most probably before marriage, you didnt do any housework or do any cooking (i just generalizing because most female i know is like that including me). plus you are FTWM so the energy level also not high after work.. taking care of your baby most likely suck all your remaining energy so of course you will ask your husband to help you out when he is just shaking his leg in front of TV.

i'm not sure whether both of you still love each other or not. all too much anger is killing all the bonds btw both of you. perhaps both of you move out, with no MIL to outshine you, perhaps your husband can start seeing who you are?

btw do you show appreciation to your husband and did not constant fault findings him?

p.s: if your husband still crave for your concern and affection. most probably he still love you and want things to work... if not he will jolly well heck care of you.. so it means something to you right?
 
@pixie ng

Your comment on his mom is spot-on! Plus she was a lot younger than me (10 years!) when she had him! And also she did not bf...I did and am still doing it...That sucks my energy even more....

Moving out is also not an option. I basically take over my bb and do the laundry/ironing and cook for bb on my off days...that's a bit of housework eh? Zero rest and "me" time..Yet he is still able to concentrate on his work, watch tv and surf the net....

I guess I did not receive the appreciation and love from him and my output to him also diminishes....You may suggest I start but right now anger is clouding within me...

You do sound very logical to me and I appreciate your input...Thank you so much... I guess this is not a case of selfish husband but a comparison between mommy and wifey....that is totally unfair to begin with....
 
@babyx2one.more.time

i understand your husband's part a little being a mummy's boy.. because i'm a daddy's girl... but i dont compare my partner with my dad la...haha...
to me what the point of comparing because everyone is different, tolerance level also different... but if my partner ask me who is number 1, i will still say is my dad la... though my dad is very relieved to find someone to take care of me...

if you filed a separation and take baby with you, you also have to move out... if living with his family is so intolerance, why not move out? ur husband definitely won't stop comparing you to his mum, and you also cannot match up to his mum (afterall his mum is like super duper expert level now).. move out will totally eradicate the comparison thingy thing..
 
@pixie ng

I think moving out will not totally eradicate the comparison. It will still stay in his heart...I find it intolerant living with him actually....His words are pretty unpleasant to hear when it comes to fault finding...
 
Hi @@babyx2one.more.time
If I were you, I will not choose to move out first, first try to sort out your own feeling, do you still love him? Do you want your child to grow up in a broken family?
Try not to think of a backdoor to exit your marriage. Although I am in no position to advise you as my marriage is on the rock myself but I really feel that if there is still a chance..dun give up.
 
Hi Vic ... Those words 'no feeling' rank up some of mind sad memories...it was my husband "excuse" to me n himself that is time for him to hv other new women, change the dish that's what he called it... Too bad i ain't any simple dish ... Does he give u n your kids Maintainence? Hv u checked his phone records? Any late nights? Smell of alcohol n perfume? What's his profession? Sometimes it's also because his bro are all having affairs also n he felt off one out.. So be wise n look out for these. If he isn't, then you may talk with him franky that his remarks hurt you n is demoralising or you would prefer a counsellor... I know some church have professional counselling free. So dear Victoria.. It's a strong name, you are strong so now be wise.. God bless
 
Vic..I guess I'm in the same situation as you but the only different is i found out my husband is having an affair with his colleague. We spoken and he admitted he no longer loves me. The only thing he left for me is guilt and pity..we had 3 kids. I know I still loves it alot and now I am trying my best to savage this marriage. On a bright side is, my husband had agreed to go for a marriage couselling with me and promise me he will try to compromise with my effort of patching thing..the only thing he can't promise me now is to break with that girl.

I'm hoping he can start to grow interest on me and love me back..but for now I will try hard to go back to being the attractive me again..since after having 3 kids I have slack on tidying myself and dressing up..i guess my husband is at fault but I have my part to play too..
 
split said:
Vic..I guess I'm in the same situation as you but the only different is i found out my husband is having an affair with his colleague. We spoken and he admitted he no longer loves me. The only thing he left for me is guilt and pity..we had 3 kids. I know I still loves it alot and now I am trying my best to savage this marriage. On a bright side is, my husband had agreed to go for a marriage couselling with me and promise me he will try to compromise with my effort of patching thing..the only thing he can't promise me now is to break with that girl.

I'm hoping he can start to grow interest on me and love me back..but for now I will try hard to go back to being the attractive me again..since after having 3 kids I have slack on tidying myself and dressing up..i guess my husband is at fault but I have my part to play too..
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I'm someone been thru all these. As I knew a marriage life is not one way contribution, it is by both. Since he also trying putting effort,and you too. I wish you good luck
 
sounds like a selfish hubby to me... dun wanna sweat... I tell you what, get more $$ from him.. no, not for yourself, but as an added incentive to spur the maid on to perform well.. like what my bestie does... an extra $5 a day, if no mistakes at all... small change to you guys, I believe... just drink one less cup of Starbucks nia... can make the maid happy...
 
shearer said:
sounds like a selfish hubby to me... dun wanna sweat... I tell you what, get more $$ from him.. no, not for yourself, but as an added incentive to spur the maid on to perform well.. like what my bestie does... an extra $5 a day, if no mistakes at all... small change to you guys, I believe... just drink one less cup of Starbucks nia... can make the maid happy...
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You are very right. Especially money part, get some allowance from man. Some man minds willing spent for others woman instead own family. Use this chance to get yourself better life, to be ensure you get more than others.
 
Hi spilt, you can accept him after found out he having an affair? I am trying to accept my husband who actually beg for forgivness, guess for the sake of the kids. But i really don't how to accept an unfaithful husband....
 
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I will accept him as my family needs him and I still love him. .now is just weather he wants us or the girl.. at least ur husband is begging you for forgiveness.. as for me.. I guess I will need to work on making me look at me again...
 
I felt that I have a part to play for this situation too..since I have been to focus on family and kids that I have negreted him.. if I might have focus more on him and his needs.. if I have dressed up myself like the last time..if I have made effort to maintain our love...while he is at fault for having an affair... but I think there is always a reason for things to turn up this way..
 
split said:
Vic..I guess I'm in the same situation as you but the only different is i found out my husband is having an affair with his colleague. We spoken and he admitted he no longer loves me. The only thing he left for me is guilt and pity..we had 3 kids. I know I still loves it alot and now I am trying my best to savage this marriage. On a bright side is, my husband had agreed to go for a marriage couselling with me and promise me he will try to compromise with my effort of patching thing..the only thing he can't promise me now is to break with that girl.

I'm hoping he can start to grow interest on me and love me back..but for now I will try hard to go back to being the attractive me again..since after having 3 kids I have slack on tidying myself and dressing up..i guess my husband is at fault but I have my part to play too..
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I cannot agreed. How the reason of you losing the attractiveness can push him to having an affair. Put in another perspective, once you loses the attractiveness again, is he gonna go out to "eat again? How the future would be if both parties are not able to settle on the differences with age and other issues? Given true love, that even if a wife is not able to offer the "needs" for his man maybe with health reasons doesn't give him the excuse to cheat. There is no commitment, responsibility, faithfulness and love for the family.

If he is a family person, he would know that the wife is busying tending after "his" kids while taking care of the family needs. One thing that I agreed, is that his forward to admit that he no longer loves you as mentioned. Honestly, what left is now the kids. Its hard to be hopeful on how the family is able to continue on when he is caught and yet still unable to break with the girl. You are like standing on ground zero now. There are plentiful of "opportunities" outside given that nowadays there are plenty of temptations in today world. Do women need to feel triumph when she successfully snatches her cheating man back from another? Some things cannot be changed and some things are lost may be lost forever.

I suggest you focus on how to improve more on yourself physically and financially and be less hopeful.
 
Yeah I got what you mean.. i might be too hopeful now and whenever facing my motionless husband after seeing myself tried to hard time I might start wondering if I am doing the wrong thing and making myself so cheap...but end of the day I can at least tell myself that I have tried my best to savage my marriage and the family.. if really after all my effort..i still can't get him back.. i should have no regrets that I have tried my best.
 
Spilt, I too wondering what i have done wrong to deserve this...he is the one who abandon this family in the first place then nw the maid has been sent back and he got no more gf...then come back to me again..i think is really insulting. I really hope i can be just as forgiven as you.
 
This exactly happened to me, in beginning I kept ask myself what I did wrong?etc.. I quite cool down, I give him chance, but he choose not me. But he wants keep status, I am sorry I am not generous enough! So I let it go... I never blame 3rd party, I thanks her that, can see the truth of love from my ex-partner, betray and cheating relationship... Good I throw a big stone to sea!
Here my friend share with me, sorry only have Chinese version... Ladies stay tuned!

【給小三的一封信】超霸氣!!!

其實一直以來，我都知道你的存在
，打從他半夜偷偷坐在廁所裡接電
話，手機裡沒有一封簡訊，偶爾出
門說不出出門的對象是誰…
接完電話後神色緊張地對我說是他
媽打來時，我就知道有這麼一個你
的存在了。

我承認我很愛他，也承認沒有了他
我會很傷心很難過。
我更知道招惹你的人是我的男人，
或許你想對我說：沒本事管著自己
的男人，不要來對你大呼小叫的，
所以我選擇用一個溫柔的方式對你
說：大家同樣的都是女人，為了一
個不可靠的男人傷了和氣，對大家
都沒有好處…

如果你堅持要我的男人，那我會選
擇退出，我還沒與他結婚，我還沒
有他的孩子，我還年輕，我還有很
長的路要走，為了一個不忠誠的男
人，本來就已經浪費了我大半的青
春。

如果你是真心愛他的，我退出又有
何妨呢？
但在我離開以前，作為一個被小三
逼得選擇離開的女人。
我想與你分享我的經驗，一個會出
軌的男人，永遠都不會是一個好男
人，我是第一個，或許你就會是第
二個了；曾經我也像你一樣美麗漂
亮，一樣從他的口中聽見一大堆的
甜言蜜語。
但如今我不也一樣被他拋棄了嗎？
如果你真的和他走在了一起…
我不會祝福你，也不會厭惡你，我
只會同情你，因為你愛上了一個你
不應該愛的男人…

無可否認我是失敗者，但或許將來
的某一天，你會發現其實我才是真
正的贏家，因為我選擇了退出…
我比你更早放棄了不該繼續堅持的
東西。

說真的這男人我不要了…
如果你覺得他可以給你幸福，你就
當作我送給你的禮物吧！
但請你記得，不要在某一個不小心
遇見我的時候，責怪我送了一件當
東西給你
記住！這可是你從我手中搶走的
 
shearer said:
floyuki, just dump him on his ass... come on, can find another guy to love you...
Click to expand...
That the reason, I did nothing wrong. Just unlucky to met him! So that I am happy now after few years I re marriage again,with kids and happiness. thanks the lady letting me see the true face of ex.
 
Sorry to hear that... Sometimes I feel the same way and I don't know how to do. I am in the same situation then I understand what you mean...
 


Well, you could always STOP doing what you feel is unfairly apportioned to you and play the waiting game to see who gives in first?
 
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