How to survive having 2 kids without a maid

I would like to hear from mummies who have done it as I'm expecting #2 next year. Although I live with my pils and there's a maid, I'm not expecting much help from them or my own parents. I had a very bad experience during #1 and it caused a lot of conflicts between me and pils and husband and I had a bad recovery from my c-sect. I suffered post natal depression and was crying a lot cos I felt no one helped me with my difficult baby. Hb was oso often not home to help me. My only salvation then was goin out to work when baby was abt 3mths and we sent her to IFC.
I'm not working now and worry I will not find a job in time. Hb is adamant abt NOT hiring a maid to look after our kids and says can send #2 to IFC too if I work. We quarrelled badly due to this disagreement. I worry tt sending to IFC will hv the bb falling sick often and will affect my new job.
I hv so much fears now tt I sometimes feel like abandoning this pregnancy...
Advise needed pls....
 

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Hi

Sorry to hear about that. How old is your first child? If he/she is attending childcare, you will have more time to take care of the baby when you are due. Though a maid is not an option, a part-time maid could be help lessen your household chores like mopping the floor and washing the toilets etc. If no time to cook, tingkat is an option to tide you over the initial period when your baby arrives. Do you have confinement nanny to help you for the first mth till you feel better

If you intend to work, you can find a baby sitter rather than an infant centre which lessen the chances of your baby falling sick.

When my second baby arrives, I also need to cook for myself as my sister has an op then and thus could not help me as initially agreed. I also don't have a maid and my elder one stays at home as well. Mine is C-section and its tiring to watch over my elder one for the first 1-2 wks till the wound is less painful.

The arrangements can be worked out as long as both you and your husband are open to options like:

1)Elder child goes to childcare
2)Part time maid to do cleaning
3)Tingkat dinner or buy from coffee shop
4)Baby sitter
 
Hi Tuete_cottage

So u r a sahm? When is ur #2 due n how old is #1? Not hiring a maid? U can manage?

My #1 will be 3 when I deliver. Actually I do not need to worry abt housework and cooking as my pils hv a maid tt handles all tt.

My fear is handling another difficult baby alone.
 
Hi chocolateddy, don't worry too much, stay healthy and happy always as now you are with another bb inside you. You know, I was asked to leave my job (4 years ago) when was preggy with twins, I cannot forgive what my ex employer treat me this way, and stay very grouchy and sad, and i find that it is the wrong way, twin came out more crying baby than 1st girl (who are at that time 3 years old). I do have a difficult MIL too and she is the one who likes to commend this and that without even bother to help. My mum is the one who has been helping me then and now. I have come out work full time after just send the twin to CC earlier this year. I REFUSE to hire a maid too as there are many incident on maid abuse child...blah....blah....

HB support is very important. To me, talk everything out. Be happy throughout your pregnancy and you will benefit from there...trust me.

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN, YOU CAN. STAY POSITIVE - IN MIND AND THINKING (don't mistaken me as a Christian)
 
stay positive mummy. the first few mths probably be difficult but I believe all mummies have ability to handle. when time comes if you will be able to do it.
 
stay positive mummy. the first few mths probably be difficult but I believe all mummies have ability to handle. when time comes if you will be able to do it.

Agree with apple79!
I am a sahm with not helper and parents to help out as well.
My #2 is coming in Jan and #1 jus went to pre nursery
I am keeping my finger cross and i believe all mommies always have the ability to overcome all difficulties for our children. jiayou!
 
Thanks all... I'm trying to keep positive but my fears keep getting the best of me which is making me depressed and hv negative thoughts...
Unfortunately my hb is the impatient sort cannot discuss matters calmly.
 
Hello!

I agree with tuete_cottage. If engaging a full time helper is not an option, can consider getting a part time cleaner in.

Some background info:
My #1 is 4 yrs old and attending childcare and I just had my #2 6 mths ago. Hired a confinement nanny for the 1st mth and subsequently did everything on my own with a lot of help from hubby. It is manageable as long as ur hubby is willing to help out.
 
I feel ur lucky to stay with in laws as at least u don't have to worry abt cooking n cleaning. When I had my #2, I still have to do everything all by myself as hb works long hrs. My #1 took the sch bus to sch for abt 3 mths after I delivered #2 and after that I Send her to kindergarten everyday on public bus along with #2. Now #1 is 7 yrs old(Pri 1), I still brings her to sch on public bus along with #2 who's now 2.5 yrs old. There's nobody at home to help look after my #2 or else I don't have to bring her along.
 
Oh and I've never have a pt/ft maid or confinement nanny to help. Everything I have to do myself. My hb don't even know how to bath the kids or change diaper.
 
Hi betc,

Can u share how u keep sane?

I'm not very strong minded I guess. But staying with my pils means I hv to look at their face colour and mil is always blk and sarcastic, fil is temperamental. I'm thankful in a way for the reasons u said but I feel tt everything I do is scrutinised and calculated. I had an incident whr fil shout at me n nearly wanna hit me cos 1mth old baby crying and I'm trying to stop her by carrying her and when he barge into my room n asked me why she cry, I said I dunno, he shout at me wat sort of mother am I to not know. So (being depressed already) I shout bk at him and he wanna hit me. I went berserk!

So this staying in a volatile environment has made my personality change drastically...
 
Staying with inlaws/parents have pros n cons. I don't like to stay with my own mom even...lol...but when she used to stay with me awhile she can help to look after the kids for awhile while i take a quick shower. Other than that, I hate to be told that I need to sleep early as I'm an owl. I'm already insane anyway...my kids argue every single day so I play game when I got nothing to do. When they argue, either I separate them or I let them argue... Maybe when yr child cry n yr inlaws ask u don't say u don't know...find any reason..say baby hungry? say baby sleepy? n everything under control... Have to stay calm...tho not easy.. If ur not calm, baby will know. Try to bring baby out more often, u will feel better going for a walk, even if it's just downstairs

Stay happy for the sake of yr baby. U can pm me or whatsapp me if u need someone to talk to.
 
Easy to say be calm but in tt circumstance, too much to take. New mom, tired cos no help, trying to up milk supply, crying screaming bb, already fed n changed bb, trying to figure out wats wrong with bb, fil already gave trouble abt confinement nanny, already gave in to their wants, depressed, in pain... Tried to remain calm cos bb in my arms but hving someone barge in, shout at u, give unnecessary comments, point rudely in ur face, it was too much to take.

He was not nagging, he was confrontational just cos the crying got to him. His temper is terrible in this household and even threaten to slap me. Of cos I had to defend myself and the bb in my arms.

But tts 2 over years ago. I'll nvr forget tt incident even tho we r on ok terms now. But it has inflicted fear of caring for a baby in this house.
 
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Is it a long term plan to be staying with them or getting yr own place? If there's no way to move out then send baby to either ifc/nanny n u can go back to work. Lesser time at home means lesser conflict.

My hb also don't have good temper n he hates it when the kids cry.
 
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Yes it's permanent plan tts y I oso think its better to go out to work. I've been unfortunately with job search, not even a call back so it's put a toll on my confidence.
My hb oso bad tempered n impatient, unloving towards me and not encouraging type.
Honestly, leaving him is always on my mind but to even seriously contemplate tt, I hv to find a job first. Now preg with #2, it'll be even more difficult leaving him...
 
Hi Betc,

Is it to save cost so you stop the sch bus service? Otherwise, you n no.2 don't have to travel along.
I have to bring no.1 from childcare to Intervention at private centre 2x weekly. I don't want to bring no.2 (1yr old) to take public transport with me, thus no choice looking for part time nanny but also worry how she will be taken care.
no.2 only can enter childcare at 18mths.
Any solution?
 
My girl don't really like sch bus coz the journey is quite long even tho her kindergarten is quite near.

She's in P1 now. There's a few things to consider y she's not taking sch bus. Sch starts at 7.35am.
1) Sch bus comes at 6.40am n they don't wait for u if ur not there when the bus arrive, public bus we take the 7.10am bus, every 3mins - 5mins there's a bus. I still need to bring the small one down with us to wait for sch bus. To get myself n 2 kids ready, cfm will miss the sch bus.
2) Sch bus fare is more than $100 (mission sch). Public transport total for 2 of us $15+$62.
3) Sch holidays still need to pay for sch bus.
4) The sch provide modular CCA which means every week there will be a day that she needs to go back late, means have to pay extra on top of the monthly sch bus fare.
4) Sch do not allow change mode of transport for the whole yr as there r a few gates to fetch the kids. The sch don't want the kids to get confused.

This yr I have been sending her n fetching her so that next yr she can go sch on her own since the sch gate is right behind the bus stop, but i will still fetch her after sch. I used to be very afraid to take my #2 on public transport but she enjoy it n now I dont have problem travelling on the MRT from my house in Bedok to my mom's house at Choa Chu Kang. My #2 used to be super timid but I guess bringing her out everyday trains her up abit.

If u don't want to bring yr #2 along, then see if there's any friends or any SAHM mommy friends staying nearby who's free to help u take care for that few hrs...I also don't trust nanny
 
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It is not easy to manage two kids especially me and my hubby are both working. Initially, our mothers (the grandmas) have to come our house in the early morning to take care of the kids. Now as the third one is coming, we may either consider child care centres or me resigning from my current work. I am not experience in getting a maid either but I got friends who got maids (who are also mothers) that can really take care of their children while they are away.

So, once the third one came, we may consider having a maid too. :)
 
chocolateteddy,
it is important to take care of yourself after you deliver so that you will not sink into the blues. hormones are flying and I know it is easier said than done.

I have 6 kids myself and the blues is really real. Consider ways that will help you and bb now so that you will be prepared. And once bb sleeps, u quickly take a rest too. Staying positive is very important. I do not have live-in help for my confinement. only had one for my #6 . even then, she only prepared meals and did minimal chores. I total breastfed and bathed my bb. Was tough and tiring but I told myself things will get better. What you tell yourself is important.

I also use natural remedies to help me. After #6, I was so busy as I still had 5 older kids. I had UTI after the second week. It was so bad (my first time getting it) and I felt there was no way I could walk out of the house to go see a doc. Thankfully, I have been using essential oils for more than 2 years and I applied the recommended essential oils. Pain reduced as I applied and I was ok the next day. So start thinking and preparing stuff you think will help.

I also used the oils to strengthen everyone's immunity. my #6 is 16mths and so far, she has not taken any medication. She has a few colds and a fever once so far and each time, I used the oils on her and she recovered pretty quickly. Hope you work things out with your pils and hubby and have a smooth deliver and adjustment.


All the best and stay positive.
 
Hi chocolateteddy

I feel for u... Staying with PIL could b rather stressful at times.. You have to stay with them?? Can't move out??

I am a SAHM and have 3 kids..3rd one just 5 months.. Everything by myself.. Sometime mum will come to help but most of the time I m alone.. 1st one only going 3 hours school in the morning.. 2nd one no school yet..

If your 1st one goes childcare, then u have time to look after 2nd one... Less stress... there is light at the end of the tunnel.. Hang on... Things will get better...

Food for thoughts, I was treated by doc for depression.. It helps.. Would u consider??
 
Hi Lostinsg, (I replied u in another thread abt depression! Lol!)

I've just seen a psychiatrist last week but was already feeling abit better b4 I saw him. I think the depression got bit better when the morning sickness lifted. I think being admitted for HG helped abit...
But, as I told the psyc, I still feel the fear n anxiety abt when #2 arrives, it comes and goes n sometimes it feel overwhelming. To the point tt I wanna abort many times.
Hats off to u being able to n wanting to care for ur kids. I'm truly traumatised by #1's time. She was a difficult bb, had a bad time w pils, was trying to get breastmilk supply up, was tired, felt like there was no one ard to help me... I got depression...
I'm just afraid same thing happening again. So I only imagine to hv a maid care for bb and I go find job n stay out of the Hse but hb says dun want maid. I find it hard to be looking after my kids while being "watched" by my pils n having to see their black face n ill comments n yet unwilling to help.
 
chocolateteddy,
it is important to take care of yourself after you deliver so that you will not sink into the blues. hormones are flying and I know it is easier said than done.

I have 6 kids myself and the blues is really real. Consider ways that will help you and bb now so that you will be prepared. And once bb sleeps, u quickly take a rest too. Staying positive is very important. I do not have live-in help for my confinement. only had one for my #6 . even then, she only prepared meals and did minimal chores. I total breastfed and bathed my bb. Was tough and tiring but I told myself things will get better. What you tell yourself is important.

I also use natural remedies to help me. After #6, I was so busy as I still had 5 older kids. I had UTI after the second week. It was so bad (my first time getting it) and I felt there was no way I could walk out of the house to go see a doc. Thankfully, I have been using essential oils for more than 2 years and I applied the recommended essential oils. Pain reduced as I applied and I was ok the next day. So start thinking and preparing stuff you think will help.

I also used the oils to strengthen everyone's immunity. my #6 is 16mths and so far, she has not taken any medication. She has a few colds and a fever once so far and each time, I used the oils on her and she recovered pretty quickly. Hope you work things out with your pils and hubby and have a smooth deliver and adjustment.


All the best and stay positive.

Hi sgmommyof6!

SIX???? Really???
I wanted to stop at 1. Now for sure 2 will be the end!
Really peifu ur bravery to do it wout a maid too!
Maybe I worry too much but living with pils is the main reason I dun feel like being the mom tt I had imagined myself to be.
 
Hi just to share with you my story ....
Your stories are pretty similar to mine ...
The only difference is i did not suffer from depression subsequently ...

I have 2 kids as well , 8 years old and 6 month old....
I can fully understand how you feel now...
Currently I working and my baby is in the Infant Care ...
So far she is pretty happy over there...
Initally i will cry and be super upset when i need to send her over to infant care early in the morning.
But now im happy that she loves the place as well .
The teachers there are quite nice to her too...

Handling 2 kids is not easy ...
Everyday got to rush and rush after work cos need to pick up my baby
Back home still must monitor my first daughter school work and house work ...
Driving me crazy too ... As my hubby dont help at all....

In the past i stayed with my parents in law too...
When my in law starts to nag i will just ignore them .
I will not argue or quarrel with them.
I will just do whatever i want.

Just PM me if you want to know more or find someone to chit chat ....
Take care ....
Be positive .... Cheer up ...
Things will turn out well ...
 

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