Whenever I feel sad, I always come to this forum and write down loads of stuffs to get the frustration out from my mind. Right now, I just wan file a divorce, get out of this damn hell house, and have an affair with someone. I know I am not in the right frame of mind, but jus hope to find that particular someone who can share my thoughts, and give me the kind of love I really want. I find that I really cant understand my husband anymore, he is more like a stranger to me, someone I long to go near to but also afraid of at the same time. I find it pathetic as couples are not supposed to behave like that. When a marriage comes to that, is it time to call it quits? Easy to put a ring on the finger, declare the vow to each other, put the signature on that piece of paper but hard to maintain the relationship. And also easy to say bye bye sayonara and break the vow. When it comes to quarrel, can call each other names, and hurls vulgarities at each other. He called me brainless, what kind of mother am I and called my parents to complain and asked them to take me home. I feel like a stray dog on street, useless and forsaken. Tell me, which mother in the world would do anything to harm their child, maybe is only out of stress or carelessness or their part right? How could he as my husband call me that? Taking care of a child is not easy, let alone caring for a child who is feeling sick and acting crankily. I am also thinking on how to be more financially independant instead of waiting for a paycheck with a meagre sum every month. My mum told me to be strong, put my child in a care centre, and go out to work. Only then can I change my life and not be looked down upon by him. He's looking down on me, I can gradually feel it...........no longer treats me the same as before, our sex life is affected, seldom hugs and kisses me........I know he is tired from work......but is work the only reason we have to stop someone from becoming as loving as before? We are drifting futher apart........he told me before he wanted to marry me to give me a name and family.........I was very touched and grateful to him.......but now I rather we co habit ......if we get along, then fine. If cant, just say bye and go different ways. Better still, should'nt have met each other and worst still, bring suffering to the child. There are so many things I have sacrificed to choose to become a SAHM, a choice I have started to regret..........a marriage I have grown tired of, and having a man I have gradually lost hope of.........
I FEEL VERY VERY TEMPTED TO GET A DIVORCE AND START AN AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE RIGHT NOW. AM I OK?
- Thread starter Linwong
- Start date
tensilestrain
Active Member
Hi,
Me too for long long time. it is difficult but we will Survive.
Me too for long long time. it is difficult but we will Survive.
tensilestrain
Active Member
I learnt not to believe in words but actipns. Actions speak louder than words.
As your mum suggested, go look for work. Depend less on the man. Be brave.
As your mum suggested, go look for work. Depend less on the man. Be brave.
why is it so hard to get someone dearest to you to give you a little bit of that love to you? I see old couples remain lovingly as ever, but mine starts to get worse before it reaches the 7 yrs they call it the itchy period ha ha? Maybe I should open up myself and give myself more possibilites and chances.....maybe there is a miracle waiting to strike anytime........i must be drunk ha ha
tensilestrain
Active Member
Having an affair is never my option. What if is a man of similar or worse character.?
tensilestrain
Active Member
I learnt to be independent. He and his family looked down on me and think i can't handle my children. I prove to them i can. They don't want me to be close to my children, i find more time to spend with my children.
That's the right way. You must get the children to be by your side by hook or by crook. I lost my two children from my first marriage. They very close to their paternal grandma cos from young taken care of by her. This current husband of me also quite MCP......whenever we quarrel, say daughter will follow him. Better ask him to fly kite.....talk big very clever.......
tensilestrain
Active Member
I am not sure what happened between you and your husband.
Years ago, ny hb told me that our marriage should not exist if there is no children. I told myself, he better proved to me that he really loved children to that extend. Unfortunately he has failed to prove that. There is no doubt that he loves them. But he finds it a waste of his time to spend his after work time bonding with us. And he always find excuses to prevent me spending time with my children but create chances for his mum and sis to spend time alone with my boy.
Years ago, ny hb told me that our marriage should not exist if there is no children. I told myself, he better proved to me that he really loved children to that extend. Unfortunately he has failed to prove that. There is no doubt that he loves them. But he finds it a waste of his time to spend his after work time bonding with us. And he always find excuses to prevent me spending time with my children but create chances for his mum and sis to spend time alone with my boy.
tensilestrain
Active Member
Talk to my husband? I have stopped talkibg to him years ago when i was told he is not interested in listening to me. I only talk to him,when necessary.
Archie7
Well-Known Member
Hi Linwong, I hope you don't mind me sharing my honest opinions. It looks like it is mainly a communication problem between you and your hubby. It happened all the time between my parents - even the words your hubby said to you were eerily similar to what my father said to my mum years ago. There was no happy ending to my parents' relationship for other reasons, but I feel you should first work it out with your hubby as best as you can. After all, it does not look like he has destroyed the marriage by engaging in adultery, which is a stronger ground for divorce.
Divorce is not an easy way out and it will inflict a heavy emotional toll, esp on your child. Tell your hubby in no uncertain terms that his words hurt you and why. Tell him lovingly but firmly that because you want the marriage to work, he must not continue to say such mean things to you. Of course you must reciprocate on your part by not using nasty words on him - communication works both ways. If necessary, seek a marriage counsellor to sort out your differences and mediate your problems.
Under no circumstances would I encourage you to run to another man for emotional support and to feel loved, even if there is no physical intimacy involved that may define it as an affair. We women are emotional creatures swayed by the heart and we will feel very attracted to a man who reaches out to us emotionally, so it is a quick, slippery slope from emotional connection to physical intimacy. I believe you would be heartbroken if your hubby, citing the marital problems he has with you as an excuse, runs to the arms of another woman. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how he might feel about you leaning on another man. So I feel you should not do that to him, no matter how tempting it is.
IMO, financial problems are trickier to resolve than communication problems, and they are in fact the number 1 cause for divorces, even more so than adultery and other problems. Make a record of your household expenditures to show him why his payment to you is not enough. If working out the finances with him does not work at all, then returning to work is a good option, and a far better solution than divorce.
Divorce is not an easy way out and it will inflict a heavy emotional toll, esp on your child. Tell your hubby in no uncertain terms that his words hurt you and why. Tell him lovingly but firmly that because you want the marriage to work, he must not continue to say such mean things to you. Of course you must reciprocate on your part by not using nasty words on him - communication works both ways. If necessary, seek a marriage counsellor to sort out your differences and mediate your problems.
Under no circumstances would I encourage you to run to another man for emotional support and to feel loved, even if there is no physical intimacy involved that may define it as an affair. We women are emotional creatures swayed by the heart and we will feel very attracted to a man who reaches out to us emotionally, so it is a quick, slippery slope from emotional connection to physical intimacy. I believe you would be heartbroken if your hubby, citing the marital problems he has with you as an excuse, runs to the arms of another woman. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how he might feel about you leaning on another man. So I feel you should not do that to him, no matter how tempting it is.
IMO, financial problems are trickier to resolve than communication problems, and they are in fact the number 1 cause for divorces, even more so than adultery and other problems. Make a record of your household expenditures to show him why his payment to you is not enough. If working out the finances with him does not work at all, then returning to work is a good option, and a far better solution than divorce.
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iwontbite2
Member
Hi Linwong, my situation is almost same as urs. My hubby always said i'm not a good wife n never do what he want. We married for 5yrs n our boy is 15mths old now. I really envy those loving couple tat hold hands all the time. I cannot remember since when he stop hug me, stop kiss me n hold my hand...been a very long time he didnt do all these. Yeah, i want to be love, to be hug n to be kiss..to be suprise...i have a thought to find another man outside. Guess every woman need wat i am needing now right? My husband n i really like a stranger. He never ask me wat i want in this marriage n he dun care at all. I wanted to give a sibling to my boy but i dun want him to father my child. I'm lost.
tricialau81
Member
Same here! I'm a mother of 2 age 6 yrs old and 10 months old... I hv been tolerating my husband till now for e sake of my children! Feeling exactly e same as wat u r going thru now! Some times I will also feel disgusted by e things he do! I know there's no more love between us but I can't bear to give my children a broken family 
We are sleeping in separate rooms........he is the living room master while me and my daughter sleep in the room. Cos he snores badly and affects my sleep and so we agreed to sleep separately. Why is it so hard to maintain love between a married couple? Yesterday, we had a big row.......he called my parents and asked them to come and take me home. Saying in a crude way which me myself also feel extremely disgusted. Who am I to him? I dun think I matter to him in the first place. I am just a piece of shit, a heap of cowdung in his eyes. Maybe I am the type who needs a man to shower love on me, but tell me which women doesn't want their spouse to throw attention onto them? Most of the time is me who wanted a hug from him......really makes me sound like a cheap women, or a prostitute pulling clients on the street. At least, they get paid. But me, what have I gained? A lonely soul,crying in heart, longing for love but now I feel the love has turned into hatred.
Hi iwontbite2,
I feel very pathetic for all of us who are undergoing this sad phase of marriage life. If I really have a man outside, it spells the end of the marriage. Cos I do not want to feel guilty to have an affair outside and at the same time having to face him it seems as though I am taking this man as a fool. I also hope you won't do that for the sake of your family. But you know, when we feel helpless, lonely, naturally we will think of finding a man outside. But do not give yourself a chance to regret what you have done in your life cos it takes a minute to commit a wrong but a lifetime to pay for the mistake. If I really fail in this marriage, I will remain single all my life and try my best to gain custody of my daughter. My husband when we have a big row will always say my daughter will follow him, as though confident he going to win the custody. You know, this kind of men I really detest. Why? They show no respect for us ladies and take us as productivity machine, give birth and when divorce only to say one word, the child will follow him. What the????????
I feel very pathetic for all of us who are undergoing this sad phase of marriage life. If I really have a man outside, it spells the end of the marriage. Cos I do not want to feel guilty to have an affair outside and at the same time having to face him it seems as though I am taking this man as a fool. I also hope you won't do that for the sake of your family. But you know, when we feel helpless, lonely, naturally we will think of finding a man outside. But do not give yourself a chance to regret what you have done in your life cos it takes a minute to commit a wrong but a lifetime to pay for the mistake. If I really fail in this marriage, I will remain single all my life and try my best to gain custody of my daughter. My husband when we have a big row will always say my daughter will follow him, as though confident he going to win the custody. You know, this kind of men I really detest. Why? They show no respect for us ladies and take us as productivity machine, give birth and when divorce only to say one word, the child will follow him. What the????????
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
actually when you sleeping in seperate room, high chance relationship will go south.. my ex and i also started to sleep in seperate room and slowly our relationship worsen.
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
err.. if not how to have baby
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
my current relationship is very awesome... if i cant live with the guy, i would go for divorce after consideration.. even i'm with my ex for 11yrs, (we lead seperate lives for few yrs), i would still go for divorce. if i never divorce, i would never end up with my current
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
maybe he scare you may reject him or worry that you are too tired looking after your 2 kids?
Weeks Quota!! That is worrisome why not avoid scheduling like a task, since now you are in same room you can initiate even if half asleep, start with a BJ then you can get on top.
Marriage is so much hard work!! We just need to keep trying not just staying together but building environment of love which our children can thrive in.
Marriage is so much hard work!! We just need to keep trying not just staying together but building environment of love which our children can thrive in.
Actually, i feel men are very visually stimulated gender. I think that most men have some kind of "fetish" to a certain degree. My hubby likes stockings. The lucky thing is we have developed very open sharing of our sexual desires and preferences. Instead of finding his fetish disgusting or a turn off, what I do is to participate, go along with stockings and do my part as a wife. I will sometimes put on some stockings in the bedroom to spice things up further. I will also share with him what I like, how i like it and he will do his part. So maybe you can get those bras on and go along with it, hopefully it will bring both of you together. I believe that if the couple can openly share their desires, it will have a better chance of a lasting relationship.
Is tiredness the reason stopping us from having sex with our partners? My husband is telling me tired, tired, tired from work and we have not have sex for two menses period (meaning to say almost two months). I just had my menses few days ago. Normally after my menses, we would have one time sex as we do not need to take any preventive measures (one week safe period after menses). After that, sex is mainly once or twice a week. These two months, I feel that everything has changed and I am begining to have suspicious thoughts. What could be the reason behind it? Could it be due to age? He is 46 yrs old and I am 40 yrs old. I dun believe we have hit the menopause age but why is he feeling so lethargic and complaining of tired from work? Has anyone ever experienced this from your spouses?
Is tiredness the reason stopping us from having sex with our partners? My husband is telling me tired, tired, tired from work and we have not have sex for two menses period (meaning to say almost two months). I just had my menses few days ago. Normally after my menses, we would have one time sex as we do not need to take any preventive measures (one week safe period after menses). After that, sex is mainly once or twice a week. These two months, I feel that everything has changed and I am begining to have suspicious thoughts. What could be the reason behind it? Could it be due to age? He is 46 yrs old and I am 40 yrs old. I dun believe we have hit the menopause age but why is he feeling so lethargic and complaining of tired from work? Has anyone ever experienced this from your spouses?
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
hmm.. i always hearsay that woman will get active when the time pass but man will decrease when the time pass.. maybe is true???
Share some of your feeling linwong .except tat I am going through divorce proceeding now.
Email me at [email protected]
Email me at [email protected]
tricialau81
Member
Lingwong both my husband and I r sleeping in diff rooms too! Because of his snoring and I'm a light sleeper. .. We didn't hv sex for 5 months! Can u imagine? I just feel disgusted by his behaviour! A whole heap of debts!!! I'm hanging on to e marriage because of my 2 young children!
tricialau81
Member
Sourapple: I tried initiating and he will just say tat he's v tired and stress w his work and stress! Sometimes v gek sim... of course I know tat my figure can't go back to how it used to b before giving birth but I hv been trying hard .. wondering is it my body wasn't appealing enough for him? This is a gd thread!! For ladies like us to trash out our grievances!
.. wondering is it my body wasn't appealing enough for him? This is a gd thread!! For ladies like us to trash out our grievances!tricialau81
Member
Honestly I know tat our marriage will not last long... cos it's already hanging on e line. . It's me who had been enduring all e x.... tats a saying once bitten twice shy.. I dunno y he committed e same mistake twice!!!! Amounting to a huge debt of 80k!!! How to survive w 2 young kids! Divorce also cannot dun divorce also cannot. .. dunno Wat to do now... sigh... I really hope I hv e courage to do wat he did to get back at him!
tricialau81
Member
No I'm a sahm.. which makes matter worse! I'm looking for home based job now ... His first debt yes I knew! And we helped to clear off his debts! E second one I dunno anything until my mum told me! Cos he has e cheek to borrow money from my mum! Not once is thrice! I was so shocked when my mum told me! She said she kept it a secret in order to help me maintain my marriage but she can't do it anymore cos my husband seems unrepentant!
... His first debt yes I knew! And we helped to clear off his debts! E second one I dunno anything until my mum told me! Cos he has e cheek to borrow money from my mum! Not once is thrice! I was so shocked when my mum told me! She said she kept it a secret in order to help me maintain my marriage but she can't do it anymore cos my husband seems unrepentant!
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
there is no such thing as cannot divorce or must divorce. it's all depend on yourself. you are already a mother of two, why still want the courage to get back to your husband for his wrong.. isn't it kinda senseless? if you have the energy, why not use it to build a better life for you and your kids? if you strongly think without your husband, your life & your kids' lives is much better, then isnt this a good direction for you to head to?
a broken family is not harmful for your kids.. an angry family is harmful to your kids..
tricialau81
Member
Frankly speaking my husband is nit a bad father nor a bad husband it's just tat he's v simple minded and filled w greed! His family ignored him and left him to fend for himself e first x when he was in debts! So I tot since he's quite pitiful and seem repentant y not help him to pay off his debts... love conquers all rught?! But I was darn wrong!!! Now w 2 young children wat am I going to do? !! I really dun understand y commit e same mistake twice! Men dun use their brain to think! I'm full of hatred now caught in dilemma dunno Wat to do next other than to find a home based job
mashimaru08
Member
Haiz, why woman are always the suffering party? Haiz... Why all men are so selfish. Yea, given a chance , I also would like to turn back the clock n make a different decision, that is, rather stay single then to get married. B4 marriage they are angels, after marriage, they are devils !!!!
This pig doesnt even know how to talk properly. Jus had a quarrel with him and really angry with his attitude. Dun understand feel as though he really got no patience to listen to me and talk nicely. I feel like an idiot in his eyes someone very worthless to him. I am sick of this kinda attitude he gives me if dun like to listen to me next time stuff cotton pad into the ears better than show me that kind of bitter guord expression. I am really feeling sore feel like giving him a punch in the face ha ha
Joycetoh
New Member
Linwong. .did you ever go out alone with your husband without your daughter? It may help in getting the feeling back, go out and have dinner in a good ambience restaurant n tell him in a nice way how you feel. Sometimes guy is not as sensitive as us and they may not realise it.
Hi,
I been through all this so called tiredness and cold shouldering for the past 3 years. He was only doing his duties in paying bills etc.The so called husband even scolded and blamed me when I fractured my leg 2 years ago and no love & concern at all..turns out recently I discovered his affair. .ladies..If your husband is not keen in having sex w u..I strongly believe that they are having affair..I could not believe it myself when I discovered it..my husband is a PhD holder, seems to be so upright...turns out he is also another bastard..begs me to come back, wants to use sex to show me he loves me now...fyi I initiated so many times in the past few years and he declined...I felt such a shame to women begging my hubby to have sex w me and being declined time and again in the past..i am still staying w him and god knows why. ..For my kids I think...or I just need a man watever...I told myself never ever trust him 100% and he dun deserved my love..but honestly I also want to leave him but I can't. I just want to say he's a super bastard..He knew I'm sad and suspicious but he still go ahead with his affair and I knew he's meeting the bitch for sex. ..tried frantically sending the kids photos over to change his mind. ..but he still go ahead ..bastard bastard bastard
I been through all this so called tiredness and cold shouldering for the past 3 years. He was only doing his duties in paying bills etc.The so called husband even scolded and blamed me when I fractured my leg 2 years ago and no love & concern at all..turns out recently I discovered his affair. .ladies..If your husband is not keen in having sex w u..I strongly believe that they are having affair..I could not believe it myself when I discovered it..my husband is a PhD holder, seems to be so upright...turns out he is also another bastard..begs me to come back, wants to use sex to show me he loves me now...fyi I initiated so many times in the past few years and he declined...I felt such a shame to women begging my hubby to have sex w me and being declined time and again in the past..i am still staying w him and god knows why. ..For my kids I think...or I just need a man watever...I told myself never ever trust him 100% and he dun deserved my love..but honestly I also want to leave him but I can't. I just want to say he's a super bastard..He knew I'm sad and suspicious but he still go ahead with his affair and I knew he's meeting the bitch for sex. ..tried frantically sending the kids photos over to change his mind. ..but he still go ahead ..bastard bastard bastard
Thalia88
New Member
Agree with clover13. Strongly believe that if your hubby is not interested in sex with you he's getting it from elsewhere. Also speaking from experience... Maybe because post-pregnancy figures not good enough for them... Bear children for these men still get this kind of bastard treatment. Haiz
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
not necessary la.. when men become older and more stress up, they also no mood to have sex... if you come home, all you face is resentment and anger, i dun think anyone will have mood to have sex ba
then again you must understand men can be like dogs (i not saying all men ar)... if dogs know doing wrong thing, owner love it so much until wun punish him, the most just scold him and forgive instantly. of course the dog will continue to do wrong thing as per what it likes ma.. same as some of the men.. they know their wives dun dare to leave them regardless what wrong they do, so why they will repent? you must understand if they can have affair = they are selfish liao.. they wun think for you.. so you dont think for yourself, you only got yourself to blame
if woman want to be in control in her relationship, she cannot be emotional, she needs to be logical... then she will be in control
then again you must understand men can be like dogs (i not saying all men ar)... if dogs know doing wrong thing, owner love it so much until wun punish him, the most just scold him and forgive instantly. of course the dog will continue to do wrong thing as per what it likes ma.. same as some of the men.. they know their wives dun dare to leave them regardless what wrong they do, so why they will repent? you must understand if they can have affair = they are selfish liao.. they wun think for you.. so you dont think for yourself, you only got yourself to blame
if woman want to be in control in her relationship, she cannot be emotional, she needs to be logical... then she will be in control